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Minak0's avatar

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Bornes
Minak0

As for you being a d**k, I don't see it here. I know how struggles are offline, so I understand your pain and troubles with everything. The "dickness" is sometimes warranted.Good thing is though, you are pretty much a brother to all of us. biggrin
User ImageD'aw. Thank you. <3

I'm mostly the same person on and offline. But when I get annoyed or pushed too far, I don't take s**t anymore. Take for example the person a few pages back who said they thought most trans people were shallow. I started out okay, but I quickly went into "******** you" mode. I do that offline, too. Except offline I am not so eloquent, so I come off way less intelligent and more just.. Ugly.

I've had a strained relationship with my parents for as long as I can remember. I've been wanting to run away forever. I always disliked them and wanted to move out asap. I was one of those kids that would've been more than happy to disappear at 18 and never see them again. When I got out of the navy, I swore I'd rather be homeless than live with them again (after I moved back in with them from college, I decided that would be the last time).

I have a few theories for why we don't get along, but the tl;dr version is we don't. They try to do everything for me and be nice, but I still can't get along with them. They will be okay and I'll snap over something stupid and it just becomes an "I've never loved you!!" screaming match.
Which is stupid, and nobody should have to deal with that.

My parents didn't accept me as trans for a longass time. So I always had a really nice excuse for hating them to fall back on. But this christmas they went full on the "Son" thing. I got all "Dear Son" letters and christmas gifts and stuff.
So now the only excuse I have left to fallback on why I avoid them is because I'm an a*****e.

So, ******** it, I'll be the black sheep of the family.
We really don't have anything in common, and I've been building on this non-relationship for so long it'd be weird to have a 'real' family now.

If you have a healthy family, don't ruin it. Families can and often are amazing things.
But when I've cared more for my adoptive family of friends than I've cared for my blood family, there's something wrong there. And I really don't think I'll ever change in that regard.

... I didn't mean to type so much.
Sorry. sweatdrop


Welcome. c:

I just tend to ignore those idiots. :/.... They say their thing, they will sit around and wait for a reply, and eventually leave. If you don't grace them with a reply, they will know trolling is ineffective here. As for the online/offline thing, that's gotta be amusing. x_x.... Me, I am not a fighter in any way, even with arguments. No thanks!

Jeez..... that seriously just sucks to hear..... especially since I am one that only ever attends family get-togethers, and no other party-related events like barbeques and stuff. ;/...

Yeah, you are right.... well, atleast they make an attempt, even though it fails? D:... I can't pretend I know how these sparrings occur, but if that's how it is.... like I said, just sucks to hear this. :/....

Awe... that's nice...... my mother still calls me "Son" sadly.... but unlike you, I am just not fully out and about so.... :/.... It's nice they went that far for you though. Atleast where you are standing now, you are being the big man here and admitting it is yourself after they are trying to come to terms with you. Good for you. ;^;

Yeah, I can see it would be awkward at this point. :/.... but just remember, if something happens to them, you may come to regret it. I see stories of people who say things and do things and they regret it in these ways. I wish I could remember the full story, but I know my great grandmother had three daughters, and my grandmother was the middle child. guess when my great grandmother passed on, the older (or was it younger?..) daughter never appeared. I guess she and my great grandmother never got along, and when she passed away, that daughter never made contact with anyone until she needed something. My grandmother told her off. I can't imagine cutting off ties like that and not being there for your parents on their deathbed....

My family is healthy..... but I am not open to them, and that could change everything.... I don't know yet. My family is kind of gullible though. I kind of hope, seeing a therapist, I can get him to say or write a note saying something like "We have diagnosed your son(daughter) for Gender Identity Disorder" so it would be easier to explain to the rest of my family and have it in notation from a specialist. Most would buy it, and it would be easier for me I think.

Now, I wrote a lot back to you. :p....

Don't worry about it. c:

*If you reply, I will reply tomorrow, sleepy :c*

Night bro. :s
Bornes's avatar

Aged Phantom

Minak0

I just tend to ignore those idiots. :/.... They say their thing, they will sit around and wait for a reply, and eventually leave. If you don't grace them with a reply, they will know trolling is ineffective here.
Yeah I stop replying when I realize they're just trolls. But I guess I want to believe that people who don't understand can be educated well enough...
I'm not sure if you were here for that long, but when I first got here(to this thread) I was labeled pretty transphobic. So I feel like I should pay it forward, I guess.
Quote:
As for the online/offline thing, that's gotta be amusing. x_x.... Me, I am not a fighter in any way, even with arguments. No thanks!
I used to be 100% conflict avoidant. Nowadays I decided I was done taking people's s**t. Military helped that, haha.
Quote:

Jeez..... that seriously just sucks to hear..... especially since I am one that only ever attends family get-togethers, and no other party-related events like barbeques and stuff. ;/...
God, I hate those.
Quote:
Yeah, you are right.... well, atleast they make an attempt, even though it fails? D:... I can't pretend I know how these sparrings occur, but if that's how it is.... like I said, just sucks to hear this. :/....
Sorry. Don't feel bad. I don't think I'm missing out on anything. My direct family's christian fundamentalists. And yeah, it's definitely my problem. Which I've owned up to a couple of times, but stopped bothering because it just makes me look even worse to everyone else because it opens up the "Well why don't you change" argument.
Benn there, done it, no thanks.
Quote:
Awe... that's nice...... my mother still calls me "Son" sadly.... but unlike you, I am just not fully out and about so.... :/.... It's nice they went that far for you though. Atleast where you are standing now, you are being the big man here and admitting it is yourself after they are trying to come to terms with you. Good for you. ;^;
They'll come around. My extended family hopped onboard immediately. My parents were much slower on the uptake.
Quote:
Yeah, I can see it would be awkward at this point. :/.... but just remember, if something happens to them, you may come to regret it. [...]
This may make me look like an uncaring douchebag, but I really don't think so. My mom currently has a ******** up ankle that nobody knows what's wrong with and is progressively getting worse. I don't care. My dad had a heart attack (possibly stroke) a while a go and refuses to get help. Still not caring. My grandfather on my dad's side was on his deathbed and I had the opportunity to see him before he died. I refused. I went back to japan and he died. I felt guilty so I flew back for the funeral, and was sad/guilty about it for maybe a day or two, but after that I was fine and I don't care.

I've made it my life's mission to not give a ******** about them, and I really think I succeeded.
I mean, my mom used to be pen pals with me (only because my grandmother forced me to write her back). I haven't written my mom anything since, like, thanksgiving. She just sent me another letter a week a go. I didn't read it for two days. Then I finally did read it and just threw it out. I've no interest in keeping contact. I am done.
To be fair, I've tried the hardass approach, telling them I want nothing to do with them and to stop contacting me. They get all emo about how their kid doesn't love them, and leave me alone for a few months. Then they start bothering me again.
So I feel like straight up avoiding them and leaving it all in ~~mystery~~ is the best method of breaking it at this point.
My mom still can't get over the fact that I am living with her mom instead of her. Even after it was pointed out they didn't support my lifestyle (at the time) and their location (in terms of VA and lgbt stuff) would've held me back. My mom's convinced that I love her mom more than I love her, and that makes her a failure of a mom or something.
That's probably half true but no amount of changing who she is is going to make me live with her again.

Quote:
My family is healthy..... but I am not open to them, and that could change everything.... I don't know yet. My family is kind of gullible though. I kind of hope, seeing a therapist, I can get him to say or write a note saying something like "We have diagnosed your son(daughter) for Gender Identity Disorder" so it would be easier to explain to the rest of my family and have it in notation from a specialist. Most would buy it, and it would be easier for me I think.

An official diagnosis is definitely something to lean back on. My parents were still well into denial until I had gotten all my IDs changed to male.

Sleep well.
Try not to let my family situation bother you.
I brought it on myself, so you shoul dbe fine since you actually want to keep your family together. =)
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Finally have enough boob to make cleavage... when the ******** did that happen. Huzzah!
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I saw what went down last night. Bravo to Bornes for helping to drive that guy out.
Umbral_Necropolitan's avatar

Hallowed Wench

Andy Callahan
I saw what went down last night. Bravo to Bornes for helping to drive that guy out.
Never really understood trying to confront people like that versus just ignoring them or at the most telling them GTFO.
Bornes's avatar

Aged Phantom

Umbral_Necropolitan
Andy Callahan
I saw what went down last night. Bravo to Bornes for helping to drive that guy out.
Never really understood trying to confront people like that versus just ignoring them or at the most telling them GTFO.
I thought the guy was legit at first.
The other one I dunno, I guess I just wanted to argue. Sorry.

Edit: That low iq person (that was their screenname) really bugs the s**t out of me, though.

You don't tell people how to spend their money. Holy ******** no. You don't control me, you didn't earn MY cash. It took a lot to not reply to her last comment. I mean. ********.
I don't think there's really anything that pisses me off more than someone telling me what to do with my own goddamn life and earnings.

Seemed like she had some persecution complex because as soon as I mentioned I should spend money on whatever I goddamn feel like spending money on, she flipped her s**t about how terrible it is to be poor.

I have you know I am WELL BELOW the poverty line and I still can [have/deserve the ability to] pay for s**t I want to. Nobody appointed the "You're only allowed to spend this much money and only on these things" commission.
******** THAT.
Kandi-kid-Karinka's avatar

Tipsy Shapeshifter

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*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Bornes's avatar

Aged Phantom

Kandi-kid-Karinka
*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Haha. Don't do that. Just ask for an intro from everyone. Most of us don't mind saying it over again. xd
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Bornes
Kandi-kid-Karinka
*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
Haha. Don't do that. Just ask for an intro from everyone. Most of us don't mind saying it over again. xd

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.
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Aged Phantom

Kandi-kid-Karinka

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.
Whoever's not comfortable with it just won't answer you, usually. xP

But if you do a general "Hey guys I'm new, I'm [short introduction], what's your situation?" Usually there's a page or two of just everyone introducing themselves over again. xP

Soooo I'll start, I guess.

25, ftm, pre-op but on T. Came out years a go, lived part-time as a guy roughly 3 years a go. Socially transitioned fully/went full-time about 6 months a go.

Normally I don't add this other stuff, but may as well give it this time since I've already introduced myself twice in the last few pages. xd

Went to college, graduated with an AS in digital video production in 2008. Joined Navy in 2009, lived in Japan between many deployments 2010-2012. Was discharged august 2012. Currently not doing anything important, but I'm well-traveled, grew up in a sexist and mildly homophobic environment. I have a lot of good stories, I think. I also have depression and have tried to kill myself a fair few times.

Uhhh I think that's it. Otherwise you could just look at my profile, I guess.


What about you?
Song of the Century's avatar

Dapper Dabbler

Kandi-kid-Karinka
*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-

Roy, 19, mostly closeted and pre-everything FtM (but with binders!). Spanish major, Arabic minor, gonna pick up another major or minor, and I dunno what to do with my life. Have a crapton of issues on top of everything else. I'm somewhere in the bisexual range--what I prefer changes every now and then. Lynxes are my favorite animals, I like coffee, and I like video games and tv shows.
Minak0's avatar

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Bornes
Yeah I stop replying when I realize they're just trolls. But I guess I want to believe that people who don't understand can be educated well enough...
I'm not sure if you were here for that long, but when I first got here(to this thread) I was labeled pretty transphobic. So I feel like I should pay it forward, I guess.


Nope, I am very in and out here, and haven't been here too long with my first post. s:.... And ouch..... being labeled transphobic when you are trans? Harsh....

Quote:
I used to be 100% conflict avoidant. Nowadays I decided I was done taking people's s**t. Military helped that, haha.


Ah. Got to give you props for doing military stuff. I haven't the guts to. s:

Quote:
Sorry. Don't feel bad. I don't think I'm missing out on anything. My direct family's christian fundamentalists. And yeah, it's definitely my problem. Which I've owned up to a couple of times, but stopped bothering because it just makes me look even worse to everyone else because it opens up the "Well why don't you change" argument.
Benn there, done it, no thanks.


Ah...... well, that explains it. Religion and such is such a drug to society. If you want to believe something, that's fine, just understand you can't get others to believe it.. If they don't believe in something, simply, let them believe what they want. I know some trans people are heavily Christian and such too. *Shrug*..... still, just sad how it is. I just hate seeing families broke.

Quote:
They'll come around. My extended family hopped onboard immediately. My parents were much slower on the uptake.


Well, the parents are the ones who raised the child, so it would definitely be harder on them. I can kind of see why that would be. Living with you, every single day, raising you as a girl. The outer family didn't see and deal with this all day every day.


Quote:
This may make me look like an uncaring douchebag, but I really don't think so. My mom currently has a ******** up ankle that nobody knows what's wrong with and is progressively getting worse. I don't care. My dad had a heart attack (possibly stroke) a while a go and refuses to get help. Still not caring. My grandfather on my dad's side was on his deathbed and I had the opportunity to see him before he died. I refused. I went back to japan and he died. I felt guilty so I flew back for the funeral, and was sad/guilty about it for maybe a day or two, but after that I was fine and I don't care.

I've made it my life's mission to not give a ******** about them, and I really think I succeeded.
I mean, my mom used to be pen pals with me (only because my grandmother forced me to write her back). I haven't written my mom anything since, like, thanksgiving. She just sent me another letter a week a go. I didn't read it for two days. Then I finally did read it and just threw it out. I've no interest in keeping contact. I am done.
To be fair, I've tried the hardass approach, telling them I want nothing to do with them and to stop contacting me. They get all emo about how their kid doesn't love them, and leave me alone for a few months. Then they start bothering me again.
So I feel like straight up avoiding them and leaving it all in ~~mystery~~ is the best method of breaking it at this point.
My mom still can't get over the fact that I am living with her mom instead of her. Even after it was pointed out they didn't support my lifestyle (at the time) and their location (in terms of VA and lgbt stuff) would've held me back. My mom's convinced that I love her mom more than I love her, and that makes her a failure of a mom or something.
That's probably half true but no amount of changing who she is is going to make me live with her again.



We are too different I guess when it comes to family. I saw my grandfather as he passed. I like being able to see them off...... it not only satisfies me to know I got to see them one final time, but it also makes them happy to know their grandchildren were there for them in their last time of need. I still miss my grandfather.... he was such a great man. Lately, my other grandfather and my passed grandfather's wife are both kind of showing their age... and I hope to be there for them too. ):...

All I can say is, that's just sad to me..... no offense to you, but I kind of feel bad for her, especially if she is trying to get you to love her again. I know you have to do strict things to love happy, but if she is willing to hear you out a bit more.... it's just saddening to me. All up to you though. I just hope you know what you are doing and you choose what's best for you. >.o...

Quote:

An official diagnosis is definitely something to lean back on. My parents were still well into denial until I had gotten all my IDs changed to male.

Sleep well.
Try not to let my family situation bother you.
I brought it on myself, so you shoul dbe fine since you actually want to keep your family together. =)


Yeah, it would be. Can't wait to see a therapist..... he is just going to go "wow" once I warm up. ._. .... I think my parents would be the same way. In denial about me being female.... I am always just afraid to push myself ahead sometimes, but there are these days I feel absolutely sick to my stomach about myself. Like....seriously..... butterflies hit me heavily in the stomach when I think about that I was born the way I was....

I slept well enough, thank you. Yeah, I do, but I am a worrywart for people. Like I said in my note above, I cry for people even online in their hardships. I am easily moved...
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Kandi-kid-Karinka
*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
i'm al, 18, genderfluid
out to most of my family and all of my friends
currently going to school in DC, buuuut probably going back home to PA soon because of issues with depression & anxiety
my major's anthropology, if that's still relevant
Bornes's avatar

Aged Phantom

Minak0

All I can say is, that's just sad to me..... no offense to you, but I kind of feel bad for her, especially if she is trying to get you to love her again. I know you have to do strict things to love happy, but if she is willing to hear you out a bit more.... it's just saddening to me. All up to you though. I just hope you know what you are doing and you choose what's best for you. >.o...
Don't worry about it. Pretty much everyone else feels sorry for her, too (and angry at me for doing it). Which is fine. I accept that.
But (drama mongering here, feel free to skip)

Our entire relationship has been me treating her like crap. When I was an angsty teenager I would routinely tell her I hated her. They were helicopter parents, they held me back in almost every aspect of my life. I needed to get away from them and they just wouldn't let it happen for the longest time. They didn't want me to grow up. They didn't want me ot be my own person. They wanted me to fit some mold of some perfect kid. It wasn't me.

When I FINALLY got away from them (via college, and then again in the military) I was free. And I completely ignored them and I told them to never contact me. Then they'd leave me alone, but bring it up months later and the whole thing was cyclic. I'd get extremely emotional when dealing with anything regarding my parents because I REALLY FELT (and sometimes still do) that they're the entire reason I was getting no where in life.

So, in that way, I guess they did kind of fail as parents. But, to sum it up, WHY would you keep playing with fire? After nearly 10 years of me treating them like s**t, they (well, mostly my mom. My dad gave up on it. I respect him for that) KEEP PRODDING.

It's not going to happen. Forcing it isn't going to make it happen.
In fact, throughout this whole process (I've been in therapy once a week since I got back to the USA and my family situation has come up more than once) I've actually grown to feel LESS sorry for my mom, and kind of want more of a relationship with my dad and brother, since they've had the deceny and intelligence to leave me the hell alone.


EDIT:
Oh, and about me being read as transphobic when I first got to the thread.
I came to the thread half to debate about the legitimacy of being trans, and half to find out more info about it since I'd met some trans people irl.

I had an inkling I was trans, but I was in like full-blown denial for a while. I didn't come out until later. I still have some problem with the "legitimacy" of transness. I'm sure it comes out sometimes in the weird way I explain how transpeople think. My opinion of what trans is and how it works seems to be in the minority. But it works for me, so I'm ok with it, I suppose.
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Sorry for the late reply guys I was working, got cut early Booo....

Well, ok then...

Hello everyone, I have been floating in and out of the thread now for a few weeks but I am new. My name is Elizabeth, but call me whatever short version of that or my SN that you would like. I am a single mother (legally, but my current BF is a wonderful father) to a 1 year old girl. I am a Bi girl dating a FtM and am here to collect information, lend a listening and understanding ear, and obtain unbiased and non judgmental friends. Im 21, love to drink, and occasionally smoke. I am am amateur cake decorator, I grew up in a very abusive home been through a suicidal phase and ultimately ran from home so I try my best to help anyone anyway I can. I have an unhealthy need to help people. I am an open book, and there is more information about me in my profile so feel free to ask or read.

Bornes
Kandi-kid-Karinka

to an extent yea, but like I don't wanna be like "whats your situation" "boy or girl" or idk xD it just seems rude. I guess to be honest, I was very ignorant to the entire population of trans, i mean yes I am Bi, but when I started dating a Trans man, it became something i wanted to read into and now come to highly defend. I dislike asking about s**t because i seriously don't know who is comfortable with what so id rather read it first and go from there.
Whoever's not comfortable with it just won't answer you, usually. xP

But if you do a general "Hey guys I'm new, I'm [short introduction], what's your situation?" Usually there's a page or two of just everyone introducing themselves over again. xP

Soooo I'll start, I guess.

25, ftm, pre-op but on T. Came out years a go, lived part-time as a guy roughly 3 years a go. Socially transitioned fully/went full-time about 6 months a go.

Normally I don't add this other stuff, but may as well give it this time since I've already introduced myself twice in the last few pages. xd

Went to college, graduated with an AS in digital video production in 2008. Joined Navy in 2009, lived in Japan between many deployments 2010-2012. Was discharged august 2012. Currently not doing anything important, but I'm well-traveled, grew up in a sexist and mildly homophobic environment. I have a lot of good stories, I think. I also have depression and have tried to kill myself a fair few times.

Uhhh I think that's it. Otherwise you could just look at my profile, I guess.


What about you?


I love stories! by all means rattle them off when I am here smile

Song of the Century
Kandi-kid-Karinka
*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-

Roy, 19, mostly closeted and pre-everything FtM (but with binders!). Spanish major, Arabic minor, gonna pick up another major or minor, and I dunno what to do with my life. Have a crapton of issues on top of everything else. I'm somewhere in the bisexual range--what I prefer changes every now and then. Lynxes are my favorite animals, I like coffee, and I like video games and tv shows.


Aw! Im a firm believer in a no closet life xD but that is just because i love people for who they are :/ Lynxes huh, *googles* Ohhh...kawaii ^_^

Riant Hybrid
Kandi-kid-Karinka
*random* one day I really need to read the first 300 pages of this thread so I know what the ******** every ones story is bahaha, i read s**t and im only half aware it makes it hard to comment, damn you 40 hour work week -___-
i'm al, 18, genderfluid
out to most of my family and all of my friends
currently going to school in DC, buuuut probably going back home to PA soon because of issues with depression & anxiety
my major's anthropology, if that's still relevant

OMG SO COOL! Anthropology...i love bones >_> I do realize not all of that s**t is real but im counting on the basic s**t to be and it is so entertaining.
Nice to meet you!


It is wonderful to meet all of you, I hope I can help you through or provide any information that I can to aid you in your transition, I am not trans myself but I do know a fair amount due to always reading up on it. and I am an avid cosplayer so i know tricks that you may not have thought about smile that are cheap xD

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