Suicidal Thoughts

[poopadoo]

I have been feeling suicidal for a while now and have researched how much of which over the counter drug to take for an OD. I haven't been able to act on it because I don't want to make my family go through finding me and trying to move on. My mom already thinks it's hurt fault that I am the way I am and she beats herself up over it, no matter how many times I tell her it isn't my fault.

My best friend has tried to overdose twice now, last time being only a couple weeks ago, at which time I called the ambulance to her house. My girlfriend also told me she'd spent most of the day at the hospital yesterday because she thought she might hurt herself.

I'm scared because these are the only two people I have in my life outside my family, and they are both a danger to themselves. I'm scared of being left behind and having even less reason to stick around. I don't know what to do.

I normally cope by cutting, but that is getting worse and worse for me as well. I was once content with just a thin line of blood, and now I'm not satisfied unless it's dripping. I lost feeling in a small part of my cut last time, which had never happened before. I'm scaring myself. Every time I'm driving by myself I consider running myself off the road, and I have my OD plan in the back of my mind. That said, I also have my reason for staying: my family.

That's the reason my psychiatrist and my therapist haven't done anything about it. They figure because I have a reason to stay that I'm not an immediate threat to myself.

I think about suicide often despite my reason to stay. I'm having a hard time coping without either restricting my food or cutting (I can't typically make it through a full week without at least one of these things).

What should I do? I feel like there is absolutely nothing to be done.

[Infuse]

Don't bite off more than you can chew. Focus on the hour and then the day. That's how I get through my weeks.

Feel free to pm me any time if you just want to be distracted. Also it seems toxic to me that your best friend and your girlfriend both are suicidal/self-harming. Can't tell you to find a new friend group but you should at least surround yourself with more people who are not like-minded.

[x_pitpat_x]

sometimes when i get all sad within my self what i like to do lis research on my self..i don't mean go and google ur name or whats wrong with u..i mean try to research the inner u.. astrology and the theory behind yin and yang is what i always turn to when i feel like im goin down..ur making ur self emotionally numb buy cutting ur self..ur trying to run away from life...try to awaken ur inner soul that some ppl seem to lock up inside of them.... look at the little things in life....thats what ppl forget...the world is on a fast lane ... so many ppl r in pain and feel alone when really no one is alone when it come to feeling so..if u view the word shitty it will be shitty but if u open ur eyes its not as bad as u think. .......ppl look at the bad allllllll the time but never the good...ever bad has a good. ...

[Darius Alexander Tate]

poopadoo

I have been feeling suicidal for a while now and have researched how much of which over the counter drug to take for an OD. I haven't been able to act on it because I don't want to make my family go through finding me and trying to move on. My mom already thinks it's hurt fault that I am the way I am and she beats herself up over it, no matter how many times I tell her it isn't my fault.

My best friend has tried to overdose twice now, last time being only a couple weeks ago, at which time I called the ambulance to her house. My girlfriend also told me she'd spent most of the day at the hospital yesterday because she thought she might hurt herself.

I'm scared because these are the only two people I have in my life outside my family, and they are both a danger to themselves. I'm scared of being left behind and having even less reason to stick around. I don't know what to do.

I normally cope by cutting, but that is getting worse and worse for me as well. I was once content with just a thin line of blood, and now I'm not satisfied unless it's dripping. I lost feeling in a small part of my cut last time, which had never happened before. I'm scaring myself. Every time I'm driving by myself I consider running myself off the road, and I have my OD plan in the back of my mind. That said, I also have my reason for staying: my family.

That's the reason my psychiatrist and my therapist haven't done anything about it. They figure because I have a reason to stay that I'm not an immediate threat to myself.

I think about suicide often despite my reason to stay. I'm having a hard time coping without either restricting my food or cutting (I can't typically make it through a full week without at least one of these things).

What should I do? I feel like there is absolutely nothing to be done.

First, STAY AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE WHO HURT THEMSELVES. Misery loves company, and by being around other people who are cutting, they're doing nothing but enabling you. What you're around right now is nothing but a gigantic circle jerk of suicidal people. That's not healthy for you.
Second; figure out WHY you're hurting yourself. Figure out what you can do to solve that issue in a healthy manner. Also, you need to tell your therapist/psychiatrist that you're cutting yourself. I know you might not want to, but I know that by even posting this letting others know what you're doing behind closed doors has relieved you of stress. Telling a licensed psychiatrist will be even more relieving.

[poopadoo]

Lady Yamamoto

First, STAY AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE WHO HURT THEMSELVES. Misery loves company, and by being around other people who are cutting, they're doing nothing but enabling you. What you're around right now is nothing but a gigantic circle jerk of suicidal people. That's not healthy for you.
Second; figure out WHY you're hurting yourself. Figure out what you can do to solve that issue in a healthy manner. Also, you need to tell your therapist/psychiatrist that you're cutting yourself. I know you might not want to, but I know that by even posting this letting others know what you're doing behind closed doors has relieved you of stress. Telling a licensed psychiatrist will be even more relieving.

I can't stay away from these people. It would be like these people turning their backs on me, and I don't know if I could handle that. They are incredibly close to me. My best friend has been my best friend for 13 years, I can't leave her behind because she's 'toxic' to me. I'm probably just as toxic to her.

I have told my therapist/psychiatrist that I cut myself. I told them I want to starve myself again. I fantasize about starving myself until my heart gives out. I fantasize about cutting so deep I won't be able to stop the bleeding.

My therapist gave me a rant about how she would be sad if I decided to 'leave this world'. My psychiatrist told me it was ultimately my choice and left it at that. He honestly did not give a s**t and acted as though I was wasting his time. Last time I went to see him he told me I may not need to see him much longer and should just stick to my therapist.

I don't really understand to be honest.

I wish I didn't have my reasons to stay.

[dassit]

I would suggest getting a different therapist/psychiatrist if they think that you are not a danger to yourself. They are initially the ones who are supposed to assess if you are safe, and hopefully you are able to trust them by telling them that you are having suicidal ideations as well as self-harming. I think that if you are able to share your worry for your friend and your girlfriend and help them get the help they need. Although I can see why people say "misery loves company", you do show that you truly do care about your friend and girlfriend even though it can be a stressor for you as well.You should also look into additional ways to seek additional help (such as group therapy). If not, take it one day at a time, and as cliche as it may be, you aren't alone! Definitely talk to your therapist about a safety and crisis plan that you can work on together so that you have activities to do when you are having these thoughts. If you ever feel as if you are a danger to yourself or others, talk to someone such as a family member so that they (or you) can call 911.

[29Dreams]

I am sure that your mom and friend would not want to have you die and leave them behind. They love you and would be hurt more if you take your life. You stated that your mom feels bad about how you have turned out and she blames herself? Tell her you love her and do small, nice things to show that you love her and you are not mad at her. Tell your mom everyday that you love her and that she is not responsible for any of what she is upset about with you. Your friend on the other hand is a bad influence to you. I am not saying quit being there for her, just find someone else that will bring your spirits up and enjoy life. Spend your days trying to make yourself happy. Listen to music, play games, read, anything but self harming or thoughts of self harming(including taking your life). It may be a good idea to speak with a therapist about your troubles and see if you can find a healthy way of living and a way to make yourself happier.

Best of luck and if you ever need someone to talk to, just pm me. I'll do my best to help.

Hang in there.

[Cheeky Saffron]

I've seen enough in my life to know that what you've thinking and planning to do will solve nothing. The reason I didn't cut myself, or worse, kill myself, all those times before was because the fact that I'd be leaving all my hopes and dreams and my mentally unstable mother and father alone and then who would take care of them? They became my reason for living, for striving. Focus on your family. They need you, and you need them. Use them as your anchor and hopefully you'll realize you're stronger. Someday in the future, you'll look back on this as mere stumble and you'll be a better person.

[dem0nicd0rk]

Try finding hobbies to distract yourself when you're deppresed and feel like restricting or cutting. Things like painting, taking a walk, or even talking on the phone to a friend can help.
Also, talk to someone about your suicidal thoughts. Not your friend or anyone who is suicidal, but someone you trust and who cares about you. If you don't have anyone like that feel free to pm me if you need to vent.