Gay|Bi|Trans|Asexual|Pansexual|Intersex|Ally|Queer Support

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[Flickering Hope]

Mime Juice

Hello there. So...does this website have much of an asexual community? I have a hard time finding other asexual people. I'm ace, panromantic, and trans*...so that makes things damned hard. I'm generally terrible at social stuff anyway, but yes. Hello...

I know that there are people that are asexual. A few have posted in this thread before. Now I'm not asexual myself. I'm trans (MtF) and consider myself to be a lesbian. I know that there people who are asexual though.

[AnxiouslyAntic]

piggg

Hi guys, I'm Piggg. I'm a cisgendered female and I'm fairly certain I'm bi. I've dated guys, but I'm still in the closet to everyone but my boyfriend, but I'm debating coming out at some point.

My questions to you guys (mostly directed at other bi girls): When you came out, did your relationships with your female friends change? Did they think it was weird for you to hug each other, curl up on the couch together for movie night, etc?

I'm really close with my two best friends, I have no feelings for them, but I don't want to screw that up by coming out and complicating it. I'm always jokingly sexual with a lot of my friends, male and female alike, and I worry that if I came out, I'd have to change that because people would start to think I was serious.

I'm not bi but when I came out to my female friends things were weird for a little while. They were a little wary around me for a bit, but it didn't last long. Less than a month, I think (it was a few years ago). Things are back to normal now, and we're just as cuddly as ever smile

[Mime Juice]

Bromstaded

I'm practically asexual. I have a small level of physical attraction towards men but my sex drive is nearly nonexistent.

Do you mean instead that you have a minimal sex drive? Because if you experience sexual desire of any type, you are not asexual. Asexuals can still feel physical attraction, but typically of an aesthetic or sensual nature. There is no...practically asexual. Just like there is no practically gay.

[Bromstaded]

Mime Juice

Bromstaded

I'm practically asexual. I have a small level of physical attraction towards men but my sex drive is nearly nonexistent.

Do you mean instead that you have a minimal sex drive? Because if you experience sexual desire of any type, you are not asexual. Asexuals can still feel physical attraction, but typically of an aesthetic or sensual nature. There is no...practically asexual. Just like there is no practically gay.

I don't enjoy physical contact of any nature, so sex as a whole is extremely unappealing, regardless of gender.

And it's hard to argue what is/isn't asexuality when the very concept of it as an orientation much less its definition is up for debate. Between that and my extreme dislike of identifying one's sexual orientation as a defining feature of oneself, I'd rather not categorize myself into a system that I find highly questionable.

[Mime Juice]

Bromstaded

Mime Juice

Bromstaded

I'm practically asexual. I have a small level of physical attraction towards men but my sex drive is nearly nonexistent.

Do you mean instead that you have a minimal sex drive? Because if you experience sexual desire of any type, you are not asexual. Asexuals can still feel physical attraction, but typically of an aesthetic or sensual nature. There is no...practically asexual. Just like there is no practically gay.

I don't enjoy physical contact of any nature, so sex as a whole is extremely unappealing, regardless of gender.

And it's hard to argue what is/isn't asexuality when the very concept of it as an orientation much less its definition is up for debate. Between that and my extreme dislike of identifying one's sexual orientation as a defining feature of oneself, I'd rather not categorize myself into a system that I find highly questionable.

That's very kind of you, to swiftly invalidate my identity. How is it any less of an orientation than the others? How do you live in a world without labels? I'm sorry, but it's naive to not identify, nigh impossible. It's human nature and a necessity to define.

But, it is your choice to live the way you wish. I don't particularly understand how you are able to go on without categorizing yourself, as most of the gender and sexuality debates are based upon distinction of some type, and therefore use labels.

[Bromstaded]

Mime Juice

Bromstaded

Mime Juice

Bromstaded

I'm practically asexual. I have a small level of physical attraction towards men but my sex drive is nearly nonexistent.

Do you mean instead that you have a minimal sex drive? Because if you experience sexual desire of any type, you are not asexual. Asexuals can still feel physical attraction, but typically of an aesthetic or sensual nature. There is no...practically asexual. Just like there is no practically gay.

I don't enjoy physical contact of any nature, so sex as a whole is extremely unappealing, regardless of gender.

And it's hard to argue what is/isn't asexuality when the very concept of it as an orientation much less its definition is up for debate. Between that and my extreme dislike of identifying one's sexual orientation as a defining feature of oneself, I'd rather not categorize myself into a system that I find highly questionable.

That's very kind of you, to swiftly invalidate my identity. How is it any less of an orientation than the others? How do you live in a world without labels? I'm sorry, but it's naive to not identify, nigh impossible. It's human nature and a necessity to define.

But, it is your choice to live the way you wish. I don't particularly understand how you are able to go on without categorizing yourself, as most of the gender and sexuality debates are based upon distinction of some type, and therefore use labels.

I'm pointing out that the very notion of asexuality as an orientation much less a concept is fairly new and discussed over. It wasn't but five years ago that I remember even on Gaia with 'asexual' referring to asexual reproduction and that it wasn't an actual term for an orientation.

Part of the problem with these 'labels' is that it's also how you differentiate from the mainstream or standard. They may expose the diverse range of a specific aspect of everyone's lifestyle, but it's also how distinctions and divisions are made. The sooner it's boiled down to "sexual preferences" and not "sexual identity" the sooner it won't be an issue. You say it's human nature to label, but how often has labeling people beyond self-identity been productive? What about people who don't fit into the paradigm? Are you going to quickly shuffle a male in as bi because he got and enjoyed getting BJs from guys several times if he never intends on initiating a meaningful relationship with anyone but females? What about celibates? Are you going to categorize them on who they would do if they hadn't chosen to forgo romance or sex? It's better to accept blindly than to open your eyes and force people into preconceptions.

Edit: Although if you really want to talk about invalidating identities, you flat out denied mine whereas I clarified my point on the matter since it was not my intention to invalidate yours.

[Mime Juice]

Bromstaded

Mime Juice

That's very kind of you, to swiftly invalidate my identity. How is it any less of an orientation than the others? How do you live in a world without labels? I'm sorry, but it's naive to not identify, nigh impossible. It's human nature and a necessity to define.

But, it is your choice to live the way you wish. I don't particularly understand how you are able to go on without categorizing yourself, as most of the gender and sexuality debates are based upon distinction of some type, and therefore use labels.

I'm pointing out that the very notion of asexuality as an orientation much less a concept is fairly new and discussed over. It wasn't but five years ago that I remember even on Gaia with 'asexual' referring to asexual reproduction and that it wasn't an actual term for an orientation.

Part of the problem with these 'labels' is that it's also how you differentiate from the mainstream or standard. They may expose the diverse range of a specific aspect of everyone's lifestyle, but it's also how distinctions and divisions are made. The sooner it's boiled down to "sexual preferences" and not "sexual identity" the sooner it won't be an issue. You say it's human nature to label, but how often has labeling people beyond self-identity been productive? What about people who don't fit into the paradigm? Are you going to quickly shuffle a male in as bi because he got and enjoyed getting BJs from guys several times if he never intends on initiating a meaningful relationship with anyone but females? What about celibates? Are you going to categorize them on who they would do if they hadn't chosen to forgo romance or sex? It's better to accept blindly than to open your eyes and force people into preconceptions.

Edit: Although if you really want to talk about invalidating identities, you flat out denied mine whereas I clarified my point on the matter since it was not my intention to invalidate yours.

Alright, I'm going to look this over. Asexuality was first studied and noted by Kinsey, in the 40s. Papers were written in the 70s on the subject. The discovery of something does not tell you whether or not it existed. If we discovered a cure for the common cold tomorrow, would that mean it was never there? Or that we just didn't know about it?

Whether or not you heard about it on gaia doesn't particularly matter, because you are but one individual. The research has been there for a long time. But yes, it is a fairly new label. That doesn't mean it hasn't existed before that research. It just means that it was noticed in a scientific account at that time, and therefore gained some measure of public attention. And you may say that the internet has given rise to asexuality. On the contrary, the internet has given people the means to communicate and gain more information than was ever possible. Therefore, it makes sense that the small percentage of asexuals would seek each other out, and give the illusion of a growth trend.

Next thing. I'm not exactly sure what you're saying between sexual identity and sexual preferences. To my knowledge, they are the same. There is gender identity, which is how you see yourself. That has many different types. (cisfemale, cismale,transgender, genderqueer, agender, genderfluid, third gender, etc). Your sex is typically defined by your physical parts, of which there are also many types (female, male, intersex, neutral). Sexual preference is what you are attracted to. All of these things come together to form your identity. I suppose you could lump all that together and call it a sexual identity, but some of the terms are not necessarily sexual. Could you clarify what you meant?

Now with the labels, I'm not saying that anyone should force anyone else into a label. That's wrong. I'm simply saying that without words we call labels, we wouldn't have a way to describe our world and our experiences. You're essentially calling for the elimination of nouns and the halt of linguistic evolution. It's a good thing to develop more specific and varied terminology as we expand our understanding of our world and ourselves. It is only the individual who has the power to label themselves. I always accept what people tell me are their identities. It's not my place to do otherwise. Perhaps I may inwardly think on the subject but I would never tell anyone to their face that what they feel is wrong, unless they were terribly endangered by these feelings. You however, if I recall flat out began to tell me my identity was not as valid as the others and was debatable.

As far as invalidating your identity, I'm sorry if I did. I was not aware. I very clearly stated that you were free to believe what you wished, but that I was of a differing opinion. I never said you were not what you were, because that was never the point of discussion. My interest was in what you consider yourself. If you feel sexual attraction, if you have a low sex drive. These things can correlate, but are not necessary for each other. Some asexuals feel no sexual attraction but have a healthy sex drive. Some have none.

Perhaps I was too quick to tell you that you were not asexual. That is my fault entirely, and to be honest likely due to the fact that I started spewing my monthly bloody gunk out of my c**t on this fine day. Understandably that pisses me off. It pisses me off even more because I am not female identified. I cannot tell you what you are. But I know that the AVEN website may have some direction for you, if you are interested.

I merely questioned how you identified out of curiosity, looking for some camaraderie.

I'm fully open to discussing how people feel about asexuality, and how they identify themselves. But I really don't appreciate attacking one another over the existence of something. Asexuality is real, not conjecture. So it is not possible to be practically something. That implies a temporary state. You cannot be practically human. Practically alive. You are what you are.

Perhaps we disagree. But it was absolutely never my intention to argue. I came here looking for friends and support.

[Mime Juice]

Flickering Hope

Mime Juice

Hello there. So...does this website have much of an asexual community? I have a hard time finding other asexual people. I'm ace, panromantic, and trans*...so that makes things damned hard. I'm generally terrible at social stuff anyway, but yes. Hello...

I know that there are people that are asexual. A few have posted in this thread before. Now I'm not asexual myself. I'm trans (MtF) and consider myself to be a lesbian. I know that there people who are asexual though.

Hello! That's very good to know. I'm always afraid that I might be alone. I hate it. I'd love to find more asexual people. I've gone on tumblr and AVEN plenty, so I've definitely been having a better time. But I wondered if I would find any on gaia. It's good to hear that I may.