A POLL! "Lick My Boots!" BDSM: The Passion, The Lifestyle

Pick your poison.

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[General napkin]

Is there a group/thread for dominatrixes? I'm a pro domme.

[Miss Dellaney]

Imocki

NO, don't go lurker, who will we have to talk to?

Wh-wh... But... I thought this was supposed to be for discussing things and whatnot. I don't really know what I'd discuss... D:>

[Imocki]

Miss Dellaney

Imocki

NO, don't go lurker, who will we have to talk to?

Wh-wh... But... I thought this was supposed to be for discussing things and whatnot. I don't really know what I'd discuss... D:>

well how about how you got an interest in bdsm?

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

General napkin

Is there a group/thread for dominatrixes? I'm a pro domme.

I personally haven't heard of one (but I'm also a bit new here). I do think there is a companion thread to this in the friends chat... but that probably isn't what you're looking for. Someone who has been around these threads longer will probably have an actual answer. sweatdrop

I do have a question though, if you don't mind answering. What sort of requests do you most commonly receive? Ah, that is if the answer fits gaia's TOS and whatnot.

[JessGee13]

Pretty heavy and serious question here, but there's something I just really need to know the answer to. I'm going to type it in smaller print so those who don't want to read it don't have to and because I'm still uneasy talking about it.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty bad emotional and psychological abusive relationship. The guy I was dating/fooling around with (the official bf/gf status was on again off again) wasn't exactly mentally stable and I'm pretty sure he had a bit of dissociative identity disorder (otherwise none as multiple personality). I don't want to get too far into detail, but we had some sort of strange S&M relationship and I was the submissive during "play time." We were kind of young and stupid, so we didn't have a safe word or anything. Anyway, we never had full on sex (he... didn't exactly work right most of the time), but when he'd "get to third," I remember there were times when I asked/told him to stop and he just wouldn't. There were also times where I didn't feel like having sexy times and he'd be so adamant about "pleasuring me" that I didn't really have any choice but to comply. We didn't involve "no meaning yes" in our play, so... yeah. I guess the question I'm trying to ask is... was I sexually abused during those moments when he just wouldn't stop?

[Blackrose_Knight]

Die Kleine Kaiserin

Pretty heavy and serious question here, but there's something I just really need to know the answer to. I'm going to type it in smaller print so those who don't want to read it don't have to and because I'm still uneasy talking about it.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty bad emotional and psychological abusive relationship. The guy I was dating/fooling around with (the official bf/gf status was on again off again) wasn't exactly mentally stable and I'm pretty sure he had a bit of dissociative identity disorder (otherwise none as multiple personality). I don't want to get too far into detail, but we had some sort of strange S&M relationship and I was the submissive during "play time." We were kind of young and stupid, so we didn't have a safe word or anything. Anyway, we never had full on sex (he... didn't exactly work right most of the time), but when he'd "get to third," I remember there were times when I asked/told him to stop and he just wouldn't. There were also times where I didn't feel like having sexy times and he'd be so adamant about "pleasuring me" that I didn't really have any choice but to comply. We didn't involve "no meaning yes" in our play, so... yeah. I guess the question I'm trying to ask is... was I sexually abused during those moments when he just wouldn't stop?

Where I come from that is called assault and rape. You said no, and he went forward. Report him if you can/able to.

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

Die Kleine Kaiserin

I'm 100% with Rose on this. When there is no agreed upon terms for an alternate "no" (safe word) then no really does mean no. Always.

[General napkin]

Raspberry Flavored Milk

General napkin

Is there a group/thread for dominatrixes? I'm a pro domme.

I personally haven't heard of one (but I'm also a bit new here). I do think there is a companion thread to this in the friends chat... but that probably isn't what you're looking for. Someone who has been around these threads longer will probably have an actual answer. sweatdrop

I do have a question though, if you don't mind answering. What sort of requests do you most commonly receive? Ah, that is if the answer fits gaia's TOS and whatnot.

Well I only cater to foot fetishists so foot worship. smile

[Lady Dominique del Mer]

Die Kleine Kaiserin

Pretty heavy and serious question here, but there's something I just really need to know the answer to. I'm going to type it in smaller print so those who don't want to read it don't have to and because I'm still uneasy talking about it.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty bad emotional and psychological abusive relationship. The guy I was dating/fooling around with (the official bf/gf status was on again off again) wasn't exactly mentally stable and I'm pretty sure he had a bit of dissociative identity disorder (otherwise none as multiple personality). I don't want to get too far into detail, but we had some sort of strange S&M relationship and I was the submissive during "play time." We were kind of young and stupid, so we didn't have a safe word or anything. Anyway, we never had full on sex (he... didn't exactly work right most of the time), but when he'd "get to third," I remember there were times when I asked/told him to stop and he just wouldn't. There were also times where I didn't feel like having sexy times and he'd be so adamant about "pleasuring me" that I didn't really have any choice but to comply. We didn't involve "no meaning yes" in our play, so... yeah. I guess the question I'm trying to ask is... was I sexually abused during those moments when he just wouldn't stop?

Yes, you were. I don't know enough about the situation to make any recommendations about how you should handle it, but any contact or play after a safeword, or just a straight 'no' has been called, is assault.

[Miss Dellaney]

Imocki

well how about how you got an interest in bdsm?

Mmm... Well... I d'know. In technicality, I suppose you could say I was introduced to BDSM by a friend a few years back. Ze does erotic pictures and the likes by commission, and somehow came to the conclusion that I would enjoy helping out with bondage commissions. (Honestly, I think ze's either psychic or magic, because I am, and always have been, really... quiet about it, I guess you could say. Although, by "quiet," I really mean "silent." So... magic. Or perhaps ze just has a bondage radar. I don't know...)

So, through that friend is how I sort of... came to know of the whole of BDSM, in both concept and community. (Although, I have to admit, I'm still a total... n00b... so far as it all goes...) Before then, it was just bondage. But back then it wasn't really bondage in my mind, per say. It was just one of those things...

How do I explain this? I guess the best way to put it would be to say, it was one of those things that you just do, without ever really thinking that it exists outside of you doing it. It existed, of course, because I was doing it, but it never really occurred to me that it might be something that other people do, too.

But, really, I'd make the argument that it's something I've always sort of... had an affinity for. The actual practice is something I did (albeit in an awkward sort of self-taught-self-tied sort of way) for a number of years before my friend's invitation to help with tieing hir up for commissions. And, now that I'm thinking about it, I think that, really, the mindset and - how should I word this? - mental/emotional reasons why I'm interested in at least bondage is something that goes as far back as I can remember.

So... that's my story, I guess. Loner n00b to Lurker n00b. I have... come so far in life...

(feels REALLY awkward posting this in the midst of serious things...)

[Imocki]

Miss Dellaney

Imocki

well how about how you got an interest in bdsm?

Mmm... Well... I d'know. In technicality, I suppose you could say I was introduced to BDSM by a friend a few years. Ze does erotic pictures and the likes by commission, and somehow came to the conclusion that I would enjoy helping out with bondage commissions. (Honestly, I think ze's either psychic or magic, because I am, and always have been, really... quiet about it, I guess you could say. Although, by "quiet," I really mean "silent." So... magic. Or perhaps ze just has a bondage radar. I don't know...)

So, through that friend is how I sort of... came to know of the whole of BDSM, in both concept and community. (Although, I have to admit, I'm still a total... n00b... so far as it all goes...) Before then, it was just bondage. But back then it wasn't really bondage in my mind, per say. It was just one of those things...

How do I explain this? I guess the best way to put it would be to say, it was one of those things that you just do, without ever really thinking that it exists outside of you doing it. It existed, of course, because I was doing it, but it never really occurred to me that it might be something that other people do, too.

But, really, I'd make the argument that it's something I've always sort of... had an affinity for. The actual practice is something I did (albeit in an awkward sort of self-taught-self-tied sort of way) for a number of years before my friend's invitation to help with tieing hir up for commissions. And, now that I'm thinking about it, I think that, really, the mindset and - how should I word this? - mental/emotional reasons why I'm interested in at least bondage is something that goes as far back as I can remember.

So... that's my story, I guess. Loner n00b to Lurker n00b. I have... come so far in life...

(feels REALLY awkward posting this in the midst of serious things...)

and now, you're a posting n00b

[Miss Dellaney]

That I am, Imocki. That I am. A total... posting... n00b...

(awkwardly returns to lurking once more)

[CalledTheRaven]

Die Kleine Kaiserin

Pretty heavy and serious question here, but there's something I just really need to know the answer to. I'm going to type it in smaller print so those who don't want to read it don't have to and because I'm still uneasy talking about it.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty bad emotional and psychological abusive relationship. The guy I was dating/fooling around with (the official bf/gf status was on again off again) wasn't exactly mentally stable and I'm pretty sure he had a bit of dissociative identity disorder (otherwise none as multiple personality). I don't want to get too far into detail, but we had some sort of strange S&M relationship and I was the submissive during "play time." We were kind of young and stupid, so we didn't have a safe word or anything. Anyway, we never had full on sex (he... didn't exactly work right most of the time), but when he'd "get to third," I remember there were times when I asked/told him to stop and he just wouldn't. There were also times where I didn't feel like having sexy times and he'd be so adamant about "pleasuring me" that I didn't really have any choice but to comply. We didn't involve "no meaning yes" in our play, so... yeah. I guess the question I'm trying to ask is... was I sexually abused during those moments when he just wouldn't stop?

That was abuse if not outright rape. It doesn't help him that you think he's mentally unstable either. That just means he may not be able to control himself and you need to report him for his own sake as well as the safety of others. If he's got that kind of psychological problem, he needs help and others need to be protected from him.



As for other topics, as someone who's very new to the world of BDSM, it's interesting finding out where everyone's boundaries and buttons are. Especially my own at this point. For example, while I'm finding that I quite enjoy tying up my girlfriend, I can't stand to be bound myself. And my boyfriend once asked me to wear a collar because he thinks they look sexy (which I can agree on) but I've never been able to stand something that close to my neck. Even as a toddler I would tear all my shirt collars out of shape tugging them away. I'm finding that I really lean toward the Dom end of things and I'm enjoying the riding crop I recently acquired too.

[JessGee13]

Blackrose_Knight

Raspberry Flavored Milk

Lady Dominique del Mer

That's what I've always thought, but I wasn't sure because of our slave/master relationship. Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to report him successfully now, though, since it's been quite a few years and since there's a severe lack of evidence. This is going to sound weird, but it just... really helps when I'm able to know for definite. It's kind of like finding out I have mono (I don't, but hypotheticals). I wouldn't really be able to do anything to treat it because it's a virus, but I would still feel better with a diagnosis than just a suspicion. Thank you.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Die Kleine Kaiserin

Blackrose_Knight

Raspberry Flavored Milk

Lady Dominique del Mer

That's what I've always thought, but I wasn't sure because of our slave/master relationship. Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to report him successfully now, though, since it's been quite a few years and since there's a severe lack of evidence. This is going to sound weird, but it just... really helps when I'm able to know for definite. It's kind of like finding out I have mono (I don't, but hypotheticals). I wouldn't really be able to do anything to treat it because it's a virus, but I would still feel better with a diagnosis than just a suspicion. Thank you.

On the first page of the thread there is a detailed post on BDSM v. Abuse. I wrote it right after a 40 hour DV and abuse training, I volunteer at my local woman's shelter. I highly suggest you read it.

On reporting, even if there is lack of evidence, time ran out... a report can be held against a person if someone else reports them and takes them to court.