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Historically-High's avatar

Dapper Gawker

Hey everyone, this is something that has been bugging me for a while and I could use some impartial advice on.
So there are two guys that I have feelings for but I don't know how to handle that or act on it in any way.
Guy A I met during my first couple weeks of college and we struck up a sort of friends with benefits situation. I was a virgin when I met him, although giving my virginity to him wasn't a big deal and not something I want to be a major factor in where I go from here. I got emotionally attached and freaked because he said he didn't want a girlfriend which is where Guy B comes in.

So I went out drinking with a few of my friends, got the drunkest I've ever been (not blackout) and since he said he (Guy A) didn't want a girlfriend, I went back to Guy B's place. Some clothing was removed but we mostly just made out and then we both fell asleep so I stayed over.
I thought that was the end of it, but then he messaged me the day after and seemed to want to see if things could go anywhere. Long story short we met up a few times and made out sober.

Even though I wasn't dating Guy A I felt guilty and that he had a right to know, so I told him about Guy B. He responded with "I was going to ask you out, but now I don't know if I can trust you" etc etc. So I told Guy B that I needed to sort my s**t out, and he said if things didn't work out I should let him know because he felt potential between us.

So that's where I am now. Additional information is that I've already become integrated in Guy A's friend group and they all say we're dating, and that I really like all his friends but that he can be kind of a jerk sometimes. In contrast Guy B is nothing but sweet, but we've gotten weird in person ever since I told him I was trying to figure things out. I don't know if that means he's really interested or really not interested.

I apologize for the wall and thank anyone who took the time to read this mess.
Dion Necurat's avatar

Dapper Codger

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Guy B, since he actually cares.
Valkyrie Queen's avatar

Tipsy Lunatic

Guy A sounds like he's being a douchewaffle and hasn't noticed that other people have feelings too. I get the whole 'not wanting a girlfriend' thing because it might not be the right time, but then to turn around and say "I don't know if I can trust you" when you were NEVER in a relationship with him to begin with? Lol, just lol. It's like he's putting you down because you aren't psychically able to read his emotions and you didn't wait around for him like a lost puppy.

Things are awkward between you and Guy B because you probably made him feel like second banana to Guy A, even if you didn't mean it.

I have no way of knowing who is the better choice since I don't know either person and 6 months from now things could be totally different, but if you like Guy B and he likes you, why the hell not give it a chance? Guy A seems like kind of a manchild.
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Guy A says he doent want a girlfriend. It doesnt matter what his friends say. HE says that. And so with this manipulative I was going to do x but nowww...when likely he wasnt at all since you were in a fwb and so he had no reason to assume you coudlnt be out doing stuff. he seems to just be trying to keep you.


GUy B seems okay but you just met him so you cant go and know he is sweet and all that since you dont know him well. Dont go for A just because oyu dont know if B i interested either, since having a backup is rude.
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Historically-High
Hey everyone, this is something that has been bugging me for a while and I could use some impartial advice on.
So there are two guys that I have feelings for but I don't know how to handle that or act on it in any way.
Guy A I met during my first couple weeks of college and we struck up a sort of friends with benefits situation. I was a virgin when I met him, although giving my virginity to him wasn't a big deal and not something I want to be a major factor in where I go from here. I got emotionally attached and freaked because he said he didn't want a girlfriend which is where Guy B comes in.

So I went out drinking with a few of my friends, got the drunkest I've ever been (not blackout) and since he said he (Guy A) didn't want a girlfriend, I went back to Guy B's place. Some clothing was removed but we mostly just made out and then we both fell asleep so I stayed over.
I thought that was the end of it, but then he messaged me the day after and seemed to want to see if things could go anywhere. Long story short we met up a few times and made out sober.

Even though I wasn't dating Guy A I felt guilty and that he had a right to know, so I told him about Guy B. He responded with "I was going to ask you out, but now I don't know if I can trust you" etc etc. So I told Guy B that I needed to sort my s**t out, and he said if things didn't work out I should let him know because he felt potential between us.

So that's where I am now. Additional information is that I've already become integrated in Guy A's friend group and they all say we're dating, and that I really like all his friends but that he can be kind of a jerk sometimes. In contrast Guy B is nothing but sweet, but we've gotten weird in person ever since I told him I was trying to figure things out. I don't know if that means he's really interested or really not interested.

I apologize for the wall and thank anyone who took the time to read this mess.


Lol, agreeing with what others said. Forget about guy A. He lost his chance by actually rejecting you by saying he didn't want a girlfriend. Guy B on the other hand, is actually looking forward to being with you from the start. Don't worry about any awkwardness. He has just let you know that he wants to move forward with you and while you both did go out a few times so reverting back to the break from dating is bound to be awkward. When you go back to him, things will resume as normal. Guy A like what others said, seems keen on guilt tripping you. I'd best suggest that you stay away from him while dating B cuz, sounds to me like somewhere in the future, he might try to jeopardise your relationship with B.
I wouldn't date neither of them.
Nariana's avatar

Hygienic Genius

Good relationships don't start with just physical goodness. They require an actual intellectual and emotional connection. Definitely don't go out with Guy A; he wanted you for your body only at first. Guy B is a maybe; however, you have to see how he acts in the next month or so. If he comes out of this awkard stage you briefed, then maybe you two can actually date.

But if I were you, I'd avoid dating either of them.
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emotion_bigheart Honestly, neither..
Historically-High's avatar

Dapper Gawker

Thanks for all of the thoughtful replies, you guys. It means a lot and I basically reached the same conclusion on my own that A is bad news and I need to get to know B better before going any farther with that relationship.
For those of you advising against B, is it because of the awkwardness or that the physical happened first? Because the first doesn't bother me but the second has been. ):
Thank you once again!
Nariana's avatar

Hygienic Genius

The immediate physical attraction bothered me a little about B. I'd rather have a guy like me before we make out, so I can really gauge his feelings. That's just me.

The awkward phase is problematic because I have a friend who seriously talked about her relationship with the guy she likes, and he shut down a bit. So it's really up to you. I'm going off of my own experience (well, experiences from my friends xD ). Either way, you're doing the right thing in waiting to get to know B.
If you are more interested in guy A, than let him know. Tell him you only did what you did with guy B becasue he explicitly told you that he does not want a relationship. Tell him that if he wants to commit to a relationship, you are willing to drop guy B to be with him. But, if he can't make up his mind, don't wait around for him, and go with guy B.
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Give up on Guy A.

If he really wanted to date you, he wouldn't have said that s**t about not wanting a girlfriend in the first place. He didn't communicate clearly and it was not your fault that you got involved with Guy B.

Guy B seems to be a lot more open and communicative, and that's something that's hella important in relationships. Stop feeling bad about all the feelings involved with Guy A and accept that it's time to move on.
sxett's avatar

Fatcat

Be with Guy B.
Guy A is giving you the guilt trip.
He doesn't want a girlfriend, as you said, and when you told him about Guy B, he tried making you feel guilty.
I don't think he personally wants you on an emotional level but I think he wants you all to himself on a sexual/physical one.
Historically-High's avatar

Dapper Gawker

What you guys are saying makes complete and total sense, thank you so much for taking the time to help me sort this out.
And Nariana I see what you mean, thanks for sharing the experience of your friend because I was considering doing something similar. xD

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