l3 A l3 Y D O L L
(?)Community Member
Lunatic
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- Posted: Mon, 04 Feb 2013 21:24:43 +0000
So,I was taking a shower, and it just hit me.... Who all out there actually has support for feeling suicidal? Or maybe you're just depressed, or you have bad anxiety? Perhaps you used to be, and you fear you're about to slip back into old habits. What about if you know someone who IS suicidal and you don't know how to deal with it, and you need some help figuring it out? Maybe, you're somebody who CAN help others, and are just trying to support them in their time of need. What-ever it is, this is your haven.
BTW. My post probably won't be all that fancy. I'm lazy.
More will come later.
BTW. My post probably won't be all that fancy. I'm lazy.
More will come later.
Rulesxxxxxxx
Follow the TOS.
No bashing on ANYONE.
You don't have to be literate, but when talking to someone else, it really does help if they can understand you.....
Be open. Be understanding. Be caring. Be loving.
Do not quote the first post.
Do not advertise your thread.
If you want to talk, but don't want everyone knowing what's going on, go ahead and PM me, or one of the mods.
If you want to be a mods, PM me the form. I will be very careful at picking the right people.
If you see someone breaking the rules, report to either myself or a mod.
I will post more rules as needed.
No bashing on ANYONE.
You don't have to be literate, but when talking to someone else, it really does help if they can understand you.....
Be open. Be understanding. Be caring. Be loving.
Do not quote the first post.
Do not advertise your thread.
If you want to talk, but don't want everyone knowing what's going on, go ahead and PM me, or one of the mods.
If you want to be a mods, PM me the form. I will be very careful at picking the right people.
If you see someone breaking the rules, report to either myself or a mod.
I will post more rules as needed.
About Ash
To be fare, I'm going to put out some things about myself. Hopefully, it will help those feel more comfortable talking about themselves, as well.
I was born May seventh, nineteen ninety-two. I was born in Texas. Moved to California after my brother was born. [about eleven months after me]
I have one younger brother, two younger sisters, and so many step siblings that I can not count... Nor have I met them. Although, I did meet one. She is younger then me.
None of my siblings have the same father.
My father is a schizophrenic meth-head.
I was abused sexually, mentally, and physically by my older younger sisters dad, and our mom.
She chose him in court, and I moved in with my Nana, since my dad couldn't support me. At the time, he wasn't doing drugs.
I lived between my Nana and her sister, my Great Aunt Sally.
From first grade to fifth grade, I was made fun of.
I got my first friend at school in third grade. My only friend.
My dad moved into my Nana's when I was eight... He was on drugs.
Dad went from being my best friend, to the worst person ever. He beat me, yelled, and put me down constantly. Nana always took his side.
My uncle went into the Navy.
Sally's son got onto drugs, and drank all the time. He moved in.
Sally's son held a shot gun to my dad's head. Then mine.
We got a call from the hospital when I was in fourth grade. Sally's son was found in the middle of the street. He OD'd and was taken to the hospital. He was in a coma.
Fourth grade, Sally's son, named Chris, died.
Sixth grade was JR High were I lived. I could start new. I still had my one friend.
I made new friends. My grades dropped. I didn't care anymore. I wanted people to care about me.
I still had my one, now best friend. He was always there.
Seventh grade, he and I dated.
Christmas, I cleaned. Nana got mad, and said that there wasn't going to be a Christmas.
I cut, for the first time.
My boyfriend came over. Saw the cuts. Took me to my room, had me lay my head on his lap, and said... "what's going on? This isn't like you." I told him it was nothing. But I was about to cry. He knew that I didn't want to really talk about it. So we played the Game Cube.
My other friends didn't like that he was pulling me away from them.
I asked this guy that had a crush on me to break up with him for me. Tell him that I still wanted to be friends.
He never spoke to me again.
My brother moved in with Sally in seventh grade.
My new, supposed best friend, spread a rumor in eighth grade. He said I talked behind my friends back. Said I was a back stabber. That's not what you do where I live. Those kinds of people get killed.
My ex contacted me on MSN. When nobody else from school would talk to me. He told me not to take the bus that Friday. People planned to stab me.
I didn't go to school that Friday.
My brother was taken by CPS at school.
Freshman year in high school, people still hated me. But I tried to be new. I cut my hair. Got piercings. Changed my style. Changed completely.
Freshman year, I found out that I was transgendered.
Freshman year, some guys decided they'd show me who's boss. They raped me, and video taped it. They told me not to go back to school. But I did. Not often. But I did.
End of Freshman year, Sally died.
After Sophomore year, I transferred schools.
I spent Junior year at a school with friends I met at an anime convention. With people who didn't know my past. A true new slate.
Things at home got worse. My uncle came back from the Navy. His wife divorced him. He lived with us. Grandpa and Nana fought. Dad was worse. His friends and he stole money from me. Stole clothes, and shoes. Stole my music, my games. Stole what they could get money off of.
I was feeling more alone.
I started skipping school to hang out with this guy with a car. And my boyfriend at the time.
One night, my boyfriend at the time tried to rape me in the back of the car. The guy with the car cheered him on.
Wow, I thought that this happened too much.
My cutting addiction got worse.
After my seventeenth birthday, my dad, Nana, and I got into a fight. I told her that if she didn't make him go to rehab, that I would leave, and never come back. "I'll call the police." she said. "I'll tell them the truth" I said. And she looked me dead in the eyes, and said... "I will lie for him."
I left the next day for school. After school, I went to a friends. I refused to go back.
I ended up being homeless.
I found my way to my moms. Stayed there for two weeks, then she said that she didn't want me anymore. No, she said her friends didn't. But it was her. I knew better.
Her sister, my aunt, took me in. She signed me up for independent studies.
Her daughter was like a sister to me.
I got to see my grandma, too.
But then she lost her job. And we had to squeeze three adults, me, my 'little sister', a dog, a bird, and five cats, plus all our stuff into a one bedroom apartment.
I went back to my Nana's. I didn't want to be a burden.
I spent most time at a friends. Or on the computer.
I met my daughter on her second birthday.
I met, my soon to be boyfriend, on the same day.
The ex who tried to rape me came there. A lot. But I pretended it didn't happen.
Soon, I got with the guy. It was good at first.
Then he got abusive. Cheated. Lied. Manipulated. And used me.
I took care of his daughter, my soon to be daughter.
I sacrificed my anime conventions, my friends, my movies. I sacrificed eating, even. To make sure they were okay.
We stayed with his friends.
They lost their place.
We stayed with his 'brother'.
He kicked me out. After my boyfriend had given me a concussion. I didn't know anyone.
I stayed with an old friend.
I ended up in a hospital that new years. I couldn't handle it anymore. I had tried to kill myself. I wanted to die. I tried to jump off a roof. Nana and Grandpa were going through things. My boyfriend admitted he didn't want me. He used me. And he had his ex girlfriend, mother of his son, text me and tell me that they are together, and that I need to stay out of their life. He doesn't want me. So I had spent that Christmas alone. And I spent New Years in the mental hospital.
I went back to Nana's when I got out. Dad wasn't there anymore.
I moved back in with my ex.
He pulled me along, and then went back to her, pulled me along, went back to her.
Kicked me out. I was back at Nana's.
Brought me back in. And pulled me along. Went back to her. Pulled me along. Went back to her.
Continued to be abusive.
I took my Dad in, and let him stay under our roof. He was going to live on the streets.
He refused to follow rules. And it all went down.
He left.
I got pulled into a car, held at gunpoint, and raped, again.
Later on that year, I became a prostitute for a while. I needed money. I felt that if people were going to do it to me, I might as well get paid.
It lasted about three months.
About a year from today, things were working out.
But I was at my Nana's, and my ex's mom kidnapped our kid.
She took her out of town, beat her, took her to the hospital, and blamed me.
CPS charges happened. And I didn't get to see my daughter. The cops even tried to arrest me.
The next month, I hit bottom again. I tried to kill myself, again. I would up in the hospital, again.
A week after I got out, I wound back up in the hospital.
I lost my apartment.
I made a deal with my dad. I'll pay for food, if I can stay there.
Thanksgiving month. I paid for all the food. Four hundred dollars. The next day, he took me down to the river. I illegally camped, and got a camping ticket. Wooh.
About a month ago, I wound up back in the hospital.
Now, I'm in my dad's living room. Taking care of my Nana. Dealing with my ex. Dealing with my dad. And dealing with court to try to get my kid back.
I need a place by August. If I don't, she will be adopted out, and I will lose her.
I will probably do something stupid if that happens.
I was born May seventh, nineteen ninety-two. I was born in Texas. Moved to California after my brother was born. [about eleven months after me]
I have one younger brother, two younger sisters, and so many step siblings that I can not count... Nor have I met them. Although, I did meet one. She is younger then me.
None of my siblings have the same father.
My father is a schizophrenic meth-head.
I was abused sexually, mentally, and physically by my older younger sisters dad, and our mom.
She chose him in court, and I moved in with my Nana, since my dad couldn't support me. At the time, he wasn't doing drugs.
I lived between my Nana and her sister, my Great Aunt Sally.
From first grade to fifth grade, I was made fun of.
I got my first friend at school in third grade. My only friend.
My dad moved into my Nana's when I was eight... He was on drugs.
Dad went from being my best friend, to the worst person ever. He beat me, yelled, and put me down constantly. Nana always took his side.
My uncle went into the Navy.
Sally's son got onto drugs, and drank all the time. He moved in.
Sally's son held a shot gun to my dad's head. Then mine.
We got a call from the hospital when I was in fourth grade. Sally's son was found in the middle of the street. He OD'd and was taken to the hospital. He was in a coma.
Fourth grade, Sally's son, named Chris, died.
Sixth grade was JR High were I lived. I could start new. I still had my one friend.
I made new friends. My grades dropped. I didn't care anymore. I wanted people to care about me.
I still had my one, now best friend. He was always there.
Seventh grade, he and I dated.
Christmas, I cleaned. Nana got mad, and said that there wasn't going to be a Christmas.
I cut, for the first time.
My boyfriend came over. Saw the cuts. Took me to my room, had me lay my head on his lap, and said... "what's going on? This isn't like you." I told him it was nothing. But I was about to cry. He knew that I didn't want to really talk about it. So we played the Game Cube.
My other friends didn't like that he was pulling me away from them.
I asked this guy that had a crush on me to break up with him for me. Tell him that I still wanted to be friends.
He never spoke to me again.
My brother moved in with Sally in seventh grade.
My new, supposed best friend, spread a rumor in eighth grade. He said I talked behind my friends back. Said I was a back stabber. That's not what you do where I live. Those kinds of people get killed.
My ex contacted me on MSN. When nobody else from school would talk to me. He told me not to take the bus that Friday. People planned to stab me.
I didn't go to school that Friday.
My brother was taken by CPS at school.
Freshman year in high school, people still hated me. But I tried to be new. I cut my hair. Got piercings. Changed my style. Changed completely.
Freshman year, I found out that I was transgendered.
Freshman year, some guys decided they'd show me who's boss. They raped me, and video taped it. They told me not to go back to school. But I did. Not often. But I did.
End of Freshman year, Sally died.
After Sophomore year, I transferred schools.
I spent Junior year at a school with friends I met at an anime convention. With people who didn't know my past. A true new slate.
Things at home got worse. My uncle came back from the Navy. His wife divorced him. He lived with us. Grandpa and Nana fought. Dad was worse. His friends and he stole money from me. Stole clothes, and shoes. Stole my music, my games. Stole what they could get money off of.
I was feeling more alone.
I started skipping school to hang out with this guy with a car. And my boyfriend at the time.
One night, my boyfriend at the time tried to rape me in the back of the car. The guy with the car cheered him on.
Wow, I thought that this happened too much.
My cutting addiction got worse.
After my seventeenth birthday, my dad, Nana, and I got into a fight. I told her that if she didn't make him go to rehab, that I would leave, and never come back. "I'll call the police." she said. "I'll tell them the truth" I said. And she looked me dead in the eyes, and said... "I will lie for him."
I left the next day for school. After school, I went to a friends. I refused to go back.
I ended up being homeless.
I found my way to my moms. Stayed there for two weeks, then she said that she didn't want me anymore. No, she said her friends didn't. But it was her. I knew better.
Her sister, my aunt, took me in. She signed me up for independent studies.
Her daughter was like a sister to me.
I got to see my grandma, too.
But then she lost her job. And we had to squeeze three adults, me, my 'little sister', a dog, a bird, and five cats, plus all our stuff into a one bedroom apartment.
I went back to my Nana's. I didn't want to be a burden.
I spent most time at a friends. Or on the computer.
I met my daughter on her second birthday.
I met, my soon to be boyfriend, on the same day.
The ex who tried to rape me came there. A lot. But I pretended it didn't happen.
Soon, I got with the guy. It was good at first.
Then he got abusive. Cheated. Lied. Manipulated. And used me.
I took care of his daughter, my soon to be daughter.
I sacrificed my anime conventions, my friends, my movies. I sacrificed eating, even. To make sure they were okay.
We stayed with his friends.
They lost their place.
We stayed with his 'brother'.
He kicked me out. After my boyfriend had given me a concussion. I didn't know anyone.
I stayed with an old friend.
I ended up in a hospital that new years. I couldn't handle it anymore. I had tried to kill myself. I wanted to die. I tried to jump off a roof. Nana and Grandpa were going through things. My boyfriend admitted he didn't want me. He used me. And he had his ex girlfriend, mother of his son, text me and tell me that they are together, and that I need to stay out of their life. He doesn't want me. So I had spent that Christmas alone. And I spent New Years in the mental hospital.
I went back to Nana's when I got out. Dad wasn't there anymore.
I moved back in with my ex.
He pulled me along, and then went back to her, pulled me along, went back to her.
Kicked me out. I was back at Nana's.
Brought me back in. And pulled me along. Went back to her. Pulled me along. Went back to her.
Continued to be abusive.
I took my Dad in, and let him stay under our roof. He was going to live on the streets.
He refused to follow rules. And it all went down.
He left.
I got pulled into a car, held at gunpoint, and raped, again.
Later on that year, I became a prostitute for a while. I needed money. I felt that if people were going to do it to me, I might as well get paid.
It lasted about three months.
About a year from today, things were working out.
But I was at my Nana's, and my ex's mom kidnapped our kid.
She took her out of town, beat her, took her to the hospital, and blamed me.
CPS charges happened. And I didn't get to see my daughter. The cops even tried to arrest me.
The next month, I hit bottom again. I tried to kill myself, again. I would up in the hospital, again.
A week after I got out, I wound back up in the hospital.
I lost my apartment.
I made a deal with my dad. I'll pay for food, if I can stay there.
Thanksgiving month. I paid for all the food. Four hundred dollars. The next day, he took me down to the river. I illegally camped, and got a camping ticket. Wooh.
About a month ago, I wound up back in the hospital.
Now, I'm in my dad's living room. Taking care of my Nana. Dealing with my ex. Dealing with my dad. And dealing with court to try to get my kid back.
I need a place by August. If I don't, she will be adopted out, and I will lose her.
I will probably do something stupid if that happens.
xxxxxxxMod Application
PM this to me.
This must be filled out completely
[size=14]Hi, I'm [b]NAME[/b]. I go by [b]USERNAME[/b] here on Gaia.
I was born [b]BIRTHDAY[/b]. I am [b]AGE[/b] years old.
Previously I have [b]NEVER / HAD[/b] suicidal thoughts.
A little about myself: [b]TELL ME ABOUT YOU.[/b]
I want to help because... [b]TELL ME WHY YOU WANT TO HELP.[/b]
I want people to feel comfortable to talk to me. I don't usually talk about this, but.... [b]TELL ME A BIG SECRET.[/b][/size]
I was born [b]BIRTHDAY[/b]. I am [b]AGE[/b] years old.
Previously I have [b]NEVER / HAD[/b] suicidal thoughts.
A little about myself: [b]TELL ME ABOUT YOU.[/b]
I want to help because... [b]TELL ME WHY YOU WANT TO HELP.[/b]
I want people to feel comfortable to talk to me. I don't usually talk about this, but.... [b]TELL ME A BIG SECRET.[/b][/size]
This must be filled out completely
Modsxxxxxxx
None yet.
If you feel like you're going to kill yourself, please call 911 or get to the nearest hospital.
USA HOTLINES :
1 - 800 - SUICIDE [1 - 800 - 784 - 2433]
1 - 800 -273 - TALK [1 - 800 - 273 - 8255]
TEXT: 1 - 800 - 799 - 4TTY [1 - 800 - 799 - 4889]
SUICIDE.ORG
USA HOTLINES :
1 - 800 - SUICIDE [1 - 800 - 784 - 2433]
1 - 800 -273 - TALK [1 - 800 - 273 - 8255]
TEXT: 1 - 800 - 799 - 4TTY [1 - 800 - 799 - 4889]
SUICIDE.ORG
You might have better luck if you added discussion topics, like what do you do when you're feeling suicidal.
