I started self harming when I was in 9th grade. I would cut myself with a box knife up and down my arms. I had scars for a long time after that, and I thought maybe it was a one time thing, I got it out of my system. But over the years it's just gotten worse. I don't cut as frequently anymore, but I still cut myself. I just use a thumbtack, because I don't have a box knife at my house. I've cut before at work, where we do have a lot of box knives. I cut my hand up pretty bad.
Whenever I do it, I don't want to kill myself, but I have tried to cut veins before, but I would never go deep enough. I have a few brown scars on my wrist from the last time I cut a few weeks ago. I got tattoos on my other wrist so I don't cut there anymore, and that's what I'm going to have to do for my other wrist.
I'm in therapy and have been for a few years now. It hasn't really helped much with cutting, because I still do it when I'm really stressed out or having a panic attack or just feel really guilty about something. It hurts, and I worry that they'll get infected, but I always take care of them and they heal up and eventually go away. I wear wrist bands to work if the cuts are fresh because I don't want customers to point them out and ask me about them.
I've never been so open before on the internet, but yeah, I guess it needed to come out.
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