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FearlessDictator's avatar

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I filed a protective order and I go to court the 3rd of May. The people at the agency were shocked I had been unable to get help when he stole my car. I asked his cousin to give him a ride so he could be somewhere safe and his cousin&wife entered my house without permission and verbally accosted my mother. When we requested an order on her as well we were denied, we had never asked them to not come on our property. I was told by the sheriff that I cannot prosecute because he committed no acts of violence upon my person. I will request that my attorney provide me more information about this.



This morning at 12:45 in MD, I slowly woke up to my husband trying to not wake me up so that he could stick his erect p***s into my v****a while I was asleep.
This is not the first time he has woken me up this way.

My fear is that he has done this while I have been asleep and been successful in not waking me up.
I have expressed this to him in the past that it's disrespectful, that it is dangerous to my mental and physical well-being... But everytime he says that he is not coming in me and that I am his wife and am obligated to let him do this to me.

If anyone knows what a covert-aggressor is, please post in this thread what you know about these people or this term.
I called the cops this morning and am on my way to the court house to file a restraining order.
The biggest problem I have is that it takes a half an hour of persecuting him and hounding him to get him to even admit that he has done this stuff. I wake up with him IN me and he denies that that is what he was doing, and that I am mentally crazy.

What makes this morning different though, is that afterwards he hopped off of me, went to my work bag, found my phone, and started going through it. This shows that he has severe trust issues, and I am convinced that now the only way to help both of us is if I legally separate ourselves.
This is not the only thing that has hurt our relationship.
He does many things.
Verbally abuses me,
Ignores me,
Talks negatively about me behind my back,
Takes my things and uses/breaks them to make a point,

And I just can't take it anymore, after three years, I'm so scared that I'm going crazy.
I can't sleep well at night anymore because of two weeks ago when I cut my finger and he said to me,

"You had better not piss me off or I'll leave you and you'll have noone to help you. I only tolerate your capriciousness because I'm your husband."

He is an illegal in America. He constantly tells me if we fight that he is not with me so he can become legal.
Am I wrong in my decision to legally separate from him?
Kitten Kochanie's avatar

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FearlessDictator
Am I wrong in my decision to legally separate from him?

...no. I'd say that leaving a guy who is controlling, abusive, and rapes you is the healthy thing to do.

It's not your responsibility that he can't be bothered to go through the proper steps to gain citizenship, so his immigrant status is on him and not you. Separate and press charges; he obviously only sees you as property anyway.
Shiki the Forsaken Prince's avatar

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FearlessDictator
You need to get away from him.
He obviously has some kind of issues.
He is paranoid, he threatens you, and he rationalizes that he's doing nothing wrong.
Not to mention the damage to property and slander.
You're not just right to want to leave him.
You need to get him out of your life before this escalates any further, and it will, it always does.
Snowie Hiwatari's avatar

Anxious Lunatic

He sounds horrible! You are better off leaving him!

If it's to the point where he's hurting you emotionally and physically, you need to do something about it. It is not his goddamn given right to have sex with you whether you want it or not, he must be seriously screwed up in the head to think that. It just screams out wrong to me, you should definitely inform the police. If he's done it to you and you leave him, he'll just do the same thing to his next partner. He's dangerous.

It's an abusive relationship, you need to get out before he gets worse.
Noodlepuss's avatar

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FearlessDictator
Am I wrong in my decision to legally separate from him?



Are you honestly asking that? No, you're obviously not wrong in your decision and you know that.
Are you expecting people to go, "yes you're wrong in your decision, you need to stay with your partner who rapes and abuses you" rolleyes
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You're doing the right thing to get away from your abusive partner.

Abusive people often distort facts to make their victims feel confused, afraid and uncertain. Him saying you'll not get any help if he leaves etc, is entirely in line with this.

Get out now. You're doing great in taking charge of this.
fubenkunai's avatar

Dangerous Conversationalist

You're doing the right thing. He's a dangerous mess and he's made it clear you're not safe around him. You're also not alone. You have the support of the law, the police, their victims' advocates, your friends and family, and really any decent person you might tell about this. You have been abused, it was not your fault, and you'll have a lot of helping hands while you're getting back on your feet. You're a really brave person and you've got a remarkably accurate grasp of the facts for someone who has been gaslighted for so long. You can and should do this.
You are absolutely right to leave him. What he is doing is sick and wrong and you cannot allow it to continue. If I were you, I would bring the law down upon him as much as you can. Too many women don't press charges about this kind of thing because it's they're husband but you really shouldn't let this go.
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FearlessDictator
This morning at 12:45 in MD, I slowly woke up to my husband trying to not wake me up so that he could stick his erect p***s into my v****a while I was asleep.
This is not the first time he has woken me up this way.

My fear is that he has done this while I have been asleep and been successful in not waking me up.
I have expressed this to him in the past that it's disrespectful, that it is dangerous to my mental and physical well-being... But everytime he says that he is not coming in me and that I am his wife and am obligated to let him do this to me.

If anyone knows what a covert-aggressor is, please post in this thread what you know about these people or this term.
I called the cops this morning and am on my way to the court house to file a restraining order.
The biggest problem I have is that it takes a half an hour of persecuting him and hounding him to get him to even admit that he has done this stuff. I wake up with him IN me and he denies that that is what he was doing, and that I am mentally crazy.

What makes this morning different though, is that afterwards he hopped off of me, went to my work bag, found my phone, and started going through it. This shows that he has severe trust issues, and I am convinced that now the only way to help both of us is if I legally separate ourselves.
This is not the only thing that has hurt our relationship.
He does many things.
Verbally abuses me,
Ignores me,
Talks negatively about me behind my back,
Takes my things and uses/breaks them to make a point,

And I just can't take it anymore, after three years, I'm so scared that I'm going crazy.
I can't sleep well at night anymore because of two weeks ago when I cut my finger and he said to me,

"You had better not piss me off or I'll leave you and you'll have noone to help you. I only tolerate your capriciousness because I'm your husband."

He is an illegal in America. He constantly tells me if we fight that he is not with me so he can become legal.
Am I wrong in my decision to legally separate from him?


even thought you are married it does not give him thre right to have sex with you when you say NO...NO means NO. Maybe where he is from it may be ok but I don't believe in women have to do anything....many countries believe that women are slaves...it sucks. Seperate with him, get the order and remember...whan you say no that means NO
I am so sorry for your hurt...hugs

gramps
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Leave. Just leave. Why are you on gaia posting a thread about whether it is wrong or not? Just get the ******** out. GO NOW. Get your s**t. Find somewhere else to sleep. Even if itis a hotel room.
I would like to say that I'm sorry that those things have happened to you. And that you're very brave to start the process. And that if you're both migrants and in Texas, you should contact the Texas Civil rights project if you need legal help.

I do hope things improve for you, and quickly.
goodnight stranger's avatar

Shirtless Seeker

I was with a man who did pretty much the same thing. Leave. He knows what he is doing is wrong, no matter what he says. Only an imbecile would believe otherwise. He does not own you, and it's ok to feel confused in these situations. You're not foolish for wondering if it's ok to leave, sometimes you can't understand the severity of a situation or the true nature of a person until you're outside of the relationship. Trust us and leave,he doesnt deserve you and you can be so much happier if you go.

I'm sorry this has happened <3 good luck

Edit: I have experience with a covert-agressive type. You can p.m. if you want.
fubenkunai's avatar

Dangerous Conversationalist

StreetchIck123
FearlessDictator
This morning at 12:45 in MD, I slowly woke up to my husband trying to not wake me up so that he could stick his erect p***s into my v****a while I was asleep.
This is not the first time he has woken me up this way.

My fear is that he has done this while I have been asleep and been successful in not waking me up.
I


And yet, you MARRIED him anyway. rolleyes

Yes, because abusers never pretend to be nice people until they get their victims to commit.

OP, don't listen to this kind of ignorant s**t. This guy lies to you and threatens you. You were only doing what you thought you had to do to survive. People who want to blame you are just plain wrong. They may find it easy to say what they would do in that situation, but if they haven't been there, they don't know for sure; it's a bunch of talk from someone who is very privileged not to have been exposed to an abuser. Sometimes, they may have been able to break away from or deal with an abusive relationship. but they're not you and their situation is not yours. Expecting everyone to conform to their experience and mindset is unhelpful and unreasonable. You're not the bad guy here, he is.
Leave while you have the chance.

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