A POLL! "Lick My Boots!" BDSM: The Passion, The Lifestyle

Pick your poison.

Top	12.2%	[ 329 ]
Bottom	33.2%	[ 896 ]
Switch	28.3%	[ 763 ]
Gold!	26.4%	[ 712 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2700 ]

[S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e]

Jason0690

i are plushie

Jason0690

I can't tell you for sure, but Rosie may be able to - I think the criteria for the DSM-IV is that you have to have three of those circumstances met? It's still a large leap in the right direction from where they were 18 years ago.
And to be fair, that's how most "obscene", "strange", and "deviant things become mainstream - through gradual desensitization.

As for your question, if the s-type and D-type both say it's consensual, and the subbie doesn't appear to have Battered Spouse Syndrome, or Stockholms Syndrome.

I don't have the DSM-IV, as I'm not yet licensed (and I'm not an uber-fan of looking for it online), but I do know that for other "sexual illnesses" such as "sexual sadism" only one qualification must be met to classify a person as "suffering from that illness;" however, it (and I think this is true for majority of disorders) must be recurring for a minimum of 6 months, must be considered intense or distressing... i.e., causing some serious effects.

It is definitely a large leap from where the classifications were 18 years old. Blowjobs used to be illegal at one point in time, but today... well, that statement doesn't really need finishing. xD

I personally think the issue that comes into play with consenting subs, and the legality of whether or not that consent is made without any sort of a detrimental mindset, is determining whether or not that consent came as a result of some psychological and/or physical trauma. Beyond that, with the DSM-IV current classification... it's pretty hard to prove that there's no "sexual dysfunction" when the basis of determining such is comparing the relationship to your everyday vanilla one. If that makes any sense.. not sure how well my wording will come across. n u n;;

Made enough sense to me. In that case, it should at the least be dropped to parole until sufficient psychological evaluation - or 48 hours with psychological eval.
I lean more to parole, to be honest - when you're on parole for certain crimes, you'll be red-flagged and can't buy guns from any reputable shop. Theoretically if the states wanted to, they could do the same. That's a huge theoretical though.

S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e

submissives aren't the only ones who can be abused. Dominants can be as well.

True, but most of the time the Dom is the one that gets jailed for being "the abuser", much like if a dude defends himself from his wifey beating him with a tire iron - the Mr. gets a hospital visit and shipped to the jailer, usually.

That doesn't make it correct. Just because that is what usually happens does not mean that we should perpetuate that stereotype in our speech.

[Jason0690]

S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e

Jason0690

i are plushie

Jason0690

I can't tell you for sure, but Rosie may be able to - I think the criteria for the DSM-IV is that you have to have three of those circumstances met? It's still a large leap in the right direction from where they were 18 years ago.
And to be fair, that's how most "obscene", "strange", and "deviant things become mainstream - through gradual desensitization.

As for your question, if the s-type and D-type both say it's consensual, and the subbie doesn't appear to have Battered Spouse Syndrome, or Stockholms Syndrome.

I don't have the DSM-IV, as I'm not yet licensed (and I'm not an uber-fan of looking for it online), but I do know that for other "sexual illnesses" such as "sexual sadism" only one qualification must be met to classify a person as "suffering from that illness;" however, it (and I think this is true for majority of disorders) must be recurring for a minimum of 6 months, must be considered intense or distressing... i.e., causing some serious effects.

It is definitely a large leap from where the classifications were 18 years old. Blowjobs used to be illegal at one point in time, but today... well, that statement doesn't really need finishing. xD

I personally think the issue that comes into play with consenting subs, and the legality of whether or not that consent is made without any sort of a detrimental mindset, is determining whether or not that consent came as a result of some psychological and/or physical trauma. Beyond that, with the DSM-IV current classification... it's pretty hard to prove that there's no "sexual dysfunction" when the basis of determining such is comparing the relationship to your everyday vanilla one. If that makes any sense.. not sure how well my wording will come across. n u n;;

Made enough sense to me. In that case, it should at the least be dropped to parole until sufficient psychological evaluation - or 48 hours with psychological eval.
I lean more to parole, to be honest - when you're on parole for certain crimes, you'll be red-flagged and can't buy guns from any reputable shop. Theoretically if the states wanted to, they could do the same. That's a huge theoretical though.

S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e

submissives aren't the only ones who can be abused. Dominants can be as well.

True, but most of the time the Dom is the one that gets jailed for being "the abuser", much like if a dude defends himself from his wifey beating him with a tire iron - the Mr. gets a hospital visit and shipped to the jailer, usually.

That doesn't make it correct. Just because that is what usually happens does not mean that we should perpetuate that stereotype in our speech.

Chillax. I only know what would happen to a person who would be getting physically beat - They'd have one of two reactions.

[i are plushie]

Jason0690

Made enough sense to me. In that case, it should at the least be dropped to parole until sufficient psychological evaluation - or 48 hours with psychological eval.
I lean more to parole, to be honest - when you're on parole for certain crimes, you'll be red-flagged and can't buy guns from any reputable shop. Theoretically if the states wanted to, they could do the same. That's a huge theoretical though.

Oh good, I'm glad it made sense. n u n I was re-reading it and said, "da ********, that is so jumbled!" emotion_donotwant

I think with reports of "domestic violence" since that legally is what it would be (add in assault, sexual assault, potentially rape, battery, etc. depending on the situation), law enforcement officers are legally required to make an arrest. Even in non-bdsm circumstances, if the police are called to a couple's home and one of them is sporting any sort of physical injuries, the other person gets arrested... period... even if their partner is begging and pleading on the knees and professing that they don't want to press charges. From what I recall from my undergraduate studies, a person can choose not to press charges, but the state can... and I believe that's the difference that comes into play with bdsm cases (and even others). That's why in court proceedings it's not Mrs. Mary Jane vs. the defendant... it's the State vs. the defendant. With rape cases, for example, it isn't necessary for the victim to press charges and testify. It certainly helps the case, but it isn't a requirement to proceed. With arrests in relation to bdsm relationships, I agree with you -- I think there should be a psychological evaluation done before any charges are filed. Although, with that said, the biggest problem that I see seems to be the comparison. You need something to compare it to... normal vs. not normal, black vs. white, up vs. down, cold vs. hot. With bdsm relationships, the default comparison is the normal, plain Jane, everyday vanilla relationship.

[Malanvi]

Off-topic but does anyone have skype or any other messenger? emotion_kirakira

[S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e]

Creepea

Off-topic but does anyone have skype or any other messenger? emotion_kirakira

I have Skype, MSN, and AIM.

[Randi The Rogue]

Creepea

Off-topic but does anyone have skype or any other messenger? emotion_kirakira

Yes!

It's scary how much legal troubles people can get in just for participating in the BDSM lifestyle; it can negatively influence kink community by making individuals feel unsafe when it comes to to being honest about their thoughts and feelings; when speaking to a therapist, for instance. Especially when it comes to anyone being abused but being too afraid of the legal system to do anything about it. It's why I'm proud Mästare is going back to school to earn his PhD in Psychology. Among other things, he plans on being kink friendly.

[Peanetty Goodness]

Wow, it's been awile since I've been here. So many new faces. Hi all! Since there are so many new faces, and since it's been awhile, I guess I better give a small introduction because no one probably remembers me. lol

My Master and I have been together for almost four years. Been in a D/s relationship for almost that entire time, as well. I'm a switch, a bottom heavy switch at that. Though, since we lived with family, our D/s lifestyle has had to be very very casual. So, that brings me to my question.

We both talked and agreed that we would like to put some more serious effort into being D/s. Not like we werent serious before. But, as I stated, we had to keep it on the down low because of living with family. With owning our own place now, we're safe to do it. Even though his mother does live with us.

What do you guys think would be the best way to start incorporating it into our lives again? Thoughts or opinions?

[RapturedEyes]

rolleyes To be frank Im16 and have known since the age of 7 of my mom and dads bdsm relationship. The truth finally coming out when my mom had found todler me playing with her and my dads 'toys'. So although they have toned it down some its still slightly noticable. I use to find it sickening when my dad would show little signs of dom around the house over my mom that I would catch here and there but now that im older and have heard countless speaches from each of them over the years on how it works. Im just looking for better examples I guess? I like the idea of having a relationship like it now since Ive been expose to it the majority of my life, I just dont know why but it sounds nice? So if anyone feels comfortable Id love to here opinions on the life style if you dont I understand to be truthfull I really just didnt know where to go to ask this sorta qeustion. sweatdrop

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

Peanetty Goodness

What do you guys think would be the best way to start incorporating it into our lives again? Thoughts or opinions?

Welcome back~ I'm Milk. Pleasure to meet you.
In as small or as big of steps that are comfortable, and depending on your dynamic.
Honestly, I'm just not sure what to suggest.

RapturedEyes

First things first - of course - you should be the age of majority (not consent) before you explore in any hands on or practical ways. Learning and asking questions is fine, being active in a BDSM way is not.

I know it can be a bit unnerving to know such details about one's parents.
So you're sort of looking to separate the lifestyle from your parents?


I find the positives of the lifestyle being an opening up of communication (though, that would have happened in a good vanilla relationship over time as well - it has just seemed to jump start it a bit for me), a better and unashamed understanding of myself and my desires as well as those of my significant other, and the ability to attempt to fulfill and explore many of said desires. I think I may feel a bit lost in a purely vanilla relationship. It's a tad hard for me to describe.

The negatives I've found in the lifestyle are things like the occasional closed mindedness, but that's prevalent everywhere in life, and the introduction of new hurdles, but again that's something that happens with a lot of things in life.

So it's good for those that enjoy it or feel a strong want for it and not something for those with no desires in the general area of BDSM.

I've said pretty much nothing using a lot of words that may or may not make sense. I hope they do though... I guess this is what I get for writing things a bit late.

[Randi The Rogue]

RapturedEyes

Im just looking for better examples I guess? I like the idea of having a relationship like it now since Ive been expose to it the majority of my life, I just dont know why but it sounds nice? So if anyone feels comfortable Id love to here opinions on the life style if you dont I understand to be truthfull I really just didnt know where to go to ask this sorta qeustion. sweatdrop

Have you asked your parents for more information? I know it's probably awkward but they could be very informed on the subject. However, I will happily give you the basic spiel that I give all newcomers. (I apologize in advance if you know this already; I'm not sure how much you are aware of.)

There are many different dynamics within the BDSM lifestyle. Dom/sub, Master/slave, DaddyDom/little girl...etc. While most dynamics have some similarities they are all different in their own way, including titles used, but it's mostly always unique to the individuals partaking in said dynamic. This thread has many different participants who participate in a variety of lifestyles. I, for example, an in a 24/7 M/s TPE relationship.

Breaking my particular relationship dynamic down so that you may further understand results in the following: I'm M/s, specifically I am the slave while my partner is the Master. We are 24/7 meaning we are not only Master and slave inside the bedroom we are participating in this dynamic all day, every day. TPE stands for Total Power Exchange which means, in addition to Mästare (my unique and personal title for him) being Master, he also has complete control over our relationship, and more specifically, over me.

In regards to further information about other dynamics, I'm sure others will respond to you as well. The first page of this topic also has a bounty of information available to anyone who wishes to peruse it. I hope I helped give you a basic understanding of what you were asking for.

[S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e]

Peanetty Goodness

Wow, it's been awile since I've been here. So many new faces. Hi all! Since there are so many new faces, and since it's been awhile, I guess I better give a small introduction because no one probably remembers me. lol

My Master and I have been together for almost four years. Been in a D/s relationship for almost that entire time, as well. I'm a switch, a bottom heavy switch at that. Though, since we lived with family, our D/s lifestyle has had to be very very casual. So, that brings me to my question.

We both talked and agreed that we would like to put some more serious effort into being D/s. Not like we werent serious before. But, as I stated, we had to keep it on the down low because of living with family. With owning our own place now, we're safe to do it. Even though his mother does live with us.

What do you guys think would be the best way to start incorporating it into our lives again? Thoughts or opinions?

That depends on what D/s is to you. What form of D/s is compatible with you both? Do you like service? Do you like for him to tell you what to do on occasion? Do you like to follow his orders?

That's what I need to know in order to give some advice on how to incorporate it a bit more.

[S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e]

Randi The Rogue

RapturedEyes

Im just looking for better examples I guess? I like the idea of having a relationship like it now since Ive been expose to it the majority of my life, I just dont know why but it sounds nice? So if anyone feels comfortable Id love to here opinions on the life style if you dont I understand to be truthfull I really just didnt know where to go to ask this sorta qeustion. sweatdrop

Have you asked your parents for more information? I know it's probably awkward but they could be very informed on the subject. However, I will happily give you the basic spiel that I give all newcomers. (I apologize in advance if you know this already; I'm not sure how much you are aware of.)

There are many different dynamics within the BDSM lifestyle. Dom/sub, Master/slave, DaddyDom/little girl...etc. While most dynamics have some similarities they are all different in their own way, including titles used, but it's mostly always unique to the individuals partaking in said dynamic. This thread has many different participants who participate in a variety of lifestyles. I, for example, an in a 24/7 M/s TPE relationship.

Breaking my particular relationship dynamic down so that you may further understand results in the following: I'm M/s, specifically I am the slave while my partner is the Master. We are 24/7 meaning we are not only Master and slave inside the bedroom we are participating in this dynamic all day, every day. TPE stands for Total Power Exchange which means, in addition to Mästare (my unique and personal title for him) being Master, he also has complete control over our relationship, and more specifically, over me.

In regards to further information about other dynamics, I'm sure others will respond to you as well. The first page of this topic also has a bounty of information available to anyone who wishes to peruse it. I hope I helped give you a basic understanding of what you were asking for.

Ah, I hadn't known that you were TPE and M/s.

[Randi The Rogue]

S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e

Ah, I hadn't known that you were TPE and M/s.

Well you do now! I believe it's been a while since I last mentioned it. I don't usually talk about myself unless asked or if I feel it could be helpful towards the conversation.

[RapturedEyes]

Raspberry Flavored Milk

Peanetty Goodness

What do you guys think would be the best way to start incorporating it into our lives again? Thoughts or opinions?

Welcome back~ I'm Milk. Pleasure to meet you.
In as small or as big of steps that are comfortable, and depending on your dynamic.
Honestly, I'm just not sure what to suggest.

RapturedEyes

First things first - of course - you should be the age of majority (not consent) before you explore in any hands on or practical ways. Learning and asking questions is fine, being active in a BDSM way is not.

I know it can be a bit unnerving to know such details about one's parents.
So you're sort of looking to separate the lifestyle from your parents?


I find the positives of the lifestyle being an opening up of communication (though, that would have happened in a good vanilla relationship over time as well - it has just seemed to jump start it a bit for me), a better and unashamed understanding of myself and my desires as well as those of my significant other, and the ability to attempt to fulfill and explore many of said desires. I think I may feel a bit lost in a purely vanilla relationship. It's a tad hard for me to describe.

The negatives I've found in the lifestyle are things like the occasional closed mindedness, but that's prevalent everywhere in life, and the introduction of new hurdles, but again that's something that happens with a lot of things in life.

So it's good for those that enjoy it or feel a strong want for it and not something for those with no desires in the general area of BDSM.

I've said pretty much nothing using a lot of words that may or may not make sense. I hope they do though... I guess this is what I get for writing things a bit late.

Yes I am aware of age of majority and will wait til such before even considering this lifestyle.

No your explanation of the pros and cons makes sense and thanks, I just I don't know my parents have explained it but its just confusing. I feel like there playing it down for me if that makes sense maybe like there nervous about my exposure to it ? but why would they keep the subject reserved when my dad pretty much acts as dom 24/7 ? confusing . neutral

[Malanvi]

I'm not sure I could do TBE. I can be very stubborn about what i want at times. Then again I'd never once considered the fact that I could be the dom in a relationship. emotion_0A0