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Devoted Pirate

NiiHou
he shouldn't even be talking to her. why is he keeping in touch with a crush? ******** that, tell him to make her disappear
Bullshit. He is his own person and can't talk to whoever the ******** he wants. Stop being a a controlling b***h person. Don't be that girl. Just don't. Its unbecoming, unladylike, and hurts the rest of us women who aren't batshit. Its not reasonable behavior.
Blackrose_Knight
NiiHou
he shouldn't even be talking to her. why is he keeping in touch with a crush? ******** that, tell him to make her disappear
Bullshit. He is his own person and can't talk to whoever the ******** he wants. Stop being a a controlling b***h. Its unbecoming, unladylike, and hurts the rest of us women who aren't batshit.

he can talk to whoever he wants but as soon as he starts developing feelings for another, he needs to let them the ******** go because that is emotionally cheating at that point. ABSOLUTELY NO OK!
though I wouldn't expect somebody in an open relationship to understand that rolleyes

Clean Gekko

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maybe YOU needa talk to HER
like think about it

if you could start talkin to her
firstly if you could make sure she knows that her crush bothers you she might not actually be a bad person yknow
she might be like "oh damn Im sorry what do we do about this"
I mean you might then wanna tell her to stop crushin but that aint gonna happen is it
cant control that

but maybe if you jus talk to her
the jealousy might go away once you talk it out
an you might even become friends who knows

its worth a shot right
worst thing happens an she gets all huffy an then TRIES to steal him away then atlesat you was right all along an now you aint gotta be JEALOUS cause there aint no suspicion
you an your husband both can then be like
on guard an you can sleep easy knowin that

Devoted Pirate

NiiHou
Blackrose_Knight
NiiHou
he shouldn't even be talking to her. why is he keeping in touch with a crush? ******** that, tell him to make her disappear
Bullshit. He is his own person and can't talk to whoever the ******** he wants. Stop being a a controlling b***h. Its unbecoming, unladylike, and hurts the rest of us women who aren't batshit.

he can talk to whoever he wants but as soon as he starts developing feelings for another, he needs to let them the ******** go because that is emotionally cheating at that point. ABSOLUTELY NO OK!
though I wouldn't expect somebody in an open relationship to understand that rolleyes
Way to totally dis the fact I have empathy and/or understanding of other relationship set ups. rolleyes

Look, folk are gonna have crushes on each other. It ******** happens. To everyone - mono or not. Just because he has fee-fee's for her doesn't mean jack s**t for you. Jack, ******** s**t. Your husband is monogamous, he knows that. He will obey your relationship rules. You need to trust him to follow those rules. Crushes are temporary. It means he has fee-fee's that will go away in time (aprox 6-9 months average for a crush to dissipate)

As long as he doesn't do anything with her, you are golden. You need to trust your husband to keep his hands to himself. Its not fair to punish his thoughts, he cannot help them. You cannot punish his emotions, its not fair. What you can do is lay down that he cannot act on the fee-fee's he has for this girl and trust him not to do anything.

To be successful at trusting your husband to keep his hands to himself, you need to work on your self esteem. (to make sure you can navigate the feelings of possible inadequacy so you can go "Nah, he's with me its cool" wink

Familiar Poster

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NiiHou
Blackrose_Knight
NiiHou
he shouldn't even be talking to her. why is he keeping in touch with a crush? ******** that, tell him to make her disappear
Bullshit. He is his own person and can't talk to whoever the ******** he wants. Stop being a a controlling b***h. Its unbecoming, unladylike, and hurts the rest of us women who aren't batshit.

he can talk to whoever he wants but as soon as he starts developing feelings for another, he needs to let them the ******** go because that is emotionally cheating at that point. ABSOLUTELY NO OK!
though I wouldn't expect somebody in an open relationship to understand that rolleyes


having feelings for somebody is "emotionally cheating"? confused ok, yeah, you are not a healthy person to be around, and even less healthy to be in a relationship with. you are behaving in an abusive way.

also, check your damn privalege.

Super Fairy

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If I knew my husband had a crush on a girl at work and he had the audacity to be texting and calling her, I'd say something. Why is he even talking to her?? He's being rude.

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Beezerific
So I've been married now for almost 9 months and my husband and I are extremely happy, thank God. Problem is that at his job there is a chick that he was crushing on for a while before he and I became an item and I know that he would never cheat on me but I can't help feeling like I want to punch that girl's face in whenever he mentions her or when she calls or texts him.
I just want to get over this feeling of pure jealousy and rage over this girl. Can anyone give me some advice?


my honest advice is that you should

1.) acknowledge how you feel.

2.) analyze why you feel that way.

3.) accept that you feel that way

4.) Communicate with your husband about your feelings.

5.) understand that emotions are always valid but never rational.

6.) recognize that jealousy is toxic.

and 7.) Trust your husband.

smile

not all jealousy has it's roots in insecurity. sometimes it's just the feeling that you aren't receiving something that somebody else is. and it doesn't even have to be true. just the feeling. I sometimes get jealous that I have less attention from my friends than other friends do, for example. but the reality is that I just don't have the means to spend as much time with them as, say, my ex does, because I don't live on that side of town anymore and I don't have a car. my feelings are still valid, but they are justified and they aren't doing me or anyone else any good.

the key to handling jealousy in a healthy way is to try to really get to know your jealousy, and then use your intimate knowledge of your feelings to help guide your judgement. don't let your emotions control you. knowledge is power.

Big Duck

Firstly, don't place your upset feelings on your husband's crush. Unless his crush is actively pursuing him right now, the actual problem is how your husband is dealing with your jealousy as well how you're dealing with your own jealousy, yo. If she's innocent, then why put the blame on her? Do you see how that doesn't make sense?
Give it time and the feelings will likely fade. If your husband doesn't reassure you enough, ask for a little more of it to help. You also need to work on some of your own issues and how you perceive the situation. Take 5th Dimension Morning's advice on that. Maybe befriend the crush if it makes you feel better, but don't hate her if she didn't do anything wrong. You and your husband will move on from it eventually if you put your heads together and work on it honestly and lovingly.

Shadowy Sleuth

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i wouldn't call that jealousy. i'd call it being insecure.

is it that big of a deal? i mean should we just eliminate every single person from our lives that we've had any sort of relationship/attraction to once we become unavailable? it all comes down to insecurity and trust issues.

if i were him i'd stop mentioning her completely since you can't handle it.
Why is he interacting with her? Tell him that he should delete her number. There's no need to have her number. Just stop being jealous. What does she have that you don't have? You have him of course. She doesn't have him and you should be happy about that.

Devoted Pirate

xI Beautiful Liar
Why is he interacting with her? Tell him that he should delete her number. There's no need to have her number. Just stop being jealous. What does she have that you don't have? You have him of course. She doesn't have him and you should be happy about that.
Because they are coworkers in the same department. confused
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO HIM REGARDING THIS ISSUE

Hygienic Lunatic

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every situation is slightly different of course, but in my experience jealously stems from some sort of insecurity, whether it's one of your own or one in the relationship. what works for me when i feel insecure, i've found that any sort of skill building whether it's reading, researching, studying a language, something that you find fulfilling that you learn something from is both diversifying and a real confidence builder : ) -hug-

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