Polyamory 102: A Support Thread for Consensual Non-Monogamy

New Poll for...awesomeness!

Yay! Awesomeness!	60.0%	[ 357 ]
Yeah...awesome... [/sarcasm]	15.8%	[ 94 ]
[insert your own thoughts here]	24.2%	[ 144 ]
Total Votes:			[ 595 ]

[Salmenella]

Ok so question for those who are married.
I'm getting married to my best friend. It's a non romantic relationship.
We are both sex workers as well. One of my sex worker poly friends was telling me how we could get in trouble say if my friend wanted a divorce and used grounds that I was "cheating" on her (in my other relationships/working) to ******** me over. I'm not one to say "oh she wouldn't do that" so I'm just wondering how ya'll go about being married and poly.

[Digital Fiend]

Blackrose_Knight

MakaBunny

I haven't just because I really don't wanna drag things out and have it just turn into another mess. I don't know I love them both dearly and I want things to work out well.

Well, think about if you keep it to yourself. I know for me it would fester into rancid resentment. You gotta just own up to your own s**t. It may be irrational, it may be founded in logic. But you are experiencing it and its valid.

A possibly helpful podcast
Polyweeky #379 Owning your own s**t

Maybe it's just on my end, but that link went to a "item not found" page.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Digital Fiend

Blackrose_Knight

MakaBunny

I haven't just because I really don't wanna drag things out and have it just turn into another mess. I don't know I love them both dearly and I want things to work out well.

Well, think about if you keep it to yourself. I know for me it would fester into rancid resentment. You gotta just own up to your own s**t. It may be irrational, it may be founded in logic. But you are experiencing it and its valid.

A possibly helpful podcast
Polyweeky #379 Owning your own s**t

Maybe it's just on my end, but that link went to a "item not found" page.

Hmm, my compy eventually loaded it.

http://polyweekly.com/

^^^^^ is the main page, search for" owning your own s**t" or scroll to episode 379, either or

[Digital Fiend]

Blackrose_Knight

Hmm, my compy eventually loaded it.

http://polyweekly.com/

^^^^^ is the main page, search for" owning your own s**t" or scroll to episode 379, either or

Thanks. I just wanted to make sure it worked eventually. It could be my old pewter.

[Delightful_FOOL]

Salmenella

Ok so question for those who are married.
I'm getting married to my best friend. It's a non romantic relationship.
We are both sex workers as well. One of my sex worker poly friends was telling me how we could get in trouble say if my friend wanted a divorce and used grounds that I was "cheating" on her (in my other relationships/working) to ******** me over. I'm not one to say "oh she wouldn't do that" so I'm just wondering how ya'll go about being married and poly.

I guess this thought never really crossed my mind. I mean, I suppose it could happen, but that's a risk you take when you get married: that it may eventually end in divorce that ******** you over. I think as long as communication is kept wide open and you maintain a healthy relationship everything should be good.

[Noble Legolas]

Delightful_FOOL

Salmenella

Ok so question for those who are married.
I'm getting married to my best friend. It's a non romantic relationship.
We are both sex workers as well. One of my sex worker poly friends was telling me how we could get in trouble say if my friend wanted a divorce and used grounds that I was "cheating" on her (in my other relationships/working) to ******** me over. I'm not one to say "oh she wouldn't do that" so I'm just wondering how ya'll go about being married and poly.

I guess this thought never really crossed my mind. I mean, I suppose it could happen, but that's a risk you take when you get married: that it may eventually end in divorce that ******** you over. I think as long as communication is kept wide open and you maintain a healthy relationship everything should be good.

Marriage on equal terms is never a good idea. Love is supposedly never about money, but divorce almost always is. If your spouse want to ******** you over, they will find a way. Monogamous or not.

[Noble Legolas]

heart

[Blackrose_Knight]

Group therapy is really working for me. We have an open lesbian, and I am open about my witch craft but I am hesitant about being open about poly. I was gonna talk to my individual therapist about this when she gets back.

Thoughts?

[PlusSizeGinger]

may i ask the difference between a paramour and a metamour?

[Blackrose_Knight]

PlusSizeGinger

may i ask the difference between a paramour and a metamour?

Metamour to my understanding is a partner of your partner, who isn't your partner. So when my husband was dating S, S was my metamour.

How I use paramour is they are my partner, but they are not as heavily invested in emotionally or time was, as a partner. Night quite a boyfriend/girlfriend, but not quite a ******** buddy either. That is my own personal definition.

More than Two defines paramour as

PARAMOUR: (literally, par way + amor love; by way of love) 1. A married person's outside lover. 2. A mistress--the unmarried female lover of a married man. 3. A nonmarried member of a polyamorous relationship. See related other significant other.

[PlusSizeGinger]

thank you! i was having trouble with this. i am currently dating one man who is my Top, not my dom becuase he doesnt identify with that, been then im not exactly dating this other person and so far we have established we are more then ******** buddies or friends with benifits but hes not my boyfriend either. we are really close and care about eachother. hes married and his wife is fully aware and poly too. so i was wondering if paramour would describe what we have. but on the plus side we are discussing dating and it may happen in the near future which im excited about. our energies connect very well and we seem naturally drawn to eacother. anyways point of it all was i just wanted some clarification smile

[Blackrose_Knight]

Salmenella

Ok so question for those who are married.
I'm getting married to my best friend. It's a non romantic relationship.
We are both sex workers as well. One of my sex worker poly friends was telling me how we could get in trouble say if my friend wanted a divorce and used grounds that I was "cheating" on her (in my other relationships/working) to ******** me over. I'm not one to say "oh she wouldn't do that" so I'm just wondering how ya'll go about being married and poly.

I would say get a decently written prenup. Their debt is their debt, your debt is your debt..ect. I had considered for a long time marrying a gay friend of mine for college tuition purposes. But he nor I had to do that because he got married to nice dude, and I got married to a nice dude.

On being married an poly. Since I am not super open about poly, its a little hard to maintain the facade of being socially monogamous. The "sneaking around" with our others partners. I have come to enjoy that a little bit, the thrill, it reminds me of high school and sneaking out behind the science building to make out.

Other than that, my close friends know Chryos and I, while married, are also poly. I haven't lost any friends (that I know of) over the whole thing. And I plan to be openly poly within 5 years. We will see how that goes.

[MakaBunny]

Ok so here I am back again. My issues from before have been happily resolved. So I just want an opinion on this new thing that has been thrown into our relationship. My girlfriend and boyfriend weren't very involved before but now they are which is fine. How ever they are talking about wanting to get spiritually married and I don't know how to take this. Me and him aren't even married so I feel kind of hurt by it in a way. Yet the other part of me know it's only spiritual not legal. Has anyone else ever faced anything like this before?

[Yandere Succubus]

I'm glad I found this thread.

I'm currently courting a couple, and they are both new to the poly scene as am I. They have been dating for 8 years and have only been with each other sexually, so they're looking to change that and also invite someone to be their long term. (Hopefully me)

The girlfriend is totally excited for me to be involved, but we share no romantic feels for each other, just close friends who are happy to be sexual with each other.

I'm in love with the boyfriend who has no romantic feelings for me, but is thumbs up with me sexually and friend wise (He loves his gf too)

I give them both equal amounts of attention, affection, and gifts...even took them both on a date that burned a hole in my wallet (Hadn't expected the bill to be so high...the gf was happy to split the bill, but I paid as I wanted to show I was serious about them.) The gf returns my attention and affection, but the bf....like not at all.

I don't know.

The gf wants to discuss the three of us getting sexual, but the bf just doesn't seem into it...and I communicate with both them about it....both insist he is fine with everything, but due to his indifference and cold but polite nature...I feel unwanted and I also told the gf that I will not force myself onto the bf if he doesn't want me...but he keeps insisting everything is fine.

=( We have a follow up date, but I'm so turned off....especially when I found out the bf can't be sexual with anyone outside his gf...without a few drinks...I empathize with this, but at the same time I'm taking offense....


Thoughts?

[Chieftain Twilight]

Salmenella

Ok so question for those who are married.
I'm getting married to my best friend. It's a non romantic relationship.
We are both sex workers as well. One of my sex worker poly friends was telling me how we could get in trouble say if my friend wanted a divorce and used grounds that I was "cheating" on her (in my other relationships/working) to ******** me over. I'm not one to say "oh she wouldn't do that" so I'm just wondering how ya'll go about being married and poly.

well, I would think that if the possibility of divorce is even something you don't feel is not there anymore, I would seriously reconsider marriage in the first place. but this sounds like it's more of a business deal than anything.

that said, I guess treat it like any other investment. is the cost of the risk less than the benefits you receive?