Im currently very happy where my life is at, even though i complain about many aspects of it. TL;DR at the bottom of the page
By no means did i live the perfect life so far. Im 19 now and have lived through every type of abuse. Most of it was caused by an ex. I dont want to go into details about what happened. I do suffer from ptsd from it. My mom n dad divorced when i was younger, but it had no effect on me. I rarely saw my dad as a dad, and still rarely see him as such even though he is making a better effort now. Ive always had countless amounts of problems, both mental and physical. I had a major spinal surgery exactly a week after my 15 birthday. I lost 12 pints of blood total through it all; needles were pinned all over my body pumping someones blood into me as the surgery was going on. The doctor hit a few nerves, and i could have easily been paralyzed. Luckily, he didnt damage those nerves too bad, though my movement is very limited now. I had two rods and 21 hooks, screws, and needles from the bottom of my neck to the top of my pelvic bone. I have pain nearly all over and am prescribed hard drugs - but only when i ask. I really dislike the use of drugs, even if doctor recommended, so i try to find other ways to help first. On top of this, my kidneys are bleeding. A few of my other organs do now and then, depending a lot on stress levels. Did i mention i have terrible anxiety and ptsd? Because of my internal bleeding and the way my body is reacting to things, i have to be blood tested for several cancers every few months. I also have high blood pressure which doesnt help any of these issues. Due to all of my medical problems, i dropped out of high school as a junior. My body is a walking time bomb at age 19, and i couldnt be happier
I used to be very depressed, namely due to my ongoing abuse at the time. I would attempt suicide on almost a weekly bases. I would self harm several times a day. I would bring razors to school with me and hide them in my sleeve in case i felt the need. I was ready to end it all, but each time something would stop me. I cant explain it, but i would often feel something holding me back from succeeding in my suicide attempts, or holding me back from cutting a little too deep. I slowly started pulling myself out of this depression by looking to the future. I was far from cured, but i finally found a start. In high school, i met a wonderful boy. It started off terribly, with me daring a friend to kiss him at the school dance. I didint know his name, and he didnt know mine. A week later we met again at the anime club at our school. We didnt talk besides a few sentences back and forth now and then. We were mostly silent. But we cuddled. Mind you, i have a fear of touch and an over sensitivity disorder that makes me feel disgusting and grimmy when i even so much as hug someone. And there i was, cuddling with a guy i briefly met days before. To this day, i dont think he knows how much this feeling ment to me. We quickly became best friends. I spilled my guts to him about my abuse as i was still in contact with my abuser [long story, ill explain that too if youd like]. My new best friend pulled me out of the abusive situation and helped me stand on my own two feet again. He helped me rebuild who i am and never judged me along the way. We began dating soon after. I simply told him he was/is mine. We are now living together, over 4 years later, in his parents house. My mom moved across country and my boyfriend didnt want me to go with. I didnt want to live with my dad, so his family took me in. As much as his family pisses me off on a daily basis, im grateful they let me stay here
TL;DR
When things get hard, i look to the future. Looking to the future helped push away my suicidal feelings and brought me to the man i love. My next goal in life is to move into a little place with him as he finishes up college and looks for a better job. My ultimate goal in life currently, is to live with him on a little ranch/farm up in canada. We want a beautiful small home with a gorgeous yard, a rock and sand garden with a pond, small a few small crop fields, and a small amount of animals. A goal added onto that, id love to own a breakfast only restaurant one day where id be the head chef. We would pay our workers wonderfully and would treat them like family. All of our crops would be put into this restaurant, and most of the profit it makes would go to different charities
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