[ Poll ] Physical vs Intellectual attraction in relationships..

What do you focus most on in a romantic partner?

Physical		0.0%	[ 0 ]
Intellectual		15.9%	[ 7 ]
Both		77.3%	[ 34 ]
Other/Pollwhore		6.8%	[ 3 ]

Total Votes: 44

[The Gay Science]

I've noticed the term "shallow" being chucked around a lot about attraction, not only in the LD, but in general. It's a popular assertion that those who heavily consider appearance when choosing a partner are shallow. I do not agree with the notion that this is a negative thing.

Wanting an attractive partner does not imply that you don't care whether you nab a dum dum as long as they're super pretty to look at. You can want both aesthetics and intelligence. I don't understand the idealism that you must compromise one for another. Sure, you might have a great personality. If option number two has just as a great a personality and a great body, then why should you be chosen over them? Where is the source of that self-entitlement?

I do not agree that there is anything wrong with wanting to get the best physical and intellectual stimulation possible out of your prospective romantic partners. I consider both my physical/sexual relationship and my emotional/intellectual relationship with my partner to be equally important. Why is it less acceptable to be equally concerned with both attributes in a lover by so many's perspectives?

[Dmitri Blair]

I was intellectually attracted to my current boyfriend before I was physically, but physical attraction was there as well.
Idealistically, both should be present, but of course, you can't only be attracted to one half without the other being present in any retrospect.

[muletokV2]

I need physical aesthetics and intellectual stimulation in a relationship. At least someone who I would consider on par with myself.

To put it simply: I wouldn't date a literature professor if he looked like he'd been run over by the ugly bus, and I wouldn't date a supermodel if I couldn't have an intelligent discussion with them.

[percocet princess]

i agree with you.


i really don't understand this either. there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a partner that you are attracted to--that's completley natural. in fact, it's NOT natural to not care at all about looks. a romantic relationship needs attraction to work, it just does. if there is no sexual attraction, there is no relationship. no romantic one, anyway. you just have yourself a friendship in that case.

and as you said, it's not like you have to choose one or the other. why settle for just one? i have a very physically attractive man who is also very attractive emotionally and intellectually.


i also hate when people try to assert that sex isn't important in a romantic relationship. of course it is! you HAVE to have some sexual contact in an adult relationship, or you don't have an adult romantic relationship!

[Levis Pennae]

Physical attraction for the initial start, and intellectual attraction for the long haul.

[Masochist Marduk]

percocet princess

i have a very physically attractive man

: (

[Risa de Navi]

The Magician says:

I agree.

And also, people always harp about, "At least ugly people have personalities!" Uhm. You do know that you can have both beauty and personality, right?

Another one is, "People didn't earn their looks, so you shouldn't date someone just because they're hot." Well, people don't earn their brains either. You're physically attractive or you're not. You can wear make-up or fabulous clothes or get plastic surgery, but in the end, you can't change much about your appearance. In the same way, you're smart or you're not. There isn't much you can do to change that either. Yeah, you can work super hard, or study like crazy, but again, you haven't really altered your intelligence level.
Going for someone's brains is not any less shallow than going for someone's looks. And most people go for both anyway, even if they won't admit it. Don't act superior about your own preferences. :]

And in the blink of an eye, she's gone...

[Amythe the Mammoth]

When in the hunt, I generally only strike up conversations with people I think are attractive. Why would I want a relationship with someone I'm not physically attracted to? That's not a relationship. That's pity.

[GillyBBY]

I like there to be at least a little balance between the two.
Attractive but stupid people are good for a while until you suddenly realise their idiocy is annoying.
And let's be frank, very few people want to date something that looks like roadkill.

[The Gay Science]

Masochist Marduk

percocet princess

i have a very physically attractive man

: (

Aww, don't worry, Marduk. I'm sure you'll get the next one. gonk

[percocet princess]

Masochist Marduk

percocet princess

i have a very physically attractive man

: (

sorry DDDD:

[SAILOR STEAMPUNK]

I definitely need a man to be both physically and intellectually attractive. There's no point in dating a hot guy who I can't really talk to. Fortunately, I've found the guy who fits my standards perfectly and aww i wuv him.

But both these traits are pretty subjective. What one person finds physically attractive, someone else may not, but that doesn't mean the first person is with an undesireable guy. Another girl might value street smarts over book smarts. There definitely needs to be a balance of the two, though.

[Masochist Marduk]

The Gay Science

Masochist Marduk

percocet princess

i have a very physically attractive man

: (

Aww, don't worry, Marduk. I'm sure you'll get the next one. gonk

Yeah, I'll get it all right. Shoved to me. xP

[Ego sum Legio]

Like many things, I think it's an ideal coined by the self concious. Say you have a very smart person, who is lacking in the looks department. While intelligence is a great quality, beauty is commonly held to a higher standard via the Media and popular opinion. They might feel instinctively challenged, because they believe that you must be attractive to acquire a mate. The media also has a tendancy to portray the aesthetically attractive person to be shallow, or unintelligent, eg The dumb busty blonde, or the egotistical football team captain.

In order to battle this popular system of belief, someone who is self concious will claim that attraction due to appearance is shallow. Because, obviously, if you like someone based on their looks only, you have no interest in intelligence AND the person you admire must be shallow. [/sarcasm]

Of course, this is a defense mechanism, seeing as beauty is subjective, and attractiveness does not measure intelligence. I, personally, know many intelligent people who I find attractive. Of course, my friends might not.

[resinstained]

People are just stupid. To think that it's wrong not to want your partner to be both attractive and intelligent is lame. Rather, people break it down to one or the other. Beauty is not fully linked to Dumb and Intelligence is not fully linked to Ugly. You can have both and Godamnit, I have both (my boyfriend, yum). The fact that the mainstream population of people still think like that is just sad.