Should I text her? (UPDATE: She's doing it again, and again)

[Spiderman The Spectacular]

(tl;dr at bottom)

ORIGINAL POST~1/09/15

I know I’ve posted a lot of topics about this girl, but I really hope this will be the last.

Anyway, I’ve been talking to this girl I like since August (yes, I realize that was 5 months ago). She randomly messaged me one night, and ever since then we’ve talked almost everyday and seen each other some weekends. However, due to my shyness/being a chicken, I still haven’t kissed her or flat out told her I like her. The most that’s happened is us “hinting” at liking each other, cuddling, and me kissing her on the cheek.

Anyway, last Friday when we were texting I could tell something was off. We were in the middle of a conversation at about 7pm, and she randomly stopped responding. She ended up reading my last message at midnight, 5 hours later, and never responded. I haven't texted her again either, so now it's been 6 days of no contact.

However, her reading/not responding to my messages is nothing new. She used to do it once a week a couple months ago, but I would always text her again the next day and start up a new conversation. I got tired of it after a few weeks, so one day after she read/didn't respond to my text, I didn't text her first again. 3 days later she sent me a long message apologizing for her behavior the past few weeks, and she never read/didn't respond to one of my texts again. Until last week.

Now, normally I’d say that this was a sign she wasn’t interested in me at all anymore, but last month we had somewhat of a “falling out” and ended up not speaking for a few days. But I missed her and felt bad about how we left things off, so I sent her a good morning text about a week later. She was insanely happy to hear from me and things immediately got better, until this current problem started.

So is she expecting me to text first? I can think of a million reasons not to, but I think I still like her, so I want to. Plus, my family just got a cat yesterday (she is obsessed with cats and has always said she wished I had one), so I feel like it’d be a perfect way to get her to come over my house so we can have a real face-to-face conversation about whether or not there is anything between us.

But on the other hand, I feel like I shouldn’t text her, considering she’s the one who never responded. So should I continue to sit around and hope/wait for her to text me back, if she even does at this point? I’ve been telling myself I'd be fine never talking to her again, but now that it seems like a possibility I'm actually kind of depressed.

Any advice would be appreciated. And I know I friendzoned myself by not making any moves, but we've been talking/hanging out for 5 months now. So if anyone who understands the female mind could explain to me how she is perfectly fine with just completely dropping me like this (even if she only saw me as a friend) I’d appreciate that too.




UPDATE~1/21/15

I ended up texting her the day after I originally posted this topic. I told her about the new kitten, but my plan of using that to see her backfired because when I mentioned her coming over, she was busy. And I didn't want to seem clingy and keep asking her to come over.

But besides that, things were actually really good when we were texting. I could tell she was making sure to keep things fun so the conversation didn't die, like sending me selfies when I was at work so I wouldn't "get bored." Plus, one night after we ended the conversation by saying goodnight, she was the one who texted first the next day (which is extremely rare for her to do nowadays).

This didn't last long though. Things were really good between us up until this past Saturday. I was stuck at work Saturday and we had been texting all day. But randomly in the middle of the conversation, she stopped responding. It was only 8pm and I figured maybe she fell asleep ridiculously early, but then when I checked the message the next day it said she read it at 10:30 AM. I have yet to receive a response.

So really, what the hell? It's now been 4 days since she read/didn't respond (AGAIN), so I'm back in the same situation I was in 2 weeks ago. What do I do now? I could easily start up another conversation, but what's the point if after another week she'll just ignore another text? Also, both of our college semesters started yesterday (we commute to different colleges) and we are both taking 19 credits. For those who don't know, 19 credits=a ******** of classes. I'm starting to get a little worried/stressed about my classes, and I know she doesn't handle stress well at all, so I don't even know if us going back to our talking 24/7 schedule would be good for either of us.

I know I'm overthinking all of this, but I really liked this girl and I didn't wanna blow it, but I did and now I'm sort of attached to her and not sure if I can just completely give up on her.




UPDATE~1/31/15

This is my final update, so I'll try to keep it short.

Anyway, literally the day after I posted that first update she texted me. Someone on Facebook sent her a friend request, and I'm one of their 40 mutual friends, so she asked me who they were and if she should add them or not. The conversation changed soon after that, and things got really good AGAIN (I'm starting to sense a pattern here).

So like last time, things went back to normal. But after a couple days of really good/fun texting, she randomly said "You should come over soon to watch this movie, or I'll watch it without you and it'll be your loss." In the almost 6 months now that we've been talking, that was the first time she’s ever asked me to hang out. Literally every other time we've seen each other was from me initiating it.

Anyways, I went over her house that night, but I got screwed out of having that relationship talk with her because A) Her friend having a mental breakdown and begging for her to come talk to her in person and to just bring me along (Which ended up happening), and B) Her mom talking to me for like an hour about the ballroom at my firehouse, because she wants to rent it out for a party. But when I was alone with the girl, she was her normal bipolar self. One second she's really flirty, and the next she's basically confirming I'm friendzoned by jokingly saying "We're not friends" when I'd disagree with her. Either way, I still enjoyed seeing her.

The next day I texted her, and it kept going until she read one of my messages immediately after I sent it and didn't respond. However, it was really late at night so I figured she’d fallen asleep. I waited for her to respond the next day, but it never happened. So I texted her again a day later (even though she'd never responded). The pattern continued, and things were really good. We actually even got into a really deep conversation.

The next morning she texted me to tell me what a terrible day she's had because of her class and problems driving. She mentioned that she still had to go back out (I think it was to a therapy session, but I didn’t wanna ask). We continued to text that day, but randomly she stopped responding (shocker, right?). I sent my last text at 3:30 PM yesterday. She didn’t even open it until 10 AM today and still hasn't sent a reply back, so I’m done.

If she had to go to somewhere and couldn’t text me, that’s fine. But considerate people will say “Hey sorry I was busy” instead of opening up the message a day later and ignoring it. I’m just tired of this bipolar texting. And even though I still like her and she has clearly shown she enjoys talking to me, I can’t keep stressing over this every week, so I think I should just stop worrying about her all together. If anyone has any advice on this current issue, I’d be more than happy to read it.

PS. I just reread that and saw it sounds kind of harsh. I know this is the 4th time in 4 weeks that she’s done this to me, and I keep coming back here and asking what to do each time, but I just have one final question: Am I overreacting?




tl;dr

In August I started talking to this girl. I'm pretty sure I blew it because I haven't kissed her or flat out told her I like her yet. But she still shows signs of interest, so I can't tell if she likes me or only thinks of me as a friend.

A few months ago she'd read/not respond to my texts, but I'd always text her again. I didn't do it once, so 3 days later she apologized and never did it again. But at the beginning of this month she started again.

I would wait for her to respond, but it rarely happened. We went a week without talking, but I missed her so I sent a picture of the kitten my family just got to try and get her to come over, but she was busy. We talked for a week and then she read/didn't respond again.

We went 4 days without talking, and she ended up texting me first. Things were good and she asked me to hang out one night (the first time that's ever happened). I didn't ask her how she felt about me when I saw her in person because I didn't have the guts and things kept getting in the way.

A day later she read/didn't respond again, but I texted again the next day. We had really good conversations, but yesterday she read/didn't respond again. I'm tired of it, so I'm done with her even though I still like her. Advice on what to do/if I'm being too harsh is appreciated.

[shannen_ellis]

You will never really know unless you text her. Just go and text her! heart

[Misty_Mystix]

Spiderman The Spectacular

I know I’ve posted a lot of topics about this girl, but I really hope this will be the last.

Anyway, I’ve been talking to this girl I like since August (yes, I realize that was 5 months ago). She randomly messaged me one night, and ever since then we’ve talked almost everyday and seen each other some weekends. However, due to my shyness/being a chicken, I still haven’t kissed her or flat out told her I like her. The most that’s happened is us “hinting” at liking each other, cuddling, and me kissing her on the cheek.

Anyway, last Friday when we were texting I could tell something was off. We were in the middle of a conversation at about 7pm, and she randomly stopped responding. She ended up reading my last message at midnight, 5 hours later, and never responded. I haven't texted her again either, so now it's been 6 days of no contact.

However, her reading/not responding to my messages is nothing new. She used to do it once a week a couple months ago, but I would always text her again the next day and start up a new conversation. I got tired of it after a few weeks, so one day after she read/didn't respond to my text, I didn't text her first again. 3 days later she sent me a long message apologizing for her behavior the past few weeks, and she never read/didn't respond to one of my texts again. Until last week.

Now, normally I’d say that this was a sign she wasn’t interested in me at all anymore, but last month we had somewhat of a “falling out” and ended up not speaking for a few days. But I missed her and felt bad about how we left things off, so I sent her a good morning text about a week later. She was insanely happy to hear from me and things immediately got better, until this current problem started.

So is she expecting me to text first? I can think of a million reasons not to, but I think I still like her, so I want to. Plus, my family just got a cat yesterday (she is obsessed with cats and has always said she wished I had one), so I feel like it’d be a perfect way to get her to come over my house so we can have a real face-to-face conversation about whether or not there is anything between us.

But on the other hand, I feel like I shouldn’t text her, considering she’s the one who never responded. So should I continue to sit around and hope/wait for her to text me back, if she even does at this point? I’ve been telling myself I'd be fine never talking to her again, but now that it seems like a possibility I'm actually kind of depressed.

Any advice would be appreciated. And I know I friendzoned myself by not making any moves, but we've been talking/hanging out for 5 months now. So if anyone who understands the female mind could explain to me how she is perfectly fine with just completely dropping me like this (even if she only saw me as a friend) I’d appreciate that too.

You're thinking too much into this and this is probably holding back in the progress of this relationship. Just text her again asking her to hang out or go get some lunch/dinner, see a movie, whatever people do on a date. It really isn't hard to do.

Who knows, maybe she opened it but never responded because she was busy at the time. Maybe her device or internet/phone service stopped working. My general rule is text a person three times at three different times, if he/she doesn't respond, just forget about it until he/she does.

You're not in the friendzone until/unless she rejects you. She might think you friendzoned her and she is losing interest.

Stop thinking that this has to do with being female. She may have multiple people she's talking to, maybe she's busy with her life, maybe she's going through a personal thing- who the knows and who cares. You're not texting her either, maybe she doesn't know how to respond to what you last said. Just text her, or better yet, call her and ask her to hang out. Stop waiting around and thinking about this, just be proactive and take the initiative to contact her again.

[Faux Aria]

Your overthinking this.

[Miss_Goku]

You should definitely text her. Tell her you have a new kitten and ask her to come over. If she's evasive and makes excuses about coming over then you should ask her if there's something wrong. But chances are there's something on her mind that's bothering her, but she doesn't feel confident enough to talk to you about it, especially if she's not sure you like her in that way. I think, considering how long you've been speaking to her, it'd be safe to tell her what you're thinking. And whether or not she thinks about you in that way, well, it's got to be better than not knowing. smile

[vdszbz]

That is weird that she did this. Maybe she was out and just forgot to respond. Though it is odd that it went 6 days without her saying anything. Why do you always have to start conversation again?

I guess I would text her, but don't be the sole conversation carrier. Say hey what's up and see how she responds. If she seems distant or bored or not very responsive, I would move on.

[tiramiiisu]

shannen_ellis

You will never really know unless you text her. Just go and text her! heart

[NymiiNym]

Text her.

Who knows why she hasn't responded to you? Maybe she's playing a game? Some people like to stop texting just to see when you'll respond. It's fun. Yes, I did this, back when I was like 13? I was a d**k.

Maybe you pissed her off? Or something happened? Or or or... No. You can keep sitting there wondering why she didn't text you, or just text her and ask. Harsh, yes, but you WON'T get an answer unless you ask her.

People are finicky. Go send that text.

[whatever191919]

I would just text her, talk about your cat as the ice breaker.

[DogCow]

See if you can get to talking with her face-to-face to figure out what's going on. That's just about always the best way to solve a problem!

[GD BOTv10]

just ******** go for it
if she isn't into it
find someone else

[DecmberUnderGround]

if you think you might end up acting or looking creepy don't do it. coming on too strong can be bad.

[Merely]

I think you're over-thinking this. For me, I don't see the need to respond to every message, and I might not have anything to say to a friend for a few days. I'm pretty introverted and don't really feel the need to talk to people unless they message me first. I would totally do something like not respond to a message, then not initiate conversation for a few days. Not because I'm mad or don't like talking to them or anything; it's just the way I am. If someone gets annoyed with me for it, I find it even more stressful to keep up contact with them.

Anyway, it could be that she hasn't messaged you for any number of reasons. You should just message her and tell her about the new cat, invite her over, and see how she acts. If everything seems fine and she's not upset about anything, then you're probably fine.

[Spiderman The Spectacular]

Bump for update

[SPAstronaut]

Have you ever listened to anyone's advice throughout your various threads about this girl? Because I've read them all, and a lot of people have given good advice. Or do you just come here asking what the hell she is doing? Because we don't know. We don't know you. We don't know her. You just. have. to. ask her. Yourself.