Thoughts of death with mental issues...help please...

[29Dreams]

First off, many of you may know, but if not, I have many mental disorders. One of which is Paranoid Schizophrenia. With Paranoid Schizophrenia I have three types of hallucinations and one type of delusion. The hallucinations are: Auditory(sound), Visual(sight), and Tactile(feel). The delusion is Delusion of Grandeur, this delusion makes me believe that I can do impossible things.

Now, I had two hallucinations that were, in one way, good. Bad because no one should have hallucinations. Good because they were not harmful and helped me over the years. Both of them are dead now and I feel like I have lost a lot. I feel so empty inside.

Along with these two hallucinations(which I still have more hallucinations than those two but that's another story) I believed that I came from another planet. I do know now, as of a few years ago, that I really was not from that planet. I would always travel to the other planet with my good hallucination(one of the two good ones) and would do impossible things(delusions).

Ok, now the real issue:

I miss the hallucinations. My mom told me that this is how normal people feel without hallucinations. I hate to say it, but I don't like it. I am so depressed now due to my loss. I have had one good hallucination since I was three years old. I am now 25. I have been thinking of death increasingly. At this point, I am not going to do anything...but I still think of it. I feel like my life has fallen apart.

I do take medications and my psychiatrist has told me that I have only two options:
-----Electro Shock
-----Just deal with it all no matter how severe the problem is

I do see a therapist as well but it only helps so much.



My questions:

-----Does anyone have any helpful advice on the thoughts of death?
-----Does anyone have any similar situations that they would be willing to share?
---------------If so and you don't want others to know, would you possibly pm me? (it will be 100% confidential)
-----Any other helpful advice would be great.


I do have a therapist and psychiatrist appointments coming up and I will definitely talk to them about this.


Positive(good/nice) help is much appreciated.

[Wigwam the Dodo]

There is another schizophrenic around here somewhere. She seems well-liked, why not open a discourse with her.

Or him. But I think it's a her.

Personally though, I think about death often. Comfort seems to be key, and if you find morbid thinking makes you uncomfortable, you're likely to have problems. If not, I'm sure you can process those thoughts in similar fashion to all other things.

[Pink Plaid]

I have bipolar 2 disorder and no matter how well my medication works I'm always thinking about death.

What keeps me here is knowing how much love I have in my life. How much I love my parents and my sisters and how I could never break their hearts like that.

[29Dreams]

Wigwam the Dodo

There is another schizophrenic around here somewhere. She seems well-liked, why not open a discourse with her.

Or him. But I think it's a her.

Personally though, I think about death often. Comfort seems to be key, and if you find morbid thinking makes you uncomfortable, you're likely to have problems. If not, I'm sure you can process those thoughts in similar fashion to all other things.

Do you have a name?

[Wigwam the Dodo]

AngelsDreadedFear

Wigwam the Dodo

There is another schizophrenic around here somewhere. She seems well-liked, why not open a discourse with her.

Or him. But I think it's a her.

Personally though, I think about death often. Comfort seems to be key, and if you find morbid thinking makes you uncomfortable, you're likely to have problems. If not, I'm sure you can process those thoughts in similar fashion to all other things.

Do you have a name?

Found her. Saw her have some long fight with a confessed murderer/rapist and got curious. That profile is offensively blue however, prepare yourself. Also loud music.

[29Dreams]

Pink Plaid

I have bipolar 2 disorder and no matter how well my medication works I'm always thinking about death.

What keeps me here is knowing how much love I have in my life. How much I love my parents and my sisters and how I could never break their hearts like that.

I think of that all the time but I'm not happy. I feel myself slipping and I know it would be bad to do something stupid but I can't help but think about it since I lost so much. I just wish I had those hallucinations back. Keep the good and get rid of the bad...

I have two other bad hallucinations. One I call The Shadow Thing. It follows me everywhere. (No, it's not my own shadow)...It would stand around and stare at me. Sometimes it would pop up 2 inches from my face and that scares me. I have to back up and leave. Then there is this other hallucination. I call her Jenny. She is evil. She makes me see blood everywhere, I see dead bodies laying everywhere or just hanging from a rope on the ceiling. One thing that has really gotten me is that she took both good hallucinations and hung them in front of me, blood everywhere, and the dead hallucinations were hugging each other with this horror, painful look on their face. The Shadow Thing is really what killed them. Stabbed them to death. Seeing the good hallucinations like that really breaks my heart and I start to brake down. So, I have to leave the area. It just hurts so bad.

[29Dreams]

Wigwam the Dodo

AngelsDreadedFear

Wigwam the Dodo

There is another schizophrenic around here somewhere. She seems well-liked, why not open a discourse with her.

Or him. But I think it's a her.

Personally though, I think about death often. Comfort seems to be key, and if you find morbid thinking makes you uncomfortable, you're likely to have problems. If not, I'm sure you can process those thoughts in similar fashion to all other things.

Do you have a name?

Found her. Saw her have some long fight with a confessed murderer/rapist and got curious. That profile is offensively blue however, prepare yourself. Also loud music.

Thanks so much, you have been very helpful. I appreciate it.

[Wigwam the Dodo]

AngelsDreadedFear

Wigwam the Dodo

AngelsDreadedFear

Wigwam the Dodo

There is another schizophrenic around here somewhere. She seems well-liked, why not open a discourse with her.

Or him. But I think it's a her.

Personally though, I think about death often. Comfort seems to be key, and if you find morbid thinking makes you uncomfortable, you're likely to have problems. If not, I'm sure you can process those thoughts in similar fashion to all other things.

Do you have a name?

Found her. Saw her have some long fight with a confessed murderer/rapist and got curious. That profile is offensively blue however, prepare yourself. Also loud music.

Thanks so much, you have been very helpful. I appreciate it.

VERY helpful?

Alright. I'll take it.

[MoviesAndPopcorn]

I don't have schizophrenia, but I have dissociative identity disorder. I've lost one of my alters, and it made me really sad. losing something so good and sweet. people would say it's not "normal" to have alters, but that doesn't mean I don't love and care about them. so I sort of understand where you come from, missing the good hallucinations.

I've also struggled with thoughts of death. all I can suggest is to try and focus on what you have to live for. I know it's not great advice, but it's what gets me through it. even small things. wanting to see a new season of your favourite show, eating your favourite food, a pet, or a friend. it doesn't matter what it is or how big it is. when the thoughts get rough focus on the good. failing that, contact someone you know. either a friend or call a crisis line. sometimes having someone talk you through it can help a lot

[Silly Annie]

you wanna know somet I do?
I keep my head busy
I fill it up by comin online an lookin at stuff
or by sittin ni this like
flower shop green house they got
they let me sit there for hours jus enjoyin the flowers like

got books on keepin calm an theres lotsa little ways you can remember whats real yknow
like
get people to describe to you what a place looks like right
so you know

so yknow when somethings not right

[Moogle Voodoo]

I think about death a lot too, even though I'm somewhat okay. This is how I feel:

[Dark LD Master]

Our world is undergoing a paradigm shift which is most crucial on the spiritually inclined and supernaturally gifted. You and I must persevere in order to redeem such prosperity we desire.

[Farmer Franklin]

Wigwam the Dodo

AngelsDreadedFear

Wigwam the Dodo

There is another schizophrenic around here somewhere. She seems well-liked, why not open a discourse with her.

Or him. But I think it's a her.

Personally though, I think about death often. Comfort seems to be key, and if you find morbid thinking makes you uncomfortable, you're likely to have problems. If not, I'm sure you can process those thoughts in similar fashion to all other things.

Do you have a name?

Found her. Saw her have some long fight with a confessed murderer/rapist and got curious. That profile is offensively blue however, prepare yourself. Also loud music.

ha thought you meant raggedy when i saw the offensively blue profile comment.

[Moonlit Maria]

I'm Schizophrenic and have heard voices since I was 3...I am 28 now.


I understand that the hallucinations can be fun. I had a really weird breakdown in 2009 and I felt like I had magical powers.... and that isn't all! I had hundreds of delusions and hallucinations. I remember feeling very euphoric, like I was on drugs. I ended up staying up for a couple weeks and wandered the streets at night followed by a cat following. I also tried to kill my cats because I believed they were demonic nature-spirits and decided to butcher them with. tools, but couldn't do it because I thought that even if they were demons,. I couldn't even kill a demon. That was one of the worst parts of the psychosis, but honestly, I usually love being a crazy just a little bit.. I feel more alive during some my delusions.

[RyaZombie]

I go through stages of being depressed and then strangely confident and happy and then back to depressed. I have been suicidal in the past and in my darker days of depression thinking about my own death was one of my only comforts.

Even though I have toyed with the idea and even attempted it in the past, I have learned that death is not the answer to an unhappy existence. A quote that keeps me going is 'Everything will be alright in the end so if it is not alright it is not the end'. It helps remind me that things are ever changing and to strive to be happy instead of giving up on life altogether.