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Your friend has a rape fetish (obviously.) I think the solution is for your friend to accept it and come to terms with it. Obviously he understands the harm that can be done by actualling raping someone, but folks who have fetishes like that usually get all the satisfaction they need from roleplaying.

There are a lot of submissives and/or masochists in this world. Your friend might want to start exploring the BDSM community in his area, and maybe find a sub girl that he can roleplay with; then he can see how he likes it.


I disagree with this because it doesn't solve the real problem. The OP's friend is unable to have an actual romantic relationship because he wants to objectify her sexually and yet he doesn't. He has to find a way to deal with how he sees women sexually and romantically and be able to combine the two so he can have a healthy relationship. If he's dabbling in BDSM and has no respect or emotional connection to his partner, that's not going to go anywhere beyond where it is. If he falls in love romantically with a woman and has a deep emotional connection to her, is he still going to continue his other life as a BDSM rapist? A lot of women out there may not approve of having a relationship with someone like that.
From what I understand from the OP, her friend has been struggling with this alone. He's aware of his fetish, but he has not reached out to any community that understands or supports how he feels.

And no, obviously not every woman would be down for that. The point is to find a woman that is. There are a lot of people that are part of the BDSM community, many are women, and many of those women identify as masochists or submissives, and are totally down with roleplaying a violent or humiliating rape.

I think the problem he has is that he is not communicating with his female partners. He's doing what he thinks he's "supposed" to do, because he sees his sexual desires as unnatural or perverted and wrong. But what he has to understand is that he's not alone in this, and there are ways to satisfy his desires without harming anyone. The OP might recommend to her friend that he reach out to a BDSM community online. Hell, there's a submissive thread ("Standing Tall, Heads Bowed" ) in this very forum. It's a place to start. The OP might even want to go into that thread herself and see if she can get some more knowledgeable advice.


I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I don't give a crap if people are into BDSM. What I'm concerned about is the fact that the OP's friend sounds like he is unable to see one woman as an adequate romantic partner because he also wants to dominate her and do awful things to her. He doesn't want to see his romantic partner as an object because he feels he cannot separate the objectification from the romance. He needs counseling on how to be able to deal with the distinction issues and then see if he feels he can do the BDSM thing.
Maybe. Maybe not. I think that if he reached out to other people who share similar power-based fetishes, he could get more of a handle on how he's feeling. It seems as though he's struggling a lot because he's trying to do it alone. If the OP is the only person this guy has told, then it's no wonder he's so unhappy.

Whether he reaches out to a therapist, or to a fetish community, he needs to reach out to someone. Personally, I would recommend the fetish community, because the last thing this guy needs is to have his sexuality pathologized. He might not necessarily need counseling, he might just need to talk to someone who can look at him and say "I understand exactly how you feel, and this is how I handle it."


But it's not just about his sexual feelings but how he interacts with and views women too. BDSM can't solve the deep seeded emotional reasons behind why he feels the way he does. It just relieves the symptoms. A BDSM community is hardly equipped to deal with the pscyho-social issues of someone who is in guilt and pain because of his feelings. A counselor could do much more good than a fetish community because all they can do is show how they deal with their vices - not much beyond that.
It sounds like we're coming from two different angles here. I don't believe that power-based fetishes are a symptom of a deeper problem. There is no reason to assume that his fetish stems from a "deep seeded emotional reason."

And please don't label BDSM a "vice." It's not, okay? It's just one spot on the spectrum of human sexuality. He's not defective; he's not a pervert; and he's not a bad person in any way. He's got a kink, and he's self-aware enough to recognize how potentially destructive it could be, if he's not responsible about it. Hell, all human sexuality has the potential for destruction if we don't practice empathy, self-control, and good communication with our partners. This guy is not sick, he's hurting. He needs to talk to someone who can reassure him that he's not a monster.
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Robot Giny
It sounds like we're coming from two different angles here. I don't believe that power-based fetishes are a symptom of a deeper problem. There is no reason to assume that his fetish stems from a "deep seeded emotional reason."

And please don't label BDSM a "vice." It's not, okay? It's just one spot on the spectrum of human sexuality. He's not defective; he's not a pervert; and he's not a bad person in any way. He's got a kink, and he's self-aware enough to recognize how potentially destructive it could be, if he's not responsible about it. Hell, all human sexuality has the potential for destruction if we don't practice empathy, self-control, and good communication with our partners. This guy is not sick, he's hurting. He needs to talk to someone who can reassure him that he's not a monster.


sorry, I don't see vice as a bad word. He wanted to rape and demoralize his girlfriend. How was that not a problem? It affected their relationship and it's affected his quality of life. That goes beyond fetishism. I never once said he was defective or a pervert or a bad person. A good counselor today would not treat a client as if they were a monster for having issues with rape fetishes. I'm sure they hear about it more than people know.

And what happens if he isn't satisfied with the BDSM lifestyle? He's just gonna end up feeling even more alienated and alone and guilty.
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But it's not just about his sexual feelings but how he interacts with and views women too. BDSM can't solve the deep seeded emotional reasons behind why he feels the way he does. It just relieves the symptoms. A BDSM community is hardly equipped to deal with the pscyho-social issues of someone who is in guilt and pain because of his feelings. A counselor could do much more good than a fetish community because all they can do is show how they deal with their vices - not much beyond that.
You are hardly equipped to assume such things about your friend. Hell i have had 4 years of psych and about to enter grad school for counseling and I couldn't tell ya anything about your friend.

I am also EXTREMELY bothered by your pathologizing of kink and fetish communities - the use of the charged term vices, really? BDSM is not an illness.

I am into guilt and pain, and I have my clinical issues, but none are linked to the fact I get off on pain and being objectified like a good little whore I like to be some days.

Edit: I will also take the balls to freely admit I have a rape fantasy. As a study I read suggested, it is far more about being desired to the point of driving the man to rabid, animalistic humping, than actually being raped (which I do not want). Man I wish I had that study backed up. It was epic.


I never said BDSM was an illness. Wtf. I could give a crap about your sex life and, seriously, I take anyone who says they have a degree in psychology with a grain of salt. Just about everyone does these days. And, trust me, I have met a sociopath who is getting a master's in family counseling.

I wasn't talking about my friend either. I was talking about the OP's friend. The OP said the guy had trouble with separating his fetish with his love for his girlfriend. Wouldn't that need some counseling on how to deal with how he feels?
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I never said BDSM was an illness.
Maybe you didn't mean to, but you did when you placed it in a negative sentence and paired it with a negative word (vice). Again, its offensive, if you mean to or not.

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seriously, I take anyone who says they have a degree in psychology with a grain of salt. Just about everyone does these days. And, trust me, I have met a sociopath who is getting a master's in family counseling.

Then that is a personal bias you need to get the hell over and fast. So you don't care how I ********, but you certainly care and judge me based on desired line of work? Cause ya... that makes total sense... neutral

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I wasn't talking about my friend either. I was talking about the OP's friend. The OP said the guy had trouble with separating his fetish with his love for his girlfriend. Wouldn't that need some counseling on how to deal with how he feels?

BDSM doesn't need "love" or "romance" simply trust. Certain aspects foster that kind of trusting relationship are in common with those that foster loving relationships. Which is why if you notice, if the OP's friend cannot form a trusting relationship with someone to foster BDSM play, then there are problems.

And my apologizes, i had a lapse in reading comp and for some reason thought you were the OP. sweatdrop
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Maybe you didn't mean to, but you did when you placed it in a negative sentence and paired it with a negative word (vice). Again, its offensive, if you mean to or not.

When I said "vice", I meant it in the context of weakness. I suppose the popular usage of it for the modern world is pretty hefty and mean. I didn't realize that's how it would be interpreted.

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Then that is a personal bias you need to get the hell over and fast. So you don't care how I ********, but you certainly care and judge me based on desired line of work? Cause ya... that makes total sense... neutral

I didn't judge you, I just said I take it as a grain of salt. I've met counselors of vast types so I can't say I would take your experience or advice to heart since I don't know you or your credentials. And thanks for telling me to get the hell over it fast. That'll go well with your clients who have issues with judging people based on past experiences - which you will have to deal with quite often, I'm sure.

Blackrose_Knight
BDSM doesn't need "love" or "romance" simply trust. Certain aspects foster that kind of trusting relationship are in common with those that foster loving relationships. Which is why if you notice, if the OP's friend cannot form a trusting relationship with someone to foster BDSM play, then there are problems.

It would be nice for him to find a woman who is all that he wants wrapped up into one. But what I'm saying is, his fetish has affected his life negatively and even if he does decide to do BDSM, he obviously has a lot of guilt and has shut himself up about his pain because he feels ashamed. Wouldn't counseling help with that?

Blackrose_Knight
And my apologizes, i had a lapse in reading comp and for some reason thought you were the OP. sweatdrop

Meh, I've done the same thing before.
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When I said "vice", I meant it in the context of weakness. I suppose the popular usage of it for the modern world is pretty hefty and mean. I didn't realize that's how it would be interpreted.

Weakness is also a negative here... You are digging yourself a deeper hole.


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I didn't judge you, I just said I take it as a grain of salt. I've met counselors of vast types so I can't say I would take your experience or advice to heart since I don't know you or your credentials. And thanks for telling me to get the hell over it fast. That'll go well with your clients who have issues with judging people based on past experiences - which you will have to deal with quite often, I'm sure.

You did judge me when you passively compared my desired job to a sociopath you supposedly know therefore passively implying I too could be a sociopath. You are not a client. I don't have any obligation to treat you with the respect that a client would garner. You insulted me, and my lifestyle. How the ******** do you expect me to act? Roses and pansies in a circle jerk of "oh yes, tell me how much you are right and how much I am evil, bad, weak, and vice ridden person". Hell no. I am going to refute every piece of biased bullshit you say, and stay relatively nice on things I can agree with you on.

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It would be nice for him to find a woman who is all that he wants wrapped up into one. But what I'm saying is, his fetish has affected his life negatively and even if he does decide to do BDSM, he obviously has a lot of guilt and has shut himself up about his pain because he feels ashamed. Wouldn't counseling help with that?

It would and that woman is highly possible to find. Hence multiple suggestions by multiple users about BDSM and the kink community. Counseling might help him, or he "lucks" into a sex negative therapist that mistreats him and is supposed kink. It happens all the time, that is why there is a large list of kink friendly therapists, doctors, and lawyers. That is also the reason I left my first therapist because somehow me liking my a** beat until red and throbbing meant my mommy didn't hug me enough and that after several failed attempts of finding out how my mommy didn't hug me enough - and failing - I left.

That kind of treatment won't help him. It will make it worse. The sex positive movement is relatively new, and most therapists right now this moment, went through school in the 80's.
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It sounds like we're coming from two different angles here. I don't believe that power-based fetishes are a symptom of a deeper problem. There is no reason to assume that his fetish stems from a "deep seeded emotional reason."

And please don't label BDSM a "vice." It's not, okay? It's just one spot on the spectrum of human sexuality. He's not defective; he's not a pervert; and he's not a bad person in any way. He's got a kink, and he's self-aware enough to recognize how potentially destructive it could be, if he's not responsible about it. Hell, all human sexuality has the potential for destruction if we don't practice empathy, self-control, and good communication with our partners. This guy is not sick, he's hurting. He needs to talk to someone who can reassure him that he's not a monster.


sorry, I don't see vice as a bad word. He wanted to rape and demoralize his girlfriend. How was that not a problem? It affected their relationship and it's affected his quality of life. That goes beyond fetishism. I never once said he was defective or a pervert or a bad person. A good counselor today would not treat a client as if they were a monster for having issues with rape fetishes. I'm sure they hear about it more than people know.

And what happens if he isn't satisfied with the BDSM lifestyle? He's just gonna end up feeling even more alienated and alone and guilty.
What if he murders someone? What if he commits suicide? What if he buys an aquarium and starts collecting beta fish?

Reaching out to a community is a start. He's basically trying to handle this alone, and clearly he's not able to do it very well. Everyone who's sexuality falls outside of what's considered "normal" often struggles with feelings of acceptance and normality.

And as a matter of fact, his desire to rape his girlfriend does qualify as a fetish or a kink. He didn't hate his girlfriend, and he didn't abuse her. He doesn't seem to have a problem with women at all (at least according to the OP.) If he was a mysoginist, for example, I would probably not be feeling so sympathic towards him. But it doesn't sound like he is. He's perfectly capable of connecting to women (as he did with his girlfriend) but he was unable to communicate with her and express his sexual desires. This lack of communication, and the struggle he is going through, was what ultimately ended the relationship.

I could be misunderstanding, but it sounds like you're taking issue with the very concept of a rape fetish. There is nothing wrong with a rape fetish. It may not float my boat (and maybe not yours, either) but I know how vast the spectrum of human sexuality is. There is nothing wrong with violence-based or power/control-based kinks or fetishes as long as no one is getting hurt, everyone is an adult, and everyone is giving consent. We're complicated, kind of ******** creatures, and our sexuality reflects that.
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It sounds like we're coming from two different angles here. I don't believe that power-based fetishes are a symptom of a deeper problem. There is no reason to assume that his fetish stems from a "deep seeded emotional reason."

And please don't label BDSM a "vice." It's not, okay? It's just one spot on the spectrum of human sexuality. He's not defective; he's not a pervert; and he's not a bad person in any way. He's got a kink, and he's self-aware enough to recognize how potentially destructive it could be, if he's not responsible about it. Hell, all human sexuality has the potential for destruction if we don't practice empathy, self-control, and good communication with our partners. This guy is not sick, he's hurting. He needs to talk to someone who can reassure him that he's not a monster.


sorry, I don't see vice as a bad word. He wanted to rape and demoralize his girlfriend. How was that not a problem? It affected their relationship and it's affected his quality of life. That goes beyond fetishism. I never once said he was defective or a pervert or a bad person. A good counselor today would not treat a client as if they were a monster for having issues with rape fetishes. I'm sure they hear about it more than people know.

And what happens if he isn't satisfied with the BDSM lifestyle? He's just gonna end up feeling even more alienated and alone and guilty.
What if he murders someone? What if he commits suicide? What if he buys an aquarium and starts collecting beta fish?

Reaching out to a community is a start. He's basically trying to handle this alone, and clearly he's not able to do it very well. Everyone who's sexuality falls outside of what's considered "normal" often struggles with feelings of acceptance and normality.

And as a matter of fact, his desire to rape his girlfriend does qualify as a fetish or a kink. He didn't hate his girlfriend, and he didn't abuse her. He doesn't seem to have a problem with women at all (at least according to the OP.) If he was a mysoginist, for example, I would probably not be feeling so sympathic towards him. But it doesn't sound like he is. He's perfectly capable of connecting to women (as he did with his girlfriend) but he was unable to communicate with her and express his sexual desires. This lack of communication, and the struggle he is going through, was what ultimately ended the relationship.

I could be misunderstanding, but it sounds like you're taking issue with the very concept of a rape fetish. There is nothing wrong with a rape fetish. It may not float my boat (and maybe not yours, either) but I know how vast the spectrum of human sexuality is. There is nothing wrong with violence-based or power/control-based kinks or fetishes as long as no one is getting hurt, everyone is an adult, and everyone is giving consent. We're complicated, kind of ******** creatures, and our sexuality reflects that.


I understand everyone has their weaknesses (that's what I meant when I used the word "vice", I did not mean it in the sense that he was evil at all), I just thought that with all the emotional issues he's gone through that some counseling would help him come to terms with everything and learn how to deal with it better. Reaching out to a community might be good, but it's no reason to completely outrule other methods of helping him learn to cope with everything.

And, yes, the subject of rape does make me uncomfortable because I have a couple friends who have been rape victims. It is beyond me why someone would want to hurt another person, but whatever. As long as he's not breaking any laws.
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I'm going to jump in and put my foot in my mouth, because I'm an a** like that... but...

If you're at all interested in being in the psychology field, you're going to have to realize that you need to learn to be the "bigger man" and learn how to accept insult here and there.
Be firm but gracious, it goes a long way.

If you can't handle one thing in a forum, how can you handle people in real life?

I say this not because I know you or because I have any personal interest - but merely as someone who reads threads and then hates to see them derailed.
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I'm going to jump in and put my foot in my mouth, because I'm an a** like that... but...

If you're at all interested in being in the psychology field, you're going to have to realize that you need to learn to be the "bigger man" and learn how to accept insult here and there.
Be firm but gracious, it goes a long way.

If you can't handle one thing in a forum, how can you handle people in real life?

I say this not because I know you or because I have any personal interest - but merely as someone who reads threads and then hates to see them derailed.
How one conducts themselves with a patient, is not a reflectance on how one conducts themselves on an internet forum. This is low stakes, and informal. I am not expected to be "nice" all the time. And frankly, I won't be nice all the time. No human should be expected to "nice" all the time.

Please continue to suck on your foot if you like how it tastes.
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Weakness is also a negative here... You are digging yourself a deeper hole.

No, I'm not. Everyone has their own weaknesses. I don't see that as a negative thing. I see that as human behavior. I'm not murdering anyone's personality here so please stop pretending that I am.


Blackrose_Knight
You did judge me when you passively compared my desired job to a sociopath you supposedly know therefore passively implying I too could be a sociopath. You are not a client. I don't have any obligation to treat you with the respect that a client would garner. You insulted me, and my lifestyle. How the ******** do you expect me to act? Roses and pansies in a circle jerk of "oh yes, tell me how much you are right and how much I am evil, bad, weak, and vice ridden person". Hell no. I am going to refute every piece of biased bullshit you say, and stay relatively nice on things I can agree with you on.

Yes, I know her. Her name is Lauren but you don't have to take my word for it since you don't know me. But I've also known a lot of other sweet counselors. I was just making the point that I don't know you so, for all I know, you could just be making up stuff about yourself or you could be an axe murderer. Don't take it personally because I'm an overly-cautious person when it comes to people making claims about who they are. And so what if I judged you? Don't we all make judgments about other people so we can protect ourselves?

I could give a crap about how you deal with me. But if you're a total b***h to people in your personal life and how you deal with strangers who disagree with you, that is your problem and not mine. I never said I was more right than you. And I thought you liked being submissive so why is being weak a bad thing? Stop getting butthurt over when a stranger decides to disagree with. Stop transferring your personal issues with how people see your lifestyle and putting words in my mouth and opinions onto me that I don't have.

Blackrose_Knight
It would and that woman is highly possible to find. Hence multiple suggestions by multiple users about BDSM and the kink community. Counseling might help him, or he "lucks" into a sex negative therapist that mistreats him and is supposed kink. It happens all the time, that is why there is a large list of kink friendly therapists, doctors, and lawyers. That is also the reason I left my first therapist because somehow me liking my a** beat until red and throbbing meant my mommy didn't hug me enough and that after several failed attempts of finding out how my mommy didn't hug me enough - and failing - I left.

That kind of treatment won't help him. It will make it worse. The sex positive movement is relatively new, and most therapists right now this moment, went through school in the 80's.
Good for you. I must be pretty lucky because my therapist is amazing and very non-judgmental.
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It sounds like we're coming from two different angles here. I don't believe that power-based fetishes are a symptom of a deeper problem. There is no reason to assume that his fetish stems from a "deep seeded emotional reason."

And please don't label BDSM a "vice." It's not, okay? It's just one spot on the spectrum of human sexuality. He's not defective; he's not a pervert; and he's not a bad person in any way. He's got a kink, and he's self-aware enough to recognize how potentially destructive it could be, if he's not responsible about it. Hell, all human sexuality has the potential for destruction if we don't practice empathy, self-control, and good communication with our partners. This guy is not sick, he's hurting. He needs to talk to someone who can reassure him that he's not a monster.


sorry, I don't see vice as a bad word. He wanted to rape and demoralize his girlfriend. How was that not a problem? It affected their relationship and it's affected his quality of life. That goes beyond fetishism. I never once said he was defective or a pervert or a bad person. A good counselor today would not treat a client as if they were a monster for having issues with rape fetishes. I'm sure they hear about it more than people know.

And what happens if he isn't satisfied with the BDSM lifestyle? He's just gonna end up feeling even more alienated and alone and guilty.
What if he murders someone? What if he commits suicide? What if he buys an aquarium and starts collecting beta fish?

Reaching out to a community is a start. He's basically trying to handle this alone, and clearly he's not able to do it very well. Everyone who's sexuality falls outside of what's considered "normal" often struggles with feelings of acceptance and normality.

And as a matter of fact, his desire to rape his girlfriend does qualify as a fetish or a kink. He didn't hate his girlfriend, and he didn't abuse her. He doesn't seem to have a problem with women at all (at least according to the OP.) If he was a mysoginist, for example, I would probably not be feeling so sympathic towards him. But it doesn't sound like he is. He's perfectly capable of connecting to women (as he did with his girlfriend) but he was unable to communicate with her and express his sexual desires. This lack of communication, and the struggle he is going through, was what ultimately ended the relationship.

I could be misunderstanding, but it sounds like you're taking issue with the very concept of a rape fetish. There is nothing wrong with a rape fetish. It may not float my boat (and maybe not yours, either) but I know how vast the spectrum of human sexuality is. There is nothing wrong with violence-based or power/control-based kinks or fetishes as long as no one is getting hurt, everyone is an adult, and everyone is giving consent. We're complicated, kind of ******** creatures, and our sexuality reflects that.


I understand everyone has their weaknesses (that's what I meant when I used the word "vice", I did not mean it in the sense that he was evil at all), I just thought that with all the emotional issues he's gone through that some counseling would help him come to terms with everything and learn how to deal with it better. Reaching out to a community might be good, but it's no reason to completely outrule other methods of helping him learn to cope with everything.

And, yes, the subject of rape does make me uncomfortable because I have a couple friends who have been rape victims. It is beyond me why someone would want to hurt another person, but whatever. As long as he's not breaking any laws.
Okay, stop.

Stop referring to this as a weakness. It's not a weakness. It is just a point on the spectrum of human sexuality. You don't have to be into something to at least acknowledge it's validity in the world. And you may "not care" if someone is into BDSM, but you definitely care enough to judge it. Again, it's not a weakness, or a crutch. It's not a mental illness, or a disorder that needs to be "managed." It's just sexuality. That's all.

And my only reservation with counseling would be the chance he could run into a therapist that would pathologize his sexuality rather than validate it. My advice would be to turn to the community first, and then seek out a sex-positive therapist to deal with any lingering issues he may have.

Again, not a weakness, okay?
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Okay, stop.

Stop referring to this as a weakness. It's not a weakness. It is just a point on the spectrum of human sexuality. You don't have to be into something to at least acknowledge it's validity in the world. And you may "not care" if someone is into BDSM, but you definitely care enough to judge it. Again, it's not a weakness, or a crutch. It's not a mental illness, or a disorder that needs to be "managed." It's just sexuality. That's all.

And my only reservation with counseling would be the chance he could run into a therapist that would pathologize his sexuality rather than validate it. My advice would be to turn to the community first, and then seek out a sex-positive therapist to deal with any lingering issues he may have.

Again, not a weakness, okay?


Oh. My. ********. God. Why are you guys so ******** sensitive? I don't give a s**t about your community. It's just a discussion and I was trying to help. I don't know how to ******** please you people. I never said it was an illness or a crutch or a disorder. To me, when I say weakness, it's like when someone gets all weak in the knees because they really like something. How the ******** is that rude?
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Okay, stop.

Stop referring to this as a weakness. It's not a weakness. It is just a point on the spectrum of human sexuality. You don't have to be into something to at least acknowledge it's validity in the world. And you may "not care" if someone is into BDSM, but you definitely care enough to judge it. Again, it's not a weakness, or a crutch. It's not a mental illness, or a disorder that needs to be "managed." It's just sexuality. That's all.

And my only reservation with counseling would be the chance he could run into a therapist that would pathologize his sexuality rather than validate it. My advice would be to turn to the community first, and then seek out a sex-positive therapist to deal with any lingering issues he may have.

Again, not a weakness, okay?


Oh. My. ********. God. Why are you guys so ******** sensitive? I don't give a s**t about your community. It's just a discussion and I was trying to help. I don't know how to ******** please you people. I never said it was an illness or a crutch or a disorder. To me, when I say weakness, it's like when someone gets all weak in the knees because they really like something. How the ******** is that rude?
So...let me get this straight. When you say weakness, you don't mean "weak" in the conventional sense. You mean...really cool?

Okay, assuming you're not just desparately backpedaling, I hope you can understand that none of us could know that you have invented a new definiton for the word "weakness."
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Robot Giny
Capable Adventurer
Robot Giny
Okay, stop.

Stop referring to this as a weakness. It's not a weakness. It is just a point on the spectrum of human sexuality. You don't have to be into something to at least acknowledge it's validity in the world. And you may "not care" if someone is into BDSM, but you definitely care enough to judge it. Again, it's not a weakness, or a crutch. It's not a mental illness, or a disorder that needs to be "managed." It's just sexuality. That's all.

And my only reservation with counseling would be the chance he could run into a therapist that would pathologize his sexuality rather than validate it. My advice would be to turn to the community first, and then seek out a sex-positive therapist to deal with any lingering issues he may have.

Again, not a weakness, okay?


Oh. My. ********. God. Why are you guys so ******** sensitive? I don't give a s**t about your community. It's just a discussion and I was trying to help. I don't know how to ******** please you people. I never said it was an illness or a crutch or a disorder. To me, when I say weakness, it's like when someone gets all weak in the knees because they really like something. How the ******** is that rude?
So...let me get this straight. When you say weakness, you don't mean "weak" in the conventional sense. You mean...really cool?

Okay, assuming you're not just desparately backpedaling, I hope you can understand that none of us could know that you have invented a new definiton for the word "weakness."

I am not the most articulate person and I will admit that I initially thought I knew the proper definition for the word "vice" but did not really. Like, I was thinking like when I would say "i have a weakness for chocolate cake". Bad comparison, but that's what I was thinking.

And no, I'm not backpedaling. I don't like BDSM. I'll admit I think it's weird, but I never said I thought the guy was evil for his fetish. It's just disconcerting when someone says they want to rape people, you know? My mind did not initially go to BDSM as a good source of taking care of any emotional issues he has, because BDSM never once crossed my mind at all. How is BDSM the answer for a guy who has a rape fetish when that scene has to do with consent? (Don't answer that.) I'll admit it, I'm an abuse victim and it disturbs me when someone wants to hurt another person. I'm very wary of people to begin with, so don't be all "omg you're so judgmental and you need to get over it". The only thing I can think of to help people is counseling because it's helped me.

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