The good, the bad, and the chubby (chasing that is)

[Wraith of Azrael]

Sup, for those who don't know who this regular is I'm pretty much ED's local Chubby chaser/ FA and I'd like some input on my issue...again.

The good news now though is that I'm half way confident with myself to express my preferences pretty clearly now (huzzah) and have decided that life won't wait and there's no point trying to please everyone and be embarassed about my preference (Fat chicks, DERP) so I'm somewhat better than what I was, but I'm still pretty bad...

And now the bad news, I'm still messed in the head neutral . Despite the acceptance of such things I still have a case of cognitive disonance...

Basically, the (fat) women who I am sexually attracted to I am also simultaneously disgusted by. Needless to say, this is pretty weird.
It's even weirder though because the women that I think I should be attracted to I'm not attracted to at all.

It's kinda odd like that. By all my rationalisations I should be attracted to types X,Y, or Z but instead I'm attracted to W. I ofcourse don't actually like W at all (despite being sexually attracted to it) so it leaves me relatively frustated.

The only women who I am sexually interested in I have no interest in at all and the women who I think are absolutely beautiful (AND fat) are the women that I'm not sexually interested in...

Just..AGH!!

I'm still not fixed...
Getting there but...nope neutral

[Anakinia]

Let me just ask something, when you say fat, what do you mean then? Like truly really fat, or what most would call chubby or ?

[dxnobodyx]

See a therapist one help here would be deconstructive and end with more fustration.

But it sounds like you just need more experience.

[Wraith of Azrael]

BinaNeko

Let me just ask something, when you say fat, what do you mean then? Like truly really fat, or what most would call chubby or ?

I mean truly fat.
Not just chubby.
My minimum is usually most people's "chubby".
And that's not even going off of sexual attraction neutral just aesthetics.

My sexual attraction is another (albeit far more annoying) beast entirely.

[Anakinia]

Wraith of Azrael

BinaNeko

Let me just ask something, when you say fat, what do you mean then? Like truly really fat, or what most would call chubby or ?

I mean truly fat.
Not just chubby.
My minimum is usually most people's "chubby".
And that's not even going off of sexual attraction neutral just aesthetics.

My sexual attraction is another (albeit far more annoying) beast entirely.

am I chubby?

[Anonymous_agent]

your fixated too much on looks.
get to know the person be the person fat or thin at least then you can fall in love with the person not just the shape.
im +++ size and am happy with who i am but wouldnt date a guy who found just my body the only thing they were interested in as i am more than just "fat"

[Wraith of Azrael]

Anonymous_agent

your fixated too much on looks.
get to know the person be the person fat or thin at least then you can fall in love with the person not just the shape.
im +++ size and am happy with who i am but wouldnt date a guy who found just my body the only thing they were interested in as i am more than just "fat"

Yea...here's the thing...

There usually needs to be a sexual part to a relationship.

I've liked people legitimately (infact that's the only way I even allow myself to be interested in people now a days) without sexual attraction and that tends not to go over so well.

It doesn't go over so well because when you're not sexually attracted to a person it's kind of hard to perform when you can't get aroused by them.

Really? Do you really think that a relationship can last without one (or both) of the partners sexual needs not being met? I don't.

Usually, when one partners sexual needs aren't met they go for someone else who CAN.

I'm not fixated too much on looks I'm saying "it's kinda hard to perform in a real, legitimate, and sexual relationship with someone when your partner can't even get it up."

That's what I'm saying.

Yes, I go for people on more than just looks.
Hell, I usually go out of my way to ignore my sexuality and simply just go on legitimacy and if I find them attractive (nonsexually) or not.

But that doesn't work because usually both people's sexual needs are never met.

[Anonymous_agent]

Wraith of Azrael

Anonymous_agent

your fixated too much on looks.
get to know the person be the person fat or thin at least then you can fall in love with the person not just the shape.
im +++ size and am happy with who i am but wouldnt date a guy who found just my body the only thing they were interested in as i am more than just "fat"

Yea...here's the thing...

There usually needs to be a sexual part to a relationship.

I've liked people legitimately (infact that's the only way I even allow myself to be interested in people now a days) without sexual attraction and that tends not to go over so well.

It doesn't go over so well because when you're not sexually attracted to a person it's kind of hard to perform when you can't get aroused by them.

Really? Do you really think that a relationship can last without one (or both) of the partners sexual needs not being met? I don't.

Usually, when one partners sexual needs aren't met they go for someone else who CAN.

I'm not fixated too much on looks I'm saying "it's kinda hard to perform in a real, legitimate, and sexual relationship with someone when your partner can't even get it up."

That's what I'm saying.

Yes, I go for people on more than just looks.
Hell, I usually go out of my way to ignore my sexuality and simply just go on legitimacy and if I find them attractive (nonsexually) or not.

But that doesn't work because usually both people's sexual needs are never met.

of couse sexual attraction needs to be there but its not the most important thing.
maybe its worth looking into why you find the larger lady attractve?

[Wraith of Azrael]

Anonymous_agent

of couse sexual attraction needs to be there but its not the most important thing.
maybe its worth looking into why you find the larger lady attractve?

You realise there's a difference between attractive and sexy for me, right?

The women that I think are attractive can have a range from being small to being fat, it doesn't really matter, though it's nonsexual. There's nothing sexual about it, at all. There's no response.

The women that I think (well not really me exactly) are sexy I'm disgusted by. Oh sure, I actually have a sexuality and I'm turned on by them but....I personally can't stand the way they look at the same time.

And it kinda goes back to my OP with this....

It's a case of WTF!
There shouldn't be a cognitive disonance like this.
It should be a hell of alot simpler than this and the women that I find attractive I should be sexually attracted to at the same time.
But I'm not.

I have moments where I quite literally tell myself what I know is attractive but get no sexual response with it, AT ALL.

[Anonymous_agent]

Wraith of Azrael

Anonymous_agent

of couse sexual attraction needs to be there but its not the most important thing.
maybe its worth looking into why you find the larger lady attractve?

You realise there's a difference between attractive and sexy for me, right?

The women that I think are attractive can have a range from being small to being fat, it doesn't really matter, though it's nonsexual. There's nothing sexual about it, at all. There's no response.

The women that I think (well not really me exactly) are sexy I'm disgusted by. Oh sure, I actually have a sexuality and I'm turned on by them but....I personally can't stand the way they look at the same time.

And it kinda goes back to my OP with this....

It's a case of WTF!
There shouldn't be a cognitive disonance like this.
It should be a hell of alot simpler than this and the women that I find attractive I should be sexually attracted to at the same time.
But I'm not.

I have moments where I quite literally tell myself what I know is attractive but get no sexual response with it, AT ALL.

does the thought of what people my think be the thing that turns you off? right now i dont think i understand what your going on about. you either find a person attractive or you dont. you can either "get it up" with a person or not.

[Silver__Shadow]

Am I getting this straight...

You find a woman that looks attactive in your mind either small or big, but when they take off their clothes and you start to be intamite you find them not attractive anymore???

[Wraith of Azrael]

Anonymous_agent

does the thought of what people my think be the thing that turns you off? right now i dont think i understand what your going on about. you either find a person attractive or you dont. you can either "get it up" with a person or not.

Not really no.

If I think someone is attractive I'll know it and I won't really care because it's what I think and believe.

In this case, I'm sexually attracted (meaning I get turned on by them) but aesthetically I do not view them as attractive, AT ALL (hence the disgust).

There's a distinction there.

There's sexuality and then there's aesthetics.

It's like when a girl says that another women is "pretty" or "cute". It doesn't mean that they're sexually attracted to other women it just means that they find them aesthetically pleasing.

What they are sexually attracted to can be something completely different.

see the difference?

[Wraith of Azrael]

Silver__Shadow

Am I getting this straight...

You find a woman that looks attactive in your mind either small or big, but when they take off their clothes and you start to be intamite you find them not attractive anymore???

/facepalm.

No, you're not getting it straight at all.

I'm explaining it to the other one as well...

There's a distinction between attractive and sexually attractive.

What I find aesthetically pleasing (meaning what I find cute, pretty, etc) is not what I find sexually appealing (meaning what ends up turning me on).

There's a difference between what I think is attractive and what turns me on, sexually.

[Anonymous_agent]

Wraith of Azrael

Anonymous_agent

does the thought of what people my think be the thing that turns you off? right now i dont think i understand what your going on about. you either find a person attractive or you dont. you can either "get it up" with a person or not.

Not really no.

If I think someone is attractive I'll know it and I won't really care because it's what I think and believe.

In this case, I'm sexually attracted (meaning I get turned on by them) but aesthetically I do not view them as attractive, AT ALL (hence the disgust).

There's a distinction there.

There's sexuality and then there's aesthetics.

It's like when a girl says that another women is "pretty" or "cute". It doesn't mean that they're sexually attracted to other women it just means that they find them aesthetically pleasing.

What they are sexually attracted to can be something completely different.

see the difference?

we can always put it down to your D.N.A.
a man will look at a womans hips to see the curve which would show when a woman has come of age to bare him children. if your looking at a very large woman and think shes sexually attractive its because you find something about that attractive, be it the ability to maybe dominate you? where as scientifically speaking that curve isnt there and subconciously (sp) you know she wont make a good mating partner

[Silver__Shadow]

Ok lets say hyerthetically....

you fee attracted to a sweet, shy, caring, romatntic woman, but you are sexually atracted to a more dominated, dirty talking, likes to tie ya up and spank ya type of girl

is this what you mean.