Solved, thanks to a few people.

[Huuballawick]

All three of us talked it out, and it turns out it was partially a misunderstanding, but also it just needed to be talked out. Thanks to the people who actually helped me, and ******** you to the person who didn't help at all and made things worse.

[angel_259236102]

How do you have a wife but cant say you had sex?

Tell friend that you dont want a 'those' situation is, because really I HAVE NO CLUE what you are taking about? Poly? OPen? 3somes? Doesnt matter, you dont really seem to want it.

[Huuballawick]

angel_259236102

How do you have a wife but cant say you had sex?

Tell friend that you dont want a 'those' situation is, because really I HAVE NO CLUE what you are taking about? Poly? OPen? 3somes? Doesnt matter, you dont really seem to want it.

Threesomes....well it started out as threesomes but now she says she loves me, But I don't love her! I love my wife and her alone, but she thinks it's "cool" that Clarisse (the other girl) loves me.

My friend was saying that having threesomes with another person that you aren't in love with ends up in a situation where one loves the other or they both fall in love.

Like having a ******** buddy, it never stays that way, they end up falling in love for breaking up.

[angel_259236102]

Huuballawick

angel_259236102

How do you have a wife but cant say you had sex?

Tell friend that you dont want a 'those' situation is, because really I HAVE NO CLUE what you are taking about? Poly? OPen? 3somes? Doesnt matter, you dont really seem to want it.

Threesomes....well it started out as threesomes but now she says she loves me, But I don't love her! I love my wife and her alone, but she thinks it's "cool" that Clarisse (the other girl) loves me.

My friend was saying that having threesomes with another person that you aren't in love with ends up in a situation where one loves the other or they both fall in love.

Like having a ******** buddy, it never stays that way, they end up falling in love for breaking up.

So just say you dont want the situation to continue because you dont want the emotional attachment? I mean yeah, if she did have a 3some with you, and DID tell you she loved you, your friend is pretty right on that.

Now, in general you can have ******** buddies that stay that way, it just has to be something you are very clear on and if it does get to that point that you stop not just keep going to see if it will turn into a relationship eventually.

[Angelus Domini]

In retrospective there's no way where everyone will be a winner. Unless you made it a rule from the start that the relationship is strictly sexual things tend to happen like this. Who was the one who wanted the.threesome in the.first place?

[weeneez]

If this girl is falling in love with you while having a threesome with you and your wife, she should know better. Tell her you don't feel the same way and that the relationship between you and her is strictly physical.

[Huuballawick]

Angelus Domini

In retrospective there's no way where everyone will be a winner. Unless you made it a rule from the start that the relationship is strictly sexual things tend to happen like this. Who was the one who wanted the.threesome in the.first place?

My wife suggested it. I objected to it at first, but she said we should just try, so we tried and it was enjoyable. I guess that's both our faults for not making it clear enough. I guess I will have to tell her I don't feel that way, and our relationship is just sexual. I can't help but think that won't go well.

[fubenkunai]

A thought: have you and your wife considered polyamory? Your wife sounds like she would be open to having a triad relationship, or a steady third party involved in her primary relationship with you. Obviously, if you're not cool with this, there's no point in discussing it, but there are other ways to be married or committed. Poly can be challenging, absolutely, but it can also be the right fit for a lot of people. I wanted to float the idea out there in case it might be good for you all. If you think it could be, there's a book called "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino that a lot of my poly friends recommend.

Of course, if you don't want this at all, you're totally right to assert your boundaries. That might mean an end to the threesomes, but that might be the price you pay for uncomplicating your emotional life. There's nothing wrong with what you did and sometimes, people just have feelings that aren't returned. You're not shitty people or anything, and there is nothing wrong with being honest that hey, you don't feel that way.

[Angelus Domini]

But obviously with polyamory you have to come to a concensus with your wife of who can join in on the relationship and he doesn't have those kinds of feelings with the side of trim. First tell your wife about this since she seems yo be aloof of the idea of other girl in love with you just to.be in the loop and see what her feedback is.

[Huuballawick]

fubenkunai

A thought: have you and your wife considered polyamory? Your wife sounds like she would be open to having a triad relationship, or a steady third party involved in her primary relationship with you. Obviously, if you're not cool with this, there's no point in discussing it, but there are other ways to be married or committed. Poly can be challenging, absolutely, but it can also be the right fit for a lot of people. I wanted to float the idea out there in case it might be good for you all. If you think it could be, there's a book called "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino that a lot of my poly friends recommend.

Of course, if you don't want this at all, you're totally right to assert your boundaries. That might mean an end to the threesomes, but that might be the price you pay for uncomplicating your emotional life. There's nothing wrong with what you did and sometimes, people just have feelings that aren't returned. You're not shitty people or anything, and there is nothing wrong with being honest that hey, you don't feel that way.

I have never considered it. It sounds kind of...weird to me. My entire life I have never known anyone with a third spouse, so it's foreign to me.
My wife did seem to be open to it, but I don't know if that would be best. I am fine with trying new things...but....I would prefer not to get MARRIED to her right away, that would be a little too soon for me. It just all seems weird. I don't know what to do, because I don't have a specific opinion on it since I have never experienced it.

[Neko Namida Ame]

Huuballawick

Angelus Domini

In retrospective there's no way where everyone will be a winner. Unless you made it a rule from the start that the relationship is strictly sexual things tend to happen like this. Who was the one who wanted the.threesome in the.first place?

My wife suggested it. I objected to it at first, but she said we should just try, so we tried and it was enjoyable. I guess that's both our faults for not making it clear enough. I guess I will have to tell her I don't feel that way, and our relationship is just sexual. I can't help but think that won't go well.

It won't go well but it could be a lot worse. At least your wife sounds supportive of the situation. It's never easy but it's what you have to do so that you can get out of this situation.

[Huuballawick]

Neko Namida Ame

Huuballawick

Angelus Domini

In retrospective there's no way where everyone will be a winner. Unless you made it a rule from the start that the relationship is strictly sexual things tend to happen like this. Who was the one who wanted the.threesome in the.first place?

My wife suggested it. I objected to it at first, but she said we should just try, so we tried and it was enjoyable. I guess that's both our faults for not making it clear enough. I guess I will have to tell her I don't feel that way, and our relationship is just sexual. I can't help but think that won't go well.

It won't go well but it could be a lot worse. At least your wife sounds supportive of the situation. It's never easy but it's what you have to do so that you can get out of this situation.

I guess so.

[Relic_League]

Just honestly tell the friend:

"I'm sorry but I only love my wife and her alone. You being involved is only for the sexual stuff; it was not for romance. I hope you can understand. I should of been more clear; but I assumed you would know it was only for the sex as I am a one women only man romantically; but I do enjoy the sexual stuff with both of you. I am very sorry; and I feel you should find someone else to love."

If you don't feel the same way but be nice! Also I don't think she loves you. When you have sex with someone chemicals go off in your brain that feel like love. And I think she is mixing the two up. I think she wants to be loved and being involved with you and your wife makes her feel wanted and she is confusing the two. It is easily done.

If you don't want a Poly; genuinely tell your wife that you only want her romantically. And you only want her to want you romantically. If you two want different life styles; your marriage can not and wont work out and your wife should of spoke to you about this before marriage. But first save the friend some heart ache and be honest with her.

Ask your wife what she meant by "cool". It is very passive. She could of meant she's fine with it because she knows you only want her in that case just reject the other girl romantically. If your wife wants poly talk to her. You can not cave into your wifes wants all the time; it is VERY sweet but you just cant. :] Good luck. Be honest and talk it out. <3

[II HazelSkye II]

I would suggest to your wife that you find a new third. Using friends is always a bad idea. Find a random on the internet, make them agree to go get tested for STDs, maybe at your expense (usually like a $100 blood test), and only meet with them for happy time.

Things always get messy when you involve friends. You risk losing the relationship you had with them... getting too personal.

[fubenkunai]

Huuballawick

fubenkunai

A thought: have you and your wife considered polyamory? Your wife sounds like she would be open to having a triad relationship, or a steady third party involved in her primary relationship with you. Obviously, if you're not cool with this, there's no point in discussing it, but there are other ways to be married or committed. Poly can be challenging, absolutely, but it can also be the right fit for a lot of people. I wanted to float the idea out there in case it might be good for you all. If you think it could be, there's a book called "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino that a lot of my poly friends recommend.

Of course, if you don't want this at all, you're totally right to assert your boundaries. That might mean an end to the threesomes, but that might be the price you pay for uncomplicating your emotional life. There's nothing wrong with what you did and sometimes, people just have feelings that aren't returned. You're not shitty people or anything, and there is nothing wrong with being honest that hey, you don't feel that way.

I have never considered it. It sounds kind of...weird to me. My entire life I have never known anyone with a third spouse, so it's foreign to me.
My wife did seem to be open to it, but I don't know if that would be best. I am fine with trying new things...but....I would prefer not to get MARRIED to her right away, that would be a little too soon for me. It just all seems weird. I don't know what to do, because I don't have a specific opinion on it since I have never experienced it.

That is totally okay. Poly is not for everybody. It's not for me, actually, I just thought it bore mentioning because it's good to know that there is not just one way to be. If you feel that your best route would be to end the sexual relationship with her friend (and probably stop hanging out her, at least for you, so you don't feel you're leading her on), that is totally okay. And honestly, this is the kind of thing that can happen without having sex. A lot of people end up with crushes on their friends' partners even when the relationship is totally chaste. Try not to beat yourself up over it, and know that honesty is the best policy.