I don't like the fact that I dicked around my high schools days and barely graduated, and repeated the process in college, except I didn't go back after my first semester due to lack of funds/grants.
Now I'm the navy. Been for 5 years so far. Not pleased with this. If it wasn't for bullshit politics and standards, then the rest of the benefits would be okay and I'd stay in for life.
BUT the military is currently allowing me to take care of my precious wife and daughter. They are the two most important aspects of my life and will be the best decisions I have ever made.
I've been married for three years now. :3 My daughter is almost two. They are the reason why I am happy.
As my birthday quickly approaches I reflect on where I am. As I go through nursing school I feel very "behind". I am no where near the oldest in my class, but I am also no longer the youngest. Which is becoming more noticeable to me. I had a lot of friends that went straight to college and a couple of them are getting their Masters' Degrees. There was a span of two years I was happy just working and that makes me feel at times like I slipped up. But. In that same aspect. I am one of the very few of my friends that does not continue to live with their parents. Where I feel like a "late bloomer" in the furthering my education and career aspect, I have the most real life experience. ********, I've moved once a year (sometimes more than that) since I was 20. Which yes, I hate. But I've got that skill down. Job experience is something I have that MANY of my straight to college friends don't have. The worry and woe of failure seems to creep up on me more as my late 20's turn into early 30's. Something I have to get past.
I'm in my 20s now and I really don't like my life much. It's not at all like I pictured it would be. In high school I had a really unrealistic view of the future. I always said I was either going to kill myself or live on the road. I "planned" on being poor but traveling a lot, meeting all sorts of people, etc.
Now I've been in college for over 3 years, and I don't even care about what I'm going for. I'm just there because I have nothing better to do. I don't really have any friends, except for online. I take pills and smoke weed a lot because I hate my life. : / I really don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done with college. I know that my childhood view of the world was unrealistic and silly, but still... It feels like at some point there was a fork n the road, and I went the wrong way.
I already feel really old, and I think the best part of my life is over. It's so hard to feel happiness or see the "magic" or excitement in the world anymore. A long time ago I remember things felt new and exciting. Now I just feel old and bored.
This is more aimed towards the 20-somethings. Are you guys happy with where what you have made of your life? Is it what you imagined?
I'm currently in college and I did not envision myself being where I am now. In highschool I was so confident and when I came to college I just fell down. I never knew what exactly I wanted to do with my life but I was simply confident I would be great...but I lost my motivation under the strain of having to pick a major and a specific career path and now I kinda dislike my major but it's too late to switch it w/o having to stay more than 4 years. I feel lost and like I'm setting myself up for failure but I'm trying to be pragmatic and stay where I am and pick a career that is practical. I am so scared of when I have to graduate in a year and face the real world.
keep at it so you can make money.
what was your major?
I really don't know. I'm glad I'm not worse off, I guess.
I thought I was going to die at 18. When I didn't, everything from there was pretty much icing on the cake, no matter how shitty it was.
I don't have an objective goal in my life. So without being on some sort of scale of "progressed no where" and "Achieved goal" I'm way over on the other side of the planet. So it's hard to say if I'm happy or not.
I went to college for video production. I figured out video production was not a field I really wanted to be in for a living. So I left. I moved back in with my parents at 20. I felt like a huge failure.
I joined the military, but I was doing a job I hated doing there. I tried to change jobs, they wouldn't let me, so I got out. Navy was awesome. My job wasn't. I was proud of myself at the time and I was really happy with being in the Navy and doing all I did (despite my job sucking). So now that I'm out, I'm kind of like "Well, nothing's going to be able to compare to that sort of pride."
In the time that I've been out, I've made a lot of progress regarding my mental/psychological state. I'm no longer actively thinking about suicide. So that's a good thing. I don't really feel like a failure anymore, so that's a good thing too.
But in the same vein, I'm living with my grandparents at 25 years old, I have no job and really don't plan on getting one any time soon, and I have little to no social life.
That's obviously bad.
There are people (in my family) that feel I'm just a huge leech. It's only partly true. Also I think it's hilarious since the main guy who thinks I'm a huge leech is the same guy who has zero money and begs for cash from all the other family members. But I digress.
I like who I am as a PERSON. I have grown considerably and I think I'm a great guy.
But I don't like who I am as a professional. Because point blanc, I am not one and I don't think I ever will be. I'm aimless. I hate being in one spot. I wander all the time.
I have saved up enough money to considerably travel for the rest of my life and not give a ******** about real societal obligations (And I got that money through working and penny pinching the reward, not by other people giving me money because they felt sorry for me).
Am I happy about this? I don't know.
For some reason that worries me, too.
I'm not ecstatic, but I'm doing okay.
Growing up, I never thought I'd have this many physical and psychological issues, but all things considered, I'm doing pretty well with it all.
I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be and I haven't been for years, but I like who I am. I've got an awesome life goal, a wonderful husband, an equally wonderful family and support system, and I'm happy. Ish.
I'll let you know how happy I am with where I ended up when I get there, though.