so i chose my health over college

[shy gh0st]

an update of this, basically.

it was a necessary choice, because my college is 9 hours away and i'd be living alone in an apartment with no friends because they had all graduated the year before [i needed to take a semester off two years ago]. i know i desperately needed it. i know that if i hadn't, i would most likely have failed out and/or offed myself.

.......... so why do i feel so guilty and so embarrassed and ashamed?

[luhft]

There is a lot of stigma surrounding around mental illness. It sounds like you have dealt with that before (people seeing it as you being lazy, faking it, or being dramatic), and you may have to deal with it again.

Even if you know that they're wrong, that knowledge can feel like a drop lost in the ocean of people who think it's your fault. Don't be afraid to challenge their ideas. Work with your therapist to come up with a response to anyone who makes you feel ashamed. Find ways to inform them, whether it's talking about it or handing them some reading materials on your illness.

It's okay if you are one of the people you're working to convince as well. Like most people, you've probably been getting misinformation for years, and you're still getting it. It takes time to correct those misconceptions.

[The Luminosity]

tiny pluto

an update of this, basically.

it was a necessary choice, because my college is 9 hours away and i'd be living alone in an apartment with no friends because they had all graduated the year before [i needed to take a semester off two years ago]. i know i desperately needed it. i know that if i hadn't, i would most likely have failed out and/or offed myself.

.......... so why do i feel so guilty and so embarrassed and ashamed?

Try online colleges. Suggestions:

• Berklee Online
  
• Full Sail University

These are just some college sites I found that appear safe and specialize in music/arts, but there are plenty more out there you can find, so don't limit yourself. Read the reviews of every online college you find. Beware of online colleges that require you to sign up or give out some sort of information to see their curriculum; because some may be legitimate, but others could be a scam or don't have what you want.

In the meantime, try focusing less on what others around you are doing, and think only about you. As cheesy as this may sound, the only person you need to impress is yourself. Please continue to work with your therapist, and figure out the right dosage to your medication. If you need support, then allow your friends, and therapist to give you emotional support, as well as make fun threads on Gaia or join an active guild full of music lovers.

[shy gh0st]

The Luminosity


Try online colleges. Suggestions:



• Berklee Online
  
• Full Sail University

These are just some college sites I found that appear safe and specialize in music/arts, but there are plenty more out there you can find, so don't limit yourself. Read the reviews of every online college you find. Beware of online colleges that require you to sign up or give out some sort of information to see their curriculum; because some may be legitimate, but others could be a scam or don't have what you want.


In the meantime, try focusing less on what others around you are doing, and think only about you. As cheesy as this may sound, the only person you need to impress is yourself. Please continue to work with your therapist, and figure out the right dosage to your medication. If you need support, then allow your friends, and therapist to give you emotional support, as well as make fun threads on Gaia or join an active guild full of music lovers.



thank you so much. i didn't even know there were online colleges for music/arts. and thank you for the support as well. i'm doing my very best to work with my therapist and psychiatrist. it's just a very slow process, which makes it frustrating.

[shy gh0st]

luhft

There is a lot of stigma surrounding around mental illness. It sounds like you have dealt with that before (people seeing it as you being lazy, faking it, or being dramatic), and you may have to deal with it again.

Even if you know that they're wrong, that knowledge can feel like a drop lost in the ocean of people who think it's your fault. Don't be afraid to challenge their ideas. Work with your therapist to come up with a response to anyone who makes you feel ashamed. Find ways to inform them, whether it's talking about it or handing them some reading materials on your illness.

It's okay if you are one of the people you're working to convince as well. Like most people, you've probably been getting misinformation for years, and you're still getting it. It takes time to correct those misconceptions.



yeah, you're right. i've had to deal with so much stigma my entire youth basically [from the time i was diagnosed at 12 til now], so it's really hard for me to shake off that guilt. ._. and knowing they're wrong often doesn't help that much when you're surrounded by people pointing the finger at you and telling you you're the one at fault.

i'd never really thought about handing them reading materials though. i tried that with my father to be honest [i used this comic] and it helped him a lot. but unfortunately i don't think i can hand it out to everyone who stigmatizes me. which is fine, just... frustrating.

i guess i'm just very very very very very very very tired.

[Great_Lord_Kent]

Hey again! What I was going to say has already been said, but I'll just add a little example. I primarily had three friends in my year when I graduated college. Each one wanted to go for a more specialized degree (Optometry, genetic counseling, and research). Each of them applied to schools for that, and each one of them ended up rejected by those colleges. The one for optometry spent some time working at one of those places that sells glasses, but in a minimum wage position. The one for genetic counseling spent some time working at a lab (despite not wanting to do research) in a town that she didn't want to live in. The last one ended up getting a job at the college he wanted to be admitted to, with the hope that he might get his foot in the door. It's been two years since they graduated. Now, those first two have just gotten into the schools they wanted to get into (as in, they both are starting this semester) . The third one I haven't heard much from anymore, but it is possible that he got into his desired college for a PhD as well. To be honest, he was the one I thought was most likely to get into his college right away because he had so much experience and good grades, but it didn't happen that way.

My point is, all three of them wanted to move on with their studies/careers and it didn't happen they way they wanted it to, but now they are still on track to get the degrees they wanted. Sometimes things just don't work out and end up taking longer than you wanted them to, but so long as eventually get there, there's no shame in that. And then of course there is me, who ended up getting a second bachelor's degree because I found out I didn't like the careers that my degree would put me in. I should have realized this before I graduated, of course (and I sort of did, considering I was already looking into the field I ended up getting a degree for) but even though it took more money and time, I will be able to get a job in the field I want to. I actually have an interview coming up and I'm hoping that this will work out. So, I know it is not quite the same as your situation, but the notion that sometimes things take longer and that's alright still applies. ^^

[The Luminosity]

tiny pluto

I'm glad you feel a little better.

I've never knew this comic existed until now. I've been battling depression and anxiety since my childhood and this comic is oddly accurate. I even laughed when I saw her wearing a hoodie, because that happened to me as well. It's as if somewhere along the way, I found myself feeling comfortable only in this one black hoodie that's too big for me; I would wear it no matter how hot or cold it was outside. Thanks for sharing this.

[shy gh0st]

The Luminosity

i know exactly how you feel. i've had body issues my whole life [still do lol i was recently told i have ednos but thats another story] and i've just only ever been comfortable in hoodies that would be way too big -- i wanted to hide myself from the world around me.

i love her work heart i'm glad it was able to make you laugh.

[Whimsical Wet Dreams]

tiny pluto

I don't know about the other school that was mentioned, but full sail is a scam school. You'll be laughed out of the music business if you attend school there.

[shy gh0st]

Whimsical Wet Dreams

I don't know about the other school that was mentioned, but full sail is a scam school. You'll be laughed out of the music business if you attend school there.

i mean i wasn't going to attend online classes for the rest of my life
probably just one or two classes for the semester to keep me distracted from hating myself
but thank you for the warning x___x;

[ShaDawna]

Maybe because you deviated from your plan, you feel like a failure. You set goals and timeframes and didn't adhere to them. I imagine you don't like explaining to people that you're taking time off because they might judge you. You judge you.

I imagine you wanted to feel strong and be capable of doing it, but you were scared of what might happen if you didn't take a break. That's okay. You should still be proud. Don't give up. Don't let this stop you.

The worst case scenario is probably that you don't go back...

just my guess

[shy gh0st]

i honestly really hope that i can go back.
i want to prove that i can do it. ._.