Long Distance Relationsips (LDR) Support Thread

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

*Welcome to The LDR (Long Distance Relationship) Support Thread*

It is said that the course of true love never did run smooth, and long distance relationships or (LDR) are a true testiment to that. However even while traveling on a bumpy road it is still possible for the ride to be a great one. This thread is a support and disscussion group for those of you who are seeking advice or would like to be the helpful advice giver on long distance relationships. Whether you are currently far away from your beloved or your relationship has already survived the test of distance, feel free to share your experiances, stories, and give advice and guidence to other Gaians.

I expect all thread participants to be polite, compassionate and follow all Gaia/Lifestyle Disscussion rules/ TOS. These are peoples emotions and lives that are being disscussed and there will be zero tolerance for innappropriate posts. As the thread creater I reserve he authority to report posts that are deemd as innappropriate.

Conversations are allowed as long as they are relateable to the thread and are of course kept civil. Please remember that other people will read what you write so lets keep it moderately clean.

* Rules *

1. Try as much as possible to stay on topic.
2. Keep your converstions civil. There is no need for cruelty in this thread. It is ment to be a supportive place not one where people are made to feel bad.
3. As always follow the Gaia TOS. This rule is non-negotiable and offenders will be blacklisted.
4. I reserve the right ot use the blacklist and report innappropriate posts.
5. Quoting is acceptable, but please refrain from excessive page stretching as it becomes annoying.
6. Advice giving is encouraged, however please take what you post seriously. Post such as "Sheesh just break up already!!!!!!!!!" are not considered constructive and will not be tolerated. If you wish to share a negative experiance then you may do so but do not push your negativity onto others. This thread is about supporting long distance relationships, not shaming them.

As the thread creator I reserve the right to change/add/delete the rules as needed.

Moderators:

sidewalkkittie

Rainbow Bracelets

LynJah

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

Long Distnace Relationships Defined:

A long Distance Relationship is defined as an intimate relationship where parties are seperated by a considerable distance. Studies show that there are 3,569,000 married persons in the United States who live apart for reasons other than marital discord. That is over 2% of married couples. This may seem like a small number but it continues to grow all the time with extenuating circumstances forcing couples to love from afar. Some reasons that couples are in long distance relationships include:

* Relocation and Moving:One partner is moving to a different city/state/country for a period of time

* Jobs: One or both partners must live apart for work purposes

* Military Deployment: Many spouses and significant others of those serving in the armed forces often must be in long distance relationships due to deployment and training

* Medical Reasons: Sometimes a persons health may keep them from traveling to be with their spouse or boy/girl friend.

* Long Distance Lovers: Those couples who have met in online chat rooms or dating services often have long distance relationships from the get go. The popularity of internet dating can be a main contributer to this. People are meeting more far away singles then ever before and couples are forming more LDRs then ever.

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

Truths and Myths about LDRs

Myth:Couples in LDRs have less satisfying relationships

Truth: Couples in LDRs report identical levels of relationship satisfaction, intimacy, trust, and commitment as couples in close distance relationships. The quality of a relationship is NOT determined by distance.

Myth:Couples in long distance relationships cheat on one another more frequently

Truth:Common sense suggests that because partners can’t keep an eye on one another they might be more prone to wander. However this is not always the case.When levels of cheating were measured in couples with LDRs and those with close distance relationships no real difference was found. The deterrioration of the relationship is what causes partners to cheat, not distance. However those in LDRs tend to worry more about cheating on both sides.

Myth: Distance increases certain problems, such as jealousy, misunderstandings etc

Truth:Unfortunately some problems like this are more prominant with distance, however if your relationship with your partner is strong you you can overcome these things. Misunderstandings can often arise in telephone conversations because words can mean different things and we rely on visual cues to distinguish them. Using your words and choosing them carefully is a very important piece of advice.

Interesting Statistics

Taken from http://longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm

Rates of Break-up for LDRs Versus Proximal (Close) Relationships (PR) from 5 Studies

30% PR and 27% LDR over 6 months

21% PR vs 37% LDR over 3 months*

35% PR vs. 42% LDR over 6 months*

23% PR vs 11% LDR over 6 months

25% PR vs. 8% LDR over 1 year

*Not a statistically significant difference (i.e., rates are statistically equal)

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

Black List: (No one yet...lets keep it that way ok)

White List: (Frequent posters and advice givers will earn a coveted spot here)

LynJah heart : For giving excellent advice and sharing insight with multiple posters on the first day of the threads existance you have been recognized.

sidewalkkittie heart : For giving excelent advice and giving creative suggestions to other posters problems. You have truely earned a place here. Thank you!

RainbowBracelets heart : For helping other posters and being one of my first mods. Thank you for your time and effort!

Chloe The Cursed heart : For giving excellent advice, being a frequent poster and all in all an awesome person!

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

Thread Milestones:

2/14/08: Thread opening Day!!!!

2/15/08: 150 posts!!!!!!

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

Tips for making LDRs work:

* Address questions early: Make sure that you both understand the level of your relationship (Dating, Seeing each other, non-exclusive etc.) This puts you both on the same page and also prevents sticky situations down the road, for example if you and your LDR are non exclusive it opens up both of your options to see other people. Other questions such as "Are you willing to move to live together?" and "What is your goal in the relationship?", can be akward to ask at first but they will ultimately help to minimize heartbreak in the future.

* Communicate: This is probably the one of the most important rules. Being in touch and not just chatting but really talking to each other is absolutely critical in an LDR. The internet and technology have created so many ways to keep in touch. I reccomend you take full advantage of them. Also don't poo poo good old fashioned snail mail to send a special message for holidays, birthdays or just to say I love you.

* Avoid being the control freak: Distance often drives people to become more controling. Just remember that if you are both committed to making it work, then you don't have to control anything. No one likes to feel like they can't do something or that they are being controlled. This is true for all relationships, but especially in LDRs

* Avoid jealousy : Trust your partner and don't fall into the trap of the green eyed monster every time they speak ot another person. This can be an LDR killer, and most of the time from what I've seen the jealousy was not even founded. Just remember that they are in the relatrionship with you not other people. Trusting them is key.

* Disscuss the future: This goes beck to communication. Talk about where you hope to be in a month, 6 months , a year. If you want to someday live together plan together how you would want to do that. This keeps you both on the same page and also strengthens your bond.

* Be postitive, Enjoy the Benifits of LDR: Don't let the distance be depressing ( though you will have those moments). Use the extra time you have for you to pursue your interests, do something you have alwasy wanted to. No one wants a partner who just sits at home waiting for them to call. Keep yourself busy and before you know it your honey will be back to see you again. LDRs also hold a few distinct advantages. You get the pleasure of seeing your honey after a long time and you really appreciate it more. Also if they say something to you in a PM/ Myspace/email that you just dont like it gives you time to debate your options instaed of impulsively snapping and blowing up at them. You also maintain a lot of your individuality that often gets lost in the "couple" identity of those couples that see each other every day. Most importantly LDRs help your relationship to grow stronger, build more trust, and make you as a couple stronger.

Taken from http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work and longdistancerelationships.net

These great tips and resources were posted by Wacko Quacko:

I guess I'll post some good sites for LDRs.

Skype Free "telephone" communication software; Can use on PSPs
Meebo AIM/MSN/etc; Good for library computers, I guess.
eBuddy AIM/MSN/etc; good for PSP, Wii, PS3

iSketch Online Pictionary
Acrowars Online acronym breaking-down game

Loving from a Distance Good site for those in LDRs

How to send text messages to any cell phone for free from your computer

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

(Reserved)

[Long Haire Lady]

Oh, so VERY interesting! ;D

[Abyss Jikun Hu]

Oh... okay. I wish all those below me with an LDR well.

[lardboy12]

oh wow..........i'm was in one of those before! sweatdrop

[Chibi_Ice_Angel]

D Triforce

oh wow..........i'm was in one of those before! sweatdrop

would you care to share your story with us?

[SinfulGuillotine]

I guess I'm in a long distance relationship. I'm in a poly relationship, and I live with one of my partners, but the other lives about 340km away.

It's a little...different. Harder in some ways, bit mostly just different. He's close enough that he can come visit for weekends when he's free, but using IMs and telephone for the bulk of communication with a romantic partner kind of sucks sometimes. But it's doable.

[heck nah]

im in one...
never met the person in rl..
sad

[Miss_Penguin_Princess]

Ok so..
I'm in a long distance relationship. I'm 15 and he is 17. He lives in California and I live in Washington.
We actually met on Myspace rofl when I was 13 and he was 15. We dated for a few months..but things just wern't working out very well because of the distance and how young we were. We kinda drifted apart for awhile, dated other people etc. After helping me deal with a bad break up, we started talking more and one thing lead to another and we've been dating for almost 8 months heart
We dont get to see eachother that much..although i'm hoping to get to visit him during spreak break.

[Russian_Company]

i'm in this kind of relationship too, at the moment <3 i'm 15 i live in Italy, he's 17 and lives in Canada. He's the first person i've ever fallen in love with and the most beautiful thing ever happened to me, and we're going to meet as soon as possible, depspise the language barrier (i can't speak english), distance, ticket price, and a lot of other reasons. <3