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Remy is back again....

Please don't kill me. D: 0.13906111603189 13.9% [ 157 ]
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I'm back for now, we're all good right? 0.14526129317981 14.5% [ 164 ]
Wait... What are you doing with that knife? 0.48361381753764 48.4% [ 546 ]
Total Votes:[ 1129 ]
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

Having a lot of dysphoria tonight...
And worried I won't be able to find a therapist for my chest surgery.

Is there some sort of online database of trans-friendly therapists?
Stegamoe's avatar

Tiny Nerd

12,050 Points
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Dandrogyny
Having a lot of dysphoria tonight...
And worried I won't be able to find a therapist for my chest surgery.

Is there some sort of online database of trans-friendly therapists?
And every time you ask him for another vanishing act,
he half smiles as if to say...


I don't know if there's a database with therapists that don't specialize in trans* people but are trans* friendly, however there's a list of gender therapists that's updated regularly: x

I assume that a majority of them also work with things people normally go to a therapist about, such as depression or anxiety.

..."Whatever you want,
whatever you want,
whatever you want is fine by me."
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

Stegash0ta
Dandrogyny
Having a lot of dysphoria tonight...
And worried I won't be able to find a therapist for my chest surgery.

Is there some sort of online database of trans-friendly therapists?
And every time you ask him for another vanishing act,
he half smiles as if to say...


I don't know if there's a database with therapists that don't specialize in trans* people but are trans* friendly, however there's a list of gender therapists that's updated regularly: x

I assume that a majority of them also work with things people normally go to a therapist about, such as depression or anxiety.

..."Whatever you want,
whatever you want,
whatever you want is fine by me."
I guess I meant a specialist. Idk I just need a recommendation letter for a consultation with the surgeon. >.>
Stegamoe's avatar

Tiny Nerd

12,050 Points
  • Millionaire 200
  • Gender Swap 100
  • Timid 100
Dandrogyny
Stegash0ta
Dandrogyny
Having a lot of dysphoria tonight...
And worried I won't be able to find a therapist for my chest surgery.

Is there some sort of online database of trans-friendly therapists?
And every time you ask him for another vanishing act,
he half smiles as if to say...


I don't know if there's a database with therapists that don't specialize in trans* people but are trans* friendly, however there's a list of gender therapists that's updated regularly: x

I assume that a majority of them also work with things people normally go to a therapist about, such as depression or anxiety.

..."Whatever you want,
whatever you want,
whatever you want is fine by me."
I guess I meant a specialist. Idk I just need a recommendation letter for a consultation with the surgeon. >.>
And every time you ask him for another vanishing act,
he half smiles as if to say...


Oh yeah, then that list should do it. I believe it's updated regularly. And I'd pass on the online therapists; they seem to all charge an arm and a leg from what I saw when I was looking at them.

..."Whatever you want,
whatever you want,
whatever you want is fine by me."
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

Stegash0ta
Dandrogyny
Stegash0ta
Dandrogyny
Having a lot of dysphoria tonight...
And worried I won't be able to find a therapist for my chest surgery.

Is there some sort of online database of trans-friendly therapists?
And every time you ask him for another vanishing act,
he half smiles as if to say...


I don't know if there's a database with therapists that don't specialize in trans* people but are trans* friendly, however there's a list of gender therapists that's updated regularly: x

I assume that a majority of them also work with things people normally go to a therapist about, such as depression or anxiety.

..."Whatever you want,
whatever you want,
whatever you want is fine by me."
I guess I meant a specialist. Idk I just need a recommendation letter for a consultation with the surgeon. >.>
And every time you ask him for another vanishing act,
he half smiles as if to say...


Oh yeah, then that list should do it. I believe it's updated regularly. And I'd pass on the online therapists; they seem to all charge an arm and a leg from what I saw when I was looking at them.

..."Whatever you want,
whatever you want,
whatever you want is fine by me."
There's at least 3 people I can see on there. Thanks. >W< <3

Yeah, I need something affordable. Also someone who won't be "skeptical". It'll be easier in person!
Stegamoe's avatar

Tiny Nerd

12,050 Points
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  • Timid 100
Dandrogyny
There's at least 3 people I can see on there. Thanks. >W< <3

Yeah, I need something affordable. Also someone who won't be "skeptical". It'll be easier in person!
And every time you ask him for another vanishing act,
he half smiles as if to say...


Awesome! Glad to be of help.

Where I live is smack dab in the middle of a dry spot, there's only one person kind of close to me, everyone else is either in NYC or upstate NY. DX Thankfully the regular therapist I've been seeing up to this point hasn't been trying to discredit me or anything, but he's even said I probably need to go to someone who specializes in trans* care. Crossing my finger that if the person is on that list that means that they're nice.

..."Whatever you want,
whatever you want,
whatever you want is fine by me."
land of storms and tea's avatar

Dapper Dabbler

Hello, ladies and gents. You can call me Lee. I am a newcomer to this thread, but I am in need of help. I have been struggling with a lot of feelings for a long time, with nowhere to go to talk to people with similar experiences. I can only hope I've found the right place here, because I'm about to unload a lot. I would immensely appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

It's been a long journey that in some ways I'm still traveling, but I have finally come to understand myself as falling under the transgender umbrella. I was born female, but was never comfortable with it. When I was younger it merely felt a little disappointing, but I figured I would never be able to do anything about it, and indeed the idea of doing something about it seemed strange. I wished I could be a boy instead of a tomboy, but that was impossible. Then puberty hit and I became a little more restless. I still didn't know there was any other way I could ultimately present myself, but I started to dress in mens clothing nonetheless. Having boobs wasn't right and I didn't like them but at least mine were small and I could appear flat-chested in baggier clothing. Getting a period seemed particularly unfair, especially as, as I would later be able to identify, I am asexual and never had any desire for sex or children. But what could I do? I thought I was stuck this way. No matter how androgynous I made my appearance or how proud I felt when people mistook me as male, I would always have to correct them.

Then I discovered trans*. I began to see people online who had said no, they didn't care what body they were born with. They were living as the gender they felt they were. People were calling them by their desired pronouns. I was in awe. An idea sparked in my mind. Could this be what I felt? I'd avoided thinking about it for so long that for a long time I wasn't sure what I would be most comfortable with. Am I androgynous but wanting to present as male? Or a male who presents as androgynous? Or am I just a girl who wants to feel male, or is actually genderless?

The more time I had to think about it, and the more exposure I had to the stories of other trans* people, the more the concept rooted in my mind, and slowly the more clear things became. I don't want boobs- I want a flat, male chest. I would feel so much happier and more comfortable with a flat chest. I don't want a v****a- I never have. With my complete lack of interest in sex I've never wanted a p***s either though, except perhaps as a way to validate myself as male a little more. I'm lucky to have a nice, androgynous facial structure; lucky enough to pass dressing as I normally would and not binding. But I wish my voice wasn't a dead give away for female. I want to be able to laugh and speak freely, but if I ever were to make the step toward 100% presenting as male I am afraid of the things that would give me away as born as female.

I want male pronouns. I want to be seen as male. All of these things would make me feel more comfortable. I would feel... fulfilled. Happy. The more I realize and think about these things, the more depressed I become, because I don't know if I'll ever have the courage. I don't know if I'll ever have the body I want. It is generally settling on me that I do indeed feel in some way transgender. And that's relieving and terrifying all at once.

I feel guilty. I've already made several friends who know me as female. Why make everyone go through the fuss of conditioning them to see me differently? Why bring up an issue they may have trouble understanding? Why thrust that upon every new person I meet who hears me speak or looks at my feminine hips but hears me refer to myself as a guy? Why make my whole family readjust to the way they've been seeing me their whole lives? I feel as though I should be ashamed that I want this.

I feel afraid. My parents and I have such a good relationship, but I have no idea how they feel in regard to this kind of thing. They both let me dress in male clothes and get haircuts that are very androgynous- in fact I don't think they've ever batted an eye at it. Nor have they raised any point about my frequently cosplaying male characters. But if I confessed my feelings to them, how would they react? I'm afraid of stirring up turmoil or damaging our relationship. I'm afraid of how my grandparents feel, who love and are proud of me but disapprove of homosexuality. I am afraid from all the stories I hear of trans* people being aggressively confronted, or of the lack of protection against discrimination in hiring. I'm afraid of people forever scoffing or staring or doubting; I may not feel comfortable being called female, but at least it's safe. I'm even afraid of change somehow ruining something in my life forever. I'm afraid of hormones or surgery. I know so little about either, and I'm afraid that they either can't help me or would cause problems when I already have a healthy body.

I feel lost. I have no trans* or genderqueer friends to discuss my feelings with. I have no idea how to get into the community. I have no idea where I should begin with sorting my feelings and making them into a concrete identity. I have no idea how to discuss these feelings with my family, or ask others to use male pronouns in reference to me. I have no even worked out where I feel I stand in this mental gradient I have between male and genderless.

I am admittedly not the most masculine male out there, by society's standards. I enjoy things like sewing or baking. I get emotionally attached to and sometimes even cry over fictional characters. I'm quiet and when dealing with strangers, soft-spoken. While I feel these don't threaten my feelings of male identity, I wish that society would see it in the same light, just as my love of play sword battling or my pet ball python or the FPS games on my shelf wouldn't mean I was any more of a male if I didn't identify as one. I'm even fine with still dressing up in female cosplays (and in fact it is the only time when I feel at least a little glad I have a female body, as I can pull of both genders well) because it doesn't matter what I'm wearing but what I identify as. I'm ok with being a kind of feminine male as far as society's standards go, as long as people still see me as male, or even genderless with male pronouns.

If you've read this far, I really sincerely want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's more than I have ever revealed to anyone, and the pressure mounting inside me lately makes me feel fit to burst in a desperate confession to someone. I want a change in my life soon. I want at least one person in my every day life whom I love seeing me the way I feel. I have felt odd enough just deciding to present as fully male on Gaia if anyone asks, as it's more than I've done yet- but it feels right, and it makes me happy. I would be one hundred times even more thankful to anyone who responds, with any sort of advice, experience, or even just acknowledgment.

Thanks for your time, and sorry for the long-winded post.
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

land of storms and tea
I can really relate to you. Except I'm not asexual so on top of it all I want to stick my p***s in my boyfriend's mangina. Unfortunately I am lacking in that department.

I too, used to think I was genderless. I associate with "man" and "male" because I am masculine in self-identity and want a male body. But the truth is that I feel like a male-bodied person without a gender. It's really ******** hard to explain to people that I feel like I have no gender but strongly identify with the male form. So I go with "man". I mean male is comfortable for me. It's not like it's uncomfortable. I just have this part of me deep down that imagines myself as some weird blue-skinned floating body without any strong features except an obvious male form. Like Dr. Manhattan or some s**t. I don't even know. I've had spiritual people tell me that I'm seeing my "spirit". Idefk I'm an atheist.

ANYWAY. What made me ultimately decide was a lot like you. I don't want boobs. I want a flat male chest. I want a d**k (though I'll probably never have one). I love wearing my p***s prosthetic and how I look with it on. On the other hand, I don't MIND having a v****a. If I could have a p***s right in front of my v****a, that'd be awesome. But I want the rest of my body to be completely male. I'm kind of weird. In fact, I can also say I would MISS my v****a, but a lot of that is because I don't find receiving a**l sex to be very pleasurable.

Taking testosterone made me feel SO good about my voice. I can talk loud, openly, freely... laugh... It's amazing. Before I was so shy and quiet because of my voice. Taking testosterone completely fixes your voice and makes it male.

You can totally be seen as male, even BEFORE transition. You just need to assert yourself a little and surround yourself with supportive people.

Don't feel guilty. GOOD friends will stand by you. Even BETTER friends won't be surprised at all and will say "I knew it!" Don't worry about what THEY have to do, or inconveniencing them. You are the one dealing with the inconvenience of being transsexual. If they get fussy, that's their personal problem. It really isn't something to get upset over (even though a lot of people do).

It took my family over a year to adjust and start calling me he. It's hard but most people can adjust.

Transition is scary, so fear is totally normal. You must first fully accept that you could lose EVERYTHING. You have to say, "Is my maleness worth losing my family/friends?" My answer to that question was YES. It was DIY (do it yourself) or DIE. I HAD to fix this, no matter what. The truth is that transitioning will mess up your relationship with your family, but only temporarily if you have a good relationship with them. It will cause a lot of stress/drama, but this gets better with time. Some people are VERY lucky and end up transitioning without issues, but this is rare.

Old people usually don't get it. I live with my grandpa and he still thinks I'm a lesbian. I've been living as a male full time for 4 years. Old people just don't get it.

If you are lost, just post here! Or find trans groups on sites like Facebook. They're very helpful.

If it helps; most of us don't have a "concrete identity". We're playing by ear. As you can tell from what I said about myself earlier... my identity is weird and still vague. And I've been doing this for almost 5 years. So don't worry if you can't get a concrete picture right away. This is a journey.

I'm not the most masculine guy either. A lot of us aren't. I'm basically a little emo b***h (even though I don't identify as emo, I sure as ******** look like it):

User Image

I'm also in a gay relationship and I occasionally cross dress. I'm into fashion and s**t like that. I mean I have a lot of masculine hobbies, but I'm really into art/vanity. That's pretty feminine. I'm pretty loud and assertive, though. So I act very "manly" while I bake cookies, lol.

I used to be a lot more emotional before testosterone. Testosterone calms you down. Also, I was REALLY shy before hormones. Now I'm not so much. A lot changes when you get to finally be yourself. I used to be terrified of strangers, now I face them head on.

You gotta remember: ******** what society thinks! Ok, you don't have to be quite that extreme, but you get what I mean. A lot of people AREN'T going to understand you, but they don't matter.

You're welcome, lol. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so courageous in facing this! I remember being there. No matter how lonely you feel, there are actually a lot of us!

Btw... how old are you? Or rather, are you in high school, or have you graduated? Your exact age isn't important but it helps. I'm 22.
land of storms and tea's avatar

Dapper Dabbler

Thank you for your reply!

It sounds as if we really are similar in how we feel about our identities. What you've said really feels like it sums up how I feel and what I was meaning to express. Genderless but male-bodied and masculine. It just seems so bizarre to say genderless but male-bodied when on top of it all I'm already actually physically female-bodied. How can I ever expect to explain that to anyone? It adds to my sense of guilt about this feeling of over complicating things. But it's really a relief to hear that someone else identifies similarly- and confidently, too.

I admit that my voice would be one of the most encouraging reasons to take testosterone, if I ever decide that I want it to come to that. Part of me hesitates though- what if I don't like my new voice, even if it sounds male? What if I can't sing the songs I enjoy singing in key anymore? XD I find silly things to worry about.

It would be a dream come true to assert myself as male as I am now. To be accepted for that. I am incredibly lucky to have one good friend who started calling me "sir" and "he" occasionally and would joke about me being her boyfriend instead of girlfriend before I had ever said anything to her. She is the one person I have discussed these feelings with, and although she can't offer any advice on trans* experiences, she has been a wonderful help and an incredible best friend by completely accepting how I feel. She was the same when I was coming out about my asexuality. She really is wonderful.

I am hoping discussing these feelings with my other closest friend- who also happens to be my sister- will be as easy. It would be a nice in between to establishing someone who is around me very often who sees me the way I feel and slowly working up to the rest of the family. I am in part hoping she already in some way understands- she writes often and in stories where she writes based on people she knows, my character is always male. She has also encouragingly told me I'm always rocking the androgyny. I just need to find the courage to tell her the whole of it, and perhaps ask her about pronoun usage. Yet she would also have to keep it from our parents for a while longer, so I'm not sure if I should burden her with that.

Thank you so much for all of your encouragement. It is nice to hear these things from a best friend who wants me to be happy, but also very reassuring and empowering to hear them from someone who has personally been there and has had the courage to make the decision to change his life for the better.

I'm pretty happy with most of my personality as I am, so I guess that's another thing I would be a little afraid of testosterone messing with. More confidence would be nice of course, but I've worked hard to overcome growing up with social anxiety and I've grown proud of the person I've managed to build myself up to be. Would you consider yourself to have changed a lot with testosterone? What sort of changes exactly would be expected, if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 21. I've graduated from high school and two years of college for a Liberal Arts degree, but currently live with my parents with a part time job I'm losing soon. I'm not sure how ready I am to be financially independent, but it has to come some time I suppose, heh.

Thanks again. I'm very glad to find somewhere I can talk to people, and I think I'll be turning to this thread to learn and discuss a lot in the future.
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

land of storms and tea
Yeah, it's pretty damn confusing. So I just go with "man". I mean I DO identify as a man. It's just my identity is really weird and complex as a man. A lot of that may have to do with me feeling like I am too androgynous to fall under a particular gender. Society plays a heavy role.

Honestly, I would not try to explain this to anyone right away. It will just confused the ******** out of them and they'll think you're confused too because it's so confusing. I would keep it simple for now.

Testosterone was a goddamn blessing. It does so many great things. Now I can relate to worrying about voice. I want to sing symphonic metal:



My voice doesn't go that high anymore. But I'm still determined. Maybe to be the first successful male symphonic metal vocalist? A guy can dream, right?
xd

Now I can already tell you that trans guys (or trans women for that matter) who decide NOT to transition face a LOT of opposition-- even from OTHER trans people. Like everyone will ask, "How do you know you're a man if you don't even want a sex change?!" and give you a hard time. So if that's what you choose, be prepared for people to be serious dicks about it. It sucks, but I've seen it happen so much.

Siblings can be really good allies. My brother totally turned on me, though. I moved out, transitioned, and he got pissed. Maybe 'cos I didn't tell him? Idk but he thinks I'm nuts. I feel like with time he'll accept it more. He thinks I'll never succeed this way. Well I am stuck at home with our mom and broke but it's not because of my transition. It's the economy, mostly. But yeah, he thinks I transitioned for attention. Which sucks. I hope someday he realizes that wasn't it.

I'm glad I've been able to help you out! I'm usually a d**k but I'm useful sometimes, lol.

Testosterone basically dulls out the emotions (as in you stop crying over everything) and it also makes people more... laid back? Like you stop nitpicking over stupid s**t and whining about everyone. Estrogen makes people take everything personally. That's totally my experience. Hence why I'm super oversensitive right now. I had to stop T like a year ago because I'm broke. Hoping to get back on soon. I've been saying that for months, though.

Testosterone itself did not change my personality much. It just made me more confident, and THAT has changed me drastically. I started going out, having real experiences, and figuring out who I am and what I want in life. It's been fabulous. I know testosterone made it easier for me to be assertive and more active. It also made me really horny, lol.

I'm kinda in your shoes in the financial independence area. As in I know I gotta do it but I'm stuck due to money issues.
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

Holy ********. guys.

I just realized.

I was only on testosterone for like 5 months.

No s**t.
I thought it was like 8 months.
No.
It was 5. 6 at most.
And only 2 of those at a full dose.

HOLY s**t I AM GOING TO BE A SCARY BEAST.
Dandrogyny
[Muffins of DOOM]
Dandrogyny
Ohhh snap. Hair nets suck...
And yeah some people feel working with food is feminine. I personally don't. I guess it's 'cos I worked with a manly chef, hahah.

          They are awful. So I've taken to wearing the beard guards too, even though I really don't have enough facial hair to require it yet, because it helps.

          I hate my job so much though, once my top surgery is finished I'm going to be finally going to college for mortuary science c:
Are you waiting for financial reasons? I'll probably do the same thing I guess. I mean sure I could go to school the way I am now but it will just make saving up take longer.

          I am. I seriously can't function with these things anymore, so I'm putting as much money as I can towards it, which is basically every penny I earn except what I need for food, car insurance and my cell phone. I have about $1900, I need about $8000. Once I hit $3000 though, I'm putting the rest on CareCredit and then instead of waiting and saving I'll just pay that off. So hopefully my surgery'll be October at the latest.
FORTRAN77

Um... bald is beautiful? xd And usually pretty masculine. But silly looking if you're one of those guys who shaves their head due to going bald anyway (my Electromagnetic Theory prof has this going on, it seems like such a self-conscious thing to do when otherwise he's pretty chill about everything).

Speaking of Electromag, final tomorrow! User Image

          Hell no. I could never be bald. I would look so terrible x__x
Sooo, today, my dad seemed to be arguing about me with my mom,(I THINK they were arguing about the person I want to be.) the only thing I really heard was "You keep bothering her" and "You don't really see that." ......................... neutral

GO DAD! emotion_kirakira
Dandrogyny
Sparky the Panda
Dandrogyny
On the note of chest surgery, I am going to return to work sometime within the next few weeks. My doctor approved me and has given me a clean bill of health! After I pay off my few debts and change my name (which I'm going to have to pay for now unfortunately since I'm working so soon) I'm going to start saving for chest surgery. If I account for the cost of my bills & testosterone, it will take approximately 11 months. That's not too bad. :'3 I will save up about 10 grand. The surgery itself costs 9,000. I need to account for travel, food, a motel room for 2 weeks, and losing 2 weeks of pay. My BF will come too and he's chipping in for travel costs.

It's gonna be hard to work after surgery and I hope 2 weeks is enough time after keyhole. I work with my arms ALL DAY at work. It's mild industrial labor. I will have to talk to the surgeon about it. If I'll just be a little sore I can handle it but I don't want to tear anything. I'm lifting 30-45 lb tubs at chest level constantly at work. It requires pretty decent upper body strength and a hell of a lot of stamina.

Should be back on testosterone by June at the latest.
heart I'm very happy. I don't know when I'm starting work yet, though. The HR manager is in New York until the 30th.
--Pops in--

I'm so excited for you!

--Pops out--
Thanks. I also picked out a new binder so the next year is bearable rather than wearing my uncomfortable binder that is really ugly 'cos it's all stretched out.

Sweetness. I think I'm going to do that one of these days, too.

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