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I don't know if I should blame the neuroleptics as the root cause. Even though they and psychosurgery did me in for good. Plus I'm on a Haldol implant I'm pretty sure. I won't go into more details, but they're quite disturbing, even to me, and I can't find much so.

Quite simply put, what I blame first and foremost is that my sex drive is completely dead. That and everything else. Emotion, thoughts (well, almost), imagination, pleasure, everything. In fact most of the time what I feel is pain that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Nonspecific to any external or internal stimuli and overwhelming. Nothing means anything to me, I'm all but oblivious to stimuli, I can't comprehend anything. I know I was completely different before this disaster but I can just barely even remember that fact, First of all, I smoked some weed from china, and it felt like it blew some fuses. Wasn't a high at all. Wasn't a drug. Looked shiny, plastic (though I could tell it wasn't really), bendy, silk like texture. Mistake number one.

Second of all, well, I took some good mushrooms. And I rediscovered life, it felt that good almost. And it helped alot, I became quite sexually driven, and motivated to get a life. My drive was rather delicate, but would have been functional and would have come back had I nursed it back. But then one time I took some mushrooms that left me completely dead inside. Sort of, ... separated. I didn't hallucinate at all. My body just felt frozen. And my sex drive never really worked again afterword. I'd get a boner, but there was no drive, at all after. I think they were a poisonous strain. Maybe also from China.

Anyway maybe there's some way I could have fixed it before neuroleptics, maybe even after. But it seems too late now. I can't bring myself to rehabilitate myself through activities, because it increases the pain, and it takes every ounce of my effort to concentrate on them.

I was a person once, a real one. But now it seems I am no more. At least I'm not dead.
Runkle's avatar

Genius

life issues, big pimpin'. arrow
Circumcision blows. And I once knew why.

Oh yes I did.
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All_The_Worlds_a_Stage
Circumcision blows. And I once knew why.

Oh yes I did.

Uncut penises are gross.
Channabis
All_The_Worlds_a_Stage
Circumcision blows. And I once knew why.

Oh yes I did.

Uncut penises are gross.
Well... I can see why you'd say that.

Being brain-dead is a bigger problem.
the hipster soul's avatar

Profitable Prophet

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do yourself a favor and stop being a teenager.
Elizabeth of York's avatar

Fashionable Genius

I'm not reading that wall of text.
All_The_Worlds_a_Stage
Well... I can see why you'd say that.

Being brain-dead is a bigger problem.

Stop being such a drama queen.

it's funny because of your name.
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Wheezing Lover

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Can't tell if this is real or not...that really sucks. Maybe...ask your doctor and therapist what to do? I'm sorry, I have nothing that could even remotely relate to this. sad
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All_The_Worlds_a_Stage
I don't know if I should blame the neuroleptics as the root cause. Even though they and psychosurgery did me in for good. Plus I'm on a Haldol implant I'm pretty sure. I won't go into more details, but they're quite disturbing, even to me, and I can't find much so.

Quite simply put, what I blame first and foremost is that my sex drive is completely dead. That and everything else. Emotion, thoughts (well, almost), imagination, pleasure, everything. In fact most of the time what I feel is pain that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Nonspecific to any external or internal stimuli and overwhelming. Nothing means anything to me, I'm all but oblivious to stimuli, I can't comprehend anything. I know I was completely different before this disaster but I can just barely even remember that fact, First of all, I smoked some weed from china, and it felt like it blew some fuses. Wasn't a high at all. Wasn't a drug. Looked shiny, plastic (though I could tell it wasn't really), bendy, silk like texture. Mistake number one.

Second of all, well, I took some good mushrooms. And I rediscovered life, it felt that good almost. And it helped alot, I became quite sexually driven, and motivated to get a life. My drive was rather delicate, but would have been functional and would have come back had I nursed it back. But then one time I took some mushrooms that left me completely dead inside. Sort of, ... separated. I didn't hallucinate at all. My body just felt frozen. And my sex drive never really worked again afterword. I'd get a boner, but there was no drive, at all after. I think they were a poisonous strain. Maybe also from China.

Anyway maybe there's some way I could have fixed it before neuroleptics, maybe even after. But it seems too late now. I can't bring myself to rehabilitate myself through activities, because it increases the pain, and it takes every ounce of my effort to concentrate on them.

I was a person once, a real one. But now it seems I am no more. At least I'm not dead.
Is this in a poetic sense?
Divine Crime
All_The_Worlds_a_Stage
I don't know if I should blame the neuroleptics as the root cause. Even though they and psychosurgery did me in for good. Plus I'm on a Haldol implant I'm pretty sure. I won't go into more details, but they're quite disturbing, even to me, and I can't find much so.

Quite simply put, what I blame first and foremost is that my sex drive is completely dead. That and everything else. Emotion, thoughts (well, almost), imagination, pleasure, everything. In fact most of the time what I feel is pain that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Nonspecific to any external or internal stimuli and overwhelming. Nothing means anything to me, I'm all but oblivious to stimuli, I can't comprehend anything. I know I was completely different before this disaster but I can just barely even remember that fact, First of all, I smoked some weed from china, and it felt like it blew some fuses. Wasn't a high at all. Wasn't a drug. Looked shiny, plastic (though I could tell it wasn't really), bendy, silk like texture. Mistake number one.

Second of all, well, I took some good mushrooms. And I rediscovered life, it felt that good almost. And it helped alot, I became quite sexually driven, and motivated to get a life. My drive was rather delicate, but would have been functional and would have come back had I nursed it back. But then one time I took some mushrooms that left me completely dead inside. Sort of, ... separated. I didn't hallucinate at all. My body just felt frozen. And my sex drive never really worked again afterword. I'd get a boner, but there was no drive, at all after. I think they were a poisonous strain. Maybe also from China.

Anyway maybe there's some way I could have fixed it before neuroleptics, maybe even after. But it seems too late now. I can't bring myself to rehabilitate myself through activities, because it increases the pain, and it takes every ounce of my effort to concentrate on them.

I was a person once, a real one. But now it seems I am no more. At least I'm not dead.
Is this in a poetic sense?
Oh, if you could see it. My mind is bricked.

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