I just need some advice

[Slashers-R-Us]

I really don't expect much out of this. I know the internet very well and I know the endless amount of trolls that lurk out here. But I'm at the end of my rope, so I'm trying this. I'm having relationship problems. I would ask my friends and family about what I should do, but they are all a little biased, so I'm turning to the anonymous resources of the internet to get some of this advice. A few months ago I enlisted in the United States Navy. I shipped out for boot camp in December of 2011. I stayed in boot camp for exactly a month, until I was separated for being a suspect of an eye disease called Keratoconus. I stayed in boot camp for exactly another month, trying to fight my case, but I was eventually denied again, and sent home on the 30th of January of 2012. For the whole month of my stay in boot camp, I had not received one word from my boyfriend of almost 3 years. I was truly worried about him, seeing as how he had promised to write me several times a week. I had written him exactly 6 letters, considering on how we were only allowed to send out letters on Sundays, and I sent him 2 letters some Sundays. When I went to my Separations ship, I was allowed to call my family every day, and when I called him, he said he had an excuse for not writing me at all. His excuse was that he did not know how to write a letter and he didn't know where to get stamps. I'm not quite sure, but I think that sounds like a pretty lame excuse. I finally had received my first letter from him during my first week in my separations ship. This is not the first time that he's proven that he is not willing to be there for me during my times or need. Even when I was devastated when I had lost my career for life, the only thing that he did was cry about his life and his job, and never asked me if I was alright or how I was feeling. At this point, I am fed up with him, and I broke up with him. But now he's saying he's willing to be there for me all of a sudden, and is begging me for another chance. I've already given him so many chances, I'm sick of it. And I want to prove my point that I can be fine without him and he needs to pull his end of the relationship. But, to be honest, I'm not fine without him and I'm starting to wear out because of my missing him so much. Please help me by giving me some advice on what to do.

[Ghosty Pie]

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[~Sweet_Darknesz~]

My two cents?
Sounds like you need more time. Focus on meeting new friends/hobbies/work and such, pull your self esteem back up. Don't take him back if you know things are just going to repeat again. Might want to have a go at posting this in the LI too, there's people that give good advice.

[Madicka]

It sounds to me like you're better off without him. The stress and emotional turmoil of not being with him will eventually go away; if you stay, the stress of his selfishness and not being there for you, ever, will accumulate and be with you forever. You WILL end up seeing it as a one-sided relationship and you are going to be miserable. He didn't think to contact you when you were gone for a month; that not only doesn't show support, it shows that he honestly doesn't really care about you if it's inconvenient. You spoke to him about your problems and nothing happened, then you broke up with him. Now he's saying he's willing to change? He won't change. He may for a little bit, sure, but it won't be permanent; he knows he can get you back if you leave again, if you take him back. You lost your career over something really shitty that you had no control over and he was too busy complaining himself to comfort you at all. He needs to be babied and he wants to be with someone willing to do that; you went away, therefore you became inconvenient and you couldn't baby him, so he didn't put any effort in.
You will feel a lot worse about yourself if you end up going back, and the relationship won't change. Break ups happen for a reason; yes, they're really hard to get over for awhile, especially with how long your relationship was, but you'll be happy about it in the future when you look back and realize how poorly he treated you.
I hope that helped somewhat and good luck.

[X sansmerci]

It sounds like you know he is full of s**t and are just looking for outside assurance that you're making the right choice in not putting this toxic person back into your life.

Okay, you are.

He may not be a life-sucking self-centered a*****e on purpose, but that's his issue to deal with on his dime with a psychologist, not yours to deal with by turning into a doormat so he can feel okay. This boy is not someone I would go out of my way to remain friends with, never mind date again; even as he's saying he's willing to change, that he's begging you shows that he STILL doesn't respect you and is treating your relationship as all about him and his needs; he's "willing" to oh-so-generously treat you like a person because he doesn't want to feel bad about loosing you.

My advice is to take a class at your local community college in something you're interested in but weren't planning on making a career out of, to keep busy. Maybe look into the coast guard or police, IDK what your reasons were for joining the navy, but they don't have a monopoly on that sort of service.

[Recusant Raskolnikov]

Quote:

I enlisted in the United States Navy. I shipped out for boot camp. I stayed in boot camp

There's your problem, OP.

[Beautiful Flaws]

if he's not willing to be ther efor you, it's a sign.

[Zunkie]

Ghosty Pie

wall of text

But also, don't get back together with him. If you can't be good all by yourself, then you can't ever be happy nor give whomever you're with your 100%.

So, it really doesn't matter about him anyway cause obviously you need to be focusing on how you can become secure and strong with yourself first. The military will help with that as well.

xoxox

[Bienaimee R]

Thank you so much for your service to your country. I'm sorry your military career did not work out as you wished it. Although you're understandably disappointed, have faith in finding other career options that may work out much better for you than you imagined. Everything happens for a reason. It's possible your vision issue is actually a blessing. Who knows? If you'd remained in the Navy, it might mean you'd lose another, greater opportunity elsewhere. Keep your eyes and your mind open. There's always a silver lining in every cloud. Better things are in store for you.

Regarding your relationship with your boyfriend, his behavior sounds like he really doesn't place great priority on your relationship. There could be several reasons why. He may lack sufficient emotional maturity. He may not have the greatest social skills. He may be a product of poor upbringing where he never experienced examples of parents or other relatives engaging in positive relationships with each other.

Another possibility is that he's "just not that into you." I'm not saying he dislikes you or doesn't feel attracted to you, but he simply doesn't value you enough as a girlfriend to invest great effort in a relationship with you. Or it could be he's just not capable of sustaining a long-distance relationship.

Whatever the reasons, you probably want to consider whether the relationship has run its course or if you can communicate effectively to achieve the kind of relationship you'd prefer. Be honest to yourself in deciding whether the relationship is worth saving but give yourself some time, too. You've just experienced a dramatic life change (loss of career) and the disappointment and other icky feelings attached to that might impact your ability to make good decisions.

Good luck to you.

[Bubbly Personality]

You really do seem so caring and compassionate.
IMO, he doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't bother with him.
It may be hard, but you should focus on making friends at your job,
pick up a new hobby and relax when you need to.
It helps me a lot that when I'm frustrated to settle down, have a coffee and read.
You just need some space to clear your head, it'll do you wonders.

[Arbitrator of Chaos]

wow ah if you gave him all these chances already why would you even think about giving him another? dumb move on...oh and not being written in boot camp is not uncommon just thought id throw that out there neutral

[XxLostMemories86xX]

Let him go. I know it's going to be hard. I was with my ex for almost four years and I finally got fed up with all the stuff and he never would change. It always had to be about him all the time. It was hard, because we lived together and dated for nearly four years, but you need to take time for yourself first. You're dealing with losing out on your career, and you need to take some time to find something else. Go hang out with some friends, or your siblings. I know it'll be hard, but you can definately find someone better and worth your time of day in the future. I didn't think I would find anyone after my ex, but I did, and I'm in a much happier place than I ever been. Cheer up! If you ever wanna talk, you can message me on FB or on here. Love you chica! smile heart

[Dolce Rogue]

It's normal to miss him. After all you were together for 3 years, however, I think the fact that it may lead you to a life of stress again if you get back together with him outweights your feelings.

Just move on with your life.