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I used to have hope. The reason why I kept goin strong is because I had a wonderful boyfriend and I didn't want to put my mother through any pain if I ever did anything.

My boyfriend cheated on me then left me for the girl he cheated on me with. He then ditched me completely as a friend when his new girlfriend left him. I can no longer speak with him. I did nothing wrong..

My mother no longer trusts me. She could care less for me. I was completely honest with her about everything.. Literally--- Everything. But I llet a lie slip and she found out. This is all my fault and I can't fix it.

I am so incredibly hurt right now.. I don't know what to do. I'm constantly sick and physically/mentally weak. I find it hard to walk without help and I get constant migraines. My grades in college are slipping. I have no one here for me. My mother constantly screams at me, telling me I'm worthless and I'm going to fail in my life.

I really don't know what to do anymore.



Edit: I'm going to get off for the night.. it is late here and I'm dead tired from lack of sleep. Thanks for your replies.
If your title was completely true, then you would have never made this post. Even with you feeling as depressed as you are, you have to have some hope (however little it may be at the time) that things will get better. You just need some help figuring out how to get over this bad bump in your life. Since you're in college, you should be able to talk to a counselor about ways to improve your mental state at the moment. Advice about your mother would make it easier if I knew what the lie was about. And if I knew what kind of person she was. Sometimes people are over dramatic, but after a while they stop and realize how immature they were being the whole time. I know my mother's like that. With pretty much everything. And it sucks that your boyfriend betrayed you so horribly, but you're still young and each relationship is just more experience to help you figure out what kind of guy you do want and what behaviors are questionable.
!d!ot Amer!ca's avatar

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                  Improve your grades, and get an amazing career.
                  That should give you hope.
                  Things are rough now, but if you keep pressing forward and ignore the negative aspects, it'll get better.
                  The only catch is, it'll get better if you make it better.
                  Focus on school, ignore the haters.


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Welcome to a new kind of tension.
Before you know it, you're struck down.
Hairy Testicles
I was completely honest with her about everything.. Literally--- Everything. But... a lie.


So, not... literally everything?

Quote:
This is all my fault


It is rare for anything to be totally one person's fault.

Quote:
I can't fix it.


In lieu of fixing the situation, fix yourself.

Quote:
I am so incredibly hurt right now.. I don't know what to do. I'm constantly sick and physically/mentally weak.


Cry, and feel bad for a while, and then stop, think about what you need to do / find out what you need to do, then do it.

Quote:
I find it hard to walk without help and I get constant migraines.


Cane? Walker? Student disability services?

I share your migraine pain. I... grit my teeth and bear it. more or less. Pot helps, sometimes. Usually, not a super lot. Sometimes I just need to close my eyes and lay in bed and hurt and rub my temples and pressure points.

Drink cold water, too.

Quote:
My grades in college are slipping. I have no one here for me.


You have yourself.

Quote:
My mother constantly screams at me, telling me I'm worthless and I'm going to fail in my life.


It sounds like she's scared. I'm sorry - I deal with that s**t too.

Quote:
I really don't know what to do anymore.


Go to the mirror, tell yourself "I love you."

Believe it. Act like it.

*hugs*
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If your title was completely true, then you would have never made this post. Even with you feeling as depressed as you are, you have to have some hope (however little it may be at the time) that things will get better. You just need some help figuring out how to get over this bad bump in your life. Since you're in college, you should be able to talk to a counselor about ways to improve your mental state at the moment. Advice about your mother would make it easier if I knew what the lie was about. And if I knew what kind of person she was. Sometimes people are over dramatic, but after a while they stop and realize how immature they were being the whole time. I know my mother's like that. With pretty much everything. And it sucks that your boyfriend betrayed you so horribly, but you're still young and each relationship is just more experience to help you figure out what kind of guy you do want and what behaviors are questionable.


I've tried talking to a counselor, but she completely switched over to the grades subject. If my grades continue slipping then I most likely get kicked out of the college.. also, I have been missing tons of classes because of how ill I've been lately. I get severe attacks of nausea and abdominal cramping, and it's hard to even focus with pain like that. I'm probably going to talk to her again tomorrow if she makes an appearance.
It's a very stupid reason. My mother doesn't particularly enjoy my taste in music, but I went to a concert a couple of months back. I could completely support the ticket cost/gas money financially along with my bills, it was no problem, and I had fun.. but she still got pissed off anyways. That's just one part though-- she found out I've been missing a few of my classes because of my nausea. She thinks it's just an act that I've been doing to avoid classes. I have yet to go to a doctor.. I've been trying to focus on getting my grades up. She is over dramatic-- but her and I have had an extremely close relationship ever since I was little, and for her to tell me I'm nothing is extremely hurtful to me.
About the boyfriend-- it's true I may find someone else, but he was someone I gave everything to.. yet he snatched it away and basically said "******** you."
!d!ot Amer!ca
                  Improve your grades, and get an amazing career.
                  That should give you hope.
                  Things are rough now, but if you keep pressing forward and ignore the negative aspects, it'll get better.
                  The only catch is, it'll get better if you make it better.
                  Focus on school, ignore the haters.


User Image
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
Before you know it, you're struck down.


I've been taking classes for a career as an RN (registered nurse), but all of this stress lately has been making studying useless. I have been trying my hardest, and I will continue to try. I'm just afraid of everything right now.
!d!ot Amer!ca's avatar

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!d!ot Amer!ca
                  Improve your grades, and get an amazing career.
                  That should give you hope.
                  Things are rough now, but if you keep pressing forward and ignore the negative aspects, it'll get better.
                  The only catch is, it'll get better if you make it better.
                  Focus on school, ignore the haters.


User Image
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
Before you know it, you're struck down.


I've been taking classes for a career as an RN (registered nurse), but all of this stress lately has been making studying useless. I have been trying my hardest, and I will continue to try. I'm just afraid of everything right now.


                  And it's okay to be afraid.
                  Just don't let it ruin your current achievements.
                  Being an RN will more than likely make you feel hopeful because you'll be helping other people.
                  My fiance is in medical school, and he comes home with an amazing sense of pride every day because of it.
                  Fear is always okay, in moderation.
                  These fears of yours are more than likely just a temporary reaction of what's happening right now.


User Image
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
Before you know it, you're struck down.
Like Totally Not A Mule


So, not... literally everything?

You're right.. but it's the first time I have ever spoken a lie to her in who knows how long. She knows everything about me and she used to call everyday to tell me about her day and vice-versa. We had a very close relationship.

Quote:
It is rare for anything to be totally one person's fault.

I was the one that completely decided to go out against her will and do something. No one else told me anything.


Quote:
In lieu of fixing the situation, fix yourself.


I've been trying with no success, unfortunately.
Quote:
Cry, and feel bad for a while, and then stop, think about what you need to do / find out what you need to do, then do it.


I've been crying for months now. I just can't get over it. Whenever I try to talk to my mother about it, she rejects me and once again tells me I'm worthless. I just feel like I can't do anything anymore.


Quote:
Cane? Walker? Student disability services?

I share your migraine pain. I... grit my teeth and bear it. more or less. Pot helps, sometimes. Usually, not a super lot. Sometimes I just need to close my eyes and lay in bed and hurt and rub my temples and pressure points.

Drink cold water, too.


The walking issue was a recent thing.. It just feel like my legs are extremely sore-- as if I've been exercising 24/7 for the past week, or as if I can't support my own weight anymore.
The migraines appeared recently too. I'm guessing because of the stress I've been under. I usually bite a pencil.. I've tried smoking but with no use. I've just been getting more and more ill, it's driving me insane.



Quote:
You have yourself.

I'm starting to not believe in myself much anymore. It's very hard right now.


Quote:
It sounds like she's scared. I'm sorry - I deal with that s**t too.

She is scared. Two of her sons are doing nothing with their life. One of her sons has tried to have a career but failed. She thinks I'm the only child left that can do anything, but now she doesn't believe in me anymore. Hah.. it's pretty terrible isn't it?


Quote:
Go to the mirror, tell yourself "I love you."

Believe it. Act like it.

*hugs*


I do love myself, I really do. It's been hard to believe in it lately, but I know I do somehow. It kinda seems like I do have hope for myself now that I really think about it.
Thanks for the reply. *Hugs*
!d!ot Amer!ca

                  And it's okay to be afraid.
                  Just don't let it ruin your current achievements.
                  Being an RN will more than likely make you feel hopeful because you'll be helping other people.
                  My fiance is in medical school, and he comes home with an amazing sense of pride every day because of it.
                  Fear is always okay, in moderation.
                  These fears of yours are more than likely just a temporary reaction of what's happening right now.


User Image
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
Before you know it, you're struck down.


I'm not quite in medical school yet, I'm taking my basic classes right now. The thought of helping people makes me very happy, but at this point it doesn't look like I'm going to make it through school. I want to take a semester break from college to help clear my mind.. but if I do that, I will lose scholarship money.
It's a huge circle. I'm stressed, the stress makes me physically ill, which is making my grades slip because I can't focus and sometimes miss class completely, which then in turn makes me more stressed.. etc. The college is threatening to expel me because I've been missing classes lately.. They stated that I've missed at least 14 of each class this semester alone.
Thank you for your help, by the way.

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