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Okay, we had a good talk, and he's been good about this. We went over a ton of different diagnostic criteria. Narcolepsy DOES NOT sound like it. He fits most closely the criteria for delirium syndrome, except additionally fatigue. But it fits the rest of the bill. Either way, his symptoms are far too complex and widespread to diagnose without a professional's experience. The books alone do not help us, and we need someone who can look at an array of disorders and diagnose a complex syndrome.

x-EternalAlice-x
No, he can't be "forced" the way you think I implied. I did not mean physically forcing him in that respect. Because he's being such a pushover, it would only take a little urging. That's the only benefit of his lethargy. It's just no one where he lives has even considered it. However, after taking to him, he does take this as seriously as I do. I am the person who has watched his symptoms THE MOST, more than anyone in his family, because I've been around him when he sleeps, as well as him sleeping over Skype and having these talking-while-sleeping episodes. I am pretty much the only person who can tell when it's happening. I told him about today's episode and he was alarmed and doesn't remember any of it.

He forgets a lot of the EPISODES, but he is in denial about a few things, and we talked about it. He conceded to that, and admitted that he's been unintentionally denying things. It's a coping mechanism of some kind for him,to deny this.

You need to stop trying to psychoanalyze my boyfriend because I know him a hell of a lot more than you, just saying. Your suggestions have turned out to not be the right thing because I pretty much did the opposite and we're working together now.

Tough love works on my boyfriend. It works because he is modest.
Wow, I'm moody.
But srsly. Advice =/= speaking for someone's partner? That's really uh, condescending, to act like you might know someone's partner better than they do.
xXxLadyAngelxXx's avatar

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@Dan:

Josh is lazy too, he sleeps anywhere up to 14hours rofl It just bugs me when he takes forever to get things done/do things - but it eventually happens. I'm the organised one in the relationship and hes the "let things flow". It's funny because we compliment each other perfectly yet are so similiar. I know how to organise and be serious etc. He knows how to have fun and relaxes me.

I honestly think you should give Alex a break. You do seem to be being a tad bit harsh on him. Hes having a hard life at home at the moment right? I doubt the last thing he wants is his bf ragging on him 24/7 *no offense - it just seems like lately you have been getting VERY angry with him*
xXxLadyAngelxXx
@Dan:

Josh is lazy too, he sleeps anywhere up to 14hours rofl It just bugs me when he takes forever to get things done/do things - but it eventually happens. I'm the organised one in the relationship and hes the "let things flow". It's funny because we compliment each other perfectly yet are so similiar. I know how to organise and be serious etc. He knows how to have fun and relaxes me.

I honestly think you should give Alex a break. You do seem to be being a tad bit harsh on him. Hes having a hard life at home at the moment right? I doubt the last thing he wants is his bf ragging on him 24/7 *no offense - it just seems like lately you have been getting VERY angry with him*
Well some of it is laziness but I don't think you fully understand the situation. He will fall asleep midsentence. He will also partially wake up, and hold conversations, but not ACTUALLY be awake, so he won't remember any of it. This happens with his dad a lot. I've witnessed it over Skype (because he'll sometimes fall asleep during Skype conversations) and I'll hear him talk to his dad in this half-asleep state. Yesterday what happened is his dad said the family was going out to dinner, Alex said he'd get ready, then that he didn't want to go. Then he said WHAT? and was all sorts of confused. He got really irritable and upset (which is unlike him), then his dad left and he (Alex) fell back asleep. When I asked Alex about it later, he didn't remember it AT ALL. This is the kind of stuff his sleep disorder makes him do, and it happens on a regular basis. It explains why his dad thinks he's so disrespectful. He IS disrespectful when he's talking in his sleep. He can get downright nasty and rude when he's in that state. It's complete and utter delirium.

As for a "hard life", that's really a vague and subjective term. His life is nowhere near as hard as mine. My life is absolutely disgusting and brutal, which is why I want to do live with him so badly. He does have hard times, yes, and his dad is a power monger, yes, but that does not excuse any of this. And he doesn't consider this "his BF ragging on him 24/7". I don't know how much you think it is but it isn't anywhere near that. He also doesn't consider it "ragging". He tends to agree with what I have to say. When he came to, I asked him, "Do you understand why this makes me as angry as it does?" He said, "God, yes. If I were in your shoes..." and we talked about it. He's a little freaked out by these symptoms. We talked about it in more detail. I actually had assumed he was awake for a lot of those squabbles with his dad, and said it was nasty behavior, but he doesn't remember any of it, which explains why he's been playing so innocent. It's because it's not HIM. He's essentially sleep-talking when this is going on. It's some bizarre part of his subconscious, and that is allowing me to be more forgiving and allowing him to take it more seriously.

He has agreed to see a doctor at some point, and to talk to his dad about it, but first we're going to try some self-care, like trying to get his sleep cycle really cleaned up and also controlling his diet (not me, but him, making sure he's getting good nutrition, and I may help because I had to learn a lot about nutrition due to my own health problems).

"No offense" is pretty much a way of saying "I know what I just said was out of line." And you're right-- it was.

I think I know my partner, and the dynamic between us, better than anyone else here. What you may consider "control" is simply how we communicate. He also is very blunt with me. We are a very passionate, honest, and intense pair. We thrive off of each other's rawness. It's part of why we are so in love. And he was only flattered by my passionate concern. He was really scared at first by how angry I was. I was very calm but I was obviously mad. I told him exactly why I was mad and he found it justified. He agreed with me. He is one of the only people on the damn planet who understands me, and that's a huge part of why I even fell in love with him. He is not always agreeing with me, but he always understands. In this situation, he just so happened to both agree and understand.

Tension is building between us as our time to see each other approaches. We don't understand it, but yes, conflict is more frequent. It still actually has not yet once developed into a full blown argument, and we have not once gone to bed mad at each other. Every night that I come in here and rant? Him and I do end up talking before bed and resolving it. And having long distance sex. It's a strange relationship right now but we are really suffering from the LDR. There's a lot of drama and then a lot of passion. We definitely have not once had a mutual "argument," where it's a screaming match. I get mad and rant online but I have not once screamed at him or anything. Today was the closest it ever got to that, where when he fell asleep for the 4th time after his dad kept trying to wake him up, I typed at him, "Wake the ******** up," and he actually woke up and I heard him saw, "Aww," in a really sad voice. It hurt to know that I hurt him with the harsh words but I was so tired of watching him roll in that bed like a pig in a muddy trough. I was fed up. Well that is the most direct harshness I've probably ever used on him, aside from a debate we had when I started ranting about how stupid war is, and I was more cursing in general and not at him. And he gets that. He KNOWS me.

That all being said, every time I've said something harsh (which hasn't been many times, really), we've made up, I've apologized. There is not pent up resentment. He lets things go-- far too easily in my opinion-- but it does mean that when everyone says he's going to get sick of me or whatever, they're wrong. One, he understands me. Two, he puts up with a lot of s**t. Too much s**t. But frankly, I honestly don't give him a lot of s**t. A lot of the anger, fear, frustration, etc. is let out here before it ever gets to him, then I can tell him about it and show him the rants after the fact. I hide nothing from him but I will burn off the raw emotion first and he knows that and appreciates that I do that.

We are doing just fine. He does not think I am such a nag like everyone else seems to think. He gets me, and he gets why I say what I say, and why I say it the way I do, and he has no problems with it. He actually started getting giddy after I ranted, and flirting with me. He said he admired the strength, passion, conviction, certainty, and courage in my stance. He said it's really brave for me to stand up to someone I love like that when I am concerned for them. He also just finds haughty people in general to be sexy. He likes it. That's why he chose me. Now I am not a mean-spirited person. He knows that. I get as angry as I do out of concern for him, his safety, OUR future. I LOVE him and I care about him.

He also knows that I can be swept by extreme emotions, then after they burn off have a more realistic outlook. And that's what tends to happen. Earlier, I was furious with him. After a few rants, I felt bad. I apologized to him. He didn't know what I was apologizing for, and I said I was sorry for getting so angry at him in my head, where he couldn't even see it. He understands exactly where my emotions are coming from, because he gets me. And he respects that. He holds a very deep respect for my passion.

A lot of people are intimidated by that and bystanders insist that it will break us up but really our passion is a very core aspect of what makes our relationship so completely rewarding. We have these moments of conflict (where mostly I'm mad and he's calming me down) and then we really make up with each other and we feel even closer and understand each other even better. We are always relieved so tremendously by how much we have overcome together.

People swear that I will ruin his calm disposition and peacemaking outlook but when they say that that proves to me that they know absolutely nothing about him. His mother is far more of a nag than I will ever be and as her oldest child he held a lot of responsibility in keeping cool during his mother's tangents. He is very calm, collected, rational, and compassionate. He's always looking into WHY a person feels the way they do, and understanding it from their perspective. He knows that he is being privileged and he essentially threw me under the bus when he moved. That really screwed a lot of things up for us, and he regrets it. He also keeps in mind that it adds an incredible amount of stress to my already existing disorders (OCD, GAD, etc). He is very understanding about all of that.

Fact is we are glad to have each other. Things have been rocky but they've only been seriously rocky for about 3 days and today we made some SERIOUS progress by communicating with each other what our needs really are and forming a plan together to try to work it out-- and yes, compromise. Don't think he's the only one trying here or that I'm the only one with expectations. There are things he wants me to do too. We use each other's love and the ultimate goal of being together to motivate us but it can be difficult when it seems that it won't be possible for a long time. It's why I made the April 15th ticker-- to remind us that we have a reward waiting for us in 3 weeks to look forward to and work hard for.
And don't think that I am unaware that I am very over the top. Again, he does kind of like that about me, but I know it reaches a point of being unhealthy. So far, he has absolutely no qualms with me. At all. No problems. He looks at how I'm acting, and he feels compassion. He says if he was in my shoes, he doesn't know what he'd do. He says I'm very strong, and that my "acting out" is nothing in comparison to what other people might do. He knows about my brutally abusive past, and the kinds of things that plague me in my daily life. He knows morbid details that even you guys here in the LDR thread don't know, and probably shouldn't know, for the sake of not filling this thread with a litany of horror stories. That being said... I love this man tremendously for a reason. He is truly an extraordinary man. And he is putting up with my extraordinary pain. Because he loves me, and he too, considers me extraordinary. He are a very passionate, raw, filled couple. Filled with thoughts, filled with emotion, filled with experiences, filled with dreams, filled with passion. We are very full. A lot of couples are very dry, and there is nothing wrong with that, but many people will not understand us. That is part of why we feel we have found our soul-mates (figuratively speaking-- we don't believe in souls). Our combination is so truly and utterly unique in it's wholeness. Bursting with vibrancy, vividness, texture and life, our experiences together are truly encompassing every hue of what it means to be human to us. That is the richness of our love, and right now, it includes pleasure and pain. We are pretty sure that this is a necessary process of our bonding, and once we overcome the extremes we've been presented with in the LDR, we will know we are set to be together for life. We both already mutually share the desire to be together for the rest of our lives. We've said it to each other. Now it's time to really test ourselves through this difficult time to see if we can face it.

My friend's parents were in a similar LDR situation, where a lot of the same kinds of emotions were being exchanged, except they were already married. They were on the brink of divorce several times. But when they got back together, and were able to stabilize and LIVE together, they became so entirely grateful to have each other, and feel even more deeply in love. She says she really feels my relationship with Alex is a lot like that, and she is one of Alex's closest female friends. She knows a lot about him and quite a bit about me as well. I really trust her judgment there. She's the one who introduced us and she's been this little voice in the back of my mind that says, "It's worth it-- these hard times are worth it-- because you two will be together."
Dan Dansen II
He will fall asleep midsentence. He will also partially wake up, and hold conversations, but not ACTUALLY be awake, so he won't remember any of it. This happens with his dad a lot. I've witnessed it over Skype (because he'll sometimes fall asleep during Skype conversations) and I'll hear him talk to his dad in this half-asleep state. Yesterday what happened is his dad said the family was going out to dinner, Alex said he'd get ready, then that he didn't want to go. Then he said WHAT? and was all sorts of confused. He got really irritable and upset (which is unlike him), then his dad left and he (Alex) fell back asleep. When I asked Alex about it later, he didn't remember it AT ALL. This is the kind of stuff his sleep disorder makes him do, and it happens on a regular basis.


I do that, as does my mother. (I've seen her sit up in bed, make eye contact, have a ten minute conversation and then not remember it the next morning.) It's led to some misunderstandings, but at this point most of my friends/family know that I sleeptalk, and they'll repeat the conversation to me when I'm fully woken up, or leave me a note with the important bits written on it.
Before Midnight's avatar

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                Sorry that I haven't really been responding, guys.

                Milking the week for what it's worth.
                Sadly, I've been really emotional this week, especially with my family drama.
                And everytime I think about how Charlie is leaving on Saturday, I get teary-eyed.

                Oh well, on a happier note, we're finally reserved for a hotel during Otakon weekend. c:
                And I'll even get to stay at his house one night. <3
                I adore his family so it'll be nice. I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving.
Adversative
Dan Dansen II
He will fall asleep midsentence. He will also partially wake up, and hold conversations, but not ACTUALLY be awake, so he won't remember any of it. This happens with his dad a lot. I've witnessed it over Skype (because he'll sometimes fall asleep during Skype conversations) and I'll hear him talk to his dad in this half-asleep state. Yesterday what happened is his dad said the family was going out to dinner, Alex said he'd get ready, then that he didn't want to go. Then he said WHAT? and was all sorts of confused. He got really irritable and upset (which is unlike him), then his dad left and he (Alex) fell back asleep. When I asked Alex about it later, he didn't remember it AT ALL. This is the kind of stuff his sleep disorder makes him do, and it happens on a regular basis.


I do that, as does my mother. (I've seen her sit up in bed, make eye contact, have a ten minute conversation and then not remember it the next morning.) It's led to some misunderstandings, but at this point most of my friends/family know that I sleeptalk, and they'll repeat the conversation to me when I'm fully woken up, or leave me a note with the important bits written on it.
His case sounds far more severe and his family is uncooperative. His dad is very old-fashioned and does not understand a lot of things. This is one of them. Getting him to adjust to this disorder will not be possible. He is incredibly impatient and to communicate with someone like this takes patience. I would know. I have witnessed my BF's symptoms more than anyone, and I will sit there patiently until he's actually awake. Obviously far easier in person. His family is not keen to putting up with that. And knowing his dad, he might not even believe in it. Certainly a legit doctor's word is needed to get his dad to even consider it anything more than laziness.
Part of why my desire to move in with them grows is that I am good at getting him out of bed, AND interpreting his sleep speech (as in I can tell when he's doing it and it seems like no one else can). Also him and I sleep better when we're in the same bed and this is happening a lot more without me around. He said being with me decreased the occurrences of passing out suddenly (he was getting better sleep when I was around). Increased stress also seems to increase the occurrences. Before someone tries to blame me stressing him out, he's already said the primary source of his stress is trying to get his family to cooperate and help out in small ways (simply ALLOWING me to visit/stay with him-- I will not cost them any expenses) to allow us to be together. So I am an indirect cause of stress. He wants to be with me very badly. And he knows how much I want to be with him. It's painful for both of us.
Dan Dansen II
Adversative
Dan Dansen II
He will fall asleep midsentence. He will also partially wake up, and hold conversations, but not ACTUALLY be awake, so he won't remember any of it. This happens with his dad a lot. I've witnessed it over Skype (because he'll sometimes fall asleep during Skype conversations) and I'll hear him talk to his dad in this half-asleep state. Yesterday what happened is his dad said the family was going out to dinner, Alex said he'd get ready, then that he didn't want to go. Then he said WHAT? and was all sorts of confused. He got really irritable and upset (which is unlike him), then his dad left and he (Alex) fell back asleep. When I asked Alex about it later, he didn't remember it AT ALL. This is the kind of stuff his sleep disorder makes him do, and it happens on a regular basis.


I do that, as does my mother. (I've seen her sit up in bed, make eye contact, have a ten minute conversation and then not remember it the next morning.) It's led to some misunderstandings, but at this point most of my friends/family know that I sleeptalk, and they'll repeat the conversation to me when I'm fully woken up, or leave me a note with the important bits written on it.
His case sounds far more severe and his family is uncooperative.


It's probably more severe BECAUSE his family is uncooperative razz As my professor liked to remind us, it's only a disorder if it's causing problems. If you've worked out a way to handle it, it's merely an idiosyncrasy.
Before Midnight

                Sorry that I haven't really been responding, guys.

                Milking the week for what it's worth.
                Sadly, I've been really emotional this week, especially with my family drama.
                And everytime I think about how Charlie is leaving on Saturday, I get teary-eyed.

                Oh well, on a happier note, we're finally reserved for a hotel during Otakon weekend. c:
                And I'll even get to stay at his house one night. <3
                I adore his family so it'll be nice. I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving.


Yay! I'm glad you have something to look forward to. That always makes ending a visit easier.
Adversative
Dan Dansen II
Adversative
Dan Dansen II
He will fall asleep midsentence. He will also partially wake up, and hold conversations, but not ACTUALLY be awake, so he won't remember any of it. This happens with his dad a lot. I've witnessed it over Skype (because he'll sometimes fall asleep during Skype conversations) and I'll hear him talk to his dad in this half-asleep state. Yesterday what happened is his dad said the family was going out to dinner, Alex said he'd get ready, then that he didn't want to go. Then he said WHAT? and was all sorts of confused. He got really irritable and upset (which is unlike him), then his dad left and he (Alex) fell back asleep. When I asked Alex about it later, he didn't remember it AT ALL. This is the kind of stuff his sleep disorder makes him do, and it happens on a regular basis.


I do that, as does my mother. (I've seen her sit up in bed, make eye contact, have a ten minute conversation and then not remember it the next morning.) It's led to some misunderstandings, but at this point most of my friends/family know that I sleeptalk, and they'll repeat the conversation to me when I'm fully woken up, or leave me a note with the important bits written on it.
His case sounds far more severe and his family is uncooperative.


It's probably more severe BECAUSE his family is uncooperative razz As my professor liked to remind us, it's only a disorder if it's causing problems. If you've worked out a way to handle it, it's merely an idiosyncrasy.
Ever wonder why I call you a pessimist and a know it all?

You just don't know that much about his situation so stop acting like you do. Of course we want to work it out but don't pretend like it's easy because if it was we would have sorted it out. Seriously now. neutral
On a far lighter note... He does make very cute sounds when he's sleeping. Little groans when he rolls over and bundles up. It does make me really want to be over there... He's cracking his toes in his sleep. >.<; I know that sound. <3 He left Skype on and I never really shut it off unless I have to.
xXxLadyAngelxXx's avatar

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@Dan:

You seem to shoot down everything anyone says in this thread - so why are you here? We aren't just here to be ranted too.

And no, I said no offense because you seem to take EVERYTHING personally and/or the wrong way. We're just trying to help.
Dan Dansen II
Adversative
Dan Dansen II
Adversative
Dan Dansen II
He will fall asleep midsentence. He will also partially wake up, and hold conversations, but not ACTUALLY be awake, so he won't remember any of it. This happens with his dad a lot. I've witnessed it over Skype (because he'll sometimes fall asleep during Skype conversations) and I'll hear him talk to his dad in this half-asleep state. Yesterday what happened is his dad said the family was going out to dinner, Alex said he'd get ready, then that he didn't want to go. Then he said WHAT? and was all sorts of confused. He got really irritable and upset (which is unlike him), then his dad left and he (Alex) fell back asleep. When I asked Alex about it later, he didn't remember it AT ALL. This is the kind of stuff his sleep disorder makes him do, and it happens on a regular basis.


I do that, as does my mother. (I've seen her sit up in bed, make eye contact, have a ten minute conversation and then not remember it the next morning.) It's led to some misunderstandings, but at this point most of my friends/family know that I sleeptalk, and they'll repeat the conversation to me when I'm fully woken up, or leave me a note with the important bits written on it.
His case sounds far more severe and his family is uncooperative.


It's probably more severe BECAUSE his family is uncooperative razz As my professor liked to remind us, it's only a disorder if it's causing problems. If you've worked out a way to handle it, it's merely an idiosyncrasy.
Ever wonder why I call you a pessimist and a know it all?

You just don't know that much about his situation so stop acting like you do. Of course we want to work it out but don't pretend like it's easy because if it was we would have sorted it out. Seriously now. neutral


Wait, what? That was light-hearted banter, not a serious opinion. I was poking fun at his family for not being tolerant of his sleeping needs, and pointing out that if his dad knew about his disorder and was willing to make accommodations for it, it'd be less of a problem -- which seems pretty in line with what you're saying (or am I crazy?) There was a tongue-sticky-out emoticon and everything! How on earth did you manage to interpret that as me being a pessimist and know-it-all?

(JSYK, that's a real question, not a rhetorical one. If I'm being misinterpreted I want to know where the misinterpretation is happening, in case it's something I need to fix.)

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