Robot Giny
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- Posted: Tue, 09 Oct 2012 02:46:36 +0000
Capable Adventurer
Robot Giny
Capable Adventurer
Robot Giny
Capable Adventurer
Robot Giny
Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.
There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.
There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.
I disagree with this because it doesn't solve the real problem. The OP's friend is unable to have an actual romantic relationship because he wants to objectify her sexually and yet he doesn't. He has to find a way to deal with how he sees women sexually and romantically and be able to combine the two so he can have a healthy relationship. If he's dabbling in BDSM and has no respect or emotional connection to his partner, that's not going to go anywhere beyond where it is. If he falls in love romantically with a woman and has a deep emotional connection to her, is he still going to continue his other life as a BDSM rapist? A lot of women out there may not approve of having a relationship with someone like that.
And no, obviously not every woman would be down for that. The point is to find a woman that is. There are a lot of people that are part of the BDSM community, many are women, and many of those women identify as masochists or submissives, and are totally down with roleplaying a violent or humiliating rape.
I think the problem he has is that he is not communicating with his female partners. He's doing what he thinks he's "supposed" to do, because he sees his sexual desires as unnatural or perverted and wrong. But what he has to understand is that he's not alone in this, and there are ways to satisfy his desires without harming anyone. The OP might recommend to her friend that he reach out to a BDSM community online. Hell, there's a submissive thread ("Standing Tall, Heads Bowed" ) in this very forum. It's a place to start. The OP might even want to go into that thread herself and see if she can get some more knowledgeable advice.
I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I don't give a crap if people are into BDSM. What I'm concerned about is the fact that the OP's friend sounds like he is unable to see one woman as an adequate romantic partner because he also wants to dominate her and do awful things to her. He doesn't want to see his romantic partner as an object because he feels he cannot separate the objectification from the romance. He needs counseling on how to be able to deal with the distinction issues and then see if he feels he can do the BDSM thing.
Whether he reaches out to a therapist, or to a fetish community, he needs to reach out to someone. Personally, I would recommend the fetish community, because the last thing this guy needs is to have his sexuality pathologized. He might not necessarily need counseling, he might just need to talk to someone who can look at him and say "I understand exactly how you feel, and this is how I handle it."
But it's not just about his sexual feelings but how he interacts with and views women too. BDSM can't solve the deep seeded emotional reasons behind why he feels the way he does. It just relieves the symptoms. A BDSM community is hardly equipped to deal with the pscyho-social issues of someone who is in guilt and pain because of his feelings. A counselor could do much more good than a fetish community because all they can do is show how they deal with their vices - not much beyond that.
And please don't label BDSM a "vice." It's not, okay? It's just one spot on the spectrum of human sexuality. He's not defective; he's not a pervert; and he's not a bad person in any way. He's got a kink, and he's self-aware enough to recognize how potentially destructive it could be, if he's not responsible about it. Hell, all human sexuality has the potential for destruction if we don't practice empathy, self-control, and good communication with our partners. This guy is not sick, he's hurting. He needs to talk to someone who can reassure him that he's not a monster.