Your friend flirting with your ex

[Mesoshy]

It's insensitive of her. You don't treat your best friends that way. And if she wants to date him, she should stop being immature and just outright talk to you about it instead of rubbing it in whenever you and her are together.

On the other hand maybe you haven't told her how you feel and she is doing this without knowing its hurting you.

On on the other hand of that, it's an EX! She should have a conversation with you.

[Smashed Cupcake]

angel_259236102

You dont own human beings, you dont own this guy

This. Right. Here.
Just because you dated someone, they don't suddenly become your used garbage that you throw away and no one ever can touch them again. What you had in the past with your ex is done. Your friend is a free spirit and a free human being who is allowed to speak to whoever she wants. If you're so over it, why does it matter to you who she speaks to? What on earth did your ex do that was so bad that you simply HAVE to make sure your friend doesn't speak to him anymore.

I'm majorly jumping to conclusions here, but what did you do that could make it so you don't want your ex talking to your friend?

Basically, that whole "Girl friends don't date exes!" thing is full of epic bull s**t. Leave her alone or you will cause drama, which you don't want.

[Mesoshy]

Smashed Cupcake

angel_259236102

You dont own human beings, you dont own this guy

This. Right. Here.
Just because you dated someone, they don't suddenly become your used garbage that you throw away and no one ever can touch them again. What you had in the past with your ex is done. Your friend is a free spirit and a free human being who is allowed to speak to whoever she wants. If you're so over it, why does it matter to you who she speaks to? What on earth did your ex do that was so bad that you simply HAVE to make sure your friend doesn't speak to him anymore.

I'm majorly jumping to conclusions here, but what did you do that could make it so you don't want your ex talking to your friend?

Basically, that whole "Girl friends don't date exes!" thing is full of epic bull s**t. Leave her alone or you will cause drama, which you don't want.

Leaving it alone won't make her discomfort go away. Besides the friend hasn't even made an effort to be her friend by throwing it out there, "Hey... I'm talking to so and so. I hope you don't mind." It's curtesy at the VERY least. You can't bottle your feelings up for the sake of other people, and it happens both ways, but there should be a conversation first... She's stepping on her toes and pretending not to notice. There is a girl code and having an open communication is the key.

[ChyakuNorisuLove]

Mesoshy

It's insensitive of her. You don't treat your best friends that way. And if she wants to date him, she should stop being immature and just outright talk to you about it instead of rubbing it in whenever you and her are together.

On the other hand maybe you haven't told her how you feel and she is doing this without knowing its hurting you.

On on the other hand of that, it's an EX! She should have a conversation with you.

Yea exactly what bothers me is she hasnt confronted the issue. Iwont say anyrhing cuz im far dnt care bout my ex at all . Im jst hurt the fact that she she has some kind of motive of rubbing in like what a friend.

[-Teh Jiro of DOOM-]

How do you know that she's rubbing it in your face? Sometimes people talk about the people they like a lot because they are so infatuated, not because she's trying to piss you off.

I'm actually dating one of my friend's exes. But they went out when they were like in 7th-9th grade or something lol. I never asked her permission, because I shouldn't have to, and she was totally fine with it, because she was truly over it. I mean of course I eventually talked to her about it and made sure she wasn't weird with it at all, but if you were really over it, you wouldn't care.

THAT BEING SAID, I know it can be upsetting for this to happen. But like I said, you can't know her motives until you talk to her about it. So talk to her about it. Liking an ex is not being a bad friend, as long as she isn't purposely flirting with him or talking about him to hurt you. You can't help your feelings for another person. They just happen.

[shezu]

You're not over your ex its simple as that. I'm not saying you're still in love either.

Stop assuming it to be where she likes your ex to upset and spite you.
Most likely she just likes him and its not something she can hold back just because you aren't over him. Yea there are lots of other guys out there but it cant be helped if that's who she got attracted to.
And its fact that girls talk about the boys they like. So she isn't doing it to hurt your feelings.

If it bothers you this much you should tell her that it bothers you when you talk about him.
Admit you aren't over the guy. You assume you are over him but the fact you care this much imply the opposite.
Just tell her that you don't have romantic feelings for him anymore but you're still bothered by his presence. That you don't care who she likes and dates but you don't want to talk about your ex or be around your ex.
If you were over him you wouldn't give a crap who dates the guy or what happens to him.

[Forum Onii]

ChyakuNorisuLove

I dont know if my friend can even be trusted anymore.. it irks me how she always bring up my ex and say his name over and over like shes obsessed or something. I dont want to start drama but out of all the guys why do some people out of all guys would pick your ex? I find it pretty rude and fake especially if you have been friends with a person you've known since middle school -__-

I agree with you. Lets not be self righteous. Deep down anyone would feel betrayal if a friend were to date their Ex. Your anger is legit. Definitely not a true friend, she isn't considering your feelings. There are plenty of great guys out there.. does she Have to choose a particular guy that has hurt you? Hands down- against girl code.

[Forum Onii]

ChyakuNorisuLove

Milady Alluca

From what you've told us, it sounds like you're being an untrue friend. I completely agree with angel, you don't own either of them and if you're not dating that guy anymore, he's free to date whoever and your friend is free to date whoever.

If you seriously think it's a problem either try to talk calmly to your friend about it, as in tell her that her infatuation with your ex makes you a little uncomfortable and ask her why she likes him. She either tells you her reasons and you respect them or disrespect her and continue being judgmental.

If you're over the situation why does it matter who is dating who? The way you've made it sound is that you're trying to find someone to justify whatever kind of residual jealousy you have remaining for the relationship you used to have with the guy. If it'd make you feel better, I think it's odd for friends to date other friend's exes but only if the previous breakup was difficult or violent or left heavy strain on a relationship. If your ex was abusive, cheated on you, or was a general a*****e and you friend still wants him, heck I'll bite, that's her having bad taste.

But all we've seen of your situation is "I used to date some guy, broke up with him, don't care about him anymore, my friend is like in love with him, oh my god she's such an awful person."

he was an a****** and im not trying to come off rude here for I am only trying to get some advice and I feel like no one understands my situation. the fact that she knows how he is and what we went through and still i find it weird and it doesnt hurt me at all that she does like him what hurts me is that i thought our friendship was genuine, but im not the only one that is going through the same thing. as i said im only asking for some advice sweatdrop now i feel like i am being attacked ..

you are being attacked by people not considering it from your perspective.

[Vanilla_Ride]

One of my friends dated, now engaged, to another friend's ex. They used to be good friends until that crushed it. You just don't date friend's exes, it ruins all sorts of things.

[User Not Authenticated]

Sorry OP but I'm gonna be real with you.
You don't seem like you're over him.
Just let it go. Think of it like this: He's your ex for a reason. Therefore, he is not your boyfriend any longer, which means he's on the market for any girl to date. Why does your friend have any less right to date him than any other? I don't think it's your friend who is the selfish one, here.

[mawaharin]

You probably could've worded it better, but I think it's a little silly to feel that way.
I understand that it's your ex and your friend, but are you harboring feelings for him? If you are, have you made this clear to your friend? If she's aware of how you feel and is still doing this, then that's a problem.

However, if you and your ex have no feelings for each other, I don't see why they can't be together. Granted, I can also see where it could make you uncomfortable because you shared an intimacy with that person for a period of time that your friend doesn't know about. It's weird to have someone else share that to you after you yourself have experienced it.

Just talk to your friend. Don't be a b***h about it or anything, just kinda let her know that you feel uncomfortable and would appreciate it if she would stay off the topic of your ex or just respect your feelings and not go after him. (Provided you still like him, that is.)

[Kalos-chan]

You're not over your ex. Clearly very obvious.

No one is attacking you. They're just trying to show you you're being overdramatic.

You do not own him or her: He is single, your friend is single. You do not own him. You do not own her. Let them do what they want.

Was he an a** or are you just bitter? No offense but after break ups you see each other in a very biased light. Did you dump him or vice versa?"If you think he's an a*****e simply because you guys weren't a good match and had a messy break-up, then you need to divorce yourself from those feelings. It's not right to demonize an ex just because things didn't work out."

She isn't a bad friend: He's single. She is single. She shouldn't have to tell you anything or gain your approval. And dating an ex only wrecks a friendship if the people are too immature to handle it. Sure it would be nice if she had brought it up with you. But I think by chatting about him she is "testing the waters".

Just ask her to not talk about him since you dislike him.

And if you were over him you wouldn't care who he dated. Because friend or foe, I think whoever he dated you wouldn't like.

You're being a drama queen. Making a mountain over a mole hill. Something so small, petty and trivial and you're acting like she pulled a knife on you or something. Calm the hell down and be rational.

Also how long ago did you guys break up or how long together were you for? I mean if you dated him for four years, broke up last week and she's doing this I can see the anger. If you dated for a year or less and broke up months ago it isn't a big deal.

Besides how old are both of you? You said since middle school so you're like 16+ I'm not from America.

She has a simple crush and you're acting like she ******** him behind your back. Calm down.

I'm not attacking you I bolded what I consider important.

I think you're being out of line really, but you gave us so little information minus "She's a b***h for having a crush on my ex, who is an a** but I give no objective reason for this. Nor do I mention how long we dated or how we ended. But God she's ruined years of friendship for having a crush on my ex? I mean oh my God." < How you sound to me. And when you read that...it doesn't like anything serious. I mean did you date for 3 years and he cheated on you? Did you break up a week ago out a long term relationship? Did he punch you? I mean...what is the problem? Besides she has a crush, which isn't a problem nor your business.

So please give more information, because right now you sound like high school drama.

[GrandpaJones]

ChyakuNorisuLove

I dont know if my friend can even be trusted anymore.. it irks me how she always bring up my ex and say his name over and over like shes obsessed or something. I dont want to start drama but out of all the guys why do some people out of all guys would pick your ex? I find it pretty rude and fake especially if you have been friends with a person you've known since middle school -__-

whats the problem....HE IS YOU"RE EX....EX....so why are you Obsessing about this. You do not want him because you could not make it work, but maybe, just maybe your GF will be the perfect match for him.....I can not believe people that say this.....for gods sake...maybe you are not over him? yous till love him? well woman up and leave it alone....after all...he is your EX

gramps

[fubenkunai]

For someone with no feelings, you sure have a lot of feelings. And you're being a bit fake about them. There is nothing stopping you from saying to your friend, in a normal tone, "Hey, you are talking a lot about Ex and it's making me feel weird. If there is something going on there, you can tell me. I'd be really hurt if you kept secrets from me." It doesn't have to be something she asks your permission for, or something that she starts; if she doesn't see a problem with dating friends' exes (Many people don't), she might not even know you think this is something that should be discussed.

Now, let's say your ex is a genuine jerk. Maybe he's verbally abusive or dishonest? Maybe he's got a cheating past? Something definitively awful that you have no reason to believe is over. Well, that's fair to warn your friend about. If you know she's walking into a horrible trap, you can say something-- once. If you harp on it, you start to look deranged and she might feel like she has to cling harder to the crush to prove you wrong (Yes. People do this. It's stupid. They still do it). Just be like, "Fair warning, when I was with Ex, he did [awful things], and he hasn't really shown that he's over that. Keep your eyes open. I don't want to see you get hurt."