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Are you a virgin?

Yes (over 18) 0.35483870967742 35.5% [ 66 ]
No 0.44086021505376 44.1% [ 82 ]
Yes (under 18) 0.15591397849462 15.6% [ 29 ]
No (under 18) 0.048387096774194 4.8% [ 9 ]
Total Votes:[ 186 ]
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Hey guys, let me start off with some fun facts about me:
• I'm a 21 year old college student.
• I've never had a real boyfriend.
• I'm a virgin.
• I'm an athiest.

Full description of problem: (Scroll down for ;TLDR)
The second and third bullet feel like a dirty little secret sometimes. It's not that I didn't want a boyfriend. There have been times where someone has liked me, or I liked someone else, but it was never mutual. For whatever reason, I've never had that connection with someone that I could see myself being with.

I am not a religious person (as stated above). I don't believe in staying pure for God or even marriage. All I want is someone I care about and who cares about me and who would still talk to me and be there for me the morning after.

Now my virginity does not also coincide with purity. Not going to lie, by the time I got to college, I felt like giving up on the whole boyfriend idea and just went to parties to get with different guys. So while I haven't slept with anyone, I've done everything but with a variety of people, some whose names I don't even know. Now before you start throwing around comments like calling me a slut, let me ask you this question: What's wrong with having sexual desire? I couldn't find someone with an emotional connection so I took what i could get. Girls get horny too!

But no matter how drunk I was, or how many offers I've been given for sex by different guys (not to make it sound like there were a lot, but there have been a few), i've held on to my belief that losing my virginity should be more than this. If I've already broken any other morals I had, why not have one that I wouldn't absolutely break.

But now I keep thinking, what's the point? Part of it is the societal pressure. I must be insane to be a 21 year old virgin right? And part of it is just the fact that I want to have sex. I want to have the amazing experiences I hear about and see advertised basically every day. Is it worth keeping this moral? Is there anyone here who's been through the same s**t?


;TLDR:

I've stayed a virgin so long because I'm waiting for it to be with someone special. I'm horny, and lonely, and i'm sick of this stupid virginity and every stupid connotation that goes with it.
Is it worth sticking to my principle?
First, I do not think it is at all insane being a virgin whose 21. I actually envy you.

I understand that doing what ever you sexually desire is up to you. I don't really slut-shame because everyone is entitled to do whatever they want.

Plus, I reccomend that despite the sexual frutration you're enduring. Do not lose it just to "get it over with". Do not do it just because you feel pressured by ANYBODY. And what i suggest is to never lose it casually having sex because it is often that most people get emotionally attached to the other person.

If you want to lose it to the next guy you see, it's your choice. But sometimes, when just having casual sex you begin to think what's it like to have actual lovemaking sex. So as long as you know love =/= sex you will be fine.

I've noticed since I've lost mine I've gotten horny as ******** and it's actually a lot more difficult to cool it off now that I know how sex is like. :O
klebold
I was on my way to bed when I stumbled upon this, and decided to hear your story. I was about to give you wonderful advice. I was about to praise you about how, we need more girls like you in this world, girls who preserve their virginity because they believe in its significance. It's very common these days to see girls "give up" like you said, and just give themselves away to party-guys they'll never see again, or fall into slutty ways while using fancy terms like "open relationship" or "polyamorous" and develop a self-righteous personality that changes them. I was looking SO forward to explaining to you, that a person like you deserves to find that emotional connection that you describe. I was going to call you brave, instead of a shallow whore, for sticking up for your beliefs, because society (or just your friends) puts so much pressure on you to lose your virginity and make such a big deal out of it, and then pretend like it was no big deal after you've lost it. I was mostly, above all, incredibly ecstatic, about complimenting you on how your beliefs were more pure than your actions.

But then you admitted to sucking the dicks of many complete strangers, and immediately after, tried to justify yourself with an excuse that you already knew the answer to, because you made it up on your own. It's not even about the slutty behavior, it's about you reaching out to people, with no hand to offer. You are requesting advice, that you will not receive, because you are already the self-righteous shallow whore that I described earlier. Good night, I'm going to bed.
Please, just shut the ******** up and stay asleep.
klebold2's avatar

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Muleo is Romeo
klebold
I was on my way to bed when I stumbled upon this, and decided to hear your story. I was about to give you wonderful advice. I was about to praise you about how, we need more girls like you in this world, girls who preserve their virginity because they believe in its significance. It's very common these days to see girls "give up" like you said, and just give themselves away to party-guys they'll never see again, or fall into slutty ways while using fancy terms like "open relationship" or "polyamorous" and develop a self-righteous personality that changes them. I was looking SO forward to explaining to you, that a person like you deserves to find that emotional connection that you describe. I was going to call you brave, instead of a shallow whore, for sticking up for your beliefs, because society (or just your friends) puts so much pressure on you to lose your virginity and make such a big deal out of it, and then pretend like it was no big deal after you've lost it. I was mostly, above all, incredibly ecstatic, about complimenting you on how your beliefs were more pure than your actions.

But then you admitted to sucking the dicks of many complete strangers, and immediately after, tried to justify yourself with an excuse that you already knew the answer to, because you made it up on your own. It's not even about the slutty behavior, it's about you reaching out to people, with no hand to offer. You are requesting advice, that you will not receive, because you are already the self-righteous shallow whore that I described earlier. Good night, I'm going to bed.
Please, just shut the ******** up and stay asleep.

You didn't even read it, you just want to stick up for a 21 year old virgin who gives dome to every guy she meets, I can understand why but I made a good point. Girls like her make impossible standards that no male can ever meet, unrealistic expectations, and much bigger issues than feeling different in society when she's realistically just another statistic.
Labtech Soosh's avatar

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Look, it's alright to spread yours legs all over the place. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and if you're getting horny all the time, desiring sex, you should indulge in that. Just you know, be smart about it if you don't want to get diseases or pregnant. These false notions of purity and decency are all definitions by predefined codes passed down from contexts of what seems morally correct in accordance to multiple faiths intermingled into the current idea of moral correctness in society today. Plus, some people feel like imposing their own preferences on others. Pansexuals and A sexuals alike will tell you their preferences which may have some sort of sway on you. A sexual here so... you know... I'm not interested in any of this I'm telling you.

If you want to lose your virginity, by all means go for it.

The best thing you can do it with a trustworthy person. They won't be too rough.
It's always better with someone you love, causes the endorphin's to run exponentially.
Your "cherry" might already be popped since I've been told by other females simple things could pop them over your life like riding horses and such. If it's not though, you can actually train your bits to stretch without causing any damage to yourself via private sessions. Look it up on your own, I'm not an encyclopedia.
Remember contraceptives: condoms, spermicide, pills, whatever it is kids take. Safe to mix all of these and pull out, in case there are holes in the condom impossible to see.


God why am I commenting on one of these questions?
drunken gypsy bard's avatar

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If you've already sucked d**k it doesn't really matter. Any purity or innocence that you had is gone. If you ******** somebody that doesn't care about you, it's gonna suck when you both c** and you want to cuddle and he's ready to ******** off. In my opinion (never had sex, so it's not the best opinion), it would make you feel even lonelier to ******** someone then never see each other again. Stay away from parties and look for an actual boyfriend. I think that would be more fulfilling.
Bornes's avatar

Aged Phantom

User ImageWell, the fact that you've pretty much already whored yourself around makes me think "No, no there really isn't any point to keeping your virginity."

I, personally, do not get how someone can hold their v****a so high and mighty, and to refuse to let a p***s in it, because they're waiting for that "special connection" but at the same time have no problem with every other sexual act in existence.

I can see why holding yourself to no sexual acts would be pretyt "pure" and "worth waiting for". But when we get down to the "Only p***s in v****a counts as losing virginity" then no. No I really do not see the point.

So if you're looking for a realistic view: There it is. There is no point for you to keep saving your hymen.


But. Because I'm trying to be understanding and nice today, if you really want to save p***s in v****a sex for that "special someone" let me tell you this: PIV sex ain't all that great. Most women don't even orgasm from PIV. They need clitoral stimulation (or more). PIV is frankly completely overrated in my opinion.
But now that that's out of the way.
If you really want to get your horniness dealt with, go get some sex toys. I'm serious. It doesn't even have to be a vibrator or something fancy. Just get something vaguely shaped like a p***s, and rub it around down there and thrust it yourself a few times in different positions-- that feels very similar to PIV.

And I guarantee you that if you use toys on yourself, and you explore yourself on your own terms, without somebody else's p***s getting in the way, you will have a wonderful, orgasmic time.
klebold
Muleo is Romeo
klebold
I was on my way to bed when I stumbled upon this, and decided to hear your story. I was about to give you wonderful advice. I was about to praise you about how, we need more girls like you in this world, girls who preserve their virginity because they believe in its significance. It's very common these days to see girls "give up" like you said, and just give themselves away to party-guys they'll never see again, or fall into slutty ways while using fancy terms like "open relationship" or "polyamorous" and develop a self-righteous personality that changes them. I was looking SO forward to explaining to you, that a person like you deserves to find that emotional connection that you describe. I was going to call you brave, instead of a shallow whore, for sticking up for your beliefs, because society (or just your friends) puts so much pressure on you to lose your virginity and make such a big deal out of it, and then pretend like it was no big deal after you've lost it. I was mostly, above all, incredibly ecstatic, about complimenting you on how your beliefs were more pure than your actions.

But then you admitted to sucking the dicks of many complete strangers, and immediately after, tried to justify yourself with an excuse that you already knew the answer to, because you made it up on your own. It's not even about the slutty behavior, it's about you reaching out to people, with no hand to offer. You are requesting advice, that you will not receive, because you are already the self-righteous shallow whore that I described earlier. Good night, I'm going to bed.
Please, just shut the ******** up and stay asleep.

You didn't even read it, you just want to stick up for a 21 year old virgin who gives dome to every guy she meets, I can understand why but I made a good point. Girls like her make impossible standards that no male can ever meet, unrealistic expectations, and much bigger issues than feeling different in society when she's realistically just another statistic.
No you did not make a point at all. You are merely demeaning and ridiculing her. She can do whatever she wants and she shouldn't feel bad just because she doesn't PLEASE YOUR MORALS. I've seen numerous posts of yours and it is no ******** advice. Just because the girls you meet turn out to break your heart it doesn't mean you get the freedom to be a ******** negative p***k towards every girl that posts in the LI.
Blackrose_Knight's avatar

Devoted Pirate

Virginity is and isn't this big deal. It is an odd paradox. I am on the side of "wait until you are comfortable" to have sex thing. You seem to be there too, but are a tad impatient. Give it some time, date around and then see where things go from there. Remember to be learn'ed on safe sex!

klebold

I would rather be a "slutty" polyamorous woman who follows her heart in a respectful and ethical manner than whatever the ******** you consider a "nice woman". Some days I wish you would get ******** laid, maybe you won't be some damn up tight with a cedar tree shoved so far up your a** your sphincter could be used as a hula hoop. Your back handed insults are pathetic; so here is one that isn't - you are a c**t and ******** you for your random drive by insult. c**t. I hope you die in a fire, or someone dumps acid down your throat.
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Virginity is one of those things put up on a pedestal, and with good reason. Though it is strictly all opinion based... virginity is one of those things in life where once you lose it, it's gone. Forever. No second chances, no going back etc.

In other words, you only got a one shot chance, so don't ******** up. Granted, that only applies to your "first time"... but, that's often what people place the most value in. It also becomes a type of foundation. We remember things like our "first time" be it our first time driving, or our first time time going to a school dance, our first job... we remember these things and use them to form our opinions and we learn from them. We learn about ourselves and we learn about life etc. They become types of, building blocks. Kids who go to a school dance and love it, usually go to clubs when they get older cuz they learn they love to be social and party and dance etc. Those who hate going to a school dance avoid being with that type of social crowd and tend to gravitate to small groups spent with quieter nights in and less public exposure etc.

So the main thing you need to consider is just the fact it's something you're probably going to remember the rest of your life, and it will have an impact on the rest of your life. And I don't mean every part of your life, just specifically your "bedroom life" so to speak. But your first time will be your main comparison, until your next time, and the time after and so forth... but even then, that first time you only get once. No matter what, it will be a learning lesson, but it shouldn't be a situation where you just throw all caution to the wind and say "******** it, whatever, let's do this s**t."

It's truly all opinion based, so it boils down to what you feel is important to you and what you want. In my opinion... I honestly see no harm in having high expectations in what is truly the most private and personal part of your life. Literally and physically letting someone directly into your body, is deep, in more ways than one. So if you don't have that legit connection, or chemistry, spark, or whatever you wanna call it, with someone else... it might be best to hold off. That's not an area in your life that you should have any regrets in. And I know I'm gonna get hell for this next comment, but again, strictly going on my personal opinion, I really don't think there is any significant difference between what level of satisfaction your body can physically get out of partner sex Vs. what level of pleasure you can give yourself through masturbation/adult toys or what have you. However... no one has ever gotten an STD or pregnant through self masturbation. But we don't need to go into Sex Ed 101.
Wow, you have just received some really shitty advice. I thought the people around here would be better than this. /:
Virginity is 100% a social construct. (no, really. 100%. no physiological significance at all.) It has no meaning except what you give it. If you want to give it some meaning, go ahead, but it's going to be pretty arbitrary, especially when you don't have any kind of religion or philosophy that backs up the meaning you give it. I'm not saying to not care about your first time, but just keep all that in mind.
Sex can be really fun. I'm sure you're aware of this. (As a side note, PIV sex isn't necessarily any more fun than other kinds of sex, and really isn't a lot different at all.) If you're in a situation where you want to have sex with someone and they want to have sex with you, as long as you both know what you're in for and take the necessary precautions, there is zero reason as to why you shouldn't.
That being said, do make sure you don't have sex you don't really want just for the sake of losing your virginity. There's no point to that and it would probably be unpleasant sex anyway.
marshmallowcreampie's avatar

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Wow, you have just received some really shitty advice. I thought the people around here would be better than this. /:
Virginity is 100% a social construct. (no, really. 100%. no physiological significance at all.) It has no meaning except what you give it. If you want to give it some meaning, go ahead, but it's going to be pretty arbitrary, especially when you don't have any kind of religion or philosophy that backs up the meaning you give it. I'm not saying to not care about your first time, but just keep all that in mind.
Sex can be really fun. I'm sure you're aware of this. (As a side note, PIV sex isn't necessarily any more fun than other kinds of sex, and really isn't a lot different at all.) If you're in a situation where you want to have sex with someone and they want to have sex with you, as long as you both know what you're in for and take the necessary precautions, there is zero reason as to why you shouldn't.
That being said, do make sure you don't have sex you don't really want just for the sake of losing your virginity. There's no point to that and it would probably be unpleasant sex anyway.


This. Virginity is just an imaginary concept that was invented to oppress women. The only value it has is what you give it. With that said, OP, do what makes you comfortable. If you don't want to have sex, don't do it. Having sex before you're ready won't make you happy.
I'm going to be 21 in a few months and I have never had a boyfriend either or pretty much any physical contact with guys. I don't even let guys put their arms on my shoulders or hug me unless I've known them for a long time and only if it's to say good-bye. For this I have been called "pure", a "lesbian", "sweet", "stuck-up", "cute", etc. by both females and males. While I am not absolutely gorgeous I do believe I am beautiful just as I believe all girls should value themselves. So, it is a CHOICE of mine. People will judge you no matter what so you should make the decision to be a virgin or based on YOUR personal values not on what others tell you. The same person will tell you are "pure" and "good" and then turn around and call you nasty names. And then don't try to push your values onto someone else.

I don't put a high value on my virginity itself since I detest the way it limits and undermines females but I am the type of person who is private and reserved so I am waiting to be intimate until I find the right person who will cherish me. Everybody is different so if you feel like you want to have sex with however many guys you want to then I just want to say this to you: you are NOT a slut for that. Duh! smile Just make sure that you are being healthy about it by using the proper protection and finding out about their sexual history. I don't have any personal experience but I found the book "The Naked Roommate" to be helpful (I won it in a raffle as a freshie) but I'm sure you can go to a class in your community or google safe sex.
klebold
Muleo is Romeo
klebold
I was on my way to bed when I stumbled upon this, and decided to hear your story. I was about to give you wonderful advice. I was about to praise you about how, we need more girls like you in this world, girls who preserve their virginity because they believe in its significance. It's very common these days to see girls "give up" like you said, and just give themselves away to party-guys they'll never see again, or fall into slutty ways while using fancy terms like "open relationship" or "polyamorous" and develop a self-righteous personality that changes them. I was looking SO forward to explaining to you, that a person like you deserves to find that emotional connection that you describe. I was going to call you brave, instead of a shallow whore, for sticking up for your beliefs, because society (or just your friends) puts so much pressure on you to lose your virginity and make such a big deal out of it, and then pretend like it was no big deal after you've lost it. I was mostly, above all, incredibly ecstatic, about complimenting you on how your beliefs were more pure than your actions.

But then you admitted to sucking the dicks of many complete strangers, and immediately after, tried to justify yourself with an excuse that you already knew the answer to, because you made it up on your own. It's not even about the slutty behavior, it's about you reaching out to people, with no hand to offer. You are requesting advice, that you will not receive, because you are already the self-righteous shallow whore that I described earlier. Good night, I'm going to bed.
Please, just shut the ******** up and stay asleep.

You didn't even read it, you just want to stick up for a 21 year old virgin who gives dome to every guy she meets, I can understand why but I made a good point. Girls like her make impossible standards that no male can ever meet, unrealistic expectations, and much bigger issues than feeling different in society when she's realistically just another statistic.


Klebold, I respect your opinion, and while I may not agree with what you're saying, thank you for your honesty. I posted this forum to get a well rounded opinion on something that has been upsetting me as of late. I refuse to take what you said as an insult, rather with a grain of salt.

That being said, thank you, Muleo is Romeo, for standing up for me and my beliefs. I appreciate that a lot.

Yeah, sucking random stranger's dicks could easily make me a shallow whore, but I'm not going to take back what I've been doing because it's a shallow comment. Seeing as i've never had an emotional connection with anyone, i've been seeking physical ones. They make me feel like s**t sometimes, yes. But at the same time, I don't regret it, because it's still experience. It still frames me for who I am. And at this point, whether I'm scarred by it, or "daddy issues" or whatever the general excuse is from girls who partake in the same s**t as I do, it's something that keeps me sane in some ways. (Or i'm just a horny drunk, whichever.)

Seeing as i've never been given the opportunity to have a boyfriend, (trust me, i try. I don't ******** sit in a tower waiting for prince charming to come for me), I took it upon myself to attempt to seek what I want. And sometimes, I just want a drunken night where I can escape from stresses like class and pretend to be whoever I want. To be wanted by someone. To prove to myself that I'm worth someone else's attention. But that does take a toll on me. In the heat of the moment, it's nice that an attractive guy wants me that night and not some other b***h. And yeah, the next day, it usually does make me feel like s**t. But that just keeps justifying in my head that maybe I don't deserve more than that. And feeling like that ******** sucks.
Because i'd like to believe i'm worth more. But honestly, I'm starting to believe I dont.

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