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Remy is back again....

Please don't kill me. D: 0.13774597495528 13.8% [ 154 ]
I'll be nice, I promise. 0.23434704830054 23.4% [ 262 ]
I'm back for now, we're all good right? 0.14669051878354 14.7% [ 164 ]
Wait... What are you doing with that knife? 0.48121645796064 48.1% [ 538 ]
Total Votes:[ 1118 ]
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Nothing lol >_< Think more about it then start getting frustrated. ^^;



Aww bah :c I hope it got better for you then!!

I'm gonna start going to the gym again today rofl It's been like..a month and a half since I went..

Nice, did the suggestions that you gave me to cheer up gave you some motivation? rofl



I'm getting more flabby than I already am gonk And I only have like..10 more pounds before I reach my goal weight. No time for me to slack!

Anyways, are you ok now? smile

Ouch! >_< And...Yeah sorta. :S I feel numb at the moment.



Yea, flab on the flab. Not so pretty gonk I have body image issues. But I'm working on that smile

Hmm..I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I mean it could be good because you aren't feeling sad or depressed. But it can be bad too because you aren't feeling anything and that's what I've heard make people cut, so they can feel something. So don't cut!! D:
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@TheWhirld, Quoted post at bottom for easier reading.

Yeah, this. This sounds extraordinarily familiar. There's a chance that I just flunked out of school because part of me isn't going to allow myself to be happy and wants me to flunk out so I'll kill myself. Except for some reason I'm planning on starting new somewhere else if I do. I think it's because that little subroutine stopped being as powerful because I noticed it.
I have bipolar as well, and I also have a lot of difficulty with therapists. I finally found one I really liked, and she actually helped me a lot (but she left early this semester because of personal problems). Keep trying. If it doesn't 'click' with someone, keep trying. Because you CAN fight it, because it is part of you, because it is only ONE part of you. You're so much more, and you don't need it. Recognizing it is the hardest part. "it's gotten very good at preventing people from affecting it." That's because you're the only one that can affect it. A therapist can guide you. But you have to, some part of you, has to want to face this and examine it so that you can get better. Transitioning won't fix things, because you'll still be you. If 'you' is a guy, then the good that will come from transitioning is that everybody will see that. But it sounds that the self-loathing parts hate something less (I hate using this term, but this is the closest I can come right now to what I'm thinking) superficial than just "I'm a guy but I've got girl bits and everyone keeps mis-gendering me". There's a small piece of my personality that I see as fundamentally, intrinsically me, a nucleus, and the rest is electrons, some of which are much, much more difficult to dispel than others (sorry, nerd alert). It sounds like this thing hates you, the big idea you, the 'you' that would remain no matter what. But it's not the intrinsic 'you', but if you don't deal with it, it'll probably still be hanging around post-transition. Though the argument could be made that it'll be easier to deal with post-transition, but I'm of the opinion I'd like to leave most of this garbage behind with my pre-transition self.

And the getting into shape is actually possibly on-topic. Part of the reason I realized that I really really need to transition is because for about a minute the idea of becoming anorexic so that my periods would stop and I'd look like a 10 year old boy appealed to me. Even a minute of thinking that was a good idea set off alarms in my mind. But I went vegetarian partly to lose weight so that I would look more masculine (and not look like Chaz Bono after I transition, but that's really a mean thing to say).

Not that this is the case in your situation, but there was a long while I identified as genderqueer, and later as butch, just to avoid admitting that I'm really a guy. I know Dan identifies funny-ish, but I'm not sure how exactly he does.

Sorry for the wall of text and possibly rambling, btw.

TheWhirld
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we've been trying. It seems like it's been hard to find a counselor I can get along with nearby that's in our insurance, let alone a gender therapist specifically. The closest thing was the last therapist I had; she's dealt with trans stuff before, apparently. 'Cept we never talked about it, that wasn't what I went there for; it never came up, and I just don't do well with therapy for my depression/anxiety/bipolar/whatever the hell is wrong with me. Therapy has only succeeded in making me want to kill things; more often than not, myself. I refused to go to my last session with her because it seemed really counterproductive, and I was kicked out totally; no more appointments until I'm willing to work with her.

'cept part of me absolutely hates myself and everything that I am and WANTS me to be miserable, and that bit is going to undermine any attempt I make at getting better. and I can't fight it, because it's me. it's part of me. I don't like it, but it's how I feel somewhere, and I can't fix it. it's gotten very good at preventing people from affecting it. I dunno. Maybe if I turn myself into something I'd rather be, I'll feel better about myself and I'll be able to move on? only everything I want is so impossible to have. I'm not going to be a famous actor/ress, musician or author. Definitely not any time soon, any way. same with getting into shape; at this point, I'm seriously considering talking to my doctor about asthma again, I can't go up a flight of stairs without losing my breath so I can't really do any cardio. The whole gender thing is, ridiculously, the only thing that seems at all in my reach right now, relatively. [wow, none of this is on topic really. I'm gonna shut up before I get myself worked into a state again. and I don't want to be spamming or anything.]

I really really want to be a dude, but psychologically I don't identify as male OR female, and biologically, I'm a chick. wahoo. I don't understand it at all and it makes me want to bash my head into things.

okay, I'm actually gonna go now instead of saying I'm going to shut up and then writing even more so bye.

Umbral_Necropolitan's avatar

Hallowed Wench

FORTRAN77
And the getting into shape is actually possibly on-topic. Part of the reason I realized that I really really need to transition is because for about a minute the idea of becoming anorexic so that my periods would stop and I'd look like a 10 year old boy appealed to me. Even a minute of thinking that was a good idea set off alarms in my mind. But I went vegetarian partly to lose weight so that I would look more masculine (and not look like Chaz Bono after I transition, but that's really a mean thing to say).

No, it is not mean to say that. He looks like crap, least every picture I've seen of him. Doesn't matter if a guy is trans or not, if they have much weight on them it is unappealing.

For some reason there are transguys who think being a guy means not caring about their appearance and look like slobs... much like the transwomen who only wear frilly dresses and bullshit which irks me. The adherence to stereotypes make us all look weird, like sad parodies of cis people.
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FORTRAN77
I know Dan identifies funny-ish, but I'm not sure how exactly he does.
The exact details of my identity are ******** weird and difficult to explain.

My social identity is that of a man.
If I could magically have ANY body I'd want, I'd have trouble choosing between a fully male body and having a v****a AND p***s.
I think my views would be different if I knew it was possible to get a p***s complete with scrotum, glans, erectile tissue, foreskin, and a proper taint.
I do worry I'll have left over "female" muscle which contracts the v****a, residual muscle that serves no purpose but still twitches. It would feel like something was still wrong inside.
I have serious fears of a botched surgery. I also fear sex may be unsatisfying without a v****a, and wish I never knew what a female orgasm was like.

I wish I was born intersex rather than female... if I had to "settle" and not be male, if that makes sense.
With a form like hermaphroditus (artistic nudity, don't flip) except no breasts:

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If I understand correctly, hermy-ditus has a p***s and v****a, but I'm not entirely sure. Even a small p***s would make me happy.

I get really dysphoric when I meet intersex people who have a p***s AND v****a-- a full p***s that FUNCTIONS. It just feels so unfair. It causes me more dysphoria than a full male. It's like intersex people have the choice to be one or the other. I wish I was given that choice. I will never have a proper p***s.

I envy people who are "basically women" but have a d**k. That sounds SO bigoted but it's my knee-jerk reaction to intersex people who have a v****a and p***s. And then they like, live as males and can actually say "I DO have a d**k hahahaha" and even have sex with it. Ugh. They have like this p***s privilege I didn't get, a female body, plus a c**k. I am aware it comes with a lot of health problems and personal challenges, but that doesn't make me less jealous.

I think my whole issue with this type of intersex people (as many intersex people don't have such "complete" anatomy) and jealousy is that their transition would just require a hysto and chest surgery, d**k already there and intact. If I could transition to fully male I don't think I'd be so freaked out over this.

My identity is really vague, too. I don't identify with the stereotypical macho man, and hate the gender role. I almost identify as a genderless person with a male form, but then I run into the problem of not being accepted as a social man, which the alternative is woman. So I only want to be accepted socially as a male. Our society does not have a third, masculine option that isn't dehumanizing.
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If I understand correctly, hermy-ditus has a p***s and v****a, but I'm not entirely sure. Even a small p***s would make me happy.

I get really dysphoric when I meet intersex people who have a p***s AND v****a-- a full p***s that FUNCTIONS. It just feels so unfair. It causes me more dysphoria than a full male. It's like intersex people have the choice to be one or the other. I wish I was given that choice. I will never have a proper p***s.

I envy people who are "basically women" but have a d**k. That sounds SO bigoted but it's my knee-jerk reaction to intersex people who have a v****a and p***s. And then they like, live as males and can actually say "I DO have a d**k hahahaha" and even have sex with it. Ugh. They have like this p***s privilege I didn't get, a female body, plus a c**k. I am aware it comes with a lot of health problems and personal challenges, but that doesn't make me less jealous.


Hermaphroditos was born male but became intersex when he fused with a nymph (who was so in love with him that she wanted to be part of him). He was described as having the beauty of both his parents, Hermes and Aphrodite, and he had curves, breasts, and a delicate female figure, with a p***s and a "masculine vigor" (whatever that means is up for interpretation). He wasn't really depicted as having mixed genitals, but then again, what's written of him is sparse, so it's not necessarily wrong to think so.
...not that this has anything to do with your point.

If it helps any, when I was coming out to myself about three years ago, I had frequent doubts that maybe I was somehow fooling myself into being trans just because I wanted to be trans. When I was ten or eleven years old I would find myself being jealous of transguys who transitioned. But as time went on I realized I really didn't want to be trans (it's a hassle sometimes!), I just preferred it over being female. What I wanted was the transition. I wanted to be male. In my reality right now that means I "want" to be trans, but if I could go back and be born again I would pick to be born a normal guy. Before that I tried every identity I could: butch, genderqueer, but after a few months trying to live as each I found myself unhappy again. And then, miraculously, when I started coming out as male, and used my male name, my life started to turn around; I was more confident, more outgoing, I stopped skipping school as much, my mood disorder subsided and I was no longer suicidal once a week, my grades went up, all of the sudden I had a lot of friends, I joined the drama club, and I loved it... What I'm saying really ineloquently is that it's normal to have doubts, and it's not a bad thing to think things through, but try not to worry, you will figure it out in the end. c:
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If I understand correctly, hermy-ditus has a p***s and v****a, but I'm not entirely sure. Even a small p***s would make me happy.

I get really dysphoric when I meet intersex people who have a p***s AND v****a-- a full p***s that FUNCTIONS. It just feels so unfair. It causes me more dysphoria than a full male. It's like intersex people have the choice to be one or the other. I wish I was given that choice. I will never have a proper p***s.

I envy people who are "basically women" but have a d**k. That sounds SO bigoted but it's my knee-jerk reaction to intersex people who have a v****a and p***s. And then they like, live as males and can actually say "I DO have a d**k hahahaha" and even have sex with it. Ugh. They have like this p***s privilege I didn't get, a female body, plus a c**k. I am aware it comes with a lot of health problems and personal challenges, but that doesn't make me less jealous.


Hermaphroditos was born male but became intersex when he fused with a nymph (who was so in love with him that she wanted to be part of him). He was described as having the beauty of both his parents, Hermes and Aphrodite, and he had curves, breasts, and a delicate female figure, with a p***s and a "masculine vigor" (whatever that means is up for interpretation). He wasn't really depicted as having mixed genitals, but then again, what's written of him is sparse, so it's not necessarily wrong to think so.
...not that this has anything to do with your point.

If it helps any, when I was coming out to myself about three years ago, I had frequent doubts that maybe I was somehow fooling myself into being trans just because I wanted to be trans. When I was ten or eleven years old I would find myself being jealous of transguys who transitioned. But as time went on I realized I really didn't want to be trans (it's a hassle sometimes!), I just preferred it over being female. What I wanted was the transition. I wanted to be male. In my reality right now that means I "want" to be trans, but if I could go back and be born again I would pick to be born a normal guy. Before that I tried every identity I could: butch, genderqueer, but after a few months trying to live as each I found myself unhappy again. And then, miraculously, when I started coming out as male, and used my male name, my life started to turn around; I was more confident, more outgoing, I stopped skipping school as much, my mood disorder subsided and I was no longer suicidal once a week, my grades went up, all of the sudden I had a lot of friends, I joined the drama club, and I loved it... What I'm saying really ineloquently is that it's normal to have doubts, and it's not a bad thing to think things through, but try not to worry, you will figure it out in the end. c:
Yeah I kind of overlooked Greek mythos even though I SHOULD know it since I'm into Egyptology. They have loose connections. But anyway.

Psh, I have no idea what trans people were at 11 years old. I only really knew what it was by the time I was almost 17. It feels so late. I think most trans guy, yes, would pick to be born a natural male. The only reason I am against that whole concept is because I would be an entirely different person. A huge part of who I am today IS this transformation/journey. However, if I could choose to wave a wand and have male parts today, I would. It's just I'm worried about what SURGERY could do... What it could leave behind or destroy.

I don't think I doubt my trans-ness at all. I have been transitioning for nearly 5 years. My path has always steadily headed in the same general direction. I have no doubts about having a masculine identity. I try to tell myself I don't want a p***s that much just to calm my nerves about it, because I know I'll never have one. But the truth is yes, if I could have a full male form I'd take it. My worries regard the flaws of surgery.
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

Also.
I basically hate Bronies (in general, so don't freak out if you are one) but I just had to draw this:

User Image

Took like 4 hours? 5? I did not keep track.

My first worry is that I'll be perceived as a female artist.
gonk
I think this has to go in my portfolio, though. I'm rather proud of it.

I know this isn't directly a trans thing but yeah. I always get a little iffy when I draw girly stuff.
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Also.
I basically hate Bronies (in general, so don't freak out if you are one) but I just had to draw this:

User Image

Took like 4 hours? 5? I did not keep track.

My first worry is that I'll be perceived as a female artist.
gonk
I think this has to go in my portfolio, though. I'm rather proud of it.

I know this isn't directly a trans thing but yeah. I always get a little iffy when I draw girly stuff.


It's alright, Dan, we won't judge you if you come out of the closet and express your inner Brony.

It is MLP after all. It's addicting.


Also, Rainbow Dash is best pony.
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

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Also.
I basically hate Bronies (in general, so don't freak out if you are one) but I just had to draw this:

User Image

Took like 4 hours? 5? I did not keep track.

My first worry is that I'll be perceived as a female artist.
gonk
I think this has to go in my portfolio, though. I'm rather proud of it.

I know this isn't directly a trans thing but yeah. I always get a little iffy when I draw girly stuff.


It's alright, Dan, we won't judge you if you come out of the closet and express your inner Brony.

It is MLP after all. It's addicting.


Also, Rainbow Dash is best pony.
I'm not, and the reason is that I think Bronies are pervs and too obsessed. Do I think the show is cute? Sure. Do I watch an episode ONCE like after it's come out? Yeah. Like I have missed the last 3 I think. I get bugged by how Bronies like go "I'M A BRONY U MAD BRO??" and s**t like that, ******** manchilds. Like it is super annoying. You can be a fan of something without being a t**t about it. Idk if I'm even a fan. It's just like "kay I can watch this."

I do have an appreciation for my ability to work with the art style, though. I may have to draw more of these.
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Also.
I basically hate Bronies (in general, so don't freak out if you are one) but I just had to draw this:

User Image

Took like 4 hours? 5? I did not keep track.

My first worry is that I'll be perceived as a female artist.
gonk
I think this has to go in my portfolio, though. I'm rather proud of it.

I know this isn't directly a trans thing but yeah. I always get a little iffy when I draw girly stuff.


It's alright, Dan, we won't judge you if you come out of the closet and express your inner Brony.

It is MLP after all. It's addicting.


Also, Rainbow Dash is best pony.
I'm not, and the reason is that I think Bronies are pervs and too obsessed. Do I think the show is cute? Sure. Do I watch an episode ONCE like after it's come out? Yeah. Like I have missed the last 3 I think. I get bugged by how Bronies like go "I'M A BRONY U MAD BRO??" and s**t like that, ******** manchilds. Like it is super annoying. You can be a fan of something without being a t**t about it. Idk if I'm even a fan. It's just like "kay I can watch this."

I do have an appreciation for my ability to work with the art style, though. I may have to draw more of these.


I'm not even quiet sure I understand what the whole brony thing is anyway. At first I figured it was just a phrase that guys use so they don't have to be embarrassed about watching it. But I have seen some distinctions between bronies and other male viewers of MLP.

I think this is entirely relevant to gender issues, albeit... it's more along the line of cisgendered people being insecure about their gender than us. xD
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

Tuah
I'm not even quiet sure I understand what the whole brony thing is anyway. At first I figured it was just a phrase that guys use so they don't have to be embarrassed about watching it. But I have seen some distinctions between bronies and other male viewers of MLP.

I think this is entirely relevant to gender issues, albeit... it's more along the line of cisgendered people being insecure about their gender than us. xD
Well people use the term loosely. For some people, a Brony is JUST a male fan. For me... it's like, obsessed male adult fans, who are like WAY too excited over this. Like I get being a fan of something. Even girly s**t. But some guys just live and breathe ponies. Like it would be creepy if they acted this way about dolls, or just about anything else but James Bond movies. But it's OK when it's ponies. It doesn't strike anyone as ***** or anything, even though I feel like they're way too into it. It does make me question if there is a sexual aspect to the fandom. Basically every fandom DOES have a very sexual following. So. I can't help but wonder. My BF listens to like, dozens of "remixes" people make from the show's music, and I just find it super annoying and juvenile, especially when it's like all "techno'd" up... Like wtf? Yeah I'm really rubbed the wrong way by the whole thing.

It definitely doesn't hurt my gender at all to be associated with the show. I just don't want to be associated with bronies. Also yeah I'm a little worried that my art "looks like a girl drew it". Is there even a way to tell?
npulse
iShotElmo8D
npulse
iShotElmo8D
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iShotElmo8D
Nothing lol >_< Think more about it then start getting frustrated. ^^;



Aww bah :c I hope it got better for you then!!

I'm gonna start going to the gym again today rofl It's been like..a month and a half since I went..

Nice, did the suggestions that you gave me to cheer up gave you some motivation? rofl



I'm getting more flabby than I already am gonk And I only have like..10 more pounds before I reach my goal weight. No time for me to slack!

Anyways, are you ok now? smile

Ouch! >_< And...Yeah sorta. :S I feel numb at the moment.



Yea, flab on the flab. Not so pretty gonk I have body image issues. But I'm working on that smile

Hmm..I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I mean it could be good because you aren't feeling sad or depressed. But it can be bad too because you aren't feeling anything and that's what I've heard make people cut, so they can feel something. So don't cut!! D:

Numbness doesn't make me cut, only depression does. xD And body image issues? Reminds me of my anorexia. :S I lost 41 pounds and I had to recover. >_< I desperately wanted a flat butt and chest, so I went on that road...it was hell because people constantly nagged on me telling me to gain some weight. And I promised myself I'd gain at least 15 pounds, but I believe I went a little overboard even though I haven't stepped on the scale for a while soo...from there I gained all my feminine features back, especially for my chest. Back then I didn't know I was transgender, I was still questioning. gonk That's kind of one of the reasons for my depression. emo Not the fact that I had to gain some weight back 'cause I'll admit, I looked really gross already. xD It's just that I went overboard and probably weigh 10 pounds more than where I wanted to be, even though I'm not overweight. sweatdrop My major guilt for this whole depression is that I wish I knew I was transgendered sooner before I recovered. But I eat normal now, somedays I try to starve myself even if I know it's side effects. :S It's like I don't care anymore and I'm impatient. >_< But anyway, I hope you achieve your weight loss goal. 3nodding Just becareful with body image issues. D; that's where my problem first started.
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Tuah
I'm not even quiet sure I understand what the whole brony thing is anyway. At first I figured it was just a phrase that guys use so they don't have to be embarrassed about watching it. But I have seen some distinctions between bronies and other male viewers of MLP.

I think this is entirely relevant to gender issues, albeit... it's more along the line of cisgendered people being insecure about their gender than us. xD
Well people use the term loosely. For some people, a Brony is JUST a male fan. For me... it's like, obsessed male adult fans, who are like WAY too excited over this. Like I get being a fan of something. Even girly s**t. But some guys just live and breathe ponies. Like it would be creepy if they acted this way about dolls, or just about anything else but James Bond movies. But it's OK when it's ponies. It doesn't strike anyone as ***** or anything, even though I feel like they're way too into it. It does make me question if there is a sexual aspect to the fandom. Basically every fandom DOES have a very sexual following. So. I can't help but wonder. My BF listens to like, dozens of "remixes" people make from the show's music, and I just find it super annoying and juvenile, especially when it's like all "techno'd" up... Like wtf? Yeah I'm really rubbed the wrong way by the whole thing.

It definitely doesn't hurt my gender at all to be associated with the show. I just don't want to be associated with bronies. Also yeah I'm a little worried that my art "looks like a girl drew it". Is there even a way to tell?


Perhaps more straight, cisgendered males in general are trying to understand a side of themselves that's been repressed? After all, even if a person is straight and cisgendered, everyone has a blend of many different aspects, yet they can often adhere to a very rigid personality type which they are mostly comfortable with.

But still, that little, tiiiiiny bit of difference in personality to what they expect of themselves can manifest itself in dramatic ways.

To be confused about one's heterosexuality, even! whee
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

Tuah
Dandrogyny
Tuah
I'm not even quiet sure I understand what the whole brony thing is anyway. At first I figured it was just a phrase that guys use so they don't have to be embarrassed about watching it. But I have seen some distinctions between bronies and other male viewers of MLP.

I think this is entirely relevant to gender issues, albeit... it's more along the line of cisgendered people being insecure about their gender than us. xD
Well people use the term loosely. For some people, a Brony is JUST a male fan. For me... it's like, obsessed male adult fans, who are like WAY too excited over this. Like I get being a fan of something. Even girly s**t. But some guys just live and breathe ponies. Like it would be creepy if they acted this way about dolls, or just about anything else but James Bond movies. But it's OK when it's ponies. It doesn't strike anyone as ***** or anything, even though I feel like they're way too into it. It does make me question if there is a sexual aspect to the fandom. Basically every fandom DOES have a very sexual following. So. I can't help but wonder. My BF listens to like, dozens of "remixes" people make from the show's music, and I just find it super annoying and juvenile, especially when it's like all "techno'd" up... Like wtf? Yeah I'm really rubbed the wrong way by the whole thing.

It definitely doesn't hurt my gender at all to be associated with the show. I just don't want to be associated with bronies. Also yeah I'm a little worried that my art "looks like a girl drew it". Is there even a way to tell?


Perhaps more straight, cisgendered males in general are trying to understand a side of themselves that's been repressed? After all, even if a person is straight and cisgendered, everyone has a blend of many different aspects, yet they can often adhere to a very rigid personality type which they are mostly comfortable with.

But still, that little, tiiiiiny bit of difference in personality to what they expect of themselves can manifest itself in dramatic ways.

To be confused about one's heterosexuality, even! whee
I just don't get why exploration has to become such a huge obsession. I get that the male gender is repressed, but damn.
The queen?...

User Image

POST PONIES!

Just kidding.

Bronies are odd, but I can appreciate their enthusiasm sometimes. The community in general is nice, in my opinion, and I really like all the things they put together, from events to music. Nowadays, you have so many women and men into the show, pegasisters and bronies, fillies and colts, that it's just become a large conglomeration just like any other fanbase for any other anime, game, tv series, etc...

With that said, yeah... You have some bronies who are pretty, umm... excessive, in their interest. Although I happen to find the same thing just about everywhere else. The only specific difference with the brony community is the fact that there are more men than usually would be involved.

What the hell is wrong with the music?

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