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Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

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Hey everyone, Mameoyashi here again!

Many of you may have seen "Polyamory 101: a polyamorous support thread" floating around the LD and you may be asking yourself....is this a rip-off thread? Answer: no. What I'm doing is taking over the old thread for the original owner. I have big plans for this small thread, hoping to include more resource links, more discussions, a section for polyamory in the media, common misconceptions and updating the FAQ with questions actually asked in the thread itself!
So here goes, brand new thread, new slate.

Also check out our:

The Gaian Polyamory Guild: Where 1+1=3!

and

Polyamory 103: A Poly-Chatter thread


Thread mandate

Polyamory 102 is not set up to try to convince people that polyamory is the "right" way to live, nor are we trying to "convert" anyone to being polyamorous. We are here to educate people on polyamory, as well as support those who choose to live this lifestyle.

We are here to help to the best of our abilities anyone struggling with a polyamorous relationship, feelings of polyamory, coming out to people as polyamorous (potential partners, parents, ect), partners presenting the idea of polyamory and being unsure/afraid of it, feelings of insecurity and jealousy and any other obstacle related to polyamory.

We are not here to encourage people to cheat, we do not encourage pushing/guilting/pressuring people into becoming a part of a polyamorous relationship if they do not want to be a part of such a relationship.

We are here to provide information for a consensual non-monogamous alternative to relationships and spread awareness of this alternative path to happiness and love.

| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Rules


1. Be civil. I understand that sometimes this can be seen as controversial, I understand that there are strong feelings on both sides of the debate but please be polite.

2. Discussion is allowed and encouraged. If you disagree with polyamory, that's fine as long as you don't come in here to harass or simply make rude jokes. If you want to discuss and even debate, that's okay, just remember rule 1.

3. If you have a question please ask! We'll do our best to answer to the best of our abilities, hopefully help you out or ease some confusion.

4. Stay on topic. We don't want this to become a hangout thread and be binned. If the need for it becomes too great a hangout thread in the CB may be opened up.

That is all, I hope I don't have to add more.

| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Polyamory... what's that?


Breaking down the word polyamory we see that poly is a greek word for 'many' and amore is a latin word for 'love'. Literally speaking polyamory means "many loves". Which, really, can mean a very broad spectrum of things so let's focus it a bit more.

When we say "polyamory" in this thread we are talking about romantic love. So when we say 'many loves' this can relate to many lovers, partners, boyfriends, girlfriends and such; not having many friends or relatives which you love.

Polyamory can be a life philosophy, though more often is explained as a relationship style.

Polyamory as a life philosophy
As a life philosophy polyamory can mean the person is capable of loving (romantically) more than one person at the same time. That is not to say that this person is always in a polyamorous relationship, indeed, there are many polyamorous people who are happily in monogamous relationships. As a life philosophy a polyamorist admits that s/he is capable of loving more than one person at the same time, but they do not have to act upon this love.

Polyamory as a relationship style
As a relationship style polyamory is a romantic relationship involving more than two people. This can take shape in many forms. There are V style relationships, where one person has two partners, there are triangle style relationships where everyone involved loves and is involved with everyone else, there are Z style relationships, hourglass style relationships , squares with Xs through them.... you name a shape there is probably a polyamorous relationship in that shape. It sounds confusing, so how about we try a diagram.

User Image

But these are only a few of the more common configurations that are possible.

IN SHORT:
Polyamory is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.

To see what polyamory is NOT please consult the "Common Misconceptions" post.

| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Common Misconceptions


Polyamory is disgusting, sexist, misogynistic and is just a different way of saying 'polygamy' and subjugates women and children.

I understand where this view comes from, especially with the media these days uncovering near cult-like polygamist communities where women and children really are subjugated. Technically this is a form of polygyny (from the Greek poly many + gynos woman). This is a form of polygamy where a man can have more than one female partner/wife but women are not allowed to have more than one partner. It's common belief that in the societies where this is practiced more often than not women are seen as property. I understand that because polyamory is having more than one partner, and polygyny involves having more than one partner (and starts with the same prefix) why polyamory is often confused with disrespect for women, subjugation and abuse.

However, that is not what polyamory really is. Polyamory is an equal playing field. In an ethical polyamorous relationship the same opportunities apply to all involved. It's not about owning or enslaving anyone, it's not about male-dominance and suppression of women. It's about sharing a part of your life, and your love, with more than one other person and allowing them to share their life and love with more than one other person.

Polyamory is also not affiliated with any religious congregation. There are polyamorous people from all walks of life, from many religions (or no religion as the case may be), everyone with their own styles of living, dressing, talking, etc. The thing we have in common (roughly) is that we love and are capable of having relationships with more than one person at a time.

So, polyamory is for those who like threesomes and orgies and that sort of kinky stuff?

Not exactly. Polyamory isn't like swinging. The focus is not on the sex, but on the deep relationship itself. Yes sex in involved in most healthy relationships, so yes sometimes things like threesomes and orgy-esque sex can happen in polyamorous relationships but unlike swinging and open relationships that is NOT the main point. Some relationships never actually get the threesome/orgy-esque sex, but prefer to just be one-on-one when it comes to sexual relations with their partners.

Then it's just a fancy term for cheating.

Wrong. Cheating is defined as violating rules or regulations, to practice deceit. It is not cheating if it is a polyamorous relationship, because if you are open and honest with your partner(s) and everyone agrees and consents to the relationship... you are not violating the rules or the relationship, or deceiving anyone it is not cheating. The key difference to being a polyamorous relationship rather than cheating is consent by all those involved, which is also why it is sometimes referred to as "consensual non-monogamy"

So cheating can't happen in a polyamorous relationship?
Ah, wrong again I'm afraid. Cheating depends on the rules and boundaries of a relationship, just because you're in a polyamorous relationship it doesn't necessarily mean that there are no rules and boundaries to be broken.

If you're still having trouble, think about it like those people on diets who talk about 'cheating' on their diet. All diets are different, some people don't eat fast foods, others don't eat a lot of wheat products, and others cut down on pop and sugar. They all have different things they can and can't eat, so if the person on the no-fast food diet has a can of pop, it's not cheating on the diet, but to the person where they have a no-pop and sugar diet if they have a can it would be cheating on the diet.

Same thing applies to relationships. If you break a rule or boundary that you agreed to for your relationship, it is considered cheating. No matter where other people draw that line.

People in polyamorous relationships just can't commit.

This one I always get confused by. Commiting oneself means to pledge or engage oneself. In relationships one can be committed to uphold the relationship in the highest regard, for better or worse. To be there for your partner when s/he needs you, to be there with your partner when s/he is happy, to uphold the rules and standards of the relationship. I don't see how it can be perceived as a lack of commitment just because you are there for your other partner when s/he needs you, there when s/he is happy and still upholding the rules and standards that were agreed upon in the relationship. If you can't commit to one person, there it little reason to think you can commit to two people, but that doesn't mean if you commit to two people that you cannot commit altogether.

So, it's that one partner isn't enough for you?

That's not what we mean at all. It's not about one person not being 'enough', it's about the capacity to love more than one person. No two relationships are the same, no one person can be everything to another person. It's not about one person not being enough, but about the capability to love more than one without detracting from another. It's about wanting the person you're with to flourish and grow, to see them happy. Sometimes this means being happy with other people as well and being able to express the love they feel. It's not about one person being better than another, it's about the ability to see what's special in more than one person and express that love.

You just don't know what love is. If you truly loved someone you wouldn't need anyone else

I... can't quite agree with this at all. This idea is based on a starvation model of love. The starvation model of love is based on the idea that "you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else--so if you fall in love with another person, you have to "pay" for it by withdrawing your love from the first person." But I don't believe in this. Through my life I've found that the more you give and share love, the more you get it, the more there is to give and thus get in return. It's not the same as a limited resource such as money. That is what I meant. The same works really with any emotion. In my experience the more bitterness and hate you display, the more you get in return, the more you feel, it's not really a limited quantity thing. (That isn't to say that you should always act on these feelings of bitterness and anger, regardless of what you feel you still have a choice on how you act.)

This being said: while love may not be finite, time certainly is. All of the love in the world can't make more hours in a day or lend a person more energy than a balanced diet and proper sleep allow, so it's a bit of a balancing act.

Polyamorous and open relationships sound good in theory, but 99% of the time they fail

Well, I would probably try to refute the 99% of the time, asking where this person got those sorts of statistics... but otherwise I'm not going to argue the point entirely.

YES polyamorous relationships fail. Things go wrong in relationships, people make mistakes, people fall out of love, circumstances change... many things can lead to polyamorous relationships breaking apart.

However the same exact thing can be said for monogamous relationships. How many times have you heard of a couple breaking up? How high are the divorce rates these days? Simply because many, monogamous relationships fail doesn't mean (the majority of) people give up on them entirely. The same mentality should be applied to polyamorous relationships, yes they fail, yes some people have bad experiences with them... but that does not mean all or most of them fail and that does not mean that it is excessively rare that one can last or that people should give up on them entirely.

It's not for everyone, but neither is monogamy.

| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Frequently Asked Questions


This section is for questions that are NOT covered in posts 3 and 4. We'll try to keep this updated with questions people have asked in the thread as well as a short vocabulary section with terms that may pop up from time to time in the thread.

Q. When you love multiple people at the same time, do you love them all equally much or is it possible that there are multiple degrees in how much you like them?

A. The answer, is a bit complicated, because it varies. Relationships are part of a growing process, so if you ask whether I love my boyfriend as much as I love someone I just started dating... odds are, the love probably isn't at the same level. But once the relationship is established and has been going on for awhile... yes the love is equal. But that is how I do relationships.

Some polyamorous relationships work differently, working with "primary" and "secondary" ("tertiary" ect) relationships, valuing the primary above the secondary and ect. That doesn't necessarily mean that the love is different levels though, just priority I suppose. Since I don't work on the relationship hierarchy scheme I probably can't do it justice with my explanation. (If you can explain the primary/secondary/ect relationship scheme better, please post and your answer may show up here!)

Q. When they are not polyamorous and you are, when it comes so naturally to you but not to your partner, then what do you do?

A. You talk to your partner about the situation. You'd be surprised there are many mono/poly relationships out there, one partner being polyamorous the other partner being monogamous and it works out very well. It takes a lot of communication, trust and honesty (just as with all healthy relationships!) but it can work out. Not for everyone, mind you, some people just cannot handle polyamory (or refuse to accept it) and that happens. If your partner cannot handle you being in a polyamorous you need to make a decision for yourself, if you can handle and be happy in a monogamous relationship, stay, but if you cannot...leave.

In the end it's not worth one person sacrificing their happiness for the sake of a relationship, one should not be forced into a polyamorous relationship if they are not comfortable with it, but likewise one should not be forced into a monogamous relationship if they are not comfortable with it. If there is absolutely no way you could be happy in a monogamous relationship, and absolutely no way your partner could be happy in a polyamorous relationship then you really have to re-examine the relationship. Are you really right for each other if one of you has to sacrifice a part of their happiness to force it to work?

Q. How do you broach the topic of polyamory to a monogamous partner?

A. Bringing up the topic of polyamory can be a very tricky subject to start with. I'm quite lucky myself because I've never actually had to think about how to bring it up with my current partner, because by the time me and my boyfriend started dating we'd already talked about our philosophies of relationships and found both of us would prefer something that wasn't monogamous (started out as an open/swinging style relationship which progressed slowly (and quite naturally for us) into polyamory.) This being said... I have had to debate and wade my way through how to bring it up with other people (friends, family, potential lovers...) so I do have some experience trying to explain myself.

I find one of the better tactics would be to take things slowly, do small things to test out the water first. First make a joke, then transition into hypothetical scenarios that are with John and Jane Doe, see how those go, how your partner reacts to them. If it seems positive slowly introduce the idea that you are polyamorous to your partner, let them ask questions, give them part of the literature associated with polyamory (either websites, youtube videos, books...). I think the slow transition from jokes, to philosophy, to hypothetical, to explaining your feelings works the best in those situations. I'm all for honesty, I believe it is one of the keystones to a happy, healthy relationship, but at the same time it doesn't have to be blunt slap-in-the-face style honesty.

Q. Do you think polyamory is only something for people without children?

A. Polyamory is not just for people without children, there are many happy healthy families out there where everyone is involved with raising the kids. It can be quite healthy for the child as well because more often than not in polyamorous families they'll always have a parental figure there for them, even if the biological parents aren't around at the time. These things really aren't terribly different than with monogamous parents except there can be a greater support network for the child, think about it really, with the amount of people in the home (living with everyone under one roof) it would be like having an extended family around all the time. Personally I grew up in a large family where I was around extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) most of the time anyway so it seems little different to me.

There can be some challenges, such as explaining the relationship to the child, children dealing with the fact that their family is different than other kid's families at school and ect.

But I think with everything it's a matter of keeping it calm and keeping the explanations and answers to questions age appropriate and just like how it is with monogamous parents you keep the sex and such behind closed and locked doors, but the affection (hugging, light kissing, holding hands, ect) should be fine to be out in the open.

But those are my views on the matter, every parent is different, some polyamorous people chose not to tell their children, or at least not tell them until they are older [mid-teens/adults].

As for words from a teenager from a polyamorous family there is an article here on the subject as well as Polyamorous Percolations has a section on "Poly and Parenting" which may prove helpful because it has things for parents such as coming out to your kids as well as forthings for kids to help coping with being 'different' [right hand side, bottom link under "Polyamory Issues"].


Have a question? ASK! smile


Vocabulary

1. NRE = New Relationship Energy
This is often described as the beginning stages of a relationship where everything is seen through rose-coloured glasses. Everything is fresh, new and exciting. Almost every relationship goes through this phase be it poly or mono. Also known as: Euphoric or Honeymoon stage of a relationship.

2. DADT = Don't Ask Don't Tell
This is often used when a relationship consists of a couple that is 'okay' with the person having other relationships/lovers but don't want to know about them. This is often seen more in swinger/open relationships but sometimes poly take this form as well. It seems ideal way to avoid jealousy problems, but can often cause more problems because it omits the 'open honest communication' part of a healthy relationship.

3. Serial Monogamy
Most monogamous people take part in this. It is the act of having more than one monogamous relationship, over time. Having one partner, breaking up with them, starting new relationship with another person [does not have to be jumping into a relationship right away, just eventually].

4. Starvation Model of Love
The starvation model of love is based on the idea that "you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else--so if you fall in love with another person, you have to "pay" for it by withdrawing your love from the first person."

5. Scarcity Model of Love
The notion that love is rare, that we can only have one true love, and that once we meet that one true love, the part of our brains which take notice of other people suddenly and mysteriously shut off. It also implies that we're all put on this earth to love only one other person, our one true soul mate in a world of six billion people... the single person who is right for us, and who by some astounding coincidence happens to go to the same school as us, work in the same place as us.

| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Discussion


This section will be under heavy construction until further notice.

To keep things fresh in the thread I am going to try to have a bunch of ever changing topics of discussion. People are encouraged to think about the question and answer it honestly. An archive of past questions will be kept for anyone curious or wanting to talk.

I'm also accepting discussion suggestions, please PM me.

How many people here are 'out' to their friends, families, children, co-workers and ect? Would anyone care to share their experiences coming, and being, out to the world at large? What made you decide to be out or closeted, or was this something that never crossed your mind? Are you planning on coming out, why or why not?

Are some people out, but only selectively? Have people reacted generally well, or badly?

And finally:

What can help the process of coming out and ease any tension of those you tell?


Previous Discussion Topics
What kinds of new hurdles have you faced when first trying a poly relationship? What did you have to learn to do better or differently to make things work compared to previous monogamous relationships?


Have you always known you were polyamorous? Have you always felt restricted by monogamous relationships, or was polyamory something you became open to due more to circumstance? Or none of the above? Some combination thereof?

Thankyou SinfulGuillotine for the new discussion topic!


| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Other Styles of Non-Monogamy


So, there are other styles of non-monogamy? Well of course there are! And this thread, while its focus is polyamory, is designed as a thread for consensual non-monogamy so here is going to be a brief-ish description of a few other styles. If anyone has anything to add, as usual, post or PM me and I’ll add it in.

Keep in mind: I’ve tried to take the most common usage of the terms but it could be these are simply the definitions that I prefer, so remember- when talking to anyone about entering into a non-monogamous relationship of any sort define your own terms and make sure to talk explicitly about what you’re looking for.

Open Relationships

They can seem similar to polyamorous relationships in many ways however there is (at least) one large difference and that is the emphasis on the nature of the outside relations. Typically open relationships refer to *sexually* open relationships. This means that partners are welcome to find outside sexual relationships, however emotionally they are just as a monogamous couple. Emotionally and throughout their lives they are tied only to each other. They may share their sex, but not their hearts.

It is interesting to note that there can be animosity between those in open relationships and those in polyamorous relationships. Though they are both styles of consensual non-monogamy there are those in both camps who despise sharing their sex or their hearts and treat the other poorly. It’s sad, in my opinion, that there is this division and I’ve seen it tear apart some otherwise open and friendly non-monogamous communities. So please remember, whatever relationship configuration you chose to be respectful of another’s choices. It may not be your thing, but as long as it is safe, sane, consensual and healthy it’s no one else’s business and to each their own.

Again, there is some debate over the definitions. Some people say open relationships are a subset of polyamory, others say polyamory is a subset of open relationships, some people have different definitions of what it means to be an ‘open’ relationship. So, defining your own terms when using them is important.

Swingers

Some consider swinging to be a subcategory of open relationship, others consider it something else entirely. However you slice it swingers typically don’t have sexual relations without their primary partner present. When they do it’s usually in the form of ‘swapping’ where two (or more) couples get together and ‘swap’ partners for some sexual fun. Though there could be more differences between swingers and open relationship participants, those are the ones I am aware of. Truth be told I do tend to use swinger and open relationships a bit synonymously (and have considered myself apart of bothi n the past) so if anyone else has more clarification that would be wonderful.

Friends with Benefits

While FWB may not be strictly non-monogamous (as there are FWB relations which are exclusive) it would still be beneficial to explain a little about them. In short Friends With Benefits are friends that you occasionally have sex with. You still hang out, play games, have coffee, go to parties or whatever else you do with your friends except these friends you also do sexual activities with. They can be exclusive or non-exclusive relations, typically they are exclusive only for the sake of sexual health (not wanting to have to worry about multiple sexual partners causing extra risk), but there are plenty of reasons for both exclusive and non-exclusive FWBs.

Keep in mind, this definition can vary depending on who you talk to. To some people friends with benefits there is an emphasis on the benefit rather than the friend. They treat FWB as a booty-call rather than an actual friendship. So if you’re interested in a FWB and the other person seems to also be interested- define your terms and talk explicitly about you want and what you are comfortable with. If you’re expecting an actual friendship and not just someone to hook up with occasionally, say so!


| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Book Lists


Here will be a list of books that are related to polyamory or non-monogamy that are helpful to the understanding and building of polyamorous relationships. I may also include some books that are not specifically poly or non-monogamy related but those that I believe are wonderful resources none the less. This will include the title, the author(s), the description on the back cover and if I've read it a review of the book. The order of the list doesn't really mean anything, just happens to be the order I wrote in.

If you know of a good book that is not on the list and would like it to be added and if you have your own review of the new book, that's wonderful as well and let me know so i can add it to the list.

1. The Ethical Slut 2nd Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

Written by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy this is a revised and expanded version of The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, published by Ten Speed Press in April 2009.

Back Cover: For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle--from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.

My Review: This book has helped me with a broader appreciation on relationships of all kinds and opened my mind to a world of new possibilities. As it related to polyamory it has great information on jealousy management, dealing with difficult emotions, how to improve communication techniques and in general how to feel good about yourself and other ethical sluts of the world. It's chalk full of information, insight, anecdotes and humour that keeps it light and entertaining as well as helpful.

2. Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

Written by Tristan Taormino who is an author, columnist, editor, director and sex educator.

Back Cover: Relationship expert and bestselling author Tristan Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving, lasing relationships. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over a hundred women and men, Opening Up explores the real-life benefits and challenges of all styles of open relationships- from partnered nonmonogamy to solo polyamory. With her refreshingly down-to-earth style and sharp wit, Taormino offers solutions for making an opening relationship work, including tips on dealing with jealousy, negotiating boundaries, finding community, parenting and time management. Opening Up will change the way you think about intimacy-- and will help you decide if an open relationship is right for you.

My Review: It's actually a wonderful book, especially for couples who are seeking to open up an existing monogamous relationship, though I think everyone can learn a thing or two from it. From broaching the issue with a partner, to dealing with jealousy, coping with change coming out (or not), raising children to safer sex and sexual health Taormino covers a lot of ground with this book.

The book is also filled with insightful questions to ask yourself before beginning your open relationship as well as helpful exercises throughout the book. I would highly recommend this book to anyone, but especially to those in existing relationships who want to expand their horizons.

3. The Polyamory Handbook: A User's Guide

Written by Peter J. Benson co-founder of three local polyamory groups and leader of workshops at various conferences.

Back Cover: You've probably heard of polyamory- expanded loving relationships, done openly and honestly. Maybe you've had caring feelings for someone else even though you love your spouse or partner as deeply as always. Maybe you're single; you want a committed relationship with someone; but you don't want to give up the freedom to date others with integrity.

Maybe you and your spouse or partner already live a polyamorous lifestyle- but sometimes you aren't sure how to proceed. Maybe the two of you would like to bring a third partner, or more, into your hearts and home as a triad, quad, etc., but you aren't sure how to go about it. Maybe you are already a family of three, four, or more, but the complex interpersonal dynamics threaten to overwhelm you.

In these pages you'll find guidance about -

*what polyamory is and is not;
*communication, conflict resolution and emotional growth;
*ethical considerations;
*sexual hygiene;
*children;
*wills, discrimination and legal hassles; and much more.

Whether you are well experiences with polyamory, or new at it, or curious about it, you'll find answers here, all conveniently arranged in numbered sections for easy reference.

My Review: Once again here we have a very good book with lots of things to consider. What I liked about this book is that while it was still interesting to read it also seemed to have a more professional flare than the previous books mentioned in the list. In addition to that the layout of the book really is wonderful for quick and easy reference if you want to go back to something, or simply want to skip ahead to a particular issue. In particular this book has a really good section on "Resolving Issues" with a subsection of jealousy, but that isn't the main focus of the section as a whole. It takes into consideration a lot of different scenarios and how to talk to a partner about it. Again, this book leans a little more towards the established couple but that doesn't detract from a lot of the good points in the book. It explains a variety of different nonmonogamous styles, all the usual ones but also things like mono/poly, poly/swinger relationships which was nice to see mentioned.

It also has an extensive section on "The Relationship Agreement" which is really awesome to review and consider when going into polyamorous relationships.

4. Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage

Written by Jenny Block an author and columnist.

Back Cover: Finally, a book about open marriage that grapples with the problems surrounding monogamy and fidelity in an honesty, heartfelt and non-fringe manner. Open challenges our notions of what traditional marriage looks like, and presents one woman's journey down an uncertain path that ultimately proves open marriage is a viable option- even one that suits some couples better than conventional marriage.

My Review: It's a book that is somewhat autobiographical. Unlike the other books in the list it isn't one of the books that is structured like a how-to and it doesn't give sections on various topics or even cover an extensive range of topics. This really is what it says on the back cover 'one woman's journey'. It's shaped somewhat like a story of Jenny's romantic life as well as pausing every now and again for reflection of the time, tradition, feelings that were going on, and even society at large. It's at least a fun and entertaining read.

5. Title

Written by

Back Cover:

My Review:


| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Resource Links


Here are a list of websites that have proven to be useful to me or others in the journey of polyamory. If you have suggestions to add to the list, please PM me.

Xeromag
My personal favorite. It has some very good information, tips on communication and ways of dealing with things such a jealousy in a relationship.

Polyamory.org
This website is the main site for the alt.polyamory newsgroup. It has a bunch of FAQs and articles made by polyamorous people of the newsgroup as well as links to even more resources.

Polyamory Society
The Polyamory Society is a nonprofit organization which promotes and supports the interest of individuals of multipartner relationships and families. Currently the Society provides information and is building membership.

Loving More
Loving More is a non-profit organization and magazine dedicated to information, education and support of polyamory and polyamorous relationships. They are a national organization and resource for people who wish to live outside traditional monogamy responsibly and with integrity.

Polyamorous Percolations
A website with good resources, FAQs, an active Polyamory in the News blog and a wonderful forum community where you can talk about anything and get helpful advice.

| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

Banners


Want to support this support thread? Pop a banner in your profile, signature, thread, guild or shop if you like smile (If it's in your thread, guild or shop and would like to affiliate PM me!)

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Affiliates

Sex-Ed and What They May Have Missed

Polyamory 103: A Poly-Chatter Thread.

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| 1. Thread Mandate | 2. Rules | 3. Polyamory.... what's that? | 4. Common Misconceptions | 5. FAQ | 6. Discussion | 7. Other Styles of Non-Monogamy | 8. Book List | 9. Resource Links | 10. Banners | 11. Reserved |
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

♥ Sing me something soft, sad and delicate...

Personally, I'm very happy in my monogamous relationship, and don't think that I could be happy in a polyamorous relationship. None the less, love can come in many forms and I am perfectly fine with polyamory. Just because it's not for me doesn't mean it's wrong and won't work for someone else, right?
Sing me anything... ♥
Magic-Froggie Sundae's avatar

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"I'm putting a link to this thread in my Sex-Ed And What They Missed thread. Is that okay? I think this will be very educational. Good job."
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

@Poetic Essence: Exactly. We're really just about spreading awareness so people know they're not alone and so that they can get advice and support from other poly people. Glad to see understanding smile

@Magic-Froggie Sundae: That's not a problem at all. I'm very happy that you'd want to link smile Can I get a link to your thread as well? 1. I'd like to check it out for myself and 2. I'd like to affiliate if you don't mind?
So, I see this new thread is in its infancy. Is it okay to ask questions? (This one, I think, is a hard one.)

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