Trying to figure out the next step in my life.

[Zabin King]

So I grew up in a small retirement town. Nothing interesting happened until I turned about 22.

At 22 I went to Job Corps up in Astoria, Oregon. For those who don't know, it is a government run trade school for youth where you live 24/7.

After Job Corps I went to Portland, because I am from a small town and Portland is a big glamorous city full of wonder, amazement, and rainbows where everything goes right for everyone at all times.

Things went fine in Portland. I got an alright job pretty much right off the bat and moved into my own little studio apartment.

Then I met a girl.

We hung out for a while. Went out on dates. Had a lot of fun.

She was looking for a cute boy to have fun with. I fell in love. She didn't.

No one did anything wrong. I'm not angry. It would be dumb of me to be.

She said she didn't think she could ever have real feelings for me. It hurt me a lot, but I'm glad she was honest. It is a failing of mine, but I can't keep casually dating her knowing there will never be a deeper connection. So we broke up.

Now I feel alone in Portland. I don't really know anyone. I have a stable job and a place to live. I'm not putting away money like I wanted to, only about $75 a month but I am surviving fine.

Down in the town I am from, lives every single family member I have. Including my newborn niece and my parents who's health is starting to fail.

I'm likely to get a much lower wage job down there, but the cost of living is lower. I'm paying $680 for my studio in Portland and the same sized studio in my old town is about $450. Plus I'll probably just live with either my Father or Mother for the first six months or so.

This girl doesn't think I should go. And I'm certainly having mixed feelings on it. It was such a victory for me to "get out" of that small town that I felt trapped in my whole childhood. But honestly everywhere I go pretty much feels the same.

I made the choice to leave right after the breakup, when I was an emotional butt. I was absolutely sure I was leaving at that point, but since then I am having second thoughts.

She wants to keep being friends and doesn't want me to leave, but I don't know if I can be friends with a girl I am deeply in love with. It may be petty of me, but I know what my limitations are. It would hurt too much.

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

I think you should go back to your town. You're still very young; plenty of time to explore the big city again. Plus, staying around just for a girl who said she couldn't have feelings for you is silly when you have aging parents who need you.

[legnanellaf5]

It sounds like you will make more money if you go back home. I dont know why a girl you arent with has the ability to sway you the other way, you arent together and she doesnt love you. Her opinion means nothing.

[Malicious Mustang]

I'd go back home, your parents need you more than some girl who broke your heart. your still very young and have heaps of time to find that special person. focus on yourself and your family, youll find a girl when you least expect it.

[Jameson Moore]

ah ok so this is gonna sound harsh but Im gonna offer a slightly different opinion.

Your family are important, parents get older and their health won't always be great but you mustn't go back for them. My parents moved from my hometown just as I finished uni, so I decided to move to the new town with them. My dad is completely blind, and have other health problems while my mum has a few mental health problems herself. I thought going back to help and be around them would be best but I wasn't happy and they weren't happy that I was finding it difficult. I'm sure your parents, as with most parents, just want your happiness even if they miss you.

But the same for where you are now, you mustn't stay because one person ask you two. I know you guys aren't together anymore but I understand that despite that your feelings for her will make you value her opinion. In a way you might even feel closer to her telling you not to leave.

Personally I think you need to do what's best for you. Not for family, or friends/ex-partner. Maybe try writing a list of your reasons to stay - you might find yourself unconsciously favoring the other before you realise it. Do you really like your job? Is it something you can grow in? Are you happy to live with your parents again even for only 6 months (lol personally I found it hard!) Try if you can taking the people out of the list at first, list the reasons for staying or going, then move onto the people who might be enough to sway your choice.

Either way, as others have said here, you are young and even if you do regret the eventual decision you make you have time to make it work or change your mind, or move somewhere completely different altogether.

Good luck with whatever you decide I hope it works out for you smile

[highelf40000]

Zabin King

So I grew up in a small retirement town. Nothing interesting happened until I turned about 22.

At 22 I went to Job Corps up in Astoria, Oregon. For those who don't know, it is a government run trade school for youth where you live 24/7.

After Job Corps I went to Portland, because I am from a small town and Portland is a big glamorous city full of wonder, amazement, and rainbows where everything goes right for everyone at all times.

Things went fine in Portland. I got an alright job pretty much right off the bat and moved into my own little studio apartment.

Then I met a girl.

We hung out for a while. Went out on dates. Had a lot of fun.

She was looking for a cute boy to have fun with. I fell in love. She didn't.

No one did anything wrong. I'm not angry. It would be dumb of me to be.

She said she didn't think she could ever have real feelings for me. It hurt me a lot, but I'm glad she was honest. It is a failing of mine, but I can't keep casually dating her knowing there will never be a deeper connection. So we broke up.

Now I feel alone in Portland. I don't really know anyone. I have a stable job and a place to live. I'm not putting away money like I wanted to, only about $75 a month but I am surviving fine.

Down in the town I am from, lives every single family member I have. Including my newborn niece and my parents who's health is starting to fail.

I'm likely to get a much lower wage job down there, but the cost of living is lower. I'm paying $680 for my studio in Portland and the same sized studio in my old town is about $450. Plus I'll probably just live with either my Father or Mother for the first six months or so.

This girl doesn't think I should go. And I'm certainly having mixed feelings on it. It was such a victory for me to "get out" of that small town that I felt trapped in my whole childhood. But honestly everywhere I go pretty much feels the same.

I made the choice to leave right after the breakup, when I was an emotional butt. I was absolutely sure I was leaving at that point, but since then I am having second thoughts.

She wants to keep being friends and doesn't want me to leave, but I don't know if I can be friends with a girl I am deeply in love with. It may be petty of me, but I know what my limitations are. It would hurt too much.

That feeling of being trapped sounds like your lacking amibition. Since you lost this girl, your last goal so to speak, its come back. And before that you had nothing driving you and no passion to follow. Honestly thats what it sounds like. And I cant think of an easy answer here because I struggle with it myself. I dont have some plan or goal or dream. So I set myself smaller ones, become more social. Find enjoyment in pushing myself. Easier said than done but it gets me out there. And being out there is the only way to experience new things and find a passion.

Staying in your town or going, thats your call. A new place, a new start could help you but you have to be able to handle it financially. Its not easy. But it means you have no excuse but go out and experience that place and you may even find what your looking for.

But if you stay at home you have to change things or you will have that feeling constantly. You need to find something, do something different. And dear god dont let love be the thing that does that. You need something outside of love. As romantic as the whole "someone being the thing that completes you" stick is, its not true. Love where you are someones entire life is massive pressure that, in all honesty, breaks love in most cases. You need to have your life, and then invite someone to join you rather than making them your life.

Having two full lives in unison is much better than 1 life shared between two.

[vdszbz]

I would stay where you are. You're established here and you seem to enjoy it.

The not knowing anyone problem could be fixed. Start going out to parties and clubs and bars or joining groups and getting involved in activities. I know it's hard moving to a new place and not knowing anyone. But all you need to do is make one friend who will introduce you to their friends and so on and so forth, and soon you'll have a little circle biggrin

[XVNekioVX]

Before you make a decision go out and make a few more friends. You lost a love interest that was completely one sided. Don't write off Portland just because she said she would never love you. Don't move back home just because your parents/newborn niece might need you soon. I'm pretty sure your parents and brother/sister want you to be happy. You can always go back home for holidays and visit a bit then.
Go out a few times. Go to the park or to a club/bar. Whatever is your thing do it. Try to reach out and make a few friends.

[Deojack]

The girl's opinion on what you should and shouldn't do just doesn't matter any more. If you don't know if you can be friends, in this situation, you probably can't. Don't bother forcing it, it's pointless. Leave her in the past and move on with life.

Stick around and see how you feel about living in Portland for a little while. If your home town still seems like an attractive option, then go back.