Telling boyfriend about being sexually assaulted

[Mars the Planet]

5-6 months ago, I was in an incredibly abusive relationship, emotionally and sexually. My now ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me on multiple times and wouldn't allow me to leave the relationship or tell anyone. I ended the relationship; the details of what occurred between me and him isn't really relevant to this thread. i'm in the process of recovering from the assault. I'm currently in school and I go to the same school as my abuser and summer break has given me the chance to step away and focus on my mental health and my recovery. It was going very well; the panic attacks I was getting daily around march went away almost entirely as i've had no interaction with my abuser, i stopped having nightmares, and I entered a happy relationship.
We've been dating for almost 3 months now; he's an incredibly genuinely good guy who cares for me and has repeatedly shown me that he isn't at all like my ex. He knows that my ex was emotionally abusive, but I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him about being sexually assaulted.
He already has expressed annoyance with me bringing my ex up sometimes (maybe once a week, always negative, especially around March-May when i was being forced to face my abuser and was in a very bad mental place because of it) and I'm afraid that telling him about the assault will drive him away or make him feel like i'm still hung up on my ex (in a romantic way i'm not hung up on him, just thinking about him makes me sick to my stomach, but i am not over the assault/abuse and it is still a big factor in my life for obvious reasons). I'm afraid i'll be burdening him with my baggage. I'm afraid it might ruin what we have.
The new school year is less than a week away for my school, and my nightmares and panic attacks have started coming back as I get closer to having to be on the same campus as my abuser regularly. I had a breakdown last night related to it. Because of this, I feel like i need to tell my current boyfriend so that I will be able to talk about it to him
Questions:
Is it acceptable to tell him even though it occurred in an old relationship that he doesn't like me to talk about?
How can i tell him? How do I go about telling someone something as heavy as that?
General advice?

[StreetchIck123]

Do you go to therapy?

[Mars the Planet]

StreetchIck123

Do you go to therapy?

No, it's not an option for me due to financial limits and other circumstances

[StreetchIck123]

Rad Sloth

StreetchIck123

Do you go to therapy?

No, it's not an option for me due to financial limits and other circumstances

You should tell him. If you have already trouble with intimacy with your bf because of the ex this is something that he has a right to know. That way of any problems like that you'll know the reason why and try to solve it.

you need to try to get to therapy somehow because this can possibly make or break your relationship. Sometimes people who have serious emotional baggage can drag it down to their significant other and it would cause a lot of havoc in the relationship.

[Montiqueue]

Well, the only thing you really can do is have a sit down. You need to tell him that something like this is important not only for you but for "us". He needs to know and he needs to understand where you're coming from.
Even if he doesn't like to hear about your past relationship, this is something no man should be negligent about. If he can't handle the news, or if he doesn't want to hear it, I don't know what to tell you. The ball's in your court at that point.

[Starlurk]

Rad Sloth

StreetchIck123

Do you go to therapy?

No, it's not an option for me due to financial limits and other circumstances

Many colleges offer counseling for free to their students. Have you checked into that? I would suggest doing it, you have PTSD and therapy can make a world of a difference.

I was with an abusive person. 5 years later and I still think about him and what he did every day. You're not alone.

I think if you want the relationship to get serious with your current boyfriend, you should tell him about your ex at some point. It doesn't have to be soon.

Do you want to tell him because you're hoping it will save the relationship? Or do you want to tell him because you love him and trust him and am ready to let him into that part of your life?

[asellusaquaticus]

You nave to tell him the truth, cos in another way he cen think that it's something wrong with you, if he don't know the reason. But you shoul do it only if you trust him and sure that he will not try to revenge to your abuser. My brother-in-law eas in the same situation - he met girl from Ukraine, don't remember how does he find her - through facebook or originclub.com but she was really strange. he couldn't get why does she do and say so strange things but later she confessed that her Ex assaulted her for several times.

[legnanellaf5]

This would be giving him context about why you were talking about your ex, so yes acceptable. There isnt a good way to do it, you just have to talk and let it out and see how it goes.

As said, there is counseling at school, go to it.

[GrandpaJones]

Rad Sloth

5-6 months ago, I was in an incredibly abusive relationship, emotionally and sexually. My now ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me on multiple times and wouldn't allow me to leave the relationship or tell anyone. I ended the relationship; the details of what occurred between me and him isn't really relevant to this thread. i'm in the process of recovering from the assault. I'm currently in school and I go to the same school as my abuser and summer break has given me the chance to step away and focus on my mental health and my recovery. It was going very well; the panic attacks I was getting daily around march went away almost entirely as i've had no interaction with my abuser, i stopped having nightmares, and I entered a happy relationship.
We've been dating for almost 3 months now; he's an incredibly genuinely good guy who cares for me and has repeatedly shown me that he isn't at all like my ex. He knows that my ex was emotionally abusive, but I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him about being sexually assaulted.
He already has expressed annoyance with me bringing my ex up sometimes (maybe once a week, always negative, especially around March-May when i was being forced to face my abuser and was in a very bad mental place because of it) and I'm afraid that telling him about the assault will drive him away or make him feel like i'm still hung up on my ex (in a romantic way i'm not hung up on him, just thinking about him makes me sick to my stomach, but i am not over the assault/abuse and it is still a big factor in my life for obvious reasons). I'm afraid i'll be burdening him with my baggage. I'm afraid it might ruin what we have.
The new school year is less than a week away for my school, and my nightmares and panic attacks have started coming back as I get closer to having to be on the same campus as my abuser regularly. I had a breakdown last night related to it. Because of this, I feel like i need to tell my current boyfriend so that I will be able to talk about it to him
Questions:
Is it acceptable to tell him even though it occurred in an old relationship that he doesn't like me to talk about?
How can i tell him? How do I go about telling someone something as heavy as that?
General advice?

Look....why do you feel that you have a need to tell him right now
? There is NO reason for that. Just wait and someday it will come up and he will want to know. He knows you were abused and dooesn't know how to solve the problem so please just let it go for now and enjoy your time with him...


gramps

[Decanie]

Your focus needs to be on yourself and your own well-being. You don't need the added stress of worrying about your boyfriend.

That said, he needs to understand where you're coming from and why you do what you do. If you're going to be in a relationship, then I feel that means opening up and having your bf support you. If you're too scared/worried/not ready to tell him, then maybe you're not ready to jump back into the dating pool just yet. It's not fair to expect him to blindly support you when he doesn't know what the problem is. And if he gets annoyed when you bring up your ex, he probably doesn't understand the extent to which your ex hurt you.

Your bf also deserves to know what he's getting into. It's entirely his right to not want to deal with it, though. I understand wanting to connect and feel loved, but you shouldn't mislead people and go into a relationship seeming healthy when you're not, you know what I mean?

Bottom line, it's not only acceptable to tell him, but you need to tell him. He should know what being with you entails since you're still not completely healed. If you're unwilling to tell him, reconsider having a boyfriend and continue working on yourself. heart

[freelance lover]

I would just lay it all out for him. You are still recovering from the trauma of being assaulted and sometimes you talk about him because you need to verbally process it. It's coping. I get that. I talked about my douchey ex for a while when my partner and I got together as a way of recovering, and it made my partner mad because he didn't like that someone had treated me that way.

[Craven Sapphire]

Is it acceptable to tell him even though it occurred in an old relationship that he doesn't like me to talk about?
If you feel ready to tell him (I strongly feel you should, since he's not psychic and won't understand your behavior otherwise, but it's still 100% your decision) then just tell him.
Say something along the lines of "I need to tell you something I haven't been able to, it's important, it's about my ex and why I freak out the way I do"... and then bam.
It's not as easy as it sounds (I've been sexually assaulted myself, so I know where you're coming from), but it'll be okay.
How can i tell him? How do I go about telling someone something as heavy as that?
There's really no easy way.
You just have to put it out there.
If he were to leave you over something like that, then he didn't deserve you in his life in the first place.
General advice?
I don't really know what else to say other than tell him and look out for yourself.
It was hard when my rapist started working at my old job, and a couple of people judged me for letting what he did go unreported when I told them to be careful (I was scared out of my wits after what happened and didn't gain the courage to report him until it was too late) and then when he got fired it was like I could breathe again.
I was worried he was going to hurt one of my friends or that I'd get a phone call that my bf, who also worked there, was going to jail.
And I felt responsible because had I just grown a pair, he very well could've been in jail where he belongs and not around the people I care about.
So I did the next best thing and warned everybody.
It wasn't easy, but sometimes you just have to let people know.
If they judge you, then ******** them.