xXxLadyAngelxXx
@Dan:
Josh is lazy too, he sleeps anywhere up to 14hours
rofl It just bugs me when he takes forever to get things done/do things - but it eventually happens. I'm the organised one in the relationship and hes the "let things flow". It's funny because we compliment each other perfectly yet are so similiar. I know how to organise and be serious etc. He knows how to have fun and relaxes me.
I honestly think you should give Alex a break. You do seem to be being a tad bit harsh on him. Hes having a hard life at home at the moment right? I doubt the last thing he wants is his bf ragging on him 24/7 *no offense - it just seems like lately you have been getting VERY angry with him*
Well some of it is laziness but I don't think you fully understand the situation. He will fall asleep midsentence. He will also partially wake up, and hold conversations, but not ACTUALLY be awake, so he won't remember any of it. This happens with his dad
a lot. I've witnessed it over Skype (because he'll sometimes fall asleep during Skype conversations) and I'll hear him talk to his dad in this half-asleep state. Yesterday what happened is his dad said the family was going out to dinner, Alex said he'd get ready, then that he didn't want to go. Then he said WHAT? and was all sorts of confused. He got really irritable and upset (which is unlike him), then his dad left and he (Alex) fell back asleep. When I asked Alex about it later, he didn't remember it AT ALL. This is the kind of stuff his sleep disorder makes him do, and it happens on a regular basis. It explains why his dad thinks he's so disrespectful. He IS disrespectful when he's talking in his sleep. He can get downright nasty and rude when he's in that state. It's complete and utter delirium.
As for a "hard life", that's really a vague and subjective term. His life is nowhere near as hard as mine. My life is absolutely disgusting and brutal, which is why I want to do live with him so badly. He does have hard times, yes, and his dad is a power monger, yes, but that does not excuse any of this. And he doesn't consider this "his BF ragging on him 24/7". I don't know how much you think it is but it isn't anywhere near that. He also doesn't consider it "ragging". He tends to agree with what I have to say. When he came to, I asked him, "Do you understand why this makes me as angry as it does?" He said, "God, yes. If I were in your shoes..." and we talked about it. He's a little freaked out by these symptoms. We talked about it in more detail. I actually had assumed he was awake for a lot of those squabbles with his dad, and said it was nasty behavior, but he doesn't remember
any of it, which explains why he's been playing so innocent. It's because it's not HIM. He's essentially sleep-talking when this is going on. It's some bizarre part of his subconscious, and that is allowing me to be more forgiving and allowing him to take it more seriously.
He has agreed to see a doctor at some point, and to talk to his dad about it, but first we're going to try some self-care, like trying to get his sleep cycle really cleaned up and also controlling his diet (not me, but him, making sure he's getting good nutrition, and I may help because I had to learn a lot about nutrition due to my own health problems).
"No offense" is pretty much a way of saying "I know what I just said was out of line." And you're right-- it was.
I think I know my partner, and the dynamic between us, better than anyone else here. What you may consider "control" is simply how we communicate. He also is very blunt with me. We are a very passionate, honest, and intense pair. We thrive off of each other's rawness. It's part of why we are so in love. And he was only flattered by my passionate concern. He was really scared at first by how angry I was. I was very calm but I was obviously mad. I told him exactly why I was mad and he found it justified. He agreed with me. He is one of the only people on the damn planet who understands me, and that's a huge part of why I even fell in love with him. He is not always agreeing with me, but he always understands. In this situation, he just so happened to both agree and understand.
Tension is building between us as our time to see each other approaches. We don't understand it, but yes, conflict is more frequent. It still actually has not yet once developed into a full blown argument, and we have not once gone to bed mad at each other. Every night that I come in here and rant? Him and I do end up talking before bed and resolving it. And having long distance sex. It's a strange relationship right now but we are really suffering from the LDR. There's a lot of drama and then a lot of passion. We definitely have not once had a mutual "argument," where it's a screaming match. I get mad and rant online but I have not once screamed at him or anything. Today was the closest it ever got to that, where when he fell asleep for the 4th time after his dad kept trying to wake him up, I typed at him, "Wake the ******** up," and he actually woke up and I heard him saw, "Aww," in a really sad voice. It hurt to know that I hurt him with the harsh words but I was so tired of watching him roll in that bed like a pig in a muddy trough. I was fed up. Well that is the most direct harshness I've probably ever used on him, aside from a debate we had when I started ranting about how stupid war is, and I was more cursing in general and not at him. And he gets that. He KNOWS me.
That all being said, every time I've said something harsh (which hasn't been many times, really), we've made up, I've apologized. There is not pent up resentment. He lets things go-- far too easily in my opinion-- but it does mean that when everyone says he's going to get sick of me or whatever, they're wrong. One, he understands me. Two, he puts up with a lot of s**t. Too much s**t. But frankly, I honestly don't give him a lot of s**t. A lot of the anger, fear, frustration, etc. is let out here before it ever gets to him, then I can tell him about it and show him the rants after the fact. I hide nothing from him but I will burn off the raw emotion first and he knows that and appreciates that I do that.
We are doing just fine. He does not think I am such a nag like everyone else seems to think. He gets me, and he gets why I say what I say, and why I say it the way I do, and he has no problems with it. He actually started getting giddy after I ranted, and flirting with me. He said he admired the strength, passion, conviction, certainty, and courage in my stance. He said it's really brave for me to stand up to someone I love like that when I am concerned for them. He also just finds haughty people in general to be sexy. He
likes it. That's why he chose me. Now I am not a mean-spirited person. He knows that. I get as angry as I do out of concern for him, his safety, OUR future. I LOVE him and I care about him.
He also knows that I can be swept by extreme emotions, then after they burn off have a more realistic outlook. And that's what tends to happen. Earlier, I was furious with him. After a few rants, I felt bad. I apologized to him. He didn't know what I was apologizing for, and I said I was sorry for getting so angry at him in my head, where he couldn't even see it. He understands exactly where my emotions are coming from, because he
gets me. And he respects that. He holds a very deep respect for my passion.
A lot of people are intimidated by that and bystanders insist that it will break us up but really our passion is a very core aspect of what makes our relationship so completely rewarding. We have these moments of conflict (where mostly I'm mad and he's calming me down) and then we really make up with each other and we feel even closer and understand each other even better. We are always relieved so tremendously by how much we have overcome together.
People swear that I will ruin his calm disposition and peacemaking outlook but when they say that that proves to me that they know absolutely nothing about him. His mother is far more of a nag than I will ever be and as her oldest child he held a lot of responsibility in keeping cool during his mother's tangents. He is very calm, collected, rational, and compassionate. He's always looking into WHY a person feels the way they do, and understanding it from their perspective. He knows that he is being privileged and he essentially threw me under the bus when he moved. That really screwed a lot of things up for us, and he regrets it. He also keeps in mind that it adds an incredible amount of stress to my already existing disorders (OCD, GAD, etc). He is very understanding about all of that.
Fact is we are glad to have each other. Things have been rocky but they've only been seriously rocky for about 3 days and today we made some SERIOUS progress by communicating with each other what our needs really are and forming a plan together to try to work it out-- and yes, compromise. Don't think he's the only one trying here or that I'm the only one with expectations. There are things he wants me to do too. We use each other's love and the ultimate goal of being together to motivate us but it can be difficult when it seems that it won't be possible for a long time. It's why I made the April 15th ticker-- to remind us that we have a reward waiting for us in 3 weeks to look forward to and work hard for.
