Submissive Support--- Standing Proud with Heads Bowed

bianca has been gone forever and is very sorry... as an apology...

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[Jason0690]

Mephaeris

So...
<.< ... >.>
I'm brand-new to the scene, so I'm completely open to advice and tips.

My other half and I are in an interesting pickle...I've known I was sub for a long time, but he's just warming up to being a dom. He thinks it's fun, but it makes him nervous because he doesn't actually want to hurt me.

The kicker is that I'm the one teaching him, I know much more and introduced the idea to him. So how can I help him help me?

Basically start off small - silk scarves for binding arms/legs, mild blindfolded sensation play(running a long-since dried out pen on one's back, nails on back, ice cubes).

Basically, start off without pain play and work towards it, starting with hands and spanking first is my suggestion. It will be harder to go nuts with spanking as the impact will also hurt his hand a bit.

But I do think it to be a good idea to fill out the kink checklist. some of the milder ones, introduce him into, let him read up on, and somesuch.

That is now things worked for my husband, who's now fully in the Warden role.(Exceptions being when he's being switchy.)

[Missense Mutation]

Hello there: )

[Mephaeris]

Nedraxilloviara

Mephaeris

So...
<.< ... >.>
I'm brand-new to the scene, so I'm completely open to advice and tips.

My other half and I are in an interesting pickle...I've known I was sub for a long time, but he's just warming up to being a dom. He thinks it's fun, but it makes him nervous because he doesn't actually want to hurt me.

The kicker is that I'm the one teaching him, I know much more and introduced the idea to him. So how can I help him help me?

I agree with Urvogel, going through a fetish/BDSM checklist together would be a good idea. There's a massive (and a bit hard to read, unfortunately) one here, and there's also one I really liked that I can PM you if you want, it's shorter than the one in the link but I still don't want to post the whole thing here and stretch the page. smile

EDIT: Just thought of something, if you don't want to scare your boyfriend you may want to edit any checklist a bit before you show it to him. lol

Yeah, I already figured out I should be careful what I tell him...it's hard not to get excited and carried away, but if I say too much he gets leery. sweatdrop

[Mephaeris]

Jason0690

Basically start off small - silk scarves for binding arms/legs, mild blindfolded sensation play(running a long-since dried out pen on one's back, nails on back, ice cubes).

Basically, start off without pain play and work towards it, starting with hands and spanking first is my suggestion. It will be harder to go nuts with spanking as the impact will also hurt his hand a bit.

But I do think it to be a good idea to fill out the kink checklist. some of the milder ones, introduce him into, let him read up on, and somesuch.

That is now things worked for my husband, who's now fully in the Warden role.(Exceptions being when he's being switchy.)

Thanks, I didn't think of trying anything that "light" as practice, I figured it wasn't enough to really count so I didn't consider it. I figured I had to start out with light pain play.

[Mephaeris]

serafox

Mephaeris

So...
<.< ... >.>
I'm brand-new to the scene, so I'm completely open to advice and tips.

My other half and I are in an interesting pickle...I've known I was sub for a long time, but he's just warming up to being a dom. He thinks it's fun, but it makes him nervous because he doesn't actually want to hurt me.

The kicker is that I'm the one teaching him, I know much more and introduced the idea to him. So how can I help him help me?

Aside from obvious troll being obvious. heres a couple things i can suggest.

Go slow, dont automatically rush into things right away, take it slow and talk about it. Did i mention talk about it... communication is important.

sorry its not much but i hope it helps

Thanks, this did help.
He's voiced that he's nervous and doesn't want to go too fast, it's just hard not to get carried sometimes. But he finally tied me down the other day for the first time so yay!

[Nedraxilloviara]

Mephaeris

Yeah, I already figured out I should be careful what I tell him...it's hard not to get excited and carried away, but if I say too much he gets leery. sweatdrop

It can really freak people out to hear about the 'hardcore' or even moderate types of play when they're just starting out - I know the idea of painplay mildly horrified me at first, but now it's my favourite thing. Mmm, riding crop... no, must not get sidetracked. lol Glad to hear he tied you down, though. I'm sure you'll make a kinkster of your boyfriend yet! smile

[Little Noms]

Hello, there.

I'm just curious. Does anyone here go through any scenes that do not really focus/involve/end in sexual relations? Sometimes it just isn't what I'm after, and I'm wondering if it's unreasonable or common for people to want to have a scene like that.

Maybe it's selfish of me?
I don't really know.

When I have brought it up to partners in the past, they've taken it as more... of a ticket to control me and have me do what they want, without really focusing on the scene. Or they freak out and label me an unstable, messed up person. I'm in a situation now where we're not very physically intimate at all, so it doesn't seem like the kind of thing I could conceivably bring up. And if I do, I'm afraid it'll jumpstart us in that first direction.

So I'm wondering if I could find a platonic, nonsexual partner for scenes. But. I'm wondering if this set up is a little one sided, or like... hm. Maybe I should be asking in a thread of tops and doms instead...

Dunno. 8D Kind of just probing for opinions.

[Saidibhie]

Little Noms

Hello, there.

I'm just curious. Does anyone here go through any scenes that do not really focus/involve/end in sexual relations? Sometimes it just isn't what I'm after, and I'm wondering if it's unreasonable or common for people to want to have a scene like that.

Maybe it's selfish of me?
I don't really know.

When I have brought it up to partners in the past, they've taken it as more... of a ticket to control me and have me do what they want, without really focusing on the scene. Or they freak out and label me an unstable, messed up person. I'm in a situation now where we're not very physically intimate at all, so it doesn't seem like the kind of thing I could conceivably bring up. And if I do, I'm afraid it'll jumpstart us in that first direction.

So I'm wondering if I could find a platonic, nonsexual partner for scenes. But. I'm wondering if this set up is a little one sided, or like... hm. Maybe I should be asking in a thread of tops and doms instead...

Dunno. 8D Kind of just probing for opinions.

Hello! I know plenty of people who do scenes that have nothing to do with sex. I went to a play party last month, where a lot of different scenes were taking place, and none of them involved sex. This is your sexuality, and it's how you want to interact with your partner. Nothing wrong with that.

[Little Noms]

Thank you! Perhaps that's something I'll look into in my area.

[Nedraxilloviara]

Little Noms

Hello, there.

I'm just curious. Does anyone here go through any scenes that do not really focus/involve/end in sexual relations? Sometimes it just isn't what I'm after, and I'm wondering if it's unreasonable or common for people to want to have a scene like that.

Maybe it's selfish of me?
I don't really know.

When I have brought it up to partners in the past, they've taken it as more... of a ticket to control me and have me do what they want, without really focusing on the scene. Or they freak out and label me an unstable, messed up person. I'm in a situation now where we're not very physically intimate at all, so it doesn't seem like the kind of thing I could conceivably bring up. And if I do, I'm afraid it'll jumpstart us in that first direction.

So I'm wondering if I could find a platonic, nonsexual partner for scenes. But. I'm wondering if this set up is a little one sided, or like... hm. Maybe I should be asking in a thread of tops and doms instead...

Dunno. 8D Kind of just probing for opinions.

At a guess, I'd say than less than half of the scenes Sir and I play involve sexual relations. Well, technically none of them do, since it's a long-distance relationship, but to avoid upsetting the all-seeing, all-knowing Site Terms Of Use details will be omitted. Anyway, while sexual elements are included in a lot of our scenes, sexual relations are not the only goal. Enjoying the relationship dynamic and spending fun time together is the main point. smile

[The Pink Sin]

I'm 24, kind of new to the scene, I've been an active submissive/pet for almost a year now, (there was always a part of me when I was younger that seemed to lean towards it, but I had no clue what it was...silly me) I have an official Dom now, we were unofficial for a long time, made official on Valentine's Day, <-<;; lame I know..but it works. I found the main BDSM thread and then followed the link here, and I will be joining the guild in a little bit. Err..I have no real questions or concerns yet, but I will be lurking the thread and posting and answering things as well as I can. If you have a question, feel free to ask me :3

Edit: My Dom and I are a LD D/s deal ^-^ Not sure if that makes a difference, it doesn't to us but eh.

[Nedraxilloviara]

The Pink Sin

I'm 24, kind of new to the scene, I've been an active submissive/pet for almost a year now, (there was always a part of me when I was younger that seemed to lean towards it, but I had no clue what it was...silly me) I have an official Dom now, we were unofficial for a long time, made official on Valentine's Day, <-<;; lame I know..but it works. I found the main BDSM thread and then followed the link here, and I will be joining the guild in a little bit. Err..I have no real questions or concerns yet, but I will be lurking the thread and posting and answering things as well as I can. If you have a question, feel free to ask me :3

Edit: My Dom and I are a LD D/s deal ^-^ Not sure if that makes a difference, it doesn't to us but eh.

Hello Pink Sin, nice to meet another long-distance submissive. Welcome to the thread! smile

[Esiris]

I hadn't felt submissive in a while, and I was just starting to head back towards that direction when something really bad happened and now I'm not sure what to do- any ideas on how I can ease myself into the right headspace again?

[The Pink Sin]

Nedraxilloviara

The Pink Sin

I'm 24, kind of new to the scene, I've been an active submissive/pet for almost a year now, (there was always a part of me when I was younger that seemed to lean towards it, but I had no clue what it was...silly me) I have an official Dom now, we were unofficial for a long time, made official on Valentine's Day, <-<;; lame I know..but it works. I found the main BDSM thread and then followed the link here, and I will be joining the guild in a little bit. Err..I have no real questions or concerns yet, but I will be lurking the thread and posting and answering things as well as I can. If you have a question, feel free to ask me :3

Edit: My Dom and I are a LD D/s deal ^-^ Not sure if that makes a difference, it doesn't to us but eh.

Hello Pink Sin, nice to meet another long-distance submissive. Welcome to the thread! smile

Thank you~! I couldn't ask for a better Dominant, and probably couldn't find one that lived near me, I trust him completely 3nodding

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

Esiris

I hadn't felt submissive in a while, and I was just starting to head back towards that direction when something really bad happened and now I'm not sure what to do- any ideas on how I can ease myself into the right headspace again?

I usually find or make a few hours for myself and meditate (sometimes with an object that reminds me of my submission) and/or journal - topics decided before hand and always to do with the headspace I wish to get back to. What submission means to me. Why am I with the dominate I'm with. Recalling a particularly good time with my dominate - kinky and vanilla. How I discovered D/s / kink. Things like that.

Sometimes I find a light scene works wonders too... or even just spending time with my dominant - but that probably has a lot to do with our distance. We don't see each other a lot and seeing him is just... it's great and sad at the same time. I dislike the inevitable parting.


I just realized I haven't posted here yet. I've been following this topic since I found the Lick My Boots one. I'm Milk. Hi. -waves-
I am above the age of consent and majority in my area.
And I'm terrible at introductions so I'll stop here. xp