The wall (Church issue)& what made you leave?

[anadentone]

ever heard the phrase "wallflower"? It's basically a person who stands up against the wall at a social event just waiting to mingle.
well I found a better phrase: "wall" . Someone who is a wall will mingle in social events the best of their abilities but no one will have anything to do with them. It's that "Holy than thou" vibe they get off other people or the fact that they will be ostracized for no known reason.

I get this at church oddly. I mean out of all places,church. Me ad my granny have been going to a church for 2 years almost and about the last 6 months, we've been ignored, treated rudely and even been giving dirty looks. why? we do not know. My brother and sister in law ,on the other hand, gets hugs, smiles, people talk to them, help them out, etc. Yet have nothing to do with me or granny. My sister in law , who always hated us, seems to have them on her side. She'll (SIL) site right there in church, with her nose held high, giving us dirty looks for just being there and her little gaggle of friends act the same way. They won't talk to us and when they do, it's that "god leave me a lone ugh" sorta vibe. My brother and sil sits next to me and granny and everyone will go up to him and her and hug them. They will talk , laugh, cut up and everything. Yet won't say s**t to me and granny. One lady who has a granddaughter who likes to come up to me and look at the stuff I made (im a crafter) if her granddaughter comes up to me she'll snap her fingers and loudly say "Get over here right now!". If the granddaughter goes up to my brother or sil , she won't say anything, in fact she'll join her.

They will go off and eat with my brother ad SIL after church, but not us.

They will sit by them at church functions, but not us

They will tell them about what's coming up this week at church, but not us.

we had a few people come by the house to see us in the beginning but nothing else. One old lady who use to talk to granny in the evening, started hanging out with my brother and sil and stopped talking to granny. There's a few that talks to us, but there's many more that doesn't. The only thing we can come up with is the fact that we're poor. we can't afford during the summer and winter months to put $10 a month in the tithe. My brother puts between $80 and 150 a week in there. The only thing we can figure is the church people likes my brother because he gives $$$ and thusly they believe whatever my sister in law says because people believe anything you tell them when it comes to $$$. Also me and granny are on disability so we can't do work at church like my brother and sister in law.

One lady at church who is bffs with my SIL would walk away from me, half way thru a sentence .

Wednesday we're giving them one last chance, Sunday we're going to try out another church. Church isn't suppose to be like high school. You're suppose to feel welcomed and love and not "Oh you poor eww gtfo".


anyone ever left a church or churches in general, if so what made you leave?

[Ugly Pitbulls]

Try a new church, they obviously don't want you around so why not try to make some new friends? Besides, no one should know how much you're tithing, or even if you are. That's shady business. It would piss me off and I'd get away from there as quickly as possible.

Although you're just making an assumption, it doesn't hurt to ask.

I've been in and out of the church over the years. I've found most people don't want to practice what the preach. That's why I left, it's probably the same reason you're going to leave your church. It's really a shame isn't it?

[daredevil_keiji]

Honestly, that is one of the reasons why I left the church a long time ago. There are too many instances where people either "expect" you to give, or persistently ask for donations. From my experience, churches are treating people's reliance on faith like a business now.

If you really want to help, opt to donate food rather than money. If the church that you participate right now expects you to hand money over to them, LEAVE. The money you put there can be used to better purpose such as a retirement fund or money you can invest.

[Zultim]

Wow. What is their problem?! You guys seemed to be normal church goers. You caused no problems. There is nothing wrong with having a bit less money.

I wonder if they even believe in God. If they do, they should know that He saw everything. >=(
Or maybe Christian is just a title. -.-"

I stopped going to church because of everyone. When I was 5, I was picked on really bad. My mom didn't really care and I had to go back THERE every Sunday. I guess my self esteem wore out and it embarrassed her.

People were suspecting her of abusing me (I stopped looking at people), so SHE stopped going to church. I was sent there every Sunday and dealt with those freaks!!! When I was 12, I tried to stand up for myself. Whoa. I was a bully for telling that girl to stop pulling my hair! I was evil! When I was 15, I got tired of everyone. One girl started hitting me. No reason. We were just reading from one of those study Bibles...and she tried to be cool. Our teacher grabbed her hand and told us to get along. I stood up and told everyone how I felt. They're not Christian. They're not black. They're stupid and they suck. I let it out and I was sent home. My mom got mad and yelled at me and for the first time in my life, I argued with her. She knew I was serious because I finally looked at her. But with anger all over my face and she said that I didn't have to go.

They can continue bleaching their skin and petting each other's artificially "fair" hair.
They can continue being black hating black people. I am just glad I got out of there. whee
Now I can read the Bible in peace without worrying about stupid interpretations.

[mangachan]

I had a negative experience in the church I grew up in because basically it was a church that's had cliches ingrained since like..the 1800s. My family wasn't in with a certain cliche and I generally couldn't relate to a lot of the other people (especially the younger ones). I have found out other things about that church that simply make me not want to go there so I don't.

Nobody is going to make me not be a Christian anymore and I'm not going to not go to any church at all because of what some of the people do. I have gone to a couple of churches (my current church and my last church) where people where people are very inclusive. There are a few questionable people and a few things that upset me from time to time but that's life. I would encourage you OP to be in prayer about finding Believers to fellowship with, maybe start looking at other churches in the area.

[Your Akina]

anadentone

Chances are, considering the tone of your entire post, you're really just not coming off as friendly as you seem to think you are. I could be entirely mistaken though- I really have no idea the atmosphere of your church.

Remember, the "best of your ability" isn't a free pass if it's not good enough. There's always room for improvement.

[Tsubahi]

Sounds like...high school. lol

[anadentone]

daredevil_keiji

Honestly, that is one of the reasons why I left the church a long time ago. There are too many instances where people either "expect" you to give, or persistently ask for donations. From my experience, churches are treating people's reliance on faith like a business now.

If you really want to help, opt to donate food rather than money. If the church that you participate right now expects you to hand money over to them, LEAVE. The money you put there can be used to better purpose such as a retirement fund or money you can invest.

we have these family meetings every mother where you bring a dish (aka potluck) and there would be 2 dishes up on this buffet size table and I would put my dish down next to it. 15 minutes later when we would line up to eat, my dish would disappear. I could be the 3rd person in line and my dish would disappear. 10 minutes before we'd leave, I'd go up there for a doggie bag or to get my stuff(dishes/left over whatever I bought) and there my dish would be, just sitting there untouched. This happened 9 times. 2 times before my food was there and served but that was homemade buttermilk biscuits (which the men loved and their wives didn't like that the men liked them) and the other was cake.
I bought the food with what little we had left,cooked the stuff and yet it disappeared. Even fresh made lemonade disappear and no one bought lemonade. Fried chicken, spaghetti, cookies, mac & cheese, etc all disappeared and reappeared 10 minutes before we were leaving. By the time my food popped up ,everyone was thru eatting and thusly didn't need any of it.

[xXZirkannia]

What denomination is that church? 0.o
Try out a non-denominational church. =)
The first time I went to one, I didn't really know what to expect - but everyone was EXTREMELY kind, and they still are. I'm a regular member there now, and my husband and I got married there.
I mean, I did have some problems with some members here and there, but they weren't really leadership so I didn't blame or leave the church. People come and go.

[anadentone]

xXZirkannia

What denomination is that church? 0.o
Try out a non-denominational church. =)
The first time I went to one, I didn't really know what to expect - but everyone was EXTREMELY kind, and they still are. I'm a regular member there now, and my husband and I got married there.
I mean, I did have some problems with some members here and there, but they weren't really leadership so I didn't blame or leave the church. People come and go.

baptist :3

[SpunkyStrikesAgain]

I stopped going to church because it was forced down my throat as a child and I was taught that god was fu*cking evil if I didn't do exactly what I was told I would be damned to hell forever and would be punished and all that jazz. I went to catechism for 9 years. I've had enough of religion. I pretty much dislike organized religion in general. Not to say that it's bad persay, but I feel organized religion is forcing me to memorize someone else's god. I'm more into finding my own god.
I also stopped going to church because I found most "good Christians" are fu*cking uber hypocrites that are insanely judgemental and are full of hate for those who don't subscribe to their same belief system.

[Goraxium]

Your Akina

anadentone

Chances are, considering the tone of your entire post, you're really just not coming off as friendly as you seem to think you are. I could be entirely mistaken though- I really have no idea the atmosphere of your church.

Remember, the "best of your ability" isn't a free pass if it's not good enough. There's always room for improvement.

This is good advice. If you're not actively going out of your way to talk to people, they can see it as you snubbing them. That being said, I now spend 40 minutes driving to the church I go to, because it's the only one I've found where I feel like part of the church family. The church that I used to go to was (and still is) filled with so much gossip that it drives good people away. Try actively to people. Ask them how their week was. Ask them if they did anything interesting. Ask them if they've seen the latest action movie. If they have, ask them what they thought about it. If you still get snubbed, do as Jesus told the disciples: shake the dust off your sandles, and move on.

[Aamira]

Take a step back and look how you and your grandma come off to people. Obviously, I don't know, but it could be a reason. Sometimes being "shy" comes off as snobbish/rude. Maybe your SIL actually spread rumors about you guys (atheists, homosexuals, etc -absolutely nothing wrong with either of those, I am atheist-).

Next time church comes around, try to be more outgoing. If that doesn't work, talk to your SIL, if that doesn't work, pull a church member aside and personally ask them.

[misheru105]

I'd say it is time to find a new church and maybe write a letter to the pastor explaining why you left, but I doubt that would help change their behavior and how they treat outsiders. Anyways, it is time to leave and find a find a new church; one where the members actually follow Jesus' example.

[freelance lover]

You know what- find a better church. They are not welcoming you as their sisters in Christ like they should be, and that's shameful. It doesn't matter WHY but it's not good. There's no excuse.

That being said, have you guys tried to get involved in a small group or something? Sometimes churches can get clicky and it's hard to penetrate and make real relationships. A little initiative is sometimes taken on your part. But if you've tried and they keep being tools about it leave and find a place you can have a proper community.