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Shirtless Gekko

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antlerkid

i'm not one of the people here who came to help people but.. damn i just felt like i should say this.
there are some people out there who are entirely .. unfit to be a parent.
Parent's, Grandparents etc etc should always accept their child... no matter what it is they should accept them with open arms.
parents are supposed to put their children before every single thing on earth, whether it be a boyfriend she presumably love, drinking.. all of that.
YOU should come on top of the priority list, and if he has insulted you then she should have gotten rid of him..

you're fine the way you are, a handsome youngman who has no need for scars except those you receive from doing dumbass stunts, wrestling around or getting into fights. the kinds where you would gladly show them off to your freinds and brag about the fun things you did when you got them.
antlerkid
My name is Andy, I'm 13 years old and I've used self-harm as a coping mechanism for a year and four months. I have attempted suicide twice, but I'm now on two medications to help with my depression and suicidal thoughts. Though it's been roughly two months since I last cut or burned, I still consider myself a self-harmer because the thought is always there. I've never really written it all out, especially not online, so I guess here goes. My mom is a harsh alcoholic and my father is a drug addict. They split up, and after like 20 boyfriends my mom is now engaged to some dude who is the father of her new child and also homophobic and racist. Since I'm transgender, he constantly misgenders me and calls me by the wrong name. He makes a point to make fun of shows that I watch, and calls people I idolize fags. Mom says to forgive him, because he buys us nice stuff. It isn't right. And my grandma constantly gets furious and kicks me out of her house, or makes up lies about the awful things I did so mom can pity her. My father is also homophobic, though he claims he's not and constantly makes hypocritical statements. He tries to accept me, but in the end he just screams at my mother like it's her fault I'm mentally male. And you know, sometimes I still dance a pair of scissors along my arms or thighs or stomach, tracing my previous "work". I mean, it's not like a project or anything, but sometimes I feel when I'm irrationally thinking that my flesh would just look better if it was littered with scars. I don't KNow, ugh. Sorry this is so long, thanks for reading if you did. It feels really nice to get all this off my chest to strangers, uh. I feel like a really big "attention whore" by telling people, s**t.
emotion_facepalm
You have gone through so much--I cannot imagine. And don't even think that you're being an "attention whore" because you're not. It's good you've gone two months--keep fighting, ok? Self harm is a tough battle--you will have good and you will have bad days, and it's ok.
Sleeping Shrine Maiden
-sigh- i'm not happy about this. but yes, i've done it before... and i haven't totally lost it yet.
I was depressive during my high school years... i was labeled "emo" but i didn't really care...

I'm still depressed sometimes... and im in college now.. xD
It's really hard to get rid of the mental state of this. I've met this guy who understood my pain... who've been there for me... since i became more and more depressive this year....

He made me stop.. and gave me hope. =)

Of course, i listen to music and write poetry to clear my mind and emotions. 3nodding It's a huge help for me!
Music and poetry are good things!! biggrin

But, you kind of intrigue me..
You started in high school and stopped around college? What year are you in college? I started my Senior year of high school and now I'm a sophomore in college and still struggling talk2hand
emotion_hug
spacefriend's avatar

Sparkly Fatcat

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Thank you so much heart
@x-Wickid-x
That's what my friends say too, but it's okay. I have to deal with it, because even if she is a lot of things, she is also my mother and by default I love her. She has bipolar disorder and is off medication so I guess that's why drinking affects her so much. Sigh. Thank you very much though, I appreciate you saying all those things.
Rough and tough yeahhh!!!!
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Liberal Ladykiller

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how is everyone doing today?
I am recovering from self harm. I have been about 2 months free of it. I have been doing ever since I was 12 (I'm 15 now), so stoping is very hard. I had a "friend" who would tell everyone behind my back. (We don't talk anymore) but I still get made fun of for being "emo". So it's really hard to stop when your being bullied at school, but I wanted to stop for my little sister. I would hate for her to lose me. My fathers a alcoholic and addicted to many drugs. He would fight with my mom a lot and I would hear him say really mean things about me and my sister. That's why I started so young. I have been getting really bad erges lately, and I was wondering if you guys had any tips on how to distract your self. I can't seem to find something that works for me. Thank you. --Jessi
Tim Allan's avatar

Devout Ladykiller

yo I'll be healed for a year in about 3 days omg
idk my triggers haven't really gotten better, i've just switched from cutting to smoking a lot of weed
my scars have faded in time, they're not noticeable anymore. (well the ones on my wrist).
I would cut on my thighs and wrist, but mostly my stomach.
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Sleeping Shrine Maiden
-sigh- i'm not happy about this. but yes, i've done it before... and i haven't totally lost it yet.
I was depressive during my high school years... i was labeled "emo" but i didn't really care...

I'm still depressed sometimes... and im in college now.. xD
It's really hard to get rid of the mental state of this. I've met this guy who understood my pain... who've been there for me... since i became more and more depressive this year....

He made me stop.. and gave me hope. =)

Of course, i listen to music and write poetry to clear my mind and emotions. 3nodding It's a huge help for me!
Music and poetry are good things!! biggrin

But, you kind of intrigue me..
You started in high school and stopped around college? What year are you in college? I started my Senior year of high school and now I'm a sophomore in college and still struggling talk2hand


Yep, music and poetry are. 3nodding

Well, i'm trying to stop cutting. I try not to do it.... sweatdrop my friend, he doesn't like me doing it. And he gives me hope for a better tomorrow so... ^^ i look for it.
I'm in my 3rd year of college right now... I still have depression but i'm not hurting myself too badly anymore....

You can do it! You can stop. Of course, the negative feelings may be there and the urge to cut will be around.. as i still feel it myself... but... i turn to music... for that... to stop...

and i write poetry and lyrics... to free myself from wanting to cut. It's not easy. But i try...
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Sparkly Lunatic

TheValenDreth
Mega Lya
If you do end up self-harming, that means you've killed the butterfly. But, you can always start again and redraw the butterfly and name it the same as you did before or something else.


Then what's the f*cking point? That's like a game which was made so the player has no way to lose. Might as well draw the butterfly already cut in half.


Because a self-mutilator is going to have relapses and self-mutilate! Duh. It's not that hard to figure out, if you stop yourself and think about it. The point is to distract the mind with the butterfly and help keep that person attached to their physical reality, so they don't delve deeper into the mindset of self-mutilating.

As you draw more butterflies throughout your recovery, a stimulation of the brain might start occurring counteracting that mindset, especially if you personalize the butterflies each time.

Personally, I have been self-mutilating for ten years. My addiction is ingrained in my brain too far for this technique to help me. But, I can see this type of stimulation working for many.

Remember to be courteous and respectful, please. cool
Shannon-Jeva's avatar

Shy Sex Symbol

I just.. I want to thank you for making this thread.

This is one of those things I believe will always need more awareness because there will always be someone who doesn't understand. Although I think this is the kind of thing that cannot truly understood unless you have been in that kind of situation, I still think it needs more awareness. And those who want to understand, can try.

I've been in a depression so deep that I have thought about and gone through with cutting. It's something I haven't admitted to anybody but my mother. I still some days have trouble accepting that I even had such thoughts.
The way I saw it, was that I wanted to feel anything, anything other than the deep sadness I was experiencing. The problem was, once I went through of it, everything got worse.

I've recovered from my depression since then, thankfully.
And I believe anyone who truly wants to stop self-harm, can do it. You do have the strength to do it and to recover. Believe in yourself.

Again, thank you. heart .
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Wolf

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I just wanted to thank you for making this thread heart Ive been fighting self harm for about...well I think its 3 years now, but I havent cut in a month. smile If you need any help around the thread or if anyone needs help I would love to talk and help you through it <3 Just take deep breaths and relax, because in the end everything will turn out. Thanks again for making this. heart


"Can I do that? Rip out your organs? Please?"
antlerkid
My name is Andy, I'm 13 years old and I've used self-harm as a coping mechanism for a year and four months. I have attempted suicide twice, but I'm now on two medications to help with my depression and suicidal thoughts. Though it's been roughly two months since I last cut or burned, I still consider myself a self-harmer because the thought is always there. I've never really written it all out, especially not online, so I guess here goes. My mom is a harsh alcoholic and my father is a drug addict. They split up, and after like 20 boyfriends my mom is now engaged to some dude who is the father of her new child and also homophobic and racist. Since I'm transgender, he constantly misgenders me and calls me by the wrong name. He makes a point to make fun of shows that I watch, and calls people I idolize fags. Mom says to forgive him, because he buys us nice stuff. It isn't right. And my grandma constantly gets furious and kicks me out of her house, or makes up lies about the awful things I did so mom can pity her. My father is also homophobic, though he claims he's not and constantly makes hypocritical statements. He tries to accept me, but in the end he just screams at my mother like it's her fault I'm mentally male. And you know, sometimes I still dance a pair of scissors along my arms or thighs or stomach, tracing my previous "work". I mean, it's not like a project or anything, but sometimes I feel when I'm irrationally thinking that my flesh would just look better if it was littered with scars. I don't KNow, ugh. Sorry this is so long, thanks for reading if you did. It feels really nice to get all this off my chest to strangers, uh. I feel like a really big "attention whore" by telling people, s**t.
emotion_facepalm


sad I'm really sorry to hear about all of that. You sound really mature for a 13 year old. Your story reminds me a lot of mine(but I only attempted suicide once, around 16-17, and no one even noticed, that's how badly I failed, thankfully I picked myself up and kept going).

My mother is homophobic and racist, and before I came out as transgendered, I mused aloud to her about the possibility that I was bisexual(I was with a woman at the time, but no one knew), and she shot me down. We lived with a boyfriend of hers who also tried to buy our love(me and my younger sister), while being paranoid and controlling. He would not let use use the phone, computer, or television, or let us be in our rooms when he was home(he wanted us where he could see us). He liked to get pissed off at my mom and lock us all out of the house for hours on end, and not let us hang out with our friends pass six o clock at night.

I used to self mutilate by pulling out my hair to the point that I had no eyebrows, or sharpening a pencil to a very fine point and 'drawing on my arms, wrists, and legs until I bled or until the red welts were too painful to keep pressing on. No one ever noticed, again.

Now that I've moved out, I've begun to take solace in tattoos and piercings. It keeps me from hurting myself and putting myself in danger(because I get it done RIGHT, by professionals), and it makes me feel slightly better about my dysphoria, even temporarily.

Your situation might look bleak, but do what I did. Every year on your birthday, remind yourself "5 more years till freedom", "4 more years". It seems like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't too long. You will escape, and you can thrive.

Hit me up if you need to talk to someone. Cuz really, I HAVE been there and I know how much it hurts to be the gay, transman in a sea of bigots and homophobes that like to call you 'family'.
Shannon-Jeva's avatar

Shy Sex Symbol

antlerkid

I just.. I started crying a bit after reading your story.
You've been through so much, and you didn't deserve any of it. No human being deserves that..
I just.. I want to encourage you to not give up. You can recover from self-harm. You can do this. After what you've been through, I believe you can do it.
Please, don't give up. heart

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