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Good with some, bad with uncles and such.... I still feel distant from everyone. I told my mother about me being TG, and even though she helps me with buying makeup from time to time, which I HAVE grown accustomed to doing myself now, I feel like she is a dead body being dragged on a chain, just following but nothing more. She is caring as heck, but she isn't really girly. My family sees and knows of me as a joker, so even if I came out, they wouldn't take me too serious.


Coming out may be hard, but it's necessary if you want anything to change. If anyone doesn't take you seriously, they will after you've started hormone therapy. Doesn't really matter what they think as long as you have access to the tools you need.


Can't start that when I have no serious therapists around like..... anywhere. >_>.... and the ones near (but are at LEAST 20 miles away) never reply back to me at all. The one I called in Boston willing to commute to won't see me because I need to have my primary doctor in with them.

Seems futile to me, and that is what agitates me. I am sick of whining about it, but damnit, I really need to vent somewhere. :/


I met with my therapist over video chat on Skype. Actually, I first scheduled an appointment with my endocrinologist who subsequently referred me to her for the necessary sessions as a formality, after my tests came back fine.

Bull-headed stubbornness is the only way to wade through bureaucratic ******** that is the medical world. Keep looking, no matter where you have to look. Make the world submit to your will.



Skype therapists... that's an idea..... but can they recommend hormones and such for you legitimately, or are they only 100% for talking?..... I mean, I am skeptical on the whole idea. I don't know how pay goes, who to trust and all of that too. :/.... but if it is my only way to finding a serious helping therapist, then whatever it takes. ):


Try finding an endocrinologist who has expertise with transgender people, and ask them who they would require a recommendation from. Explain your situation to that therapist and request either Skype or phone sessions or something.



Not a bad idea. I just emailed a guy that told me to email him if I have any questions from the place that turned me down because of the primary doctor thing I stated earlier. He told me they will fulfill hormones there, so I figure he is a wide open door. God, I hope he can help with this.

On a side note, I hope to get my T/E levels tested in a few days at my physical. I can already tell I am going to have a good flow of estrogen in me.... since I am emotional (I'm terrible with this. I cry to things that aren't even sad....) and mood swinging left and right, and, if true, my index finger is longer than my ring (indicating estrogen level being more dominant in the womb I guess?...) I really can't wait to get this test done. :/
Finneri's avatar

Devoted Pup

So I came out to my SO, and at first it seemed like he was taking it alright. A little hesitant about whether or not we'll continue dating in the future, because he's straight and I identify as male, but he dealt with it rather well.

And then today I mentioned taking T as part of the transition and his response was, "Oh, so you're going to slowly drive me away then?" I just brushed it off at the time, and I know it's probably just a reaction to finding out that his partner isn't a girl, but damn if it doesn't piss me off just a little. I'm not transitioning AT him, for ******** sake. I haven't even really started transitioning, other than wearing guy clothes; I don't have the money for it right now.

I know I ought to have been expecting something, but it isn't like I dumped this on him without warning - he's known for months that I'm not cis-gendered [I went from genderfluid to FtM].
It just threw me, that he would make it seem like I'm doing it to spite him.
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Homans, I'm feeling kinda stressed, and I feel pressure in my sinuses similar to that of tears, but only faint. My behavior appears slightly less rational than usual, like it was back when I was a more emotional thinker. Kind of reminds me of a breakdown I had once, but I don't really feel any emotions.

I wonder if it's HRT related. o_o
Seraph of Thursday's avatar

Lonely Saint

Tuah
Homans, I'm feeling kinda stressed, and I feel pressure in my sinuses similar to that of tears, but only faint. My behavior appears slightly less rational than usual, like it was back when I was a more emotional thinker. Kind of reminds me of a breakdown I had once, but I don't really feel any emotions.

I wonder if it's HRT related. o_o

.... I have pressure like that too. I'm pretty sure it's anxiety, though. I started having that in December, it got worse and then lessened right alongside with my panic attacks and anxiety. I had a breakdown at that point too - but just like you, I lack emotions. It's just the physical crap. I mean, I had a hard time accepting it was panic attacks because there was no panic.
xxxSereneReaperxxx

Welcome, I to am an ftm in the same spot as you. Also twenty, but living on my own. Currently my main goal is to get a binder(which is coming in in the mail as we speak) and just start to live the lifestyle before and during my schooling so that once I am in the work force I can start putting away for the mascectomy, and eventually the phalloplasty.


Thank you for the welcome. But... a binder...? Eh I feel so clueless at how to even start all of this. I mean... I know I have to see therapists and all... but part of me is scared that they're just going to think I want this because of impulse or some s**t. ;~; I haven't been understood all that well for years... and people still don't fully get me. I have a major fear that I'll be stuck with how I am now, unhappy, forever.

Kandi-kid-Karinka
very nice to meet you, as of late i havdent been around much because ive been working 40-45 hour weeks and im a mom haha. My bf is ftm he has had his top reconstruction done and i have been looking into information for starting a family and T. I hopw we can all help you in your transition and you do it confidently and happily.


Thank you. ^^ I really wish you luck in your search as well for that information.

Personally I want to go through with both top reconstruction and the operation that would give me a p***s. I'm not exactly well informed on what all goes on with transitioning... and have no idea how to start. e.e;; I mean... I've had the feelings, desire, and will, so that's step one. But I could really use some guidance on where to go from here.
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xxxSereneReaperxxx

Welcome, I to am an ftm in the same spot as you. Also twenty, but living on my own. Currently my main goal is to get a binder(which is coming in in the mail as we speak) and just start to live the lifestyle before and during my schooling so that once I am in the work force I can start putting away for the mascectomy, and eventually the phalloplasty.


Thank you for the welcome. But... a binder...? Eh I feel so clueless at how to even start all of this. I mean... I know I have to see therapists and all... but part of me is scared that they're just going to think I want this because of impulse or some s**t. ;~; I haven't been understood all that well for years... and people still don't fully get me. I have a major fear that I'll be stuck with how I am now, unhappy, forever.

Kandi-kid-Karinka
very nice to meet you, as of late i havdent been around much because ive been working 40-45 hour weeks and im a mom haha. My bf is ftm he has had his top reconstruction done and i have been looking into information for starting a family and T. I hopw we can all help you in your transition and you do it confidently and happily.


Thank you. ^^ I really wish you luck in your search as well for that information.

Personally I want to go through with both top reconstruction and the operation that would give me a p***s. I'm not exactly well informed on what all goes on with transitioning... and have no idea how to start. e.e;; I mean... I've had the feelings, desire, and will, so that's step one. But I could really use some guidance on where to go from here.
well top reconstruction is great but ive heard horror stories about the lower hahaha it is an expensive operation that is often more trouble than it is worth. I know everyone here is more than willing to help, i think the first step would be to find a therapist because in most caxes they have to ok your operations though in my bfs case he didnt bahahaha sneekt.
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Seraph of Thursday
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Homans, I'm feeling kinda stressed, and I feel pressure in my sinuses similar to that of tears, but only faint. My behavior appears slightly less rational than usual, like it was back when I was a more emotional thinker. Kind of reminds me of a breakdown I had once, but I don't really feel any emotions.

I wonder if it's HRT related. o_o

.... I have pressure like that too. I'm pretty sure it's anxiety, though. I started having that in December, it got worse and then lessened right alongside with my panic attacks and anxiety. I had a breakdown at that point too - but just like you, I lack emotions. It's just the physical crap. I mean, I had a hard time accepting it was panic attacks because there was no panic.


Yeah, realized this morning that it was anxiety since I had terrible insomnia last night. And ever since I started HRT, all anxiety has come from dehydration from the spironolactone. I am drinking moar water!

Also know exactly what you mean by panic without the panic. So weird isn't it?
Seraph of Thursday's avatar

Lonely Saint

Tuah
Seraph of Thursday
Tuah
Homans, I'm feeling kinda stressed, and I feel pressure in my sinuses similar to that of tears, but only faint. My behavior appears slightly less rational than usual, like it was back when I was a more emotional thinker. Kind of reminds me of a breakdown I had once, but I don't really feel any emotions.

I wonder if it's HRT related. o_o

.... I have pressure like that too. I'm pretty sure it's anxiety, though. I started having that in December, it got worse and then lessened right alongside with my panic attacks and anxiety. I had a breakdown at that point too - but just like you, I lack emotions. It's just the physical crap. I mean, I had a hard time accepting it was panic attacks because there was no panic.


Yeah, realized this morning that it was anxiety since I had terrible insomnia last night. And ever since I started HRT, all anxiety has come from dehydration from the spironolactone. I am drinking moar water!

Also know exactly what you mean by panic without the panic. So weird isn't it?

It's strange as hell, really. I'm trying to drink more as well because I think I'm dehydrated too. gonk
I drink literally all the time, but it's tea and coffee, which nulls the point lol. When I don't drink more than that, I start getting more anxious, so it's probably related. I used to be able to go with just three cups of coffee and nothing more, but it changed recently, and I think it's due to T.
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Seraph of Thursday
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Homans, I'm feeling kinda stressed, and I feel pressure in my sinuses similar to that of tears, but only faint. My behavior appears slightly less rational than usual, like it was back when I was a more emotional thinker. Kind of reminds me of a breakdown I had once, but I don't really feel any emotions.

I wonder if it's HRT related. o_o

.... I have pressure like that too. I'm pretty sure it's anxiety, though. I started having that in December, it got worse and then lessened right alongside with my panic attacks and anxiety. I had a breakdown at that point too - but just like you, I lack emotions. It's just the physical crap. I mean, I had a hard time accepting it was panic attacks because there was no panic.


Yeah, realized this morning that it was anxiety since I had terrible insomnia last night. And ever since I started HRT, all anxiety has come from dehydration from the spironolactone. I am drinking moar water!

Also know exactly what you mean by panic without the panic. So weird isn't it?

It's strange as hell, really. I'm trying to drink more as well because I think I'm dehydrated too. gonk
I drink literally all the time, but it's tea and coffee, which nulls the point lol. When I don't drink more than that, I start getting more anxious, so it's probably related. I used to be able to go with just three cups of coffee and nothing more, but it changed recently, and I think it's due to T.


I recently stopped drinking coffee altogether, mostly so my metabolism will slow down.

Definitely has to be more hydrating liquids.
Seraph of Thursday's avatar

Lonely Saint

Tuah
I recently stopped drinking coffee altogether, mostly so my metabolism will slow down.

Definitely has to be more hydrating liquids.

I wish coffee did something to my metabolism. gonk
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Seraph of Thursday
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I recently stopped drinking coffee altogether, mostly so my metabolism will slow down.

Definitely has to be more hydrating liquids.

I wish coffee did something to my metabolism. gonk


I've heard those who use it for weight loss end up just making themselves hungrier.
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xxxSereneReaperxxx

Welcome, I to am an ftm in the same spot as you. Also twenty, but living on my own. Currently my main goal is to get a binder(which is coming in in the mail as we speak) and just start to live the lifestyle before and during my schooling so that once I am in the work force I can start putting away for the mascectomy, and eventually the phalloplasty.


Thank you for the welcome. But... a binder...? Eh I feel so clueless at how to even start all of this. I mean... I know I have to see therapists and all... but part of me is scared that they're just going to think I want this because of impulse or some s**t. ;~; I haven't been understood all that well for years... and people still don't fully get me. I have a major fear that I'll be stuck with how I am now, unhappy, forever.

Kandi-kid-Karinka
very nice to meet you, as of late i havdent been around much because ive been working 40-45 hour weeks and im a mom haha. My bf is ftm he has had his top reconstruction done and i have been looking into information for starting a family and T. I hopw we can all help you in your transition and you do it confidently and happily.


Thank you. ^^ I really wish you luck in your search as well for that information.

Personally I want to go through with both top reconstruction and the operation that would give me a p***s. I'm not exactly well informed on what all goes on with transitioning... and have no idea how to start. e.e;; I mean... I've had the feelings, desire, and will, so that's step one. But I could really use some guidance on where to go from here.
The first step is to find a therapist, and that is going to vary greatly depending on where you are in the country, and how close to a major city you are. And yes, there is a chance you'll run into a sub-par therapist. But try and verify that the therapist you see has experience working with gender identity issues, and you should be find. The therapists I've seen have been, for the most part, understanding and accepting, and they understand there is not just one narrative to describe someone's journey through all this.

It's unclear how long you'll have to see a therapist before you can get hormones. I was really insistent with mine, so I only had to go through five sessions before she agreed to write the letter. I was only able to find two doctors in the city I'm in that will prescribe hormones for trans* people, an MD and a naturopath. Finding an endocrinologist is not a guarantee, unfortunately, as not even all endocrinologists want to have trans* patients. But you should be able to find someone, and many doctors and therapists now are willing to see their patients in more unconventional ways, like through phone sessions, or video chat like Skype.
Kandi-kid-Karinka
well top reconstruction is great but ive heard horror stories about the lower hahaha it is an expensive operation that is often more trouble than it is worth. I know everyone here is more than willing to help, i think the first step would be to find a therapist because in most caxes they have to ok your operations though in my bfs case he didnt bahahaha sneekt.


Well... that's not exactly comforting... and now I'm actually a bit more hesitant. I mean yes, I want this, but if there is the chance I'm going to end up some horrific mess when I go for the final touches then doesn't that make the whole journey lose its point? If I can't be all or nothing {which believe me, my mind won't accept a part way transitioning due to my OCD} then I can't really accept the change. But if there are multiple reports of them ******** up the last operation I plan to get... I don't know. Now I'm even more between a rock and a hard place...

Robot Giny
The first step is to find a therapist, and that is going to vary greatly depending on where you are in the country, and how close to a major city you are. And yes, there is a chance you'll run into a sub-par therapist. But try and verify that the therapist you see has experience working with gender identity issues, and you should be find. The therapists I've seen have been, for the most part, understanding and accepting, and they understand there is not just one narrative to describe someone's journey through all this.

It's unclear how long you'll have to see a therapist before you can get hormones. I was really insistent with mine, so I only had to go through five sessions before she agreed to write the letter. I was only able to find two doctors in the city I'm in that will prescribe hormones for trans* people, an MD and a naturopath. Finding an endocrinologist is not a guarantee, unfortunately, as not even all endocrinologists want to have trans* patients. But you should be able to find someone, and many doctors and therapists now are willing to see their patients in more unconventional ways, like through phone sessions, or video chat like Skype.


That unfortunately is probably going to be the largest step for me. Right off the get go I trust virtually no one with the title of therapist or psychiatrist due to some other issues I have going on. I live in Delaware, one of the smallest states in the country, and nowhere near a major city.

Is there even a way to verify such information before you have to see the therapist? How do you even get information like that? Plus there is the whole issue of them needing to accept my insurance... which, call it being pessmistic, but I have a strong feeling very few to no therapists that would meet my needs would actually be out there. Besides that they'd need to be a therapist for not only the gender identity issue, but for my current medical issues... because I'm not about to be seeing multiple people... I don't have that type of money being a part time worker.

I'm not so much worried about how long I'll need to see the therapist, as long as they don't have me waiting longer than a year. There is no point of beating around the bush. I'm not familiar with what a endocrinologist is or what they do. How important are they to this process? Is it possible to bypass their step? Also the same issue would arise that they would need to take my insurance...
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Kandi-kid-Karinka
well top reconstruction is great but ive heard horror stories about the lower hahaha it is an expensive operation that is often more trouble than it is worth. I know everyone here is more than willing to help, i think the first step would be to find a therapist because in most caxes they have to ok your operations though in my bfs case he didnt bahahaha sneekt.


Well... that's not exactly comforting... and now I'm actually a bit more hesitant. I mean yes, I want this, but if there is the chance I'm going to end up some horrific mess when I go for the final touches then doesn't that make the whole journey lose its point? If I can't be all or nothing {which believe me, my mind won't accept a part way transitioning due to my OCD} then I can't really accept the change. But if there are multiple reports of them ******** up the last operation I plan to get... I don't know. Now I'm even more between a rock and a hard place...

Robot Giny
The first step is to find a therapist, and that is going to vary greatly depending on where you are in the country, and how close to a major city you are. And yes, there is a chance you'll run into a sub-par therapist. But try and verify that the therapist you see has experience working with gender identity issues, and you should be find. The therapists I've seen have been, for the most part, understanding and accepting, and they understand there is not just one narrative to describe someone's journey through all this.

It's unclear how long you'll have to see a therapist before you can get hormones. I was really insistent with mine, so I only had to go through five sessions before she agreed to write the letter. I was only able to find two doctors in the city I'm in that will prescribe hormones for trans* people, an MD and a naturopath. Finding an endocrinologist is not a guarantee, unfortunately, as not even all endocrinologists want to have trans* patients. But you should be able to find someone, and many doctors and therapists now are willing to see their patients in more unconventional ways, like through phone sessions, or video chat like Skype.


That unfortunately is probably going to be the largest step for me. Right off the get go I trust virtually no one with the title of therapist or psychiatrist due to some other issues I have going on. I live in Delaware, one of the smallest states in the country, and nowhere near a major city.

Is there even a way to verify such information before you have to see the therapist? How do you even get information like that? Plus there is the whole issue of them needing to accept my insurance... which, call it being pessmistic, but I have a strong feeling very few to no therapists that would meet my needs would actually be out there. Besides that they'd need to be a therapist for not only the gender identity issue, but for my current medical issues... because I'm not about to be seeing multiple people... I don't have that type of money being a part time worker.

I'm not so much worried about how long I'll need to see the therapist, as long as they don't have me waiting longer than a year. There is no point of beating around the bush. I'm not familiar with what a endocrinologist is or what they do. How important are they to this process? Is it possible to bypass their step? Also the same issue would arise that they would need to take my insurance...


An endocrinologist is someone who specializes in the endocrine system which pertains to all manners of hormones, including sex hormones.
My therapist only needed four sessions with me; a month waiting, and by the third session we had absolutely nothing to talk about.


The process I went through was essentially:
Found an endocrinologist who would actually help transsexual patients, got a blood test, was good to go. Needed an actual referral from a therapist to demonstrate that I'm actually ready for it. He directed me to one. Met with her over Skype for a month, got my letter sent, got my prescription, went back several weeks later for an exam, don't have another exam for several months.

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