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So my boyfriend is the most caring guy ever. But lately I've been seeing
many warning signs that this isn't a healthy relationship and I don't know what to do.
(We have been dating for a year, and it started off long distance)

Okay lets start with the list.

1. For one, his mom hates me, like hardcore and I've been nothing but nice to her.
2. He drinks everyday, but when he gets really drunk (on weekends) he's a total
d**k to me infront of everyone and makes EVERYBODY uncomfortable.
3. He has talked about marriage before, which seemed okay at the time - but now
it makes me uncomfortable; & says things like "I have never loved anyone like I
love you, I'd kill myself if we ever broke up!"
4. When he plays Call of Duty, he gets freakishly angry: AKA he pounds dents
into various objects and breaks things. Screams at the top of his lungs, it's so
childish.
5. And lastly - he is SO damn protective he won't let me hangout with another
dude 1 on 1; he thinks I'll cheat on him since he's been cheated on before. I
even found on google search "Private Investigator ourcityhere"

I really think I want to get out of this now...but I don't know how to since there
are soooooo many things that prevent me from leaving like the anger thing,
the "if you leave me I'll die thing" and the fact that I met him through a friend,
who I've dated another one of their friends and I don't want to be the multiple
homewrecker...but I just do NOT feel comfortable anymore. : / Advice please?
i are plushie's avatar

Beloved Nerd

Leave.

You are not responsible for his actions and if he harasses you, threatens you, stalks you, etc. then report him to your local authorities.
I know I'm not responsible, but honestly my heart is still involved, so of course I'm going to care about what happens to him afterwards.
Koko the Unicorn
"I have never loved anyone like I
love you, I'd kill myself if we ever broke up!"


"Do it outside, then. Think of the poor guy who has to clean that s**t up."

Then leave. I'm normally all for talking and communications, but this sort of manipulation crosses the decency line and speaks volumes as to his lack of character and integrity. If he kills himself it's because he's a ******** coward drunk, not because you left.

Care about you, not him. You're more important.
I know you are all right, and I should listen,
but my sister's boyfriend said this (or ex) said this once,
and when she broke up with him, he slit his wrists in
HER CAR. Soo I obviously am a bit traumatized because
of this experience...I don't want it to be messy though; since
we have the same friends group and I don't know what they'll
think if it goes bad or he hurts himself etc.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister.

So be sure to take your stuff with you when you leave. >__>

They'll probably think about it and be sad and tragic, but you said it yourself. He's an angry drunk. He's already a suicide and doesn't realize it except on a subconscious level.
quayla666's avatar

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I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you dear. Really, this guy seems like he needs some therapy. It sounds like he was hiding all of this from you, until he became comfortable with you. Really, do you want to stay with this person who is treating you like dirt when he drinks, and having to deal with his mother?

If he is saying things like, "I will kill myself if we ever break up" That is mostly a cry for attention. I know that you are worried about the samething happening to you that happened to your sister, but really. Is staying unhappy with him much better? Can you imagine if you just went along with this for the rest of your life? Don't you deserve to be happy girl?
OP, I'd wait it out.

The best part of marrying an alcoholic is getting beaten. And when you have kids with him, they'll get beaten too! It's like a two for one special. You clearly are a weak person, to not realize that a man that drinks and insults you is anyone but the man for you. You'll both spiral downwards, feeding on the shortcomings of the other, until your lifeless corpses become nothing more than a crater at the bottom. Will it be cirrhosis? Will he pummel your skull until your brain stops functioning? Spin the wheel. Where it lands, nobody knows. The only normal function this guy seems to have is playing Call of Duty. When I'm pwning n00bz, I can get pretty heated. But you wouldn't understand, females are too focused on getting a ring on that finger and having a fetus growing inside them to make rational choices.
sokawii68
OP, I'd wait it out.

The best part of marrying an alcoholic is getting beaten. And when you have kids with him, they'll get beaten too! It's like a two for one special. You clearly are a weak person, to not realize that a man that drinks and insults you is anyone but the man for you. You'll both spiral downwards, feeding on the shortcomings of the other, until your lifeless corpses become nothing more than a crater at the bottom. Will it be cirrhosis? Will he pummel your skull until your brain stops functioning? Spin the wheel. Where it lands, nobody knows. The only normal function this guy seems to have is playing Call of Duty. When I'm pwning n00bz, I can get pretty heated. But you wouldn't understand, females are too focused on getting a ring on that finger and having a fetus growing inside them to make rational choices.


Thank you! Your advice is so helpful, I can't wait for all of the above things to happen.
quayla666
I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you dear. Really, this guy seems like he needs some therapy. It sounds like he was hiding all of this from you, until he became comfortable with you. Really, do you want to stay with this person who is treating you like dirt when he drinks, and having to deal with his mother?

If he is saying things like, "I will kill myself if we ever break up" That is mostly a cry for attention. I know that you are worried about the samething happening to you that happened to your sister, but really. Is staying unhappy with him much better? Can you imagine if you just went along with this for the rest of your life? Don't you deserve to be happy girl?


It's trueeee...but ********. I haven't ever really mentioned these things bothering me because I'm scared/a push-over. So it would kind of blindside him and he'd be like WTF. I just wish there was a good time to do it and it would present itself with flashing lights and signs *sigh*
Opportunity won't knock when the door is already open, darling.
Koko the Unicorn
sokawii68
OP, I'd wait it out.

The best part of marrying an alcoholic is getting beaten. And when you have kids with him, they'll get beaten too! It's like a two for one special. You clearly are a weak person, to not realize that a man that drinks and insults you is anyone but the man for you. You'll both spiral downwards, feeding on the shortcomings of the other, until your lifeless corpses become nothing more than a crater at the bottom. Will it be cirrhosis? Will he pummel your skull until your brain stops functioning? Spin the wheel. Where it lands, nobody knows. The only normal function this guy seems to have is playing Call of Duty. When I'm pwning n00bz, I can get pretty heated. But you wouldn't understand, females are too focused on getting a ring on that finger and having a fetus growing inside them to make rational choices.


Thank you! Your advice is so helpful, I can't wait for all of the above things to happen.


Ah, so apparently you have Asperger's. The only post that had more sarcasm than mine was yours! It doesn't take a genius to realize that if you marry a raging alcoholic, your life will suck. Are you 16 or something? Is your self worth valued at less than the economy of Somalia? Get a clue, or else you'll be on the next episode of Cops.
sokawii68
offensively phrased honesty


There's a difference between being blunt and being mean.
sokawii68
Koko the Unicorn
sokawii68
OP, I'd wait it out.

The best part of marrying an alcoholic is getting beaten. And when you have kids with him, they'll get beaten too! It's like a two for one special. You clearly are a weak person, to not realize that a man that drinks and insults you is anyone but the man for you. You'll both spiral downwards, feeding on the shortcomings of the other, until your lifeless corpses become nothing more than a crater at the bottom. Will it be cirrhosis? Will he pummel your skull until your brain stops functioning? Spin the wheel. Where it lands, nobody knows. The only normal function this guy seems to have is playing Call of Duty. When I'm pwning n00bz, I can get pretty heated. But you wouldn't understand, females are too focused on getting a ring on that finger and having a fetus growing inside them to make rational choices.


Thank you! Your advice is so helpful, I can't wait for all of the above things to happen.


Ah, so apparently you have Asperger's. The only post that had more sarcasm than mine was yours! It doesn't take a genius to realize that if you marry a raging alcoholic, your life will suck. Are you 16 or something? Is your self worth valued at less than the economy of Somalia? Get a clue, or else you'll be on the next episode of Cops.


If your goal was to confuse me, congratulations you won! Because at first it seemed like you were being a troll/a*****e, and now you're being a troll/a*****e about me "following" your advice. Either way, it's funny that you try to harass someone and belittle someone who is probably older than you anyways.
Bluntly phrased honesty. Thanks, someone here gets it!

I won't bore you with the common symptoms of Asperger's. I will admit that may have been past the line (of which there are none).

The basic gist of the thread was about your clearly unhealthy relationship. If I said, "oh kekekeke that sounds sad, i hope u can talk 2 him about it ^-^" I'd sound like everyone else on this forum. You have described this man as an alcoholic with abusive and violent tendencies.

Let me put it to you this way:

Let's say I told you that I was planning on putting a peephole camera in a changing room. You'd tell me that was a bad idea, I'd get arrested, it's not right, etc. What if I retorted by saying that I'd get to see a bunch of naked people (that's usually the goal with peephole cameras). You'd tell me the same thing again.

You're saying the same thing here. It's always the same with chicks in relationships like these. "He drinks/is on meth/cheats/beats me/beats the kids/has no job/is a terrorist and so on. But when he's NOT doing these things he's sweet. That's because he's abusive and manipulative. Not a slight personally, all humans are disgusting creatures, but it's the factoid here. So if you value yourself and your life at all, you won't marry him. But he's a man, and can impregnate you, so that clouds your judgement. See, it's not like I'm being "mean". I'm telling the truth. Abusive people are abusive, alcoholism kills, you'll be sad, and the fact that you even posted this question shows that you might not have the strength to do anything about it.

I know you know the truth inside you because that's where the truth lies.

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