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- Posted: Sat, 05 May 2012 14:05:45 +0000
Well... it's jealousy.
They get mad at you? Wtf? It's not your fault that they don't pass, but you do. You're just trying to make the best of who you really are. lol
Like I get mad whenever a girl talks about having sex with her boyfriend unprotected because she can use BC pills. I am ******** jealous, because I can't use those. And I want to have sex without a condom. So I get really mad. Even though I shouldn't? I know if I have sex without a condom, I'll get pregnant. My mom was called "Fertile Myrtle". And my aunt got pregnant very easily as well. I can't toy around with that s**t until I'm on T. Then I can stop using condoms altogether.
I've been really touchy about relationships lately because my boyfriend is immature. He isn't moving forward, getting a job, taking care of business. I have to nag him constantly to move. It's unpleasant. And do I want to have to keep doing that? It feels like hell, and the beginning of the end. I want to ******** so bad, honestly. But he turns me off right now. So I also get jealous/angry when I hear people (girls usually) talk about great relationships with their men. I want a dependable man. I hate it when a person has a husband that takes care of everything. Like an "at-home" wife. Don't I wish my man was so responsible he could do that. Yes I'd work too, but that's not the point. The point is some guys really have their s**t together. And I'm really behind due to various illnesses that insurance does not cover, including but not limited to my transition and depression associated with it. Thankfully I am returning to work soon.
I do find myself largely getting jealous of girls. This makes people think I'm not really trans. But see my jealousy comes from the fact that I am gay and they are dating and having sex with "Good men". So yeah, it's only natural. Most gay guys I know are honestly sluts and not in long-term relationships, from my experience. So I am jealous of girls more because they get that dependability that I want in a man. I'm also mad that they're "really" women (unlike me-- I have female parts but I'm a man) so they can give the man the sex and female attractiveness he wants. If I was male then I could give a gay man the p***s he wants. I am a trans man with a female set of anatomy (mostly anyway) and I don't want to always have sex like that. So it leaves my BF shorter on sex than he would be if he just got a girlfriend who was comfortable playing that role. So I am pretty angry at women, due to jealousy.
I'm also mad at girls who can use their pretty hair, make up, and tits to get a man who can like buy them a house and take care of them. Like first I'm mad that all it takes is sex appeal to be taken care of and second I'm mad that dependable men are that shallow. I know there are exceptions but they seem rare. My boyfriend is a two-sided coin, and there's a really good side and a really immature side that's really ugly, and well if you combine the two sides into a whole coin the bad side turns me off enough that the good side is tarnished too.
I'm rambling because I can't sleep and haven't slept properly for almost a week now.