Long Distance Relationsips (LDR) Support Thread

[Wee Little]

RunningWithNemo

Wee Little

Maybe I did just have shitty luck. I'm in the US and my boyfriend is in Canada. She badgered me for everything down to how new my clothing looked, which she found suspicious.

While a great deal of it was new, it wasn't all new and it's not like I bought it for the trip. It was recently my birthday and I treated myself to some new clothing.

She chewed me out for only having $300 for a weekend with someone I never met (I was being hosted, I didn't need much and I get her concern but I trusted him).

She made me give her my phone and she read all of my text messages and conversations on my Facebook and Skype app. And she inquired on some of the conversation topics too. At some point she got confused because my boyfriends name is Jesse, my best friends name is Jessica, my bosses name is Jim, and my supervisors name is Justin. So when she didn't see any texts from my boyfriend (he doesn't text) but she saw those three J names, she got confused and suspicious and badgered me more about that. Funny considering I may be starting a second job soon and my boss and supervisor over at that place will be Jim and Julie...

In the end she let me go. Could've been worse I suppose.

I don't think with how much she was prying I could have avoided the topic of who I was visiting. I've received mixed suggestions - don't lie, saying it's a friend vs. a boyfriend doesn't make much of a difference, then some say to keep it simple and to just say a friend. Then again I'm sure by reading my Skype conversations with him she figured out he was more than a friend, which she didn't really get onto me for. She may just be used to it. From the minute I said he was a guy I met online she probably assumed it was a boyfriend.

That is insane that she acted that way - she doesn't know you and she doesn't know him... who is she to judge your relationship!! *hugs* I'm sorry that she acted that way hon!! sad

It's alright. I just hope it it doesn't happen again. It just may, I just hope I don't one day get denied entry eek I've heard stories of people getting denied entry for no real reason. But thinking about it makes me feel paranoid and nervous because they seemed to question me for everything and I'm not sure if it's normal.

When I was going back to the US they didn't pester me at all nearly. He asked my nationality, asked why I went to Canada, asked what game I play with my boyfriend (guessing they keep track of the questions you answered with the other customs agent because I never mentioned playing any games with him), asked if I had anything to declare, and he cracked a little joke that it must not have gone well if I wasn't coming back and bringing my boyfriend back with me.

[xXLoveXyouXforveverXx]

Hi, I see this thread all the time.
Well, this guy and myself, we were in a relationship with each other for a month. We were only physically together for two days out of the first three days of being together. He had to go back to his hometown for something serious and we would talk through text. His texting wasn't much and it was hard to tell if he still liked me because he was so far away and wasn't talking much. We discussed it and he tried harder, but he still felt distance. So, last week, we skyped and I told him that the distance that he was giving off and the actual distance apart was taking his toll on me. He basically told me that he was not emotionally ready to be with someone right now, but later on he knows he will be. I broke up with him. We haven't spoken since then, but I do miss him and still want to talk to him.
I'm just coming to y'all because I would like some really helpful advice from someone that doesn't know me, or him. I just want to know whether or not anyone else has gone through a similar situation with their significant other (obviously, didn't have the same result), how did you handle it, should I try again with him when he is more available, and should I have waited for him? I understand long distance is a bit of the waiting game, so should I have done that?
Distance isn't a problem for me, just the lack of communication. Does anyone else feel the same way?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and help me out.

[Wee Little]

xXLoveXyouXforveverXx

Hi, I see this thread all the time.
Well, this guy and myself, we were in a relationship with each other for a month. We were only physically together for two days out of the first three days of being together. He had to go back to his hometown for something serious and we would talk through text. His texting wasn't much and it was hard to tell if he still liked me because he was so far away and wasn't talking much. We discussed it and he tried harder, but he still felt distance. So, last week, we skyped and I told him that the distance that he was giving off and the actual distance apart was taking his toll on me. He basically told me that he was not emotionally ready to be with someone right now, but later on he knows he will be. I broke up with him. We haven't spoken since then, but I do miss him and still want to talk to him.
I'm just coming to y'all because I would like some really helpful advice from someone that doesn't know me, or him. I just want to know whether or not anyone else has gone through a similar situation with their significant other (obviously, didn't have the same result), how did you handle it, should I try again with him when he is more available, and should I have waited for him? I understand long distance is a bit of the waiting game, so should I have done that?
Distance isn't a problem for me, just the lack of communication. Does anyone else feel the same way?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and help me out.

I'd say don't wait up. Obviously people here are supporters and believe LDRs can work, but you know, if you can find people who are physically there in person, then go for it. Sounds like you didn't know him for very long. Perhaps it is best to just remain friends with him, but don't hold onto any potential false hope.

LDRs tend to be pretty serious from the get-go, that or they're pretty casual in the beginning. But either way, at some point LDRs tend to become more serious than most relationships. In some ways they require more commitment because even if you are in a LDR and you can handle the distance you need to make long-term goals or else it isn't going to work. Even when you're in high school, you may want to consider talking about plans post high school, and if you're going to college, where you will be going, approximately how long you will be studying. Would either of you be willing to move to be with the other, will visits have any hurdles such as money for plane tickets, etc. It's good to be upfront about this from the beginning. It doesn't have to be anything set in stone or concrete but it's nice to have this kind of stuff just out there.

So personally, I do not recommend going into a LDR unless you and the person know each other well and know you really want to be with that person. He definitely sounds like he wasn't yet ready for that kind of relationship and it may take some time before he is and even then he may not longer be interested in you by time he is. Or you him.

[Kliapatra]

xXLoveXyouXforveverXx

Hi, I see this thread all the time.
Well, this guy and myself, we were in a relationship with each other for a month. We were only physically together for two days out of the first three days of being together. He had to go back to his hometown for something serious and we would talk through text. His texting wasn't much and it was hard to tell if he still liked me because he was so far away and wasn't talking much. We discussed it and he tried harder, but he still felt distance. So, last week, we skyped and I told him that the distance that he was giving off and the actual distance apart was taking his toll on me. He basically told me that he was not emotionally ready to be with someone right now, but later on he knows he will be. I broke up with him. We haven't spoken since then, but I do miss him and still want to talk to him.
I'm just coming to y'all because I would like some really helpful advice from someone that doesn't know me, or him. I just want to know whether or not anyone else has gone through a similar situation with their significant other (obviously, didn't have the same result), how did you handle it, should I try again with him when he is more available, and should I have waited for him? I understand long distance is a bit of the waiting game, so should I have done that?
Distance isn't a problem for me, just the lack of communication. Does anyone else feel the same way?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and help me out.

Unfortunately, in order for an LDR to work, both parties have to be willing to put up with being apart. This also means putting in the effort to communicate frequently, be it through texts, emails, phone calls, skype, or whatever you use. If he isn't willing to put in that effort right now, you can't really carry on with the relationship!

It might be better for you to just move past him, for now. Eventually you may find yourselves in different places or mindsets and want to rekindle that flame, or maybe you'll both find something that fits your lives better. I know it's hard to move on, so maybe take some time to focus on yourself and doing things that you enjoy, that make you happy, and that make you a better person. Only talk to him if he's genuinely interested in talking, because I know sometimes after a break-up, one person wants to be friends but it kills the other person just to talk to them.

[RunningWithNemo]

Wee Little

RunningWithNemo

Wee Little

Maybe I did just have shitty luck. I'm in the US and my boyfriend is in Canada. She badgered me for everything down to how new my clothing looked, which she found suspicious.

While a great deal of it was new, it wasn't all new and it's not like I bought it for the trip. It was recently my birthday and I treated myself to some new clothing.

She chewed me out for only having $300 for a weekend with someone I never met (I was being hosted, I didn't need much and I get her concern but I trusted him).

She made me give her my phone and she read all of my text messages and conversations on my Facebook and Skype app. And she inquired on some of the conversation topics too. At some point she got confused because my boyfriends name is Jesse, my best friends name is Jessica, my bosses name is Jim, and my supervisors name is Justin. So when she didn't see any texts from my boyfriend (he doesn't text) but she saw those three J names, she got confused and suspicious and badgered me more about that. Funny considering I may be starting a second job soon and my boss and supervisor over at that place will be Jim and Julie...

In the end she let me go. Could've been worse I suppose.

I don't think with how much she was prying I could have avoided the topic of who I was visiting. I've received mixed suggestions - don't lie, saying it's a friend vs. a boyfriend doesn't make much of a difference, then some say to keep it simple and to just say a friend. Then again I'm sure by reading my Skype conversations with him she figured out he was more than a friend, which she didn't really get onto me for. She may just be used to it. From the minute I said he was a guy I met online she probably assumed it was a boyfriend.

That is insane that she acted that way - she doesn't know you and she doesn't know him... who is she to judge your relationship!! *hugs* I'm sorry that she acted that way hon!! sad

It's alright. I just hope it it doesn't happen again. It just may, I just hope I don't one day get denied entry eek I've heard stories of people getting denied entry for no real reason. But thinking about it makes me feel paranoid and nervous because they seemed to question me for everything and I'm not sure if it's normal.

When I was going back to the US they didn't pester me at all nearly. He asked my nationality, asked why I went to Canada, asked what game I play with my boyfriend (guessing they keep track of the questions you answered with the other customs agent because I never mentioned playing any games with him), asked if I had anything to declare, and he cracked a little joke that it must not have gone well if I wasn't coming back and bringing my boyfriend back with me.

Hopefully it won't happen again. emotion_hug And I'm glad that it was a bit less stressful and not as in your face coming back through. emotion_hug

I know my boy and I are lucky as we're just cross country - west coast (me) , to east coast (him) so we don't have to deal with that sort of thing, but distance, of any kind definitely does suck.

xXLoveXyouXforveverXx: I agree with everything that everyone so far is saying. It definitely does take communication, from both parties and an LDR will not work if both of you aren't willing to make that work.

Try to talk to him, see if it is something he would be willing to try, because both of you need to be committed to making it work, not just one of you. 3nodding

[Wee Little]

Has anyone ever had issues with their significant other kind of hiding or being hesitant to be open about your relationship simply because of the circumstances of the relationship?

We all know a lot of people aren't as understanding of LDRs, especially if you met online.

I sometimes wonder if my boyfriend feels this way. We've been together for four months. I've met his brother and his grandmother, he's told me he's told his best friends about me, but that's about it. He and his friends do a lot of online gaming... which I do as well. It's how we spend time together when we are apart. It makes me wonder why he hasn't tried to get me to play any of the games he plays with his friends.

I already asked him if he's the type who tries to keep his romantic relationships and friendships separate. He said no, he just doesn't like to force people to meet each other. Which is understandable - I'm not asking for formal introductions. Just a "Hey, you don't mind if such and such joins us do you guys? She wants to try out the game." We've been together for four months and have played many games together (even before we were together) and none of them have been games he plays with his friends.

My guess is he subconsciously does keep his romantic relationships and friendships separate.

That or he doesn't want to have to explain our situation and face possible judgment and scrutiny.

[RunningWithNemo]

So far, I've not run into that. My boy doesn't have a lot of friends, but he has told his family about us - and my mom knows, and I'm working on telling dad (we also met online. 3nodding ).

Have you tried just being open with your boyfriend to tell him that that is how you're feeling, to open that line of communication? And why he hasn't invited you to play online with him and his friends? emotion_hug

I can understand his logic, but sometimes you just have to voice how you feel. emotion_hug

[Lets Eat Pizza]

Does anyone else actually miss being in a LDR?
My husband and I had one from when I was 12-17 and I miss so many things about that.

Him working the midnight shift helps, since he calls and talks to me before bed like he use to... and it still helps me sleep.

[brianamj2017]

Long story short, me and my boyfriend went to different colleges. We said we would stay together because we've been together for 2 years now. Again long story short, since we've started college it's been hell. He's cheated on me, lied to me, I've been harassed, disrespected and bullied by his friends, a girl sent me a video of her being in the bed with him and that's not even half of what I've been going through with him. Recently I found out he has been messing around again (he claims it's not true but he's lied so much in the past) and having girls dance on him at parties. I keep giving him chances, I know, stupid, but I love him. It's summer now but we start school again in august. I want to tell him "look, either you stop partying and stop hanging around that girl or me and you are done" am I wrong? Him and the girl are "friends" but I still don't feel comfotable.Could it be that the distance is just too much?

[Lets Eat Pizza]

brianamj2017

Long story short, me and my boyfriend went to different colleges. We said we would stay together because we've been together for 2 years now. Again long story short, since we've started college it's been hell. He's cheated on me, lied to me, I've been harassed, disrespected and bullied by his friends, a girl sent me a video of her being in the bed with him and that's not even half of what I've been going through with him. Recently I found out he has been messing around again (he claims it's not true but he's lied so much in the past) and having girls dance on him at parties. I keep giving him chances, I know, stupid, but I love him. It's summer now but we start school again in august. I want to tell him "look, either you stop partying and stop hanging around that girl or me and you are done" am I wrong? Him and the girl are "friends" but I still don't feel comfotable.Could it be that the distance is just too much?

I'm not a regular here, but this is my advice-
Don't give him a chance. Drop him. That is toxic.
Distance has nothing to do with respect for a relationship and the one you're in it with.

[brianamj2017]

It's so hard though because I legit love ths dude...

DHMIS Paige

brianamj2017

Long story short, me and my boyfriend went to different colleges. We said we would stay together because we've been together for 2 years now. Again long story short, since we've started college it's been hell. He's cheated on me, lied to me, I've been harassed, disrespected and bullied by his friends, a girl sent me a video of her being in the bed with him and that's not even half of what I've been going through with him. Recently I found out he has been messing around again (he claims it's not true but he's lied so much in the past) and having girls dance on him at parties. I keep giving him chances, I know, stupid, but I love him. It's summer now but we start school again in august. I want to tell him "look, either you stop partying and stop hanging around that girl or me and you are done" am I wrong? Him and the girl are "friends" but I still don't feel comfotable.Could it be that the distance is just too much?

I'm not a regular here, but this is my advice-
Don't give him a chance. Drop him. That is toxic.
Distance has nothing to do with respect for a relationship and the one you're in it with.

[Lets Eat Pizza]

brianamj2017

It's so hard though because I legit love ths dude...

DHMIS Paige

brianamj2017

Long story short, me and my boyfriend went to different colleges. We said we would stay together because we've been together for 2 years now. Again long story short, since we've started college it's been hell. He's cheated on me, lied to me, I've been harassed, disrespected and bullied by his friends, a girl sent me a video of her being in the bed with him and that's not even half of what I've been going through with him. Recently I found out he has been messing around again (he claims it's not true but he's lied so much in the past) and having girls dance on him at parties. I keep giving him chances, I know, stupid, but I love him. It's summer now but we start school again in august. I want to tell him "look, either you stop partying and stop hanging around that girl or me and you are done" am I wrong? Him and the girl are "friends" but I still don't feel comfotable.Could it be that the distance is just too much?

I'm not a regular here, but this is my advice-
Don't give him a chance. Drop him. That is toxic.
Distance has nothing to do with respect for a relationship and the one you're in it with.

I understand that in full.
But love comes with many things. Being hurt over and over again, not being respected or treated right, and more.. That shouldn't fuel love. Love is hard to get over, and some times you never do. Telling him you're done and ignoring him, though, is a start that is needed. You know the feel of being hurt, and I know you don't want to experience that more. The worry? The fears? None of that should be constant if anything.
It might take time, but you have to take the step for yourself. Not for him. Not for the relationship.

Simply for yourself.

[brianamj2017]

I figured. I do need to start doing more things for myself. Thank you.

DHMIS Paige

brianamj2017

It's so hard though because I legit love ths dude...

DHMIS Paige

brianamj2017

Long story short, me and my boyfriend went to different colleges. We said we would stay together because we've been together for 2 years now. Again long story short, since we've started college it's been hell. He's cheated on me, lied to me, I've been harassed, disrespected and bullied by his friends, a girl sent me a video of her being in the bed with him and that's not even half of what I've been going through with him. Recently I found out he has been messing around again (he claims it's not true but he's lied so much in the past) and having girls dance on him at parties. I keep giving him chances, I know, stupid, but I love him. It's summer now but we start school again in august. I want to tell him "look, either you stop partying and stop hanging around that girl or me and you are done" am I wrong? Him and the girl are "friends" but I still don't feel comfotable.Could it be that the distance is just too much?

I'm not a regular here, but this is my advice-
Don't give him a chance. Drop him. That is toxic.
Distance has nothing to do with respect for a relationship and the one you're in it with.

I understand that in full.
But love comes with many things. Being hurt over and over again, not being respected or treated right, and more.. That shouldn't fuel love. Love is hard to get over, and some times you never do. Telling him you're done and ignoring him, though, is a start that is needed. You know the feel of being hurt, and I know you don't want to experience that more. The worry? The fears? None of that should be constant if anything.
It might take time, but you have to take the step for yourself. Not for him. Not for the relationship.

Simply for yourself.

[Blackrose_Knight]

brianamj2017

Long story short, me and my boyfriend went to different colleges. We said we would stay together because we've been together for 2 years now. Again long story short, since we've started college it's been hell. He's cheated on me, lied to me, I've been harassed, disrespected and bullied by his friends, a girl sent me a video of her being in the bed with him and that's not even half of what I've been going through with him. Recently I found out he has been messing around again (he claims it's not true but he's lied so much in the past) and having girls dance on him at parties. I keep giving him chances, I know, stupid, but I love him. It's summer now but we start school again in august. I want to tell him "look, either you stop partying and stop hanging around that girl or me and you are done" am I wrong? Him and the girl are "friends" but I still don't feel comfotable.Could it be that the distance is just too much?

Drop him like a hot plate. He cannot handle LDR's period. He also seems to be making not wise friend choices if he hangs with people who abuse you.

[Wee Little]

brianamj2017

Long story short, me and my boyfriend went to different colleges. We said we would stay together because we've been together for 2 years now. Again long story short, since we've started college it's been hell. He's cheated on me, lied to me, I've been harassed, disrespected and bullied by his friends, a girl sent me a video of her being in the bed with him and that's not even half of what I've been going through with him. Recently I found out he has been messing around again (he claims it's not true but he's lied so much in the past) and having girls dance on him at parties. I keep giving him chances, I know, stupid, but I love him. It's summer now but we start school again in august. I want to tell him "look, either you stop partying and stop hanging around that girl or me and you are done" am I wrong? Him and the girl are "friends" but I still don't feel comfotable. Could it be that the distance is just too much?

He can't do distance at all. Do yourself a favor and dump him. There's plenty of respectful men out there.You gave him a second chance and he failed horribly.

Long distance relationships require trust, loyalty, communication, dedication, and structure.

He's lost your trust and that alone ruins a relationship.