I had told him that night before bed that I needed him to massage my shoulders but that no sex because I was still angry at him.
I wrote the first post in a hurry to help gather my thoughts. I was still in a state of shock. It is now 9:10, I have been awake since 12:40 without sleep.
You can rest assured that because I told them without shame that I punch him in the nuts with great relish when he, after one hour of asking/cajoling/insulting him, refused to sleep downstairs because his is my husband.
It was rape, and I was in too much shock that he was still doing this after I asked him not to the last week of February.
You have no idea how much of an idiot I feel, trying to convince myself that I could teach him the errors of his ways. I feel he is much more dangerous than people are giving him credit for.
Truocpal8176
fubenkunai
Truocpal8176
Mightelove
Truocpal8176
Having sex while you're sleeping is only rape if he's aware that he doesn't have your consent. Telling him that it's disrespectful isn't the same thing.
it is rape if one is not able to give or deny consent. If one is asleep, one cannot choose to give or with hold consent. That makes it rape.
Laws vary from country to country, of course, but for the most part consent is implicit in a marriage unless it's revoked. For example, it's not illegal to have sex with a drunk spouse, whereas it is definitely illegal to have sex with a drunk stranger.
There can be a difference between "legal" and "right" or "ethical." It used to be legal to own people, or to beat your kids. I don't think we'd call either thing right. Same thing here. If you are doing something to someone's body that they have not agreed to, you're doing something wrong. A married person is still a person, and he or she still has the right to bodily autonomy; signing a marriage license
does not turn someone into property and it
is not a perpetual free pass for everything. Quite a few couples talk about sleep sex and agree it's okay, but the important part there is the talking and the explicit consent, not the part where they're married or sleeping in the same bed or have been together for years.
Okay, but the evolving social norm is to call sex "rape" when it meets the legal standard, without asking tough ethical questions. When a drunk girl is raped, you don't say "Oh but he couldn't tell you were that drunk" or "You were all over him" or "It sounded like you were having fun." The law is that she couldn't consent, so if she says she was raped she was raped. By the same token, having sex under circumstances where the other partner has expressed discomfort is slimy, but it's not rape unless there's no legal consent.
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