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was looking at the first link you gave and this popped out at me "You might feel guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt" ) i may have left part of my story out.... the tornado happened in november 2002 in august 2003 my baby brother was killed in a car wreak he was drunk and had stolen my truck while i was in bed sick. one of the people who was with him called me screaming and crying that my brother was dead. i beat all emergency personal to the seen. even today i still have break downs telling family and friends that if i had only died in the tornado he would still be here doesn't help that for a long time my family did blame me. funny thing is dad and grandmother stood by me the hole time and never once put the blame on me (he was my half brother)
grinningjester's avatar

Friendly Guildsman

Lil Enslaved Kitten

reading over this it made me think of things i still have trouble with. i still can not take a bath in a tub cause its like i'm in that night all over again. and all it takes is loud wind outside and in my head its time to take cover and hide and find a way to keep the people around me safe

never really learned anything other to lay and cry then write in a journal. the therapist i use to see thinks that alot of what causes my flashbacks is whats known as repressed memories i don't knowingly remember some things from that night but when something sets me off it all just kinda floods back in for anywhere from a few mins to a couple hours


I didn't want to think about the things that triggered me for a long long time. I still don't like thinking about it. Making this thread, and answering with my own stories, makes me confront things. But I find that the more I confront those things, the less I am power they have to control my life.

I have flashbacks too. I don't think mine are triggered by repressed memories and I imagine it's difficult to have them be triggered by things you can't even identify. I can say, that guy who has long stringy brown hair and blue eyes is making me have a flashback because that's what the shooter looked like. I can then say I'm going to go try to look at guys who look like that so I don't get as scared next time. But if I just saw something and it freaked me out and I couldn't identify why there is no way I could deal with it.

So you write in a journal? Does that help? What other things do you do to try to make living with PTSD better?
grinningjester's avatar

Friendly Guildsman

Lil Enslaved Kitten
was looking at the first link you gave and this popped out at me "You might feel guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt" ) i may have left part of my story out.... the tornado happened in november 2002 in august 2003 my baby brother was killed in a car wreak he was drunk and had stolen my truck while i was in bed sick. one of the people who was with him called me screaming and crying that my brother was dead. i beat all emergency personal to the seen. even today i still have break downs telling family and friends that if i had only died in the tornado he would still be here doesn't help that for a long time my family did blame me. funny thing is dad and grandmother stood by me the hole time and never once put the blame on me (he was my half brother)


Do you know logically that it wasn't your fault? Please don't take this the wrong way, but he made his choice. He's the one that stole the car and was drunk. If it hadn't been your car, it probably would have been someone else's. It wasn't your fault.

I understand survivor's guilt in some ways because I shot and killed the man who was shooting at me. I felt guilty for a long time. It was my fault he is dead, that his family doesn't have him anymore. But now I think differently. He chose to shoot at me first. He wrote his end. I didn't.
grinningjester
Lil Enslaved Kitten
was looking at the first link you gave and this popped out at me "You might feel guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt" ) i may have left part of my story out.... the tornado happened in november 2002 in august 2003 my baby brother was killed in a car wreak he was drunk and had stolen my truck while i was in bed sick. one of the people who was with him called me screaming and crying that my brother was dead. i beat all emergency personal to the seen. even today i still have break downs telling family and friends that if i had only died in the tornado he would still be here doesn't help that for a long time my family did blame me. funny thing is dad and grandmother stood by me the hole time and never once put the blame on me (he was my half brother)


Do you know logically that it wasn't your fault? Please don't take this the wrong way, but he made his choice. He's the one that stole the car and was drunk. If it hadn't been your car, it probably would have been someone else's. It wasn't your fault.

I understand survivor's guilt in some ways because I shot and killed the man who was shooting at me. I felt guilty for a long time. It was my fault he is dead, that his family doesn't have him anymore. But now I think differently. He chose to shoot at me first. He wrote his end. I didn't.
yes i've come to terms with a lot of things just still have days when that time of year rolls around that it makes it hard. and yes writing does help me a lot cause i find talking to people to be very hard to the point i even keep a journal just for my husband to read cause i don't know how to talk to him face to face. i've also found that odd as it may seem talking to my brother helps a lot i've spent many nights at his grave just letting every thing out and it helps so much.
as far as the triggers on my flashbacks i think the fact that i never saw a lot of what was going on around me the night the tornado hit is one reason it makes knowing what will be a trigger so hard for me. the storm hit at night with no warning and we never saw a thing only thing i got to see was the lil i could after in the lighting flashes and then what i got to see on the news days later. by the time i was able to leave the hospital and head home almost everything had been cleaned up and rebuilding was already starting.
grinningjester's avatar

Friendly Guildsman

Lil Enslaved Kitten
yes i've come to terms with a lot of things just still have days when that time of year rolls around that it makes it hard. and yes writing does help me a lot cause i find talking to people to be very hard to the point i even keep a journal just for my husband to read cause i don't know how to talk to him face to face. i've also found that odd as it may seem talking to my brother helps a lot i've spent many nights at his grave just letting every thing out and it helps so much.
as far as the triggers on my flashbacks i think the fact that i never saw a lot of what was going on around me the night the tornado hit is one reason it makes knowing what will be a trigger so hard for me. the storm hit at night with no warning and we never saw a thing only thing i got to see was the lil i could after in the lighting flashes and then what i got to see on the news days later. by the time i was able to leave the hospital and head home almost everything had been cleaned up and rebuilding was already starting.

I'm glad that you've been able to talk about the tornado and your brother's death so freely here and appreciate your sharing. I journal too, though it's in blog form, and I find that it helps me as well. Do you feel like you've improved over time?
grinningjester
Lil Enslaved Kitten
yes i've come to terms with a lot of things just still have days when that time of year rolls around that it makes it hard. and yes writing does help me a lot cause i find talking to people to be very hard to the point i even keep a journal just for my husband to read cause i don't know how to talk to him face to face. i've also found that odd as it may seem talking to my brother helps a lot i've spent many nights at his grave just letting every thing out and it helps so much.
as far as the triggers on my flashbacks i think the fact that i never saw a lot of what was going on around me the night the tornado hit is one reason it makes knowing what will be a trigger so hard for me. the storm hit at night with no warning and we never saw a thing only thing i got to see was the lil i could after in the lighting flashes and then what i got to see on the news days later. by the time i was able to leave the hospital and head home almost everything had been cleaned up and rebuilding was already starting.

I'm glad that you've been able to talk about the tornado and your brother's death so freely here and appreciate your sharing. I journal too, though it's in blog form, and I find that it helps me as well. Do you feel like you've improved over time?
its easier for me to share things in places like this then it is in person. and yes in some ways i have improved as the years have past but in others i have went backwards it seems. before i moved to be with my husband i was very outgoing in my area but i was also among people i had known sesne i was very little or people who had come to my aid after my brother died. here i have my husband and that's it. trying to meet new people and make friends is like trying to talk myself into standing outside during a storm.
grinningjester's avatar

Friendly Guildsman

Lil Enslaved Kitten
its easier for me to share things in places like this then it is in person. and yes in some ways i have improved as the years have past but in others i have went backwards it seems. before i moved to be with my husband i was very outgoing in my area but i was also among people i had known sesne i was very little or people who had come to my aid after my brother died. here i have my husband and that's it. trying to meet new people and make friends is like trying to talk myself into standing outside during a storm.


Maybe little steps? I stay inside pretty much all day because it's hard to go outside or interact in general, but I try to get out once a day. For example, I purposely got a dog that has a lot of energy so I would have to take him out. As a result I have a chance to interact with other dog owners. It's so hard though. Some days I just want to hide in a corner.
Sermanther's avatar

Dapper Gawker

I probably had PTSD lasting at most 1.5 years after being molested. Any guy I came across in college that looked like him would cause me a slight panic. I used to get panics just hanging out with my friends at lunch because he started hanging out with them sometimes. I never had nightmares about it, though, but I did think about the day it happened a lot, and it would just make me angry and/or sad.

After my mom choked (but survived), I used to get anxious whenever I heard someone coughing while they were eating. I highly doubt that was PTSD, though, because it was simply that.
grinningjester's avatar

Friendly Guildsman

Wacko Quacko
I probably had PTSD lasting at most 1.5 years after being molested. Any guy I came across in college that looked like him would cause me a slight panic. I used to get panics just hanging out with my friends at lunch because he started hanging out with them sometimes. I never had nightmares about it, though, but I did think about the day it happened a lot, and it would just make me angry and/or sad.

After my mom choked (but survived), I used to get anxious whenever I heard someone coughing while they were eating. I highly doubt that was PTSD, though, because it was simply that.


What did you do to get over the panic? Do you ever still have issues with it?
Sermanther's avatar

Dapper Gawker

grinningjester
Wacko Quacko
I probably had PTSD lasting at most 1.5 years after being molested. Any guy I came across in college that looked like him would cause me a slight panic. I used to get panics just hanging out with my friends at lunch because he started hanging out with them sometimes. I never had nightmares about it, though, but I did think about the day it happened a lot, and it would just make me angry and/or sad.

After my mom choked (but survived), I used to get anxious whenever I heard someone coughing while they were eating. I highly doubt that was PTSD, though, because it was simply that.


What did you do to get over the panic? Do you ever still have issues with it?



Idk. Just realize it was stupid because they weren't him. I still think about it from time to time. The new thing that popped up is my hate for the word "frisky" because he'd ask "Feeling frisky?" while he was molesting me.
grinningjester's avatar

Friendly Guildsman

Wacko Quacko

Idk. Just realize it was stupid because they weren't him. I still think about it from time to time. The new thing that popped up is my hate for the word "frisky" because he'd ask "Feeling frisky?" while he was molesting me.


That's really horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you but I am glad you are doing well now.
grinningjester
Lil Enslaved Kitten
its easier for me to share things in places like this then it is in person. and yes in some ways i have improved as the years have past but in others i have went backwards it seems. before i moved to be with my husband i was very outgoing in my area but i was also among people i had known sesne i was very little or people who had come to my aid after my brother died. here i have my husband and that's it. trying to meet new people and make friends is like trying to talk myself into standing outside during a storm.


Maybe little steps? I stay inside pretty much all day because it's hard to go outside or interact in general, but I try to get out once a day. For example, I purposely got a dog that has a lot of energy so I would have to take him out. As a result I have a chance to interact with other dog owners. It's so hard though. Some days I just want to hide in a corner.
haha that's why we got dakota smile i was getting really depressed because i was hiding inside all the time. see where i grew up and lived after the tornado and everything there were no neighbors.... woods everywhere don't see people less you want to and to me it was heaven on earth i would spend hours outside just walking around thinking. here there's no woods its houses everywhere you look so going outside alone was a awful nightmare for me. so we got dakota and now i walk to the end of our road everyday with him i still get scared when people i don't know are outside but i smile and wave just to be nice
Wacko Quacko
I probably had PTSD lasting at most 1.5 years after being molested. Any guy I came across in college that looked like him would cause me a slight panic. I used to get panics just hanging out with my friends at lunch because he started hanging out with them sometimes. I never had nightmares about it, though, but I did think about the day it happened a lot, and it would just make me angry and/or sad.

After my mom choked (but survived), I used to get anxious whenever I heard someone coughing while they were eating. I highly doubt that was PTSD, though, because it was simply that.
really glad to hear you're doing better and so sorry it happened to you.
grinningjester's avatar

Friendly Guildsman

Lil Enslaved Kitten
haha that's why we got dakota smile i was getting really depressed because i was hiding inside all the time. see where i grew up and lived after the tornado and everything there were no neighbors.... woods everywhere don't see people less you want to and to me it was heaven on earth i would spend hours outside just walking around thinking. here there's no woods its houses everywhere you look so going outside alone was a awful nightmare for me. so we got dakota and now i walk to the end of our road everyday with him i still get scared when people i don't know are outside but i smile and wave just to be nice


Hah! Coincidence. Merlin, my dog, was a lifesaver because of that. What kind of dog is he? Merlin is a wirehaired pointer.
Valtielle's avatar

Profitable Prophet

I don't know if you can call it PTSD.. but for months, I've had to stay as far away as possible from Android phones. Even operating with the O.S. just makes me sick to my stomach and I just want to burst out crying. It's really bad, but I doubt it's something as bad as PTSD.

It's because.. in highschool, my ex chased me into the girls' bathroom when I took his phone (for months he guarded it like his baby and hid s**t from me) and in my head I was thinking, "What, is he serious? To chase me all the way into here?" Anyway, I dodged him and on my way out the door, he kicked it really hard and it slammed my head between the metal of the door and the wall. Blood was everywhere, and I had to hide it from everyone that passed me. I made up a lie that some random kid that I didn't see carelessly slammed the door against the wall as I was going through and it rebounded.

No one saw the blood either, since I wiped my neck/side of face really fast. In the end, I called my mom and ended up having to get my head stapled.

And even after that he was really guarding of his phone. And I remember one time he called me crazy for believing anything that breached our relationship was on there and had the gall to get pissed and say that he was leaving because he felt it was unfair that I kept pushing stuff onto him.
I ended up grabbing it really quick and finding a bunch of s**t.
And yeah, he had an Android.

And there's more that I'm traumatized of but I really can't tell anyone since I just.. can't.

Anyways, even if I see Android advertisements I have to turn the volume down and look away, and if I hear a phone nearby me with the same sounds of it, I'll freak out emotionally in my head and I'll just lose my breath and bad memories come to mind.

Sigh.

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