Die Kleine Kaiserin
Pretty heavy and serious question here, but there's something I just really need to know the answer to. I'm going to type it in smaller print so those who don't want to read it don't have to and because I'm still uneasy talking about it.
A few years ago, I was in a pretty bad emotional and psychological abusive relationship. The guy I was dating/fooling around with (the official bf/gf status was on again off again) wasn't exactly mentally stable and I'm pretty sure he had a bit of dissociative identity disorder (otherwise none as multiple personality). I don't want to get too far into detail, but we had some sort of strange S&M relationship and I was the submissive during "play time." We were kind of young and stupid, so we didn't have a safe word or anything. Anyway, we never had full on sex (he... didn't exactly work right most of the time), but when he'd "get to third," I remember there were times when I asked/told him to stop and he just wouldn't. There were also times where I didn't feel like having sexy times and he'd be so adamant about "pleasuring me" that I didn't really have any choice but to comply. We didn't involve "no meaning yes" in our play, so... yeah. I guess the question I'm trying to ask is... was I sexually abused during those moments when he just wouldn't stop?
That was abuse if not outright rape. It doesn't help him that you think he's mentally unstable either. That just means he may not be able to control himself and you need to report him for his own sake as well as the safety of others. If he's got that kind of psychological problem, he needs help and others need to be protected from him.
As for other topics, as someone who's
very new to the world of BDSM, it's interesting finding out where everyone's boundaries and buttons are. Especially my own at this point. For example, while I'm finding that I quite enjoy tying up my girlfriend, I can't stand to be bound myself. And my boyfriend once asked me to wear a collar because he thinks they look sexy (which I can agree on) but I've
never been able to stand something that close to my neck. Even as a toddler I would tear all my shirt collars out of shape tugging them away. I'm finding that I really lean toward the Dom end of things and I'm enjoying the riding crop I recently acquired too.