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Remy is back again....

Please don't kill me. D: 0.13842058562555 13.8% [ 156 ]
I'll be nice, I promise. 0.23247559893523 23.2% [ 262 ]
I'm back for now, we're all good right? 0.1455190771961 14.6% [ 164 ]
Wait... What are you doing with that knife? 0.48358473824312 48.4% [ 545 ]
Total Votes:[ 1127 ]
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*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Haha. Don't do that. Just ask for an intro from everyone. Most of us don't mind saying it over again. xd

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.



I'm not bothered to talk about myself if you are curious about us.

I personally, an MtF. My first few years of my life, I have always been that shy and quiet child. I was brought up in a family that was pretty.......well, heavy with sports and a few other male-dominated and loved things. My mother isn't a very feminine mother either, so my start of my life, I never really had heavy female influences. I have nothing but brothers.

Once I got to about 11-12 years, my start of realizing who I am started to show. I remember back then, I started trying out my mother's clothes in secret because... well, males + female things = bad. My mother didn't have many girlish clothes, but she did have some. I loved them.... in every way. It felt foreign to me, but it felt right..... few more years move on (Like high school), and soon, when I start looking at girls, I never, ever looked at them for their breasts..... butt.... anything..... I started looking at them in envy..... "God.... she is pretty...." "I love her dress"..... and not to mention I was in a trade high school, we had a cosmetology course there, and all that time, I just wanted to go there, but society pressured me away...

I leave school and graduate, and with nothing but work to do, I just start piecing myself together..... this is years of envy of women, love of clothes, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. One of my female friends won prom queen of her year (was a year below me) and when I saw her prom pictures, I felt even worse. She looked gorgeous. I was of course happy she was prom queen, but back then, I just kept saying to myself not how happy I was of her, but how I envied how she could look so gorgeous, and become prom queen.... made me feel like a bad friend.

Well, between then and now, I just been hating myself more and more to the point I started to realize.... I really just should have been female. I hate everything I am. I started getting very depressed, and to this day, I still get depressed. Not too long ago, I came out to all of my friends, including the prom queen one where I stand, and while some brush it away, she was actually the only one who seems to care about my stand. Lately, I have been into learning makeup, and even told her this. It seemed to have thrilled her. To be honest, we are a tight knit group of friends..... 6 of us. 3 biological girls, 3 biological males.... and two of those girls are pretty tomboyish, so it leaves her to not have that "female" friend..... heck, we were talking about makeup and epilators once before, and she told me "I never thought I would ever talk to anyone about this stuff..."... and told me she would ask for help online, and always be ignored.

Well, wheere I am today, I am seeing a therapist day after tomorrow. I am 25, and have long since regretting not moving and pushing my life forward. This female friend of mine is a doll..... we went and saw a movie in Boston back on the 12th of January, and when we were hanging around, she out of the blue told me "If you see someone and want someone there for you, I would be more than happy.... then after, we can go out and eat or something"....

I freaking loved her. I wasn't doing it outside, but inside, I was crying of happiness.... she's a true friend. *Just broke a tear saying that even*....

I just hope from here on, I can move myself forward. There's more to it, but that's a run down of some things now.
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*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Haha. Don't do that. Just ask for an intro from everyone. Most of us don't mind saying it over again. xd

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.



I'm not bothered to talk about myself if you are curious about us.

I personally, an MtF. My first few years of my life, I have always been that shy and quiet child. I was brought up in a family that was pretty.......well, heavy with sports and a few other male-dominated and loved things. My mother isn't a very feminine mother either, so my start of my life, I never really had heavy female influences. I have nothing but brothers.

Once I got to about 11-12 years, my start of realizing who I am started to show. I remember back then, I started trying out my mother's clothes in secret because... well, males + female things = bad. My mother didn't have many girlish clothes, but she did have some. I loved them.... in every way. It felt foreign to me, but it felt right..... few more years move on (Like high school), and soon, when I start looking at girls, I never, ever looked at them for their breasts..... butt.... anything..... I started looking at them in envy..... "God.... she is pretty...." "I love her dress"..... and not to mention I was in a trade high school, we had a cosmetology course there, and all that time, I just wanted to go there, but society pressured me away...

I leave school and graduate, and with nothing but work to do, I just start piecing myself together..... this is years of envy of women, love of clothes, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. One of my female friends won prom queen of her year (was a year below me) and when I saw her prom pictures, I felt even worse. She looked gorgeous. I was of course happy she was prom queen, but back then, I just kept saying to myself not how happy I was of her, but how I envied how she could look so gorgeous, and become prom queen.... made me feel like a bad friend.

Well, between then and now, I just been hating myself more and more to the point I started to realize.... I really just should have been female. I hate everything I am. I started getting very depressed, and to this day, I still get depressed. Not too long ago, I came out to all of my friends, including the prom queen one where I stand, and while some brush it away, she was actually the only one who seems to care about my stand. Lately, I have been into learning makeup, and even told her this. It seemed to have thrilled her. To be honest, we are a tight knit group of friends..... 6 of us. 3 biological girls, 3 biological males.... and two of those girls are pretty tomboyish, so it leaves her to not have that "female" friend..... heck, we were talking about makeup and epilators once before, and she told me "I never thought I would ever talk to anyone about this stuff..."... and told me she would ask for help online, and always be ignored.

Well, wheere I am today, I am seeing a therapist day after tomorrow. I am 25, and have long since regretting not moving and pushing my life forward. This female friend of mine is a doll..... we went and saw a movie in Boston back on the 12th of January, and when we were hanging around, she out of the blue told me "If you see someone and want someone there for you, I would be more than happy.... then after, we can go out and eat or something"....

I freaking loved her. I wasn't doing it outside, but inside, I was crying of happiness.... she's a true friend. *Just broke a tear saying that even*....

I just hope from here on, I can move myself forward. There's more to it, but that's a run down of some things now.

OMG, what am amazing story... thank you for sharing. I LOVE makeup! like absolutely LOVE it, so if you ever wanna chat about it hmu! I have horrible skin though >_> ANYWAY. I really dont know what to say, you said so much and i have no response. thank you. id really like to be a friend of yours you seem to be very kind hearted thus far, and in need of good friends.
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All I can say is, that's just sad to me..... no offense to you, but I kind of feel bad for her, especially if she is trying to get you to love her again. I know you have to do strict things to love happy, but if she is willing to hear you out a bit more.... it's just saddening to me. All up to you though. I just hope you know what you are doing and you choose what's best for you. >.o...
Don't worry about it. Pretty much everyone else feels sorry for her, too (and angry at me for doing it). Which is fine. I accept that.
But (drama mongering here, feel free to skip)

Our entire relationship has been me treating her like crap. When I was an angsty teenager I would routinely tell her I hated her. They were helicopter parents, they held me back in almost every aspect of my life. I needed to get away from them and they just wouldn't let it happen for the longest time. They didn't want me to grow up. They didn't want me ot be my own person. They wanted me to fit some mold of some perfect kid. It wasn't me.

When I FINALLY got away from them (via college, and then again in the military) I was free. And I completely ignored them and I told them to never contact me. Then they'd leave me alone, but bring it up months later and the whole thing was cyclic. I'd get extremely emotional when dealing with anything regarding my parents because I REALLY FELT (and sometimes still do) that they're the entire reason I was getting no where in life.

So, in that way, I guess they did kind of fail as parents. But, to sum it up, WHY would you keep playing with fire? After nearly 10 years of me treating them like s**t, they (well, mostly my mom. My dad gave up on it. I respect him for that) KEEP PRODDING.

It's not going to happen. Forcing it isn't going to make it happen.
In fact, throughout this whole process (I've been in therapy once a week since I got back to the USA and my family situation has come up more than once) I've actually grown to feel LESS sorry for my mom, and kind of want more of a relationship with my dad and brother, since they've had the deceny and intelligence to leave me the hell alone.


EDIT:
Oh, and about me being read as transphobic when I first got to the thread.
I came to the thread half to debate about the legitimacy of being trans, and half to find out more info about it since I'd met some trans people irl.

I had an inkling I was trans, but I was in like full-blown denial for a while. I didn't come out until later. I still have some problem with the "legitimacy" of transness. I'm sure it comes out sometimes in the weird way I explain how transpeople think. My opinion of what trans is and how it works seems to be in the minority. But it works for me, so I'm ok with it, I suppose.


I can't help but worry like I said. D:.... I just.... I dunno, I just don't like seeing a fairytale ending I guess. ):...

I definitely see why you would rather try to get a relationship with them though..... since she keeps messaging you, she is dwelling on it, and not letting you be who you want to be, meaning, the whole idea is still on the surface with her, instead of just seeing you are a person. Is this correct?

*Shrug* Everyone has a different view on it. When I personally cry over myself and damn everything I am and what I could have been..... I mean, I seriously get sick thinking about it when I think about it too much. I guess that is how it is though. Even non trans people have their ideas, but I guess the view of what trans really is depends on the person. :/
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*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Haha. Don't do that. Just ask for an intro from everyone. Most of us don't mind saying it over again. xd

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.



I'm not bothered to talk about myself if you are curious about us.

I personally, an MtF. My first few years of my life, I have always been that shy and quiet child. I was brought up in a family that was pretty.......well, heavy with sports and a few other male-dominated and loved things. My mother isn't a very feminine mother either, so my start of my life, I never really had heavy female influences. I have nothing but brothers.

Once I got to about 11-12 years, my start of realizing who I am started to show. I remember back then, I started trying out my mother's clothes in secret because... well, males + female things = bad. My mother didn't have many girlish clothes, but she did have some. I loved them.... in every way. It felt foreign to me, but it felt right..... few more years move on (Like high school), and soon, when I start looking at girls, I never, ever looked at them for their breasts..... butt.... anything..... I started looking at them in envy..... "God.... she is pretty...." "I love her dress"..... and not to mention I was in a trade high school, we had a cosmetology course there, and all that time, I just wanted to go there, but society pressured me away...

I leave school and graduate, and with nothing but work to do, I just start piecing myself together..... this is years of envy of women, love of clothes, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. One of my female friends won prom queen of her year (was a year below me) and when I saw her prom pictures, I felt even worse. She looked gorgeous. I was of course happy she was prom queen, but back then, I just kept saying to myself not how happy I was of her, but how I envied how she could look so gorgeous, and become prom queen.... made me feel like a bad friend.

Well, between then and now, I just been hating myself more and more to the point I started to realize.... I really just should have been female. I hate everything I am. I started getting very depressed, and to this day, I still get depressed. Not too long ago, I came out to all of my friends, including the prom queen one where I stand, and while some brush it away, she was actually the only one who seems to care about my stand. Lately, I have been into learning makeup, and even told her this. It seemed to have thrilled her. To be honest, we are a tight knit group of friends..... 6 of us. 3 biological girls, 3 biological males.... and two of those girls are pretty tomboyish, so it leaves her to not have that "female" friend..... heck, we were talking about makeup and epilators once before, and she told me "I never thought I would ever talk to anyone about this stuff..."... and told me she would ask for help online, and always be ignored.

Well, wheere I am today, I am seeing a therapist day after tomorrow. I am 25, and have long since regretting not moving and pushing my life forward. This female friend of mine is a doll..... we went and saw a movie in Boston back on the 12th of January, and when we were hanging around, she out of the blue told me "If you see someone and want someone there for you, I would be more than happy.... then after, we can go out and eat or something"....

I freaking loved her. I wasn't doing it outside, but inside, I was crying of happiness.... she's a true friend. *Just broke a tear saying that even*....

I just hope from here on, I can move myself forward. There's more to it, but that's a run down of some things now.

OMG, what am amazing story... thank you for sharing. I LOVE makeup! like absolutely LOVE it, so if you ever wanna chat about it hmu! I have horrible skin though >_> ANYWAY. I really dont know what to say, you said so much and i have no response. thank you. id really like to be a friend of yours you seem to be very kind hearted thus far, and in need of good friends.




Awe, you are too nice. c:.... Yeah, I love having friends. It amazes me that I have her as a makeup friend IRL, but yeah, I don't have any online to talk to. I am only about a month into it, and with work, it makes it super hard to learn in-between. :/.... but I am trying!

And yeah, I am totally the nicest friend ever when I am not thinking selfishly like that prom thing there. My whole school life, this friend of mine was always kind of down. When she opened this up to me, I cried. Me, her, and our friend who was her boyfriend at the time, were on the school bus, and I always tried keeping them happy..... like, I was off the wall. She told me VIA email after I opened up to her that she was pretty suicidal at times and overly depressed before she met me. She said there were days she would get off of her stop AFTER I was off of the bus, and she would be laughing, feeling good about herself. In the end, when she told me that, it made me feel too good...

Like I tell all my friends..... Making them happy takes my mind off of my problems.... but since we are all split, my problems are rushing back to me full force, and now..... *Shoot* x_X
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*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Haha. Don't do that. Just ask for an intro from everyone. Most of us don't mind saying it over again. xd

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.



I'm not bothered to talk about myself if you are curious about us.

I personally, an MtF. My first few years of my life, I have always been that shy and quiet child. I was brought up in a family that was pretty.......well, heavy with sports and a few other male-dominated and loved things. My mother isn't a very feminine mother either, so my start of my life, I never really had heavy female influences. I have nothing but brothers.

Once I got to about 11-12 years, my start of realizing who I am started to show. I remember back then, I started trying out my mother's clothes in secret because... well, males + female things = bad. My mother didn't have many girlish clothes, but she did have some. I loved them.... in every way. It felt foreign to me, but it felt right..... few more years move on (Like high school), and soon, when I start looking at girls, I never, ever looked at them for their breasts..... butt.... anything..... I started looking at them in envy..... "God.... she is pretty...." "I love her dress"..... and not to mention I was in a trade high school, we had a cosmetology course there, and all that time, I just wanted to go there, but society pressured me away...

I leave school and graduate, and with nothing but work to do, I just start piecing myself together..... this is years of envy of women, love of clothes, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. One of my female friends won prom queen of her year (was a year below me) and when I saw her prom pictures, I felt even worse. She looked gorgeous. I was of course happy she was prom queen, but back then, I just kept saying to myself not how happy I was of her, but how I envied how she could look so gorgeous, and become prom queen.... made me feel like a bad friend.

Well, between then and now, I just been hating myself more and more to the point I started to realize.... I really just should have been female. I hate everything I am. I started getting very depressed, and to this day, I still get depressed. Not too long ago, I came out to all of my friends, including the prom queen one where I stand, and while some brush it away, she was actually the only one who seems to care about my stand. Lately, I have been into learning makeup, and even told her this. It seemed to have thrilled her. To be honest, we are a tight knit group of friends..... 6 of us. 3 biological girls, 3 biological males.... and two of those girls are pretty tomboyish, so it leaves her to not have that "female" friend..... heck, we were talking about makeup and epilators once before, and she told me "I never thought I would ever talk to anyone about this stuff..."... and told me she would ask for help online, and always be ignored.

Well, wheere I am today, I am seeing a therapist day after tomorrow. I am 25, and have long since regretting not moving and pushing my life forward. This female friend of mine is a doll..... we went and saw a movie in Boston back on the 12th of January, and when we were hanging around, she out of the blue told me "If you see someone and want someone there for you, I would be more than happy.... then after, we can go out and eat or something"....

I freaking loved her. I wasn't doing it outside, but inside, I was crying of happiness.... she's a true friend. *Just broke a tear saying that even*....

I just hope from here on, I can move myself forward. There's more to it, but that's a run down of some things now.

OMG, what am amazing story... thank you for sharing. I LOVE makeup! like absolutely LOVE it, so if you ever wanna chat about it hmu! I have horrible skin though >_> ANYWAY. I really dont know what to say, you said so much and i have no response. thank you. id really like to be a friend of yours you seem to be very kind hearted thus far, and in need of good friends.




Awe, you are too nice. c:.... Yeah, I love having friends. It amazes me that I have her as a makeup friend IRL, but yeah, I don't have any online to talk to. I am only about a month into it, and with work, it makes it super hard to learn in-between. :/.... but I am trying!

And yeah, I am totally the nicest friend ever when I am not thinking selfishly like that prom thing there. My whole school life, this friend of mine was always kind of down. When she opened this up to me, I cried. Me, her, and our friend who was her boyfriend at the time, were on the school bus, and I always tried keeping them happy..... like, I was off the wall. She told me VIA email after I opened up to her that she was pretty suicidal at times and overly depressed before she met me. She said there were days she would get off of her stop AFTER I was off of the bus, and she would be laughing, feeling good about herself. In the end, when she told me that, it made me feel too good...

Like I tell all my friends..... Making them happy takes my mind off of my problems.... but since we are all split, my problems are rushing back to me full force, and now..... *Shoot* x_X

Aww, well Im would love to lend an ear and help if I can smile nobody deserves to be unhappy.

The human race is selfish, its not a crime, just know when you are being that way so it doesnt get out of hand, as you already are aware. I myself am very selfish, so is my bf,

Do you know who Michael James is?
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to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.



I'm not bothered to talk about myself if you are curious about us.

I personally, an MtF. My first few years of my life, I have always been that shy and quiet child. I was brought up in a family that was pretty.......well, heavy with sports and a few other male-dominated and loved things. My mother isn't a very feminine mother either, so my start of my life, I never really had heavy female influences. I have nothing but brothers.

Once I got to about 11-12 years, my start of realizing who I am started to show. I remember back then, I started trying out my mother's clothes in secret because... well, males + female things = bad. My mother didn't have many girlish clothes, but she did have some. I loved them.... in every way. It felt foreign to me, but it felt right..... few more years move on (Like high school), and soon, when I start looking at girls, I never, ever looked at them for their breasts..... butt.... anything..... I started looking at them in envy..... "God.... she is pretty...." "I love her dress"..... and not to mention I was in a trade high school, we had a cosmetology course there, and all that time, I just wanted to go there, but society pressured me away...

I leave school and graduate, and with nothing but work to do, I just start piecing myself together..... this is years of envy of women, love of clothes, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. One of my female friends won prom queen of her year (was a year below me) and when I saw her prom pictures, I felt even worse. She looked gorgeous. I was of course happy she was prom queen, but back then, I just kept saying to myself not how happy I was of her, but how I envied how she could look so gorgeous, and become prom queen.... made me feel like a bad friend.

Well, between then and now, I just been hating myself more and more to the point I started to realize.... I really just should have been female. I hate everything I am. I started getting very depressed, and to this day, I still get depressed. Not too long ago, I came out to all of my friends, including the prom queen one where I stand, and while some brush it away, she was actually the only one who seems to care about my stand. Lately, I have been into learning makeup, and even told her this. It seemed to have thrilled her. To be honest, we are a tight knit group of friends..... 6 of us. 3 biological girls, 3 biological males.... and two of those girls are pretty tomboyish, so it leaves her to not have that "female" friend..... heck, we were talking about makeup and epilators once before, and she told me "I never thought I would ever talk to anyone about this stuff..."... and told me she would ask for help online, and always be ignored.

Well, wheere I am today, I am seeing a therapist day after tomorrow. I am 25, and have long since regretting not moving and pushing my life forward. This female friend of mine is a doll..... we went and saw a movie in Boston back on the 12th of January, and when we were hanging around, she out of the blue told me "If you see someone and want someone there for you, I would be more than happy.... then after, we can go out and eat or something"....

I freaking loved her. I wasn't doing it outside, but inside, I was crying of happiness.... she's a true friend. *Just broke a tear saying that even*....

I just hope from here on, I can move myself forward. There's more to it, but that's a run down of some things now.

OMG, what am amazing story... thank you for sharing. I LOVE makeup! like absolutely LOVE it, so if you ever wanna chat about it hmu! I have horrible skin though >_> ANYWAY. I really dont know what to say, you said so much and i have no response. thank you. id really like to be a friend of yours you seem to be very kind hearted thus far, and in need of good friends.




Awe, you are too nice. c:.... Yeah, I love having friends. It amazes me that I have her as a makeup friend IRL, but yeah, I don't have any online to talk to. I am only about a month into it, and with work, it makes it super hard to learn in-between. :/.... but I am trying!

And yeah, I am totally the nicest friend ever when I am not thinking selfishly like that prom thing there. My whole school life, this friend of mine was always kind of down. When she opened this up to me, I cried. Me, her, and our friend who was her boyfriend at the time, were on the school bus, and I always tried keeping them happy..... like, I was off the wall. She told me VIA email after I opened up to her that she was pretty suicidal at times and overly depressed before she met me. She said there were days she would get off of her stop AFTER I was off of the bus, and she would be laughing, feeling good about herself. In the end, when she told me that, it made me feel too good...

Like I tell all my friends..... Making them happy takes my mind off of my problems.... but since we are all split, my problems are rushing back to me full force, and now..... *Shoot* x_X

Aww, well Im would love to lend an ear and help if I can smile nobody deserves to be unhappy.

The human race is selfish, its not a crime, just know when you are being that way so it doesnt get out of hand, as you already are aware. I myself am very selfish, so is my bf,

Do you know who Michael James is?



That's nice of you. :3.... Like I always say, if I am learning something.... anything, I never turn down assistance if it is willing to be given. It's hard to learn through video and text, but I try. I am not bad I think, but I am easily not great. Three pictures of myself for you to see where I am:

Out of gender.
In gender as tomboyish.
Practice moreso on my eyes.

One day, I hope to look good enough where I can just be myself out in public and just have fun. D:

Yes, it is.... but I suppose I am more worried about the family. Once I get over the hurdle with them, I think I will be a-okay to being out in public as I want to be., I seriously don't care about the public, as long as my family accepts me... and yeah, everyone is a little bit (or a lot) selfish. It's human nature, lol.

Can't say I do. O.o...
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to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.



I'm not bothered to talk about myself if you are curious about us.

I personally, an MtF. My first few years of my life, I have always been that shy and quiet child. I was brought up in a family that was pretty.......well, heavy with sports and a few other male-dominated and loved things. My mother isn't a very feminine mother either, so my start of my life, I never really had heavy female influences. I have nothing but brothers.

Once I got to about 11-12 years, my start of realizing who I am started to show. I remember back then, I started trying out my mother's clothes in secret because... well, males + female things = bad. My mother didn't have many girlish clothes, but she did have some. I loved them.... in every way. It felt foreign to me, but it felt right..... few more years move on (Like high school), and soon, when I start looking at girls, I never, ever looked at them for their breasts..... butt.... anything..... I started looking at them in envy..... "God.... she is pretty...." "I love her dress"..... and not to mention I was in a trade high school, we had a cosmetology course there, and all that time, I just wanted to go there, but society pressured me away...

I leave school and graduate, and with nothing but work to do, I just start piecing myself together..... this is years of envy of women, love of clothes, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. One of my female friends won prom queen of her year (was a year below me) and when I saw her prom pictures, I felt even worse. She looked gorgeous. I was of course happy she was prom queen, but back then, I just kept saying to myself not how happy I was of her, but how I envied how she could look so gorgeous, and become prom queen.... made me feel like a bad friend.

Well, between then and now, I just been hating myself more and more to the point I started to realize.... I really just should have been female. I hate everything I am. I started getting very depressed, and to this day, I still get depressed. Not too long ago, I came out to all of my friends, including the prom queen one where I stand, and while some brush it away, she was actually the only one who seems to care about my stand. Lately, I have been into learning makeup, and even told her this. It seemed to have thrilled her. To be honest, we are a tight knit group of friends..... 6 of us. 3 biological girls, 3 biological males.... and two of those girls are pretty tomboyish, so it leaves her to not have that "female" friend..... heck, we were talking about makeup and epilators once before, and she told me "I never thought I would ever talk to anyone about this stuff..."... and told me she would ask for help online, and always be ignored.

Well, wheere I am today, I am seeing a therapist day after tomorrow. I am 25, and have long since regretting not moving and pushing my life forward. This female friend of mine is a doll..... we went and saw a movie in Boston back on the 12th of January, and when we were hanging around, she out of the blue told me "If you see someone and want someone there for you, I would be more than happy.... then after, we can go out and eat or something"....

I freaking loved her. I wasn't doing it outside, but inside, I was crying of happiness.... she's a true friend. *Just broke a tear saying that even*....

I just hope from here on, I can move myself forward. There's more to it, but that's a run down of some things now.

OMG, what am amazing story... thank you for sharing. I LOVE makeup! like absolutely LOVE it, so if you ever wanna chat about it hmu! I have horrible skin though >_> ANYWAY. I really dont know what to say, you said so much and i have no response. thank you. id really like to be a friend of yours you seem to be very kind hearted thus far, and in need of good friends.




Awe, you are too nice. c:.... Yeah, I love having friends. It amazes me that I have her as a makeup friend IRL, but yeah, I don't have any online to talk to. I am only about a month into it, and with work, it makes it super hard to learn in-between. :/.... but I am trying!

And yeah, I am totally the nicest friend ever when I am not thinking selfishly like that prom thing there. My whole school life, this friend of mine was always kind of down. When she opened this up to me, I cried. Me, her, and our friend who was her boyfriend at the time, were on the school bus, and I always tried keeping them happy..... like, I was off the wall. She told me VIA email after I opened up to her that she was pretty suicidal at times and overly depressed before she met me. She said there were days she would get off of her stop AFTER I was off of the bus, and she would be laughing, feeling good about herself. In the end, when she told me that, it made me feel too good...

Like I tell all my friends..... Making them happy takes my mind off of my problems.... but since we are all split, my problems are rushing back to me full force, and now..... *Shoot* x_X

Aww, well Im would love to lend an ear and help if I can smile nobody deserves to be unhappy.

The human race is selfish, its not a crime, just know when you are being that way so it doesnt get out of hand, as you already are aware. I myself am very selfish, so is my bf,

Do you know who Michael James is?



That's nice of you. :3.... Like I always say, if I am learning something.... anything, I never turn down assistance if it is willing to be given. It's hard to learn through video and text, but I try. I am not bad I think, but I am easily not great. Three pictures of myself for you to see where I am:

Out of gender.
In gender as tomboyish.
Practice moreso on my eyes.

One day, I hope to look good enough where I can just be myself out in public and just have fun. D:

Yes, it is.... but I suppose I am more worried about the family. Once I get over the hurdle with them, I think I will be a-okay to being out in public as I want to be., I seriously don't care about the public, as long as my family accepts me... and yeah, everyone is a little bit (or a lot) selfish. It's human nature, lol.

Can't say I do. O.o...
I think you are very pretty ^_^ I can tell you are trying to contour your face a bit, i think you are using the wrong sorts of colors though. but it may be the lighting.

this is not a current photo but I really like my hair and makeup xD
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OMG he is this super kawaii (im going to describe him as Gender Fluid) Gay guy that does tutorials on Youtube...here
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OMG, what am amazing story... thank you for sharing. I LOVE makeup! like absolutely LOVE it, so if you ever wanna chat about it hmu! I have horrible skin though >_> ANYWAY. I really dont know what to say, you said so much and i have no response. thank you. id really like to be a friend of yours you seem to be very kind hearted thus far, and in need of good friends.




Awe, you are too nice. c:.... Yeah, I love having friends. It amazes me that I have her as a makeup friend IRL, but yeah, I don't have any online to talk to. I am only about a month into it, and with work, it makes it super hard to learn in-between. :/.... but I am trying!

And yeah, I am totally the nicest friend ever when I am not thinking selfishly like that prom thing there. My whole school life, this friend of mine was always kind of down. When she opened this up to me, I cried. Me, her, and our friend who was her boyfriend at the time, were on the school bus, and I always tried keeping them happy..... like, I was off the wall. She told me VIA email after I opened up to her that she was pretty suicidal at times and overly depressed before she met me. She said there were days she would get off of her stop AFTER I was off of the bus, and she would be laughing, feeling good about herself. In the end, when she told me that, it made me feel too good...

Like I tell all my friends..... Making them happy takes my mind off of my problems.... but since we are all split, my problems are rushing back to me full force, and now..... *Shoot* x_X

Aww, well Im would love to lend an ear and help if I can smile nobody deserves to be unhappy.

The human race is selfish, its not a crime, just know when you are being that way so it doesnt get out of hand, as you already are aware. I myself am very selfish, so is my bf,

Do you know who Michael James is?



That's nice of you. :3.... Like I always say, if I am learning something.... anything, I never turn down assistance if it is willing to be given. It's hard to learn through video and text, but I try. I am not bad I think, but I am easily not great. Three pictures of myself for you to see where I am:

Out of gender.
In gender as tomboyish.
Practice moreso on my eyes.

One day, I hope to look good enough where I can just be myself out in public and just have fun. D:

Yes, it is.... but I suppose I am more worried about the family. Once I get over the hurdle with them, I think I will be a-okay to being out in public as I want to be., I seriously don't care about the public, as long as my family accepts me... and yeah, everyone is a little bit (or a lot) selfish. It's human nature, lol.

Can't say I do. O.o...
I think you are very pretty ^_^ I can tell you are trying to contour your face a bit, i think you are using the wrong sorts of colors though. but it may be the lighting.

this is not a current photo but I really like my hair and makeup xD
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OMG he is this super kawaii (im going to describe him as Gender Fluid) Gay guy that does tutorials on Youtube...here


Thanks you. :p

Saw him and that's enough. xD.... My jealousy flows greatly. D:.... Lol. He looks too pretty. D:

Yeah, I can't quite perfect contouring. I follow various youtube videos on how to do it correctly, and I dunno, it falls out on me. s:.... What I am using to contour is actually the "Canyon Classics" eyeshadow from Physicians Formula. Someone recommended it to me. s:... I know it was really bad in the second picture. Used too dark a shade. x_x.... but like I said, practicing for only about a month on and off now. D:

And quite nice on the picture. :3..... Got to say, I envy the eyeshadow. It's like cotton candy. biggrin You are very pretty as well. ^_^
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OMG SO COOL! Anthropology...i love bones >_> I do realize not all of that s**t is real but im counting on the basic s**t to be and it is so entertaining.
Nice to meet you!
yeah ouo
i've never seen the show, myself, but i have a basic idea of what it's about
some of it seems to check out, but that's not really the part of it i'm interested in
i prefer to study how cultures and languages came to be, as opposed to the more scientific/biological aspect
i just find it all really fascinating, though i can see how the ~magic science~ of the show is appealing, too
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*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-

I'm Trisha. 20 years old. MtF. First remember having feelings of wanting to be a girl when I was ten. Seriously questioned my sexual orientation and gender identity near the end of high school. Identified as a gay guy for a year and a half. Started seriously questioning again and came out to myself as trans and bi a little over a year ago. I'm now out to a few people and have met some people that I can be myself around.
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*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Haha. Don't do that. Just ask for an intro from everyone. Most of us don't mind saying it over again. xd

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.
If you want to know my story I can tell you. For the purpose of education or otherwise. Though I don't think my story is...typical...I'm not sure really. Well, this might clear up some s**t for other people about me as well, so here goes.

I recall being very little (about 4 or 5 years old or so) and being dressed and paraded around in fluffy party dresses all the time (the type with the puffy knee-length skirt and sash around the waist and lots of lace and puff sleeves, etc). I did like it, it did feel right, but somehow I didn't feel right about it. I recall a memory from this time which was me standing in front of the full length mirror for some reason, and I gave a vow saying I would be the best Prince for a Princess when I grew up. I know I thought about such a thing a lot, how I would open doors for my future lady, pull out her chair for her, do all these gentlemanly things. Little did I know that is not what the whole world is like, and that we lived in this bubble.

When I was 7, my female body started to really really turn female. It turns out I have a endocrine disorder, and my hormones started going insane at that age. I started developing, and I felt very confused and then deeply ashamed because everyone was making fun of me, even my family. Making fun turned into abuse and it was just..so awful. I wanted to commit suicide every day, not only because of the abuse but because of the realization that I was a Princess and could not be a Prince in any way. My body was betraying me in all of these awful ways, and I felt like I was the only one to blame.

Because of the endocrine disorder, by the time I was an early teenager I was developing male bodily traits, too. I looked like a mix of both genders and I was so deeply ashamed. The bullying got worse. I started to dress neutrally in boy clothes and clothes meant for both genders and it didn't feel right. I couldn't understand what the ******** was happening in any of this. In high school, I discovered I like women romantically seriously, and that added to the confusion. What was I allowed to be? Male or female in body, what was I? What gender of person was I even allowed to fall in love with since I didn't even know what the ******** I was?

By college my illness got seriously worse. That first semester, my body took a dramatic shift due to my illness getting worse, and I started to lose most of my female bodily traits. By that December, I looked very male except for these things on my chest, and I knew then what I am supposed to be. I am supposed to be male, no question. By that time, I was dating someone who would turn out to be female to male transgender, and he taught me everything about transitioning. We became transitioning partners.

At the same time, while I was dating him, I discovered something about myself that I am ashamed to admit but I shall admit it here. I started dressing female during our private time together in our home, any time I was at home I would be in a pretty dress and full make-up and lovely curled hair. He would do it all for me since he was a professional make-up and hair artist, making me into a lovely package. He told me I looked beautiful, that there was nothing wrong with dressing like how I wanted to. He wanted me to go outside like that, but I was too ashamed. I was scared of people seeing me, someone who looked male but wearing a dress. But at home, how beautiful I felt. How right I felt, a male wearing such beautiful things.

Five years into our relationship, I finally qualified to have male chest reconstruction surgery. But it was not to be. My boyfriend admitted to me in the car ride home how he wanted me to be female. He didn't believe in my transition. There was something seriously wrong and I wanted to throw up, Then, I will spare you the details, it came out how he was lying to me about his own desire to transition. I still don't know why he lied. I wonder if he was a fetish-er. Then he left me for my male best friend, and I don't know why, but I have many suspicions.

In my depression resulting from all of these things, I stopped dressing female and I abandoned my ideas of transitioning. I didn't know what to do and I just wanted to die. I wanted my illness to kill me and just be done with it, since I was suffering from organ failures which were giving me serious secondary illnesses. As I waited for death in my apartment, I happened to meet someone who would change my life as I joined chats on the internet. It was always my mission in life, ever since high school at least, to help lgbt youth because they are our future. As someone older in the lgbt community, I wanted to help. I made many friends over the internet this way, and became a mentor.

In one lgbt chatroom, I met this girl who was very friendly. It turned out she was my type of girl, an androgynous girl who liked to take "the man's role" in a relationship. We started dating, and little by little my confidence went up again. We became so close, and I told her my darkest secrets, save for one. I didn't tell her I felt I had been transgender. But I felt safe with her after a time, because we had had transgender talks. After a while, I got the courage to face my illness and I got help. It turned out I didn't have to die from it due to recent modern advances.

But as it turned out, the way to treat my illness was to put me on t-blockers and estrogen. At the time, I didn't know what they put me on really, it was never explained. I started to notice something odd happening. My rail straight figure was filling out, pockets of fat popping up where they had never been before. My face softened, I developed womanly hips. Then the worst thing: the woman's time per month thing came back. For the first time since college, I was experiencing life as a woman and I was horrified. I had lived six years as a man and here I was turning into a woman again.

I knew now without a doubt what I had to do. I had to fight to be a man. But I found out that if I stopped taking my t-blockers and estrogen, that something in my illness would continue to kill me. It sounds very odd to me, but that's how it works and there's nothing I can do about it. I told my girlfriend that I am transgender, but that I like to wear women's clothing, and not just regular ones but very fancy ones. She told me she loved me just the same, that she had already suspected this in fact, even before we were dating. I felt such a euphoria.

Then some other stuff happened, blabbity blah, rejected by plastic surgeons for male chest reconstruction blah, looking more female every day blah, still ashamed to go outside dressed female blah, broke up with girlfriend for a little bit and doubted my transition yet again blah, got back together with her and now I feel confident with who I am again blah, etc.

Someday I'm going to figure out how to transition with my illness, and I will be able to live as how I want to live. But for now I am content because I am loved for who I really am, and that's all I can ask for right now.


******** that got long.
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I have nothing but brothers.


Fun fact, Statistics show men who produce male offspring generally have a p***s of less than average size.
Enjoy that thought.
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I have nothing but brothers.


Fun fact, Statistics show men who produce male offspring generally have a p***s of less than average size.
Enjoy that thought.



Well, that's....interesting? D:
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Open question for everybody:

So yesterday I learned what a trap is (from Pseudo, of all people.) So is a trap a real-life thing, or is it just a trope you see in fiction? Cause I can't actually see a scenario like that going down in real life without something kind of terrible happening.

Edit: Oh, and a trap is a cisman who is a crossdresser who regularly gets mistaken for a ciswoman. (Right?) And something about "surprise! A p***s!"
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Robot Giny
Open question for everybody:

So yesterday I learned what a trap is (from Pseudo, of all people.) So is a trap a real-life thing, or is it just a trope you see in fiction? Cause I can't actually see a scenario like that going down in real life without something kind of terrible happening.

Edit: Oh, and a trap is a cisman who is a crossdresser who regularly gets mistaken for a ciswoman. (Right?) And something about "surprise! A p***s!"


i suppose it could happen in real life... but that person would get very beat up for it...

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