Long Distance Relationsips (LDR) Support Thread

[Misiea]

Faye Kaiba

Cecilia Wolfram Davidson

Faye Kaiba

Cecilia Wolfram Davidson

So I am dating sifen yamishi and we are in Texas. Just two different ends of it. We are boy transgender and in very conservative families. We are finally about to get skype. But I have to ask if there are any tips you guys could give

Hmmm what kind of tips would you like?

basically the mental handling of dealing with LDRs, because i was in one for about 2 years prior to this relationship (my ex-girlfriend was in Cali), but wondered how to deal with the day to day stuff with this.

Well hmmm
Some tips would be, remember trust is a big key and so is communication. Since you both got skype, have skype dates, watch movies on skypes, maybe play some games together. If you get into an argument, don't go to bed angry, try to work out the problem.

Actually, I can't remember where I read the article, but if you're angry, sometimes it's better to go to bed, because sleep gives you time to calm down and approach the problem with a better state of mind. So that's not always true. Although a good rule of thumb is to not try to talk these kinds of things out when you're pissed. You'll get no where.

I recommend talking about the future a lot. It really makes the distance seem smaller. But not only talk about the future, it's also a good idea to actually act on those plans. Such as if you're planning to move in them, start a savings account so that when the time comes you have the money to do so.

Other things you can do is just share videos of things you like. (Music, tv shows, anime, ect.) You can also sit down and watch things together. My boyfriend and I enjoy watching anime together, and to do that you can just use a streaming site, and hit the play button at the same time.

You can also play online games together if you're both into gaming. Today, there's many games that are free to play that you can enjoy together. You can go to www.mmohut.com and just check a few of them out, and see if any interest you both. If you want specific recommendations from me, just ask. Also, some online games have cute features that allow you to marry other people.

And you don't have to play an online game together, you could simply start a game you both own at the same time if it's single player. Recently, my boyfriend and I both played through Super Meteoroid. (I was first to complete the game, he was the one that got the highest completion.)

Trust is another important thing. If you can't trust the other person this will never work out. I have tons of trust for my lover, just like he trusts me a lot. (Even to the point he doesn't really care if I spend the night with my DnD group, which are all male.)

Another thing is that you shouldn't be afraid to ask for some alone time, and if the other person asks to be alone for awhile, don't think you did something wrong. Sometimes people just want alone time to enjoy some silence.

[Rose Mystica]

Today is our anniversary! whee heart

(I actually didn't intentionally pick Valentine's Day. I sat around for days wondering what to say and if I should even try to say it before I finally asked for encouragement on Twitter. So he gave me some and later I PM'd him on Google Chat and stumbled my way through a very clumsy and stupid confession. Fortunately, obviously, he'd taken a liking to me, too.)

We're planning on a skype date tonight, after the newest episode of his show is up 4laugh heart I can't wait! I'm excited!

[buttram manfist]

jesus christ.

valentines day.

my heart aches, I need her so bad...


emotion_8c

[Faye Kaiba]

Cecilia Wolfram Davidson

Faye Kaiba

Cecilia Wolfram Davidson

So I am dating sifen yamishi and we are in Texas. Just two different ends of it. We are boy transgender and in very conservative families. We are finally about to get skype. But I have to ask if there are any tips you guys could give

Hmmm what kind of tips would you like?

basically the mental handling of dealing with LDRs, because i was in one for about 2 years prior to this relationship (my ex-girlfriend was in Cali), but wondered how to deal with the day to day stuff with this.

Well hmmm
Some tips would be, remember trust is a big key and so is communication. Since you both got skype, have skype dates, watch movies on skypes, maybe play some games together. If you get into an argument, don't go to bed angry, try to work out the problem.

[Cecilia Wolfram Davidson]

Faye Kaiba

Cecilia Wolfram Davidson

So I am dating sifen yamishi and we are in Texas. Just two different ends of it. We are boy transgender and in very conservative families. We are finally about to get skype. But I have to ask if there are any tips you guys could give

Hmmm what kind of tips would you like?

basically the mental handling of dealing with LDRs, because i was in one for about 2 years prior to this relationship (my ex-girlfriend was in Cali), but wondered how to deal with the day to day stuff with this.

[Faye Kaiba]

Cecilia Wolfram Davidson

So I am dating sifen yamishi and we are in Texas. Just two different ends of it. We are boy transgender and in very conservative families. We are finally about to get skype. But I have to ask if there are any tips you guys could give

Hmmm what kind of tips would you like?

[Cecilia Wolfram Davidson]

Both, not boy, dammit

[Cecilia Wolfram Davidson]

So I am dating sifen yamishi and we are in Texas. Just two different ends of it. We are boy transgender and in very conservative families. We are finally about to get skype. But I have to ask if there are any tips you guys could give

[Shattered Heroine]

Pierrot-Hime

Shattered Heroine

Guys uhm I need help. so valentines is coming, and i don't know what to give that special someone. well we're in an LDR :/ like thousand miles apart :/

My SO and I have aprox. 1055 km between us as well but we just swapped gifts trough mail smile
(We both send it out like previous Monday?) I made a box filled with rose petals and little hearts, a V-day card in it, a silly doodle, a specialvideo message , a baroque style photo frame I bought with a photo of us I had a photo company print and a PC game (SKYRIM) that he really wanted. I did it in a quest form where he would have to do stuff like open a card or letter containing info on the next step or go to a url to get closer to his main gift haha. He got me a A Personalised Sterling Silver Necklace with a engraved heart trinket box so yeah I think (online?)cards and personal video messages are good for LDR's if you don't really want to send something out?

omg i hope I can do that next time sweatdrop

[Pierrot-Hime]

Shattered Heroine

Guys uhm I need help. so valentines is coming, and i don't know what to give that special someone. well we're in an LDR :/ like thousand miles apart :/

My SO and I have aprox. 1055 km between us as well but we just swapped gifts trough mail smile
(We both send it out like previous Monday?) I made a box filled with rose petals and little hearts, a V-day card in it, a silly doodle, a specialvideo message , a baroque style photo frame I bought with a photo of us I had a photo company print and a PC game (SKYRIM) that he really wanted. I did it in a quest form where he would have to do stuff like open a card or letter containing info on the next step or go to a url to get closer to his main gift haha. He got me a A Personalised Sterling Silver Necklace with a engraved heart trinket box so yeah I think (online?)cards and personal video messages are good for LDR's if you don't really want to send something out?

[Shattered Heroine]

Guys uhm I need help. so valentines is coming, and i don't know what to give that special someone. well we're in an LDR :/ like thousand miles apart :/

[Petit Chardonnay]

Chu Duen

I'm having somewhat of a crisis here. At the end of 2010, I was in my last ever LDR. He broke up with me stating that he didn't see the point in being with someone halfway across the US when I didn't want to talk (which isn't true, but I'm not getting into that). Now, the day we broke up I deleted him off of everything I had him on, including his phone number. Even after all of the things he said to me in his last message I still loved him.

I obviously, eventually, got over it, moved on, blah blah blah.

Today, he sends me a friend request on Facebook; and I accepted. My old feelings for this guy are instantaneously rekindled. I honest to God, loved him. The kind of love you see in movies and books; the happily ever after love. But...I remember all those hurtful words he said. I remember feeling like that which he called me. I don't want that again.

Now, I'm not saying this friend thing means we'll date again, but to STILL have feelings for him after all this time makes me wonder if he's the one that got away. Or, pushed me away is more like it.

I know how you feel. I am the same with my ex. After he broke up with me (well, it was kinda a joint decision), we moved on, that was also like last year, but I still love him and care for him so much. Even though I know for sure we wouldn´t last if we got together again, I would still be so much tempted to get back with him, because well, my feelings are still there :/ It sucks...

[LDR Posting Mule]

Eris Zephyr

Yay a response!

And yes, the reason he confessed love for me then was because the sudden jealousy and having "lost" me as it were to our other friend made it clearer than ever that he did have feelings for me.

But I assure you, as I've assured him, he could not be more upset with me over what happened than how upset I am with myself over how I let it happen. I feel even more unworthy of P than ever before because of what I did... I was unspoiled entirely, and I'm still a virgin, but I was a hairsbreadth from losing it, and how I let it happen with that friend just makes me feel like a whore. :/ Not to mention, it was P's fault as much as mine--if he had even once let it show that he cared for me at all beyond a possible lay, I would never have gone through with it. I just wanted to feel wanted by him, but if I had to settle for someone else, well... :/

And I do tell him how I feel all the time. We haven't called each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" because that's not something we're going to do unless we can be together physically, but for all intents and purposes I guess we are in a relationship.

The problem is, when I tell him how I feel--it just turns into an argument because I get mad that he did these things that hurt me so much.

And I would love nothing more than to be able to forget everything he's done to upset me--either that, or have the strength to tell him his confession of love for me was too little, too late, but he's perfect and what I've always wanted--but I can't. I can't forget it, and any simple thing like seeing something on TV, or just a random depressing thought can send me spiraling down again and wishing he'd never "come around" to loving me. I'd already accustomed myself to being a "practice girl" at best for the man I loved, so how can I possibly consider making him stay with someone fat and nasty like me for the rest of his life? I don't know what to do, because I want to be able to be happy with him, but no matter what I always eventually remember, and I get upset just the same. crying

[Eris Zephyr]

LDR Posting Mule

Halp? crying

Days go on forever
But I have not left your side.

It's good that you put a lot of details into your story, helped me understand it.

Now, I will tell you that there's nothing wrong with how you feel about how he "used" you (if that's what you would prefer to call it). What he did, must have been pretty hurtful, considering you would think of him but he didn't think of you that time.
Though don't forget, that he's probably also hurt, over you having the visits/relationship with his friend.
Are you and P in a relationship together now? If so, tell him how you feel. As your significant other, he should have a serious conversation with you on what had happened and to make sure it won't happen anymore.

Perhaps both of you could write a list and then read it out to the other, telling the other what bothers you/him, and then comforting each other and making sure everything is alright between you two... BUT this could cause problems.

OR

You and him can help each other learn to forgive and forget the past, and focus on working towards a very happy future with each other.

We can chase the dark together
If you go then so will I.

[LDR Posting Mule]

Uuuuuug but it's gonna be so embarrassing because it involves ... the cyber nasty D: Makes me feel like such a slut crying

But, okay, gonna try to sum it up best I can... NEVERMIND. Prepare for a wall of text x_____x;;

Let's start with my background first. I've suffered from depression since.. I think even since I was a child, which has only worsened and worsened throughout my teen years. Then my mom made me move away from the friends I'd had for 6 years (we moved around a lot during my whole life so I've never made any friendships that lasted more than 6 years). So I finished highschool alone pretty much, and was planning on killing myself not long after I graduated as it became abundantly clear I was not getting into college, then or ever (we have no money for that and I know I will never be able to handle a job AND college at the same time). And my friends of course all got jobs because they're even poorer than I am and none of them were ever online to talk to, nor are they online now.

So after 6 or 7 months of hardly speaking to another person my age, I started playing an MMORPG I used to play before I moved, and met this guy there--let's call him "P". At first all I ever felt towards him was just a very close feeling of friendship--I'd never met anyone who could quote as much Family Guy as I could, and we had lots in common. Then after about 3 months of us playing that game nearly every day, he said, "Well apparently now college has ended I've got to hang out with my friends IRL" more or less, after he'd made it clear he found having to hang out with friends irl as insufferable as I did at times--we both just preferred to play video games than have to hang out with other people. During this time in my life I was going through therapy for my depression and went on Prozac, which I think may have contributed to my craziness, but his absence made me petrified because I was insanely jealous and stayed up until 5am most nights, waiting for him to talk to me--but he never did, because when he was online, it was for 10 minutes or so at most before he went out again. It made me petrified with fear because I was afraid I was in love with him--which sadly I was, but I knew net relationships were stupid and I knew he thought the same and that he would never want me.

(P also lives in the UK, and I live in Florida.)

Because of how he didn't seem to care at all that we were no longer spending time together, I did my best to stop caring about him. I still wanted to feel loved--and one of his college friends kept hitting on me all the time, so I finally gave into it just to have someone tell me I was worth something. When that one disappeared (his mom kicked him out because she couldn't afford him living there anymore), P and a bunch of our other friends from the online game had started doing random group calls on skype for the lulz.

So, because I still, despite everything I'd done to push myself away from P, had feelings for him, I ended up inviting him to private calls between me and him. At first they were innocent enough, but then I would have pain (this was actually true, sometimes when I have my period my hoo-hah gets really sharp pains for no reason Dx), and let out high moans. They were not on purpose, but when I realized I could do those to pleasure him, well... In the end I practically started seducing him. We called this relationship as being "******** buddies" with a possible intention to meet up if he ever had the time or money. I knew he was far out of my league, as I find him completely perfect... so I was willing to just be batting practice for him so he could get it right with the girl he'd always dreamt of.

Months after that, the skype calls having brought us much closer as I got more adventurous with him, another friend from our game tried to come between us. This friend, a guy, always said he was so ugly and no woman would ever sex him, etc, so I was always just trying to say no I totally would, because he was not as hideous as he said he was. Eventually, this guy took that way too far and came over and visited me because of what I said--but I didn't want to ruin the friendship and tell him not to visit. :/ (We didn't have sex but I still feel ruined for P after what happened.)

I tried to see if P ever felt anything more for me than just "fap material", and so before the other friend visited I tried to make P jealous. P only said, "I don't care if I get his sloppy seconds, go visit him first : P" (not exactly that, but close enough)

That was when I knew P would never love me. So I told myself that weird creeper friend was the best I could do, myself being so fat and ugly...

...Then the friend visited and P confesses love for me. So as soon as that friend left my house, I never wanted to be associated with them again, and I have not spoken to them for months. P and I have been saying how much we love each other at every chance and planning his visit here later this year.

But remember when I started seducing him? I used to masturbate for him, and to him, not that he knew it was to him, and moan and all that just to please him. Most of those calls were done on voice calls rather than cam at first (though we almost always do cam now for Any type of call)--and my depression told me it was because I was horrible to look at when a man is trying to masturbate.

Then it turned out to be true. Apparently, for at least the first month of those calls where he was masturbating to me--or at least, I thought he was--he was masturbating to pictures of other women. This would actually be OKAY with me, as they were random porn pictures and he had no imagination until I taught him how, EXCEPT FOR THIS. He had saved a picture, of a girl named H, that he knew for years, and said she was the one girl he'd ever had interest in having sex with the first few months I knew him. And he used that picture TO MY VOICE.

Am I wrong for not being able to let this go? Because it's killing me every time I think about it. I can be happy, very extremely happy with P--until I remember how he used me. He swears up and down that H never meant anything to him, and that he rarely even Used her picture during my calls. I believe those excuses, but that still doesn't change the fact he used me to masturbate to a girl he used to know IN PERSON and wanted to have sex with.

Anytime I think of how he used me like that, or how he's been to two or so parties in his whole life, and girls felt him up all over at those parties (and he is STILL a virgin, what the ******** is that s**t about?), and those girls were way hotter than I will EVER be, it makes me want to cut myself. And I have cut myself. A lot. I've always been suicidal so it's not as if his leaving me will have caused my death, but it causes these physical and emotional hurts so often. And we're both tired of arguing these things to death.

Halp? crying