"Lick My Boots!" Master/slave, the passion and lifestyle.

[Officer Chadwick]

Keep in mind that the content of this thread is mature in nature. Because of the nature of the lifestyle and the subcultures incorporating it, many activities related to it are explicit in nature.


Alright, here we go with version 3. Originally located in the Extended Discussion, we've recently decided to move to the Lifestyles forum for a more appropriate fit. This thread, while specific to the Master/slave lifestyle, will continue to incorporate D/S and other forms of BDSM in your everyday life. We're going to try to keep this one a bit more organized than the first, including new sections for further information, anecdotes, and frequently asked questions.

If you have anything you wish to submit to any of these sections, please send a PM to one of the moderators listed in post 5.

Links:
Gaian D/s Support Group - Lifestyles forum
Submissive Support thread - Submissives only - Lifestyles forum
The Official Daddy Dom Relationships Thread! - Lifestyles forum
"Lick My Boots!" M/s Hangout thread - Friends Chat forum

-- error


October 30, 2008: This thread is designed as a Support and Resource thread for both members within the lifestyle and those interested in learning more about it. Our purpose here is to help people that need the support of other community members and to offer information for safe, informed and consensual BDSM and M/s practice. This is not a hang out thread and is not to be treated as such.


The moderators of this thread do not condone illegal activities. This includes, but is not limited to: Underage M/s or BDSM relationships; non-consensual slavery; and abuse. Anyone who puts forth that they participate in or condone these activities will be blacklisted. For the safety of the members of this thread and those reading it, depending on the severity, posts admitting to participation in such activities will be reported. The legal age of majority that we enforce here is 18, but please check with the laws in your area for any differences in the age of majority. Some places have a minimum age restriction for BDSM activities of 21 or older, and others may ban the practice entirely. Please keep yourself and others safe by paying heed to these laws, they are there to protect you.

This post may be altered at any time. Alterations will have notifications attached in an updates post or section.

The Alternative Lifestyle And Fetish Of Master/slave

When you hear about someone being owned it’s often a source of contention with the majority of society. This simple statement has caused countless hours of debate and discussion among many people. Much of that could be scaled down if misconceptions were cleared.

This thread is a discussion regarding the Master/slave subculture within BDSM. It discusses the real life version, not online role-play.

(A side note: Online role-play is also perfectly valid as an activity and hobby. There is no reason to be a M/s snob with the role players. Please treat them respectfully.)

The basic idea behind the topic is that M/s is strongly misunderstood and not a negative thing within our culture. It is not dangerous to society or the “moral fabric” of humanity (especially considering the subjective nature of morals).

Master/slave is perfectly valid as a sexual fetish, part time relationship dynamic and full time lifestyle for the following reasons:

• Master/slave Functions Under Both SSC and The Newer RACK
  SSC (Safe Sane Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) are two methodologies for determining if a kink or lifestyle is acceptable as a positive or neutral force on society. The alternative lifestyle and fetish communities commonly use these systems as primary determiners for if a kink or lifestyle is dangerous or bad.
  
  Master/slave does not deviate from standard psychological behavior because it does not fit any standard disorder in the DSM-IV and does not cause disorders unless the other rules are not followed in SSC or RACK.
  
  Master/slave is safe because submitting and dominating are not dangerous in and of themselves. Practices within M/s do have risks but if one follows RACK, they would not become an issue.
  
  And Master/slave does not harm someone if it’s Consensual.
  
  
  
• Master/slave Does Not Inherently Encourage Dangerous Behaviors
  
  In fact for many submissives and slaves, having a Dominant or Master enables them to function in normal society. The submissive tendencies of the slave or sub can be dangerous when around strong willed people that do not care for their well-being. A Dom or Master protects their slave or sub from these things.
  
  In other cases, a strong willed Dominant or Master can help the slave or sub overcome self-destructive thoughts or behaviors. A good example is from the movie Secretary, where the Dominant orders the sub to never cut herself again, thus giving her the strength to finally curb the habit.
  
  They can also give each other healthy outlets to replace destructive ones. A sadist and masochist going hand in hand can give each other what they need without resorting to hurting themselves or others through this natural inclination of theirs. It can allow a natural slave to serve someone without jeopardizing themselves and putting themselves in compromising positions for something they cannot help. It can also allow a natural dom or master to have power, control and care without accidentally taking too much control of those around them in their personal life.
  
  
  
• Master/slave Provides Fulfillment For Its Participants
  
  It seems to be the most common sense idea, but if something makes people happy and it doesn’t hurt anyone (when done right), then it’s a valid lifestyle. Simple.

Discussion Questions

What do you think of the M/s subculture?
Would you ever consider participating in such a subculture?
Does this subculture seem to "fit" who you are as a person? Why or why not?

For those that participate in the subculture:
What does each side get out of it?
What psychological reasons do you think you do this?
How do you feel when you disobey or an order of yours hasn't been obeyed?
What sort of things does your master have you do?
How does such a relationship make you feel emotionally?

[Officer Chadwick]

F.A.Q.

• What does this mean, being owned?
  
  It means something incredibly deep and fulfilling for the owned individual. It means that they have given another human being the right to do with them as they choose. Those of us that submit serve our Masters. If they say jump, our only question is supposed to be "how high?"
  
  
  
• Isn’t Slavery illegal?
  
  This is not a legal relationship. This is the full simulation of ownership for the purpose of fulfilling urges of submission and dominance of both parties. While physically and legally the slave can leave at any time, mentally and emotionally the slaves consider themselves owned and unable to leave unless the Master terminates the contract. The contract is psychological, not legal or physical. The slaves are, ironically, the ones that enforce their own slavery, which is why this does not fit the classical definitions of slavery.
  
  To add to this, I will bring up two organizations, one national and one international.
  
  http://www.masterslaveconference.org/
  http://www.southplainsleatherfest.com/index.php
  
  The Master/slave Conference resides in Washington DC, USA. It has contests, (legal, consensual) auctions, and workshops. This is the largest M/s gathering in the Northeast region of the United States. And despite it having auctions and workshops, aspects that would seem questionable without further research into the topic, and it residing in Washington DC, it has not been shut down.
  
  The South Plains Leatherfest is an international contest for M/s couples. Couples from around the world come to this contest in order to either participate or simply watch, and those that win that year's contest participate in panels in other gatherings to speak to the M/s community.
  
  
  
• So what's the difference between this and the concept of consent with subjects like ***** or abuse?
  
  The lifestyle of Master/slave works on the concept of informed, legal consent.
  
  Informed consent is consent given with full knowledge of what the activity is to pertain of and with full acceptance of that knowledge. An example of informed consent is a contract written and signed by all parties involved. If at least one of the people involved in the activity does not know the full detail of how that activity will take place, the risks involved, and what it means for each individual in question, it is not informed consent.
  
  Legal consent is based on your area's laws regarding consent. This includes things like the age of consent and past rulings regarding the ability to give consent while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. If the laws in your area does not permit the practice of BDSM activities due to reasons listed above or any others not mentioned, it is not legal consent.
  
  
  
• Doesn’t a psychological inability to leave mean you’re trapped anyways?
  
  Actually no. The very way the contract works conceptually allows ways for the slave to leave if the slave wishes to leave. It’s just not psychologically viewed that way by the slaves. The majority of slaves feel that when a Master abuses them or breaks their trust (any form of betrayal) that Master has now implied that the contract was broken. It doesn’t matter if the Master actually wants the slave to leave or to break the contract. These actions are considered implication of a broken contract by the slave’s mindset. And of course, once the contract is broken? The slave is entirely free from the Master, as all the Master’s authority is null and void from that point.
  
  
  
• How many people actually do this?
  
  The subculture is a lot bigger then you think. In fact, there is a relatively large subculture of people who practice BDSM and a fair number who are in the "Ownership subculture." This isn’t even accounting for lines of BDSM like behavior in normally vanilla (mundane) relationships and people who only participate in BDSM and M/s on a part time basis (as opposed to lifestylers).
  
  
  
• What kinds of slaves are there?
  
  Different Masters and Owners may use their slaves/servants/property in different manners. There are sex slaves, human animals, cash slaves, slaves to "Daddy Doms" and service slaves, among others. These are not mutually exclusive--that is to say that a person can be more than one type at a time. Many people are combinations or defy categorization at all. These are listed here to give some examples of services.
  
  A sex slave is a slave most often used for sex. In fact, their only function in their Owner/Master's life may be allowing their Owner/Master to derive sexual pleasure.
  
  A human animal is someone who is asked to perform or, in some cases, live in the role of a specific animal. Cats, dogs and ponies are very common.
  
  Cash slaves are relatively rare and usually their main or only purpose to their Owner/Master is to provide cash. Their bank accounts can be stripped of all value at any time, without warning by their Owner/Master.
  
  Slaves to Daddy Doms are usually treated like children or petulant teenagers. Slightly spoiled, slightly indulged, but still under the care and guidance of a "Daddy" who makes the rules and sets the curfews. (There is an equivalent for Mommy doms most likely.)
  
  Service slaves serve usually by accomplishing tasks and following orders to serve the whims of their Master/Owner.
  
  
  
• Aren’t slaves all downtrodden doormats?
  
  Not true. Many owners actually welcome individuality, strong will, and sometimes even rebelliousness in their slaves. Slaves have opinions and are rarely kept from expressing them. Some slaves are not permitted to express their opinions, but they are still not doormats.
  
  Why?
  
  As a general rule, slaves are proud of their service to their Masters/Owners. Being a doormat implies a lack of consent and a presence of shame at their actions. This is not something that is present in M/s relationships.
  
  
  
• Do all Masters/Owners beat their slaves every day?
  
  No. Not all Masters/Owners enjoy beating people. Some prefer to keep them enslaved by punishing disobedience with time in the corner or writing lines. Some even use simply the fact that they are disappointed as punishment. In the cases where beating is regular, it’s often because the participants in the M/s relationship are also into Sadism/Masochism. The beatings in those cases are wholly independent from being owned.
  
  
  
• Doesn't this count as abuse?
  
  Phoenix posted a good list on the comparison between abuse and willing, sane, consensual participation in BDSM and M/s.
  
  

  ashes_of_phoenix

  A little back on topic. I just went to a seminar about identifying healthy BDSM from abuse.Thought I would go ahead and post this for people who confuse the two.
  
  BDSM activities are ALWAYS Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Abuse is NEVER safe, NEVER sane, and NEVER consensual.
  
  BDSM follows established rules. Abuse has no rules.
  
  BDSM is negotiated for the safety of both partners. Abuse is NEVER negotiated.
  
  BDSM activities are used for mutual pleasure. Abuse is used to terrorize, frighten and control.
  
  In BDSM, safewords can be used to stop any activity. If someone is being abused they cannot stop what is happening to them.
  
  BDSM activities are about pleasure and being connected. Abuse is about power and control.
  
  

  KNOW THE DIFFERENCE ---END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

  
  
  National Leather Association:International
  
  NLA-I Domestic Violence Project Website: http://www.nlaidvproject.us/

  
  
  This also applies to the RACK standard which may be adopted either in conjunction with SSC or even in replacement of it. That’s a debate for another time though.
  
  
  
• Wouldn't this sort of relationship be unhealthy for the people involved, or for any children present?
  
  As mentioned previously, submissives are actually in greater danger when unowned because they are predisposed to following dominant like requests from people that either don’t value their well being or don’t realize that the sub is following them.
  
  The following is posted with permission of the author.
  
  

  Tekkonkinkreet

  I have a unique veiw point on this type of relationship perhaps becuase i grew up in a family that practiced service slaves. My mother is my fathers service slave. But as you have pointed out VERY well...she is not unhappy with this. When i was kid i used to get upset seeing her crying becuase she was just punished. My father would punish her physically in the bed room (i DID NOT see that of course) but would also punish her by makeing her write down in a book what she did wrong...why it was wrong...and how he punished her. I used to get so upset cause i thought my father was awefull and treated her like s**t....it wasnt untill i was OLDER and could actually understand her explanation for WHY she didnt LEAVE my father that i was finally able to realize that even though she didnt like getting punished she DID LIKE being able to wait on him hand and foot. It made her SO happy and feel euphoric to know that she was serving him and doing a good job of it. He would reward her by giveing her a set allowance and letting her spend it on WHATEVER she wanted once a month or more.
  Im 20 years old now...even though i grew up seeing this i never practiced it myself. So i dont think it influenced me at all but i do understand these types of people better. though i did try to be a pony once...it was interesting experiance...

  
  
  
  
• Doesn't this compromise the idea of individual freedom?
  
  Most slaves see this as exercising their individual freedoms. After all, are we truly free if we don’t have the freedom to give up our freedom? Yes it seems paradoxical but it’s a valid question.
  
  If you’re denied the freedom to do what someone else tells you to do then are you truly free? I assert not. A brilliant example of this is related to the feminism movement:
  
  

  From a signature on a slave website

  
  If a woman burned her bra and fought hard to get equal rights and wages so she could work outside of the home, is her daughter spitting in the mother's face if the daughter chooses to stay home and raise her children as a stay at home mum? No. Because it was a CHOICE. Not a certainty.

  
  
  
  
• So does this mean you're role-playing?
  
  Role-playing is distinctly different from the actual M/s lifestyle. Role-playing is more surface-involved. It means you’ve taken on a role and doesn’t necessarily mean you yourself reflect that role inside. M/s is an honest and open expression of real urges inside and the person’s true personality. Your own personality cannot be a role. It is not played. It is you.
  
  M/s relationships are a simulation of true slavery to gain fulfillment of internal urges and existing personality traits. Role-playing is taking on a role. The difference is distinct.
  
  
  
• Can't they just get married?
  
  Pure marriage is a bonding of people whose roles are typically egalitarian. M/s is a bonding of people who, while they can be equals, do not take similar roles in the relationship. Many M/s couples do get married for the socio-economic and legal benefits of marriage, but they typically identify as M/s first and husband and wife second.
  
  
  
• Why can't minors participate?
  
  In some places, BDSM and M/s are illegal entirely. In others, they are merely frowned upon. In places where it is frowned upon, some of the best charges to round people up on is "corruption of a minor," "child molestation" and "statutory rape." For this reason, the age of consent for BDSM and M/s is often higher than the age of consent for a "typical" relationship. It is often very hard to find a listing of ages of consent for such a relationship, but a good rule of thumb to use is 18 years old or the age majority, whichever is greater. We're providing you with this list, which should help you to figure it out.
  
  If in doubt? Don't do it.
  
  The other reason for keeping minors out of it is protection of young people. Many people like to exploit young people. Exploitation under the guise of BDSM or M/s gives the subculture a bad name and it gets young people hurt.
  
  As stated in the first post of this thread, the age of majority that we enforce here is 18. While there are a few countries where that age is lower, 18 is the minimal age accepted in the BDSM community, and restrict their participation as such. More than likely they will also tell you to look into your local laws to see if the age of consent for BDSM activities is 21 because of their extreme nature and level of risk.

[Officer Chadwick]

F.A.Q. - Anecdotes

Now, answers can vary, but these are the ones put forth by various individuals asked for their personal input. Quotes will be shortened for length or content at our discretion using ellipses.

To add anecdotes to this list, please PM one of the thread moderators individually. We don't always catch the PMs sent to the thread mule. Thank you.

• What does each side get out of it? What psychological reasons do you think you do this?
  
  

  Mitsukai-aka

  From the way I see it, we both get the satisfaction of being together, in a way that fits us. We don't have to try and cater to others it's just as we are. Psych reasons? >< That would take up wayyyyy too much space. I'll just go and say it's somewhere between Freud and Jung. ><

  
  

  Kcscooter

  The Master/Mistress are able to experience a person's true devotion - willingness to learn and serve, love, trust, and a bond that is a beautiful gift their partner bestows on Them out of respect and after gaining trust and confidence. The slave, in return, has a safe haven, a protector, a teacher, a lover (in some cases), a friend and companion, and a disciplinarian as a Partner to help guide and teach them to grow into a wonderful member of society - to be that beautiful person the Master knows they can be - while not worrying about being harmed in the process because they feel safe in their Master's arms. Psychology might say that a person is doing this as escape or a coping mechanism for past trauma, but I see it as something that we just need - that's how we were made.

  
  

  Kyles_Kitten

  I need it, Master enjoys it. I need to be controlled in my life, the structure and someone to look up to. Master enjoys teaching me and caring for me. I have always been a naturally submissive person. I am a wreck without someone else there to control what I do, and a lot of times that has gotten me in trouble sweatdrop

  
  

  Xannun

  As a Master, I get confidence. I know there is always someone who supports and helps me rise. My self-confidence has immensely strengthen since I have been with her. My psychological reason is why I do it. It has always been a fantasy of mine to be a knight in shining armor, to be a person who has a charge to protect the one he loves and adores the most. I feel in this relationship it is true. I have to ability to always watch over her and ensure her safety in all aspects. I can even protect her from her past. So I guess I serve her emotionally so she can serve me physically.

  
  

  Sir Barton

  I have a dominant personality and the M/s lifestyle gives me a chance to really be myself without constantly monitoring myself to make sure that I'm not being a jackass. I have a need to control but I also have a need to care for someone...to nurture, protect and teach. Having my slave rely on me fulfills those psychological needs. And then there is trust..... something I need and something I have only truly found within this lifestyle.

  
  

  Lilith Delost

  i serve my Master as His slave because it makes me feel confident in my abilities. i get to know that when i do a good task He will tell me and reward me, and when i do something wrong He will tell me and i will get punished. In both cases i learn from it which helps improve who i am. Also, i have always enjoyed making others happy, especially those i hold closest to me. If the person i love most is not happy, than it is hard for me to be happy. i also feel that the deepest way to love someone is to show that through submission and devotion. So, i have many reasons...

  
  

  DiesIrae1

  She gets to take it easy and relax as I take care of basic needs. In return she does the things most people won't. (I am a masochist)

  
  

  gamerchix

  I can go nuts trying to be all things to all people. I try to be the ideal employee, a walking Carl's Jr. Encyclopedia. I can program the fryers and the timers (knowledge usually reserved for management), I know the allergy information for almost everything, even the less than obvious, and I do a lot of training (even when language barriers are a serious issue), but I still phrase things as questions because I want to be told I'm right and that I'm doing good. I've put in countless hours and a lot of energy doing things for the church. I built their website, I work their Bingo Brunches and their Game Nights, I've made flyers and signs for them, and I don't know what all else. But I do it for the wrong reasons. I don't do the church work primarily for God. I do it for praise. I do it to feel needed and wanted, and then I become resentful of it because then I feel taken advantage of. I shouldn't need praise and love and attention for my church work, and my paycheck and the respect of my boss should be enough at my job. But when I put my desires aside and focus my attention of the man I've chosen to be my Master I feel needed and wanted without trying. When he pats me on the head and says, "Good girl, thank you," just for walking across the room and getting him a can of soda, I feel happier, and more appreciated and wanted than all the thank you cards and employee-of-the-month buttons in the world could ever make me feel. I feel better than needed. I feel wanted as I am. Maybe it's insecurity. Maybe it's narcissism. It doesn't matter to me. I feels right.

  
  

  Ramana_Jala

  To be Master's slave is to learn how to surrender, and put my selfish ego aside. A bad childhood gave me an armored personality, which I couldn't get out of for a long time. Until I experienced dropping, and then I realized what I'd been searching for, that surrender and devotional attitude that makes everything lovely and simple. Master is new at this too, but he finds that this lifestyle makes his pet softer and more agreeable and more lovely. It is really a spiritual experience, it's really about learning to open my heart and really love Him, like I didn't know how to before.

  
  

  Mistress Lithias kitten

  i could give you a simple answer and say 'fulfillment' and it would be true but i think it's more than that really.
  
  For the slave, you get the pride in knowing that you are making your Master happy, taking care of them, serving them, making their life easier. You get the comfort of their arms around you when you need them and you get the sting of their whip when you need that too.
  
  For the Master you get the joy in knowing that someone trusts you enough to give so much of themselves to you. You get the pride in knowing that they look up to you to guide them, care for them, and help them to grow. You get the comfort of them curling up with you, leaning on you, but also giving you someone to lean on when you need it.
  
  There is so much about the lifestyle that you can't really put into words because it has to be felt to be understood. i know for me, when Mistress made Her interest known, when She accepted my submission to Her, i have never felt more whole, more cared for, and more alive than i do now with Her and my brother slave, Rafe.
  
  [...]
  
  i've never really given it that much thought but honestly i think it's just simply a part of who i am.

  
  

  Mr Submissive

  I'd say personally as a submissive there's the understanding and the confidence added with a M/s relationship. Many Submissive's depend on their Dom's or Masters to feel better and more secure with the things they do in a daily life. Kind of like the person you go to
  when everything gets bad and you just need a hug. But in the M/s there's a certain amount of attentiveness taken from the submissive to the dominating role. Most Dom's enjoy the ability to care for and protect and guide their submissive partners and give them a strong sense of >_< something.
  
  [...]
  
  Just the feeling of being loved and cared for without all the harsh roles of reality being dropped down on you all at once. Instead of defending for yourself it's you and your Master or Dom.

  
  

  Anonymous

  As a sub in a long distance relationship I get the sense of security and safety of my master even when we're apart. He is very protective and loves taking care of me, and I get an amazing sense of satisfaction pleasing him. He also gets to explore his sadistic side where he couldn't with his previous lovers, and I have never been able to orgasm unless I am pleasing him in some way.
  
  The psychological reasons, I think stems from my strict and religious upbringing and being very sexually repressed, as well as having a sexual encounter at a very young age where restraints were involved. For him, I think it comes from wanting to make me happy and his desire to take care of helpless things.

  
  
  
• How does such a relationship make you feel emotionally?
  
  

  Mitsukai-aka

  ....when my Master actually sets time for us to focus solely on one another, it's amazing. I'm so happy, it's like this tiny piece that's been missing for so long is finally in place. Overall though, I feel happy and safe, and wanted.

  
  

  Kcscooter

  Useful, loved, protected, challenged, but very happy! I am useful to my Master when I follow commands and make Her happy with my work. I am loved by Her and cherished beyond anything else She processes so I know I am safe. I am protected from myself and from others as She teaches me the proper ways to stand up for myself and what I believe in so I can grow stronger. I am challenged by certain orders and devotion this type of relationship requires (especially long distance) but this is something we both know we can overcome and it will make the easier times that much sweeter! Who wouldn't be happy??

  
  

  Kyles_Kitten

  It makes me feel safe and wanted, loved, trusted, and in a lot of ways, free from the burdens of daily life.

  
  

  Xannun

  Unsurpassed in love and affection. Again, there will always be someone there for me. Who will take care of me when I am ill or discomforted. Someone to help me through my dark times and someone to be with when I'm in the sunshine. It feels wonderful to know she is never going to leave and betray me for another; I don't have to hide in my shadows and walls anymore.

  
  

  Sir Barton

  Free. I feel relaxed, comfortable and happy. I can be myself and that is true freedom.

  
  

  Lilith Delost

  Emotionally, it makes me feel very loved and cared for. It makes me feel very accomplished and proud to be His. It allows me to feel a level of trust and commitment that i can not get from vanilla relationships.

  
  

  DiesIrae1

  I feel loved and accepted on a level that I did not know existed before. I get to serve and I am happy when I know that I have made my master happy.

  
  

  gamerchix

  It feels like home.

  
  

  Ramana_Jala

  It makes me feel owned and held, like an anchor or a meditation for my mind and heart. He has become central in my life, and more and more my focal point, my object of devotion, the one I belong to, the thought of him being my respite and meditation. It makes me feel calm and happy, by relaxing my strategizing mind and integrating my head with my heart, making me simple and then everything becomes just easy. It makes me feel soft and sweet and girly, and our interactions are lighter and filled with loveliness, fun and humor. It makes me feel like everything that we both need can be found in our relationship, by getting rid of my fears and just learning how to communicate what I need, and discovering what he needs, so that we may fulfill each other rather than feel lacking.

  
  

  Mistress Lithias kitten

  i have never felt more alive than i do when i am in service to a loving Master or Mistress. i am honored to wear Mistress' collar and to share my life with both Her and my brother slave.

  
  

  Mr Submissive

  Most of the time it makes me feel extremely loved, I have a very low self confidence and my master makes me feel like even though I'm ugly or unworthy he decides to love me and take care of me. The fear of being rejected or tossed away is put out of my hands and I don't have to worry.

  
  

  Anonymous

  Fulfilled, safe, wanted. Knowing no matter what I do under his care won't result in a negative response, even if I am punished it is out of love. He teaches me and guides me through life, I couldn't ask for a better relationship.

  
  
  
• For slaves, how do you feel when you disobey? or an order of yours hasn't been obeyed?
  
  

  Mitsukai-aka

  >< If I have a reason why? I'm stubborn as anything, I refuse to admit I might be wrong. (Master often says it's like pulling teeth with me. v.v) If I have done something,mainly it's that I've forgotten rather than just not doing it,(bedtime for example) I freak, I don't wanna tell him, but I know I need to, and my brain goes in circles until I decide on some type of action.

  
  

  Kcscooter

  Sad, dirty, and disappointed in myself. I want to be all I can for Her, but when I disobey (even if I think I have a good reason; example: my Master told me to stop interacting with someone after they had made me upset by bashing our lifestyle, but I thought it was my duty to defend Her and in the process I disobeyed) I disappoint Her and that is not what I want, ever. I can explain my reasoning if there is something more to what I thought, but in the end I know I have made Her upset and I regret it deeply. Being punished helps me start to forgive myself because I know Master is forgiving me too.

  
  

  Kyles_Kitten

  I feel horrible when I disobey. I feel guilty and like I have lost his trust and love (even though it's not true it's how I feel) I usually tell him I deserve far worse punishments than he thinks I deserve when I disobey him.

  
  

  Lilith Delost

  When i fail to accomplish a task, or disobey Him in a way that upsets Him i feel as though i have failed not only at the task/order, but as His slave. It makes me want to improve even more and try even harder to serve Him to the best of my ability.

  
  

  gamerchix

  That depends. Why did I disobey? If I did something little to give him an excuse to "punish" me, I get excited. All I was really doing was initiating sex and hoping he'd play along. If I disobeyed because I thought I knew better than he did, he doesn't bother with any kind of punishment, unless you consider being vanilla a punishment. That's quite a paradox, isn't it? One of the worst punishments is no punishment. It makes me fear that not only am I not worthy of correction, I'm not worthy of being his submissive! Not true, of course.

  
  

  Ramana_Jala

  It feels unsettled until the internal conflict is resolved, and Master is happy again. Master and slave need to discuss why it happened, for slave to understand how to change herself to prevent disharmony, and to forgive herself also.

  
  

  Mistress Lithias kitten

  The few times i disobeyed my former Master's orders i felt physically ill in knowing i'd disappointed Him in any way.

  
  

  Mr Submissive

  I find when Im being spoiled Im less harsh on myself about disobeying orders but a majority of the time I really hate when it happens. It makes me feel like I've betrayed the person who trusted me and in some cases loves me. But sometimes it happens and it should be understood by both partners that orders shouldn't be something to hurt the submissive right out unless both partners are equally into the more painful relationship of it.

  
  

  Anonymous

  Guilty, worthless, unworthy of service. I get extremely upset if I can't do what I set out to do, or I have done something to displease my master.

  
  
  
• For Masters, how do you feel when an order of yours hasn't been obeyed?
  
  

  Mitsukai-aka

  On the one time when we switched? ...I was frustrated. I didn't want to have to do any type of punishment, but I knew if I wanted to prove I was in control, that it was needed.

  
  

  Xannun

  Horribly sad and disappointed. I do not want to hurt to her ever! I always want to her make sure she is happy and content to serve me. I only punish her so she may learn and grow to be a better person and in the end be content of who is she, for then she will know completely why she enjoys serving and helping me.

  
  

  Sir Barton

  Disappointed and often confused because at first I don't know why it hasn't been obeyed. At times it makes me question if I have missed something in training or in judging my slave's abilities. When an order is ignored, unless the slave is a brat at that moment, the fault tends to fall on the Master's shoulders, often in the form of miscommunication, and that is extremely frustrating.

  
  
  
• What sort of things does your master have you do?
  
  

  Mitsukai-aka

  Right now, he is focusing on getting me to obey, and getting me to talk to him more. He says that he won't go any farther till I've mastered these to his standards.

  
  

  Kcscooter

  Obey commands, type and speak properly, Kegel exercises every day, fetch Her food and water, help when She is not feeling well, give Her control to my bathroom needs, keep my anger under control, ask Her about any plans I can make, my normal duties (working, cleaning, writing and reading), and to be happy. I am currently working on opening up more to Her and being able to explain my feelings, especially when I'm upset. My Master needs me to be able to communicate with Her if something is wrong in my life or with our play - that is critical. There are many more, but it's an on-going process.

  
  

  Kyles_Kitten

  Mostly things to better myself for him right now. Ask him permission to eat anything that isn't healthy, drink lots of water, not to drink soda, keep my room clean, then general care things for him. Get him food and drinks, clean up after us, etc.

  
  

  Lilith Delost

  Master has me do laundry when i come over on weekends, and unload any dishes from the dishwasher that have not been moved/used yet. i rub His back for Him every night before bed, and sometimes during the day when asked, since it causes Him constant pain. i am to get to bed by 2am and be up no later than noon. i have to eat 3 healthy meals a day, and limit my snacking in between. my body is His to use whenever He wants it and however He wants, staying in mind of my limits of course. Theres plenty more, but those are the main ones, and i don't want to ramble on about all of them. Right now we don't have too much since we are only together a couple weekends a month. When we live together 24/7 this coming summer i'm sure we will continue to add to my task list.

  
  

  gamerchix

  First of all, he does his best to keep me from using all my energy on everyone else. Unfortunatley he can't be with me 24/7 and I tend to cave in to requests when he can't answer for me. I also clean the kitchen and bathroom, occasionally cook for him and do whatever small tasks he asks. Sometimes he controls my diet. He also wants me to learn to cook things that don't come from boxes. Mostly, though, I offer things. I try to anticipate his needs, if not his desires, and he takes nothing for granted. The tags got stolen off his car. The discovery was made one night when he got pulled over. A bad situation, but also a chance to serve him in a new way: as his chauffeur! He could have asked (or ordered) me to drive him or to let him use my truck, but he didn't. He feels like he's not doing his job of taking care of me.

  
  

  Ramana_Jala

  He has me take care of my portion of our life and home business, act responsibly and be focused. Practice acting from the space of sweetness and simplicity, so that life is straightforward and un-angsty. Be mindful to learn better how to love him and care for him, by being sensitive to the ways that make him feel emotionally tended to. Be mindful of emotionally and mentally submitting and being soft and receptive and communicative, rather than combative and repressive and isolative. Be his girl and serve his needs in every way.

  
  

  Mistress Lithias kitten

  Well, as i am a new member to the household duties ave not been completely laid out but i will be sharing the household chores with my brother slave and when he has a lot of homework to do, as he has gone back to school, i am to take on more of those chores. i am also working part time in order to help pay for bills and food.

  
  

  Anonymous

  When we are apart he requires me to wear certain things, take pictures and videotape myself, masturbate on webcam or the phone and torture myself as he chooses, beg, humiliate myself, and orgasm when he gives permission to.

  
  
  
• What happens if the slave or the master dies? How does it affect who is left behind?
  
  

  Kuro no Taiyo

  I'm pretty sure, from what I've heard, that it'd be pretty hard on the slave. Especially if they can't really survive on their own or submit easily to others. Unless they have someone else to look after them, they'd pretty much be screwed...
  
  I think... ^^;

  
  

  ashes_of_phoenix

  Actually it tends to be the Master who is screwed if the slaves dies. I know a Master who's slave passed away after contracting AIDS. The slave had taken care of everything for the Master for so long that the Master had no clue what to do or how to take care of himself any longer. He didn't know where the check book was, what bills to pay or even how to pay them. He didn't shop for himself, and didn't drive and couldn't even make his own coffee. He was completely lost. Lucky his boy had thought about this and after the initial shock worn off and the Master began to try to handle his affairs he found post a notes all over the house that his slave had left behind. He had a note in his sock draw telling him how to fold and seperate the socks by color, there was a note in a kitchen cabinet about how many scoops of coffee to put in the pot and how much sugar and cream per cup. The slave had left these behind so that the next boy would know how to care for the Master. He was still serving his Master's needs after his death.

[Officer Chadwick]

Rules and Management

1. Be courtious to other members of the thread. We are here to help each other and newcomers, not insult each other. Flaming will not be tolerated and will be reported. If someone is flaming another member, please do not quote their posts because that makes it more difficult for the mods to delete the offending posts.

2. Keep roleplay and chatting to a minimum. We have had issues with this in the past and too much of either will be considered off topic and will result in a warning.

3. Stay on topic. Discussion about safe practices of BDSM activities are considered on topic even though they are not the concentration of the thread. Roleplay M/s is not. This thread is about the lifestyle, not roleplay, though please respect the choices of others outside of this thread.

4. Do not encourage or advocate illegal activities. I am not responsible for your views outside of this thread, but advocacy within the thread puts other members at risk. Such posts will result in a private warning, and if the warning is not acknowledged or the post is not removed, it will be reported. Depending on the activity encouraged, I do reserve the right to ban the poster due to the level of risk it brings to our other members. This ban can occur with or without a prior warning.

5. Please don't respond to spammers, trolls, or people that post and run. This creates more spam and clutter.

6. Do not solicite or harass other members, and do not seek out a Master or slave here. Soliciting that eludes to the offer to cyber will be reported as such and the poster banned.

7. Again, keep in mind that the content of this thread is mature in nature. Because of the nature of the lifestyle and the subcultures incorporating it, many activities related to it are explicit in nature. Try to keep explanations PG-13, don't go into extensive and graphic detail - but it's still important to realize that this thread is going to contain mature content. Just talk about it in an appropriate fashion.

8. When linking to off-site sources that have mature content such as nudity (this can happen with instructional diagrams for rope bondage, common protocol positions, etc), mark it as unsafe for work or something similar. That way people don't get in trouble for pulling these links up in inappropriate settings unknowingly.

Management of this thread will operate with a Three Strike policy. You get two private warnings before your third "strike". Public warnings are not considered part of this because they are to be acknowledged and understood by everyone, not a specific person. I do, however, reserve the right to make executive decisions for more serious issues without this policy.

These rules and policies may be changed at any point. I will post a public announcement after any major changes to let everyone know.

[Officer Chadwick]

Further Reading

Books of interest:

Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy

The Ethical Slut: Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton

When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton

Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex by Gloria G Brame

Different Loving: A Complete Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G Brame

Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude by Guy Baldwin

Becoming a Slave: The Theory and Practice of Voluntary Servitude by Jack Rinella

Philosophy in the Dungeon: The Magic of Sex & Spirit by Jack Rinella

The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella

The Master's Manual: Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella

Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Loving Dominant by John Warren

Flogging by Joseph Bean

The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance (Erotic) by Lorelei

Endless Knot: A Spiritual Odyssey Through Sado-Masochism by Mathew Styranka

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual and Entertaining Essays by Midori

The Control Book by Peter Masters

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller

Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel

Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave by Robert J. Rubel

The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax & Temperature Play (Toybag Guide) by Spectrum

Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes: A Step-by-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage by Two Knotty Boys



Websites:

Abuse and BDSM - A list of essays about abuse and how it pertains to BDSM by a variety of authors. Includes essays on healing and moving on from abuse within a BDSM relationship, as well as child abuse.

BDSM and the Law - A basic article on the legal matters of practicing BDSM.
Edit: This link appears to be down. I do not know if it will be back up in the future, but in the meanwhile I have found another essay on legal matters concerning BDSM. - error
http://www.bearpair.com/slavemike/law.htm

CollarednCuffed Beginners Guide to BDSM - A basic guide to BDSM, including an A-Z list of terms and an e-mail Q@A.

Introduction To Breath Control Essays - A list of essays about the dangers of breath control by Jay Wiseman.

Japanese Rope Art - Includes a variety of essays and tutorials written by Tatu about the spirit behind rope bondage and how to practice it safely.

Ownership and M/s book list - A book list compiled by The Slave Register, including some on protocol. Some of these listings may be repeats from our own book list.

Ownership flags and icons - a compilation of the various ownership flags and icons, with brief descriptions and varying sizes. Transgender and nonbinary friendly.

Seek Discipline! Wiki - A Wiki run by House of Tanos.

Subdrop - A basic essay on subdrop and how to deal with it by the D/s Seekers.

The Slave Register - A community where slaves and Masters can gather to talk about their experiences. Registration on this page is restricted to those 18 or older (21 depending on location).

Tops Disease - A short, comprehensible essay on Tops Disease by Mistress Steel.

Twisted Monk - Source of fine hemp rope and link to "how to" bondage videos.

Wax Play Info by shevah~ - Information on how to play with wax safely, cleanup tips and what type of candles to use.

Wipipedia - A wiki on everything ranging from BDSM equipment to clubbing to legal matters and everything else in between, maintained by the London Fetish Scene.



Sample slavery contracts:

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/TPE/slave_contract.htm
http://www.bdsmcircle.net/dslifestyle/contractbm.htm
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Contracts/

[Officer Chadwick]

Updates

May 16, 2009, clarification edits and added a rule to the management policy by error
Jan 03, 2009, added anecdotes to the FAQ - Anecdotes section and separated the FAQs for length by error
Dec 23, 2008, clarification, organization and word changes to fix contradictions ( gonk ) by error
Nov 14, 2008, expansion to the Further Reading list by error
Oct 30, 2008, rules and management policy added by error
July 7, 2008, expansion to the OP and a few grammar corrections by error
v3.0 edited May 22, 2008 by error
v2.0 written Oct 16, 2007 by Poe

Thread Moderators

error-dot-tar
Sir Barton (currently inactive)
Recursive Paradox
Kcscooter
Champion Cherry

If I am missing anyone, please let me know. And do try to forgive me and my terrible memory ninja

- error

[Chitsa Black]

I am so happy to see the thread is back up and running. There is a great deal more information to it this time I think than there was in the last version. I must say Error you and Poe did an amazing job.

[error-dot-tar]

Chitsa Black

I am so happy to see the thread is back up and running. There is a great deal more information to it this time I think than there was in the last version. I must say Error you and Poe did an amazing job.

Actually, most of the information is the same. All I did was organize it a bit by putting the FAQ and updates in separate posts, edited the disclaimer, and added in the section regarding informed and legal consent. I didn't touch the rest.

Thank you for the vote of confidence though heart

[DeathWyrmNexus]

And I am here as well. And for a bit of on topicness, Lynn has gotten to a new level of submission with the use of our rope flogger. Good times.

[Masters loli]

Return of LMB! Oh thank the underlord, finally a chance for some on-topic debates!

smile

To re-introduce myself to any new-comers, I am Lulu! I have been a slave for over two years to Master Lorenze (He doesn't have an account on here), and have been happily frequenting the BDSM community for several months.

Bring on the information!

[Lonely Kismet]

Always been interested...

[Chitsa Black]

error[dot]exe

Chitsa Black

I am so happy to see the thread is back up and running. There is a great deal more information to it this time I think than there was in the last version. I must say Error you and Poe did an amazing job.

Actually, most of the information is the same. All I did was organize it a bit by putting the FAQ and updates in separate posts, edited the disclaimer, and added in the section regarding informed and legal consent. I didn't touch the rest.

Thank you for the vote of confidence though heart

... just goes to show how long its been since I've read the post. Still I think you two did an amazing job.

[error-dot-tar]

DeathWyrmNexus

And I am here as well. And for a bit of on topicness, Lynn has gotten to a new level of submission with the use of our rope flogger. Good times.

If Poe isn't careful, she'll wind up learning a new level of submission.

I told her to go to bed and while I was working on this, I caught her posting.

May I ask what type of rope you used?

[error-dot-tar]

Lonely Kismet

Always been interested...

Then you've come to the right place smile What about it interests you? What appeals to you?

[error-dot-tar]

Hm. I may have to separate the FAQ and the anecdotes, that post feels too long.