"Monogamy is a choice you must battle every day"

[xChibi Cannibalx]

I was reading something on reddit when i came across a comment that said "Monogamy is a choice. If you choose to be a monogamist you must fight for that every day while in a relationship." The topic i was reading about was about cheating, not mono or poly relationships

But, i never saw being poly or being mono much of a choice for a person. I know for my self personally, i could never be in a serious poly relationship. I wouldnt feel right, and i know id be jealous or overwhelmed with multiple people in my relationship. And ive got a friend who feels similarly about being poly. She feels weird if she cannot have more than one serious partner, and found herself getting easily irritated and upset when she was in a monogamous relationship

I also dont see why, if you were monogamous, youd have to battle urges to be with other people. If you have those urges, you should talk to your partner about them and possibly open the relationship. I know a lot of people in relationships have those urges to be with others and even have crushes on people, but i dont and thats why i dont understand 'the battle' or why they dont just open their relationship

Discus:
Is being mono or poly a choice?
Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?
If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?
- If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?

[Echinoderm0]

I agree with everything you've said. No need to add anything :p

[Perfect_Itemization]

Is being mono or poly a choice?
Yes. Monogamy is in my opinion a social construct.
Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?
In between, I guess.
If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?
Under normal circumstances, no. I prefer monogamy because that's just what I typically define a relationship as and frankly poly/open relationships have a higher potential to get "messy" and complicated. I'm not saying that they can't work or that people should not pursue such relationships, only that it is not my preference.
If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?
When I said "normal circumstances" above I meant that there is a decent amount of sex in said monogamous relationship. In my current relationship there is not. On account of that I've cheated a few times. Between the lack of sex and the cheating I suggested 1 1/2 - 2 years ago that we consider an open relationship. The bf didn't like that idea, but about 2 weeks ago he brought it up out of the blue and agreed to it. So, presuming I even stay in this relationship much longer I guess I'm now in a poly relationship of sorts, though most people I know would consider a "poly relationship" to be more of the set up one of our friends has.

We have a friend who is married. He and his wife conjointly share a girlfriend. The girlfriend even lives with them and they all sleep in the same bed. It works just dandy for them and they're all happy with the situation. My only concern with that setup is that he and his wife have a child who also lives with all of them. The kid is only a few years old right now and it's not like they're all having a free for all in the living room, so I doubt that the child is even aware of the situation. That said, a few years from now he'll be old enough to see that things aren't "normal" so I'm not sure how they're going to go about handling that or if they've even given it much thought. It's not my business, so I've not brought it up.

The reason I make a distinction between their relationship and an open relationship is because even though there is a 3rd person involved, their relationship is closed. None of them are involved with other people. The only exception that I'm aware of is that my bf and I have had a 5some with them on a few occasions, but that wasn't really planned. More like we all got drunk and it just happened and then after that it was one of those "******** it we've already done it, why not do it again?" sort of things.

[Silly Annie]

well sure its a choice
you can choose to be with one person or choose to be with lots
how they all feel bout it is a totally other thing right

[freelance lover]

Is being mono or poly a choice? I mean, I guess so in the sense that you choose to commit to one person or many people. Perhaps people have preferences, but some people prefer vanilla to chocolate. I don't know that'd I'd call chocolate preference a choice though.

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why? Monogamist. The idea of an open relationship just isn't appealing to me. I'm happy having one partner.

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner? Not really. If you're fighting every day for your relationship so you don't stray from your partner, it's probably not a very good relationship in the first place.

If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it? Not really. With sex in particular, I'm somewhat conservative in my own practices. I suppose under the right circumstances I could be interested in it, but it's generally unappealing to me.

[nitznitz]

xChibi Cannibalx

Is being mono or poly a choice?

Being in a mono or poly relationship is a choice.

xChibi Cannibalx

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?

I'm in a monogamist relationship because my SO wouldn't feel right in a poly.

xChibi Cannibalx

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?

Yes. So very much. I know though that it's probably nothing compared to jealousy and precieved neglect that monogamy-inclined people must feel in open relationships, so I deal with it.

xChibi Cannibalx

If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?

As I said, he'll be driven mad by jealousy, precieved neglect and seperation anxiety.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

nitznitz

xChibi Cannibalx

Is being mono or poly a choice?

Being in a mono or poly relationship is a choice.

xChibi Cannibalx

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?

I'm in a monogamist relationship because my SO wouldn't feel right in a poly.

xChibi Cannibalx

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?

Yes. So very much. I know though that it's probably nothing compared to jealousy and precieved neglect that monogamy-inclined people must feel in open relationships, so I deal with it.

xChibi Cannibalx

If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?

As I said, he'll be driven mad by jealousy, precieved neglect and seperation anxiety.

So your poly choosing to be in a monogamous relationship? Your the first ive met who is ok with doing this, so is it alright if i ask some questions? You can feel free not to respond to them/ignore them if they are out of line, this topic just makes me curious and id like a better understanding ^^;

Does your boyfriend know that you are poly by nature even though you are monogamous with him?
- If so, did you two compromise on it at all? Such as, are you allowed to flirt so long as it doesnt get out of hand?
Does he know you might fight with yourself sometimes to stay monogamous to him?
- If so, how does he feel about that?

[nitznitz]

xChibi Cannibalx

nitznitz

xChibi Cannibalx

Is being mono or poly a choice?

Being in a mono or poly relationship is a choice.

xChibi Cannibalx

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?

I'm in a monogamist relationship because my SO wouldn't feel right in a poly.

xChibi Cannibalx

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?

Yes. So very much. I know though that it's probably nothing compared to jealousy and precieved neglect that monogamy-inclined people must feel in open relationships, so I deal with it.

xChibi Cannibalx

If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?

As I said, he'll be driven mad by jealousy, precieved neglect and seperation anxiety.

So your poly choosing to be in a monogamous relationship? Your the first ive met who is ok with doing this, so is it alright if i ask some questions? You can feel free not to respond to them/ignore them if they are out of line, this topic just makes me curious and id like a better understanding ^^;

Does your boyfriend know that you are poly by nature even though you are monogamous with him?
- If so, did you two compromise on it at all? Such as, are you allowed to flirt so long as it doesnt get out of hand?
Does he know you might fight with yourself sometimes to stay monogamous to him?
- If so, how does he feel about that?

Of course it's ok.
-I'm allowed to look and think, but not touch.
-Yes, and it kills him whenever it's brought up.
-As I said, it hurts him. He doesn't realize that some people can't be only bound to one person at once, and while his love is total and single-targeted, my love can go in many ways. He has a hard time grasping it.

[Helskel]

Monogamy and polygamy is a choice, but for me it was easy to make. I don't want to be in a relationship with more than one person. Never have. My boyfriend is open to having an open relationship, even if it's just me being with other girls because I'm probably more attracted to them than I am guys, but I'm happy with him. I don't need anyone else. If other people want a poly relationship and can make it work, then hell yeah. Good for them. It's not for me though.

[ectogasm]

Sometimes I think I'm better off single
Sometimes I think about being in an open relationship.
Sometimes I think maybe I'm not meant to love just one person

I love my boyfriend very much but its hard for me sometimes cause I think I'll end up hurting someone.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

nitznitz

xChibi Cannibalx

nitznitz

xChibi Cannibalx

Is being mono or poly a choice?

Being in a mono or poly relationship is a choice.

xChibi Cannibalx

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?

I'm in a monogamist relationship because my SO wouldn't feel right in a poly.

xChibi Cannibalx

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?

Yes. So very much. I know though that it's probably nothing compared to jealousy and precieved neglect that monogamy-inclined people must feel in open relationships, so I deal with it.

xChibi Cannibalx

If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?

As I said, he'll be driven mad by jealousy, precieved neglect and seperation anxiety.

So your poly choosing to be in a monogamous relationship? Your the first ive met who is ok with doing this, so is it alright if i ask some questions? You can feel free not to respond to them/ignore them if they are out of line, this topic just makes me curious and id like a better understanding ^^;

Does your boyfriend know that you are poly by nature even though you are monogamous with him?
- If so, did you two compromise on it at all? Such as, are you allowed to flirt so long as it doesnt get out of hand?
Does he know you might fight with yourself sometimes to stay monogamous to him?
- If so, how does he feel about that?

Of course it's ok.
-I'm allowed to look and think, but not touch.
-Yes, and it kills him whenever it's brought up.
-As I said, it hurts him. He doesn't realize that some people can't be only bound to one person at once, and while his love is total and single-targeted, my love can go in many ways. He has a hard time grasping it.

So is it a topic that neither of you bring up any more, or is it still brought up now and then?

[NeoInterpretive]

Is being mono or poly a choice?

It is a choice, though for some people they just can not work with a poly relationship and others just can't work with a mono relationship, some are happy with either or. for those where as one does not work then the other option is not really an option, then people will chose an option that isn't suited for them because they love that person.

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist?

I have never been in a polygamist, Also monogamist works for me how ever we have spoken about having a third in our relationship.

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?

Not at all, I am more than content with what I have

[nitznitz]

xChibi Cannibalx

nitznitz

xChibi Cannibalx

nitznitz

xChibi Cannibalx

Is being mono or poly a choice?

Being in a mono or poly relationship is a choice.

xChibi Cannibalx

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?

I'm in a monogamist relationship because my SO wouldn't feel right in a poly.

xChibi Cannibalx

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?

Yes. So very much. I know though that it's probably nothing compared to jealousy and precieved neglect that monogamy-inclined people must feel in open relationships, so I deal with it.

xChibi Cannibalx

If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?

As I said, he'll be driven mad by jealousy, precieved neglect and seperation anxiety.

So your poly choosing to be in a monogamous relationship? Your the first ive met who is ok with doing this, so is it alright if i ask some questions? You can feel free not to respond to them/ignore them if they are out of line, this topic just makes me curious and id like a better understanding ^^;

Does your boyfriend know that you are poly by nature even though you are monogamous with him?
- If so, did you two compromise on it at all? Such as, are you allowed to flirt so long as it doesnt get out of hand?
Does he know you might fight with yourself sometimes to stay monogamous to him?
- If so, how does he feel about that?

Of course it's ok.
-I'm allowed to look and think, but not touch.
-Yes, and it kills him whenever it's brought up.
-As I said, it hurts him. He doesn't realize that some people can't be only bound to one person at once, and while his love is total and single-targeted, my love can go in many ways. He has a hard time grasping it.

So is it a topic that neither of you bring up any more, or is it still brought up now and then?

Now and then.

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

Is being mono or poly a choice?
I think it's a conscious decision that's reinforced by the idea of what you're comfortable with.

Are you a monogamist or a polygamist? Why?
I'm a monogamist. I don't feel comfortable with myself being with multiple consenting partners at once. It's just not something I could do. But I'm not against it, because it's not my life.

If you are monogamous, do you feel the need to "fight every day in your relationship" to stay monogamous to your partner?
I don't "fight" with anything in my monogamist relationship. If I had to "fight" every day for my relationship, then I'd have to say I wasn't 100% a monogamist.

- If so, why dont you try out polygamy? Have you thought about it?
I've thought about it, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of "sharing" my partner with other people, I suppose. I can be greedy. sweatdrop