I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you dear. Really, this guy seems like he needs some therapy. It sounds like he was hiding all of this from you, until he became comfortable with you. Really, do you want to stay with this person who is treating you like dirt when he drinks, and having to deal with his mother?
If he is saying things like, "I will kill myself if we ever break up" That is mostly a cry for attention. I know that you are worried about the samething happening to you that happened to your sister, but really. Is staying unhappy with him much better? Can you imagine if you just went along with this for the rest of your life? Don't you deserve to be happy girl?
It's trueeee...but ********. I haven't ever really mentioned these things bothering me because I'm scared/a push-over. So it would kind of blindside him and he'd be like WTF. I just wish there was a good time to do it and it would present itself with flashing lights and signs *sigh*
Well, the problem is that there is never a good time/place to end a relationship with someone. The best way to do it is to do it and not look back. If you lead him on to believe that he can sneak back in, then that is when things go bad. It sounds bad, but think of Old Yeller. He was loved severely, but he was diseased. The boy had to make it quick and shoot him, so that no one suffered for longer. (I know, strange way to put it). He will be blindsided, angry, sad, etc. But, he NEEDS this just as much as you do. It might show him that he needs the help.
Bluntly phrased honesty. Thanks, someone here gets it!
I won't bore you with the common symptoms of Asperger's. I will admit that may have been past the line (of which there are none).
The basic gist of the thread was about your clearly unhealthy relationship. If I said, "oh kekekeke that sounds sad, i hope u can talk 2 him about it ^-^" I'd sound like everyone else on this forum. You have described this man as an alcoholic with abusive and violent tendencies.
Let me put it to you this way:
Let's say I told you that I was planning on putting a peephole camera in a changing room. You'd tell me that was a bad idea, I'd get arrested, it's not right, etc. What if I retorted by saying that I'd get to see a bunch of naked people (that's usually the goal with peephole cameras). You'd tell me the same thing again.
You're saying the same thing here. It's always the same with chicks in relationships like these. "He drinks/is on meth/cheats/beats me/beats the kids/has no job/is a terrorist and so on. But when he's NOT doing these things he's sweet. That's because he's abusive and manipulative. Not a slight personally, all humans are disgusting creatures, but it's the factoid here. So if you value yourself and your life at all, you won't marry him. But he's a man, and can impregnate you, so that clouds your judgement. See, it's not like I'm being "mean". I'm telling the truth. Abusive people are abusive, alcoholism kills, you'll be sad, and the fact that you even posted this question shows that you might not have the strength to do anything about it.
I know you know the truth inside you because that's where the truth lies.
Well you in fact are being an a*****e by saying I'm being blind by the possibility that he could marry me and get me pregnant. I don't even want kids so you can just stop that argument right there and quit being such a d**k.
But that being said I don't disagree with you completely. You made a pretty good point about me thinking he is such a sweetheart but that's him being manipulative and the stupid trick abusive people use to bring people back to them. That opened my eyes about maybe I should stop feeling so sorry for hurting him and look at the bigger picture.
And THAT being said - you did make a difference to my opinion, but there are some unnecessary things thrown in there that were said just to make me feel bad, and not to help at all.
"If you leave I would die" THIS IS A THREAT. I don't care how people see it, its a threat and a way of scaring you into staying with them, DO NOT fall for it.
I understand its hard to not take something like that seriously, but if someone is serious enough to kill themselves over someone, they need psychological help and you don't need to make yourself miserable and stick around.
He has obvious jealousy issues, and if its bad enough that he's wanting to hire a private investigator when you know you've never done anything wrong, he has problems.