Should I tell her I don't think it's a good idea?

[iMaggieMae]

My cousin, who I'm really close with is getting married on the 29th. Weddings are usually a really happy time in my family... The only problem is, my cousin Kaycee, she met this guy on New Year's Eve, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. She told me about him a few days after, she just said they hooked up, he was cute. Nothing serious. Out of nowhere yesterday, she calls me, tells me she is coming over and has something to tell me. She gets here, and just starts smiling and jumping up and down. She then shoved her hand in my face, to show me the ring. I just looked at her. She goes, "You know, me and Jared are finally getting married!!" I just kinda sat down, and was like "what? who's Jared?!" "....the guy from new years...." She then kinda saw my face drop, and she screamed NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!
I just kinda asked her, "Why?" And she goes well he asked. I replied "Well, you've only known him a month and a half, kaycee, this isn't normal. Do you even know his parents? Does he know your mom?" I just started ranting, and she was like, well.... we're planning a dinner the day after VDAY to have the whole family together and announce the news! And then she was like, but Maggie, you're the only one that knows, so ... don't say anything pleasepleaseplease.


I would be okay with this, if
1. I knew the guy. All I know is his name is Jared and he was drunk and hooked up with Kaycee.
2. Kaycee is 18. Jared is 25....

I don't like this, I feel really weird. I don't like how I'm the only one that knows. Because when my aunt (kaycee's mom) finds out, she won't be okay with it. I realllllly don't want Kaycee to get married and then find out he's not who she thinks he is and be stuck in a marriage the rest of her life. Divorce is not an option in my family. I just... I don't know if I should have a talk with her. I know this is her decision, but I have a really bad feeling about Jared.

[Kaname_Is_Here]

iMaggieMae

My cousin, who I'm really close with is getting married on the 29th. Weddings are usually a really happy time in my family... The only problem is, my cousin Kaycee, she met this guy on New Year's Eve, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. She told me about him a few days after, she just said they hooked up, he was cute. Nothing serious. Out of nowhere yesterday, she calls me, tells me she is coming over and has something to tell me. She gets here, and just starts smiling and jumping up and down. She then shoved her hand in my face, to show me the ring. I just looked at her. She goes, "You know, me and Jared are finally getting married!!" I just kinda sat down, and was like "what? who's Jared?!" "....the guy from new years...." She then kinda saw my face drop, and she screamed NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!
I just kinda asked her, "Why?" And she goes well he asked. I replied "Well, you've only known him a month and a half, kaycee, this isn't normal. Do you even know his parents? Does he know your mom?" I just started ranting, and she was like, well.... we're planning a dinner the day after VDAY to have the whole family together and announce the news! And then she was like, but Maggie, you're the only one that knows, so ... don't say anything pleasepleaseplease.


I would be okay with this, if
1. I knew the guy. All I know is his name is Jared and he was drunk and hooked up with Kaycee.
2. Kaycee is 18. Jared is 25....

I don't like this, I feel really weird. I don't like how I'm the only one that knows. Because when my aunt (kaycee's mom) finds out, she won't be okay with it. I realllllly don't want Kaycee to get married and then find out he's not who she thinks he is and be stuck in a marriage the rest of her life. Divorce is not an option in my family. I just... I don't know if I should have a talk with her. I know this is her decision, but I have a really bad feeling about Jared.

Difficult situation.

You don't know this guy and neither does she! Not properly! He could be a murderer, or a ****** or anything!

I think you should tell her mum. It's dangerous.

I would tell her mum... she's 18.. and seems very young and niave....

Think of the safety.
x

[iMaggieMae]

Kaname_Is_Here

You don't know this guy and neither does she! Not properly! He could be a murderer, or a ****** or anything!

I think you should tell her mum. It's dangerous.

I would tell her mum... she's 18.. and seems very young and niave....

Think of the safety.
Difficult situation.

That's what I was thinking. But, I feel almost guilty. She trusted me, by telling me. I don't want to be the girl who broke them up, and her be upset. But, I just don't feel right.

[Mameoyashi]

Honestly, it sounds like you've already brought up your concerns to her about it. Divorce may not be accepted in your family, but that never means it's not an option. Perhaps your cousin is okay with the idea of divorce and even if divorce isn't accepted in your family it is always an option and she needs to know that if she does go through with this anyway.

If you've thought up additional concerns to bring up with her since last you spoke, just talk to her calmly about it. Don't accuse her of being short sighted or stupid or anything. Just ask her if she's thought of X or Y, see if she's thought things through.

Ultimately it's her decision and she's going to make it. You can bring up your additional concerns but... realistically she's going to do whatever she's going to do.

Don't go above her head. Don't tell her mom. Give her the respect she deserves so that she can tell people when she is ready in her own time.

[Pompeiian]

18? He's not a '*****' by getting engaged to her, ***** go after early puberty/pre-puberty individuals.

While 18 and 25 is a small gap and they've known each other for only a few months, do you know anything about their relationship? While you can say you don't like him til you're blue in the face, you're also leaping to negative assumptions. For all you know, they could be perfectly suited for one another.

However, I would ask her why she hasn't told the rest of the family yet.

[Delightful_FOOL]

Mameoyashi

Honestly, it sounds like you've already brought up your concerns to her about it. Divorce may not be accepted in your family, but that never means it's not an option. Perhaps your cousin is okay with the idea of divorce and even if divorce isn't accepted in your family it is always an option and she needs to know that if she does go through with this anyway.

If you've thought up additional concerns to bring up with her since last you spoke, just talk to her calmly about it. Don't accuse her of being short sighted or stupid or anything. Just ask her if she's thought of X or Y, see if she's thought things through.

Ultimately it's her decision and she's going to make it. You can bring up your additional concerns but... realistically she's going to do whatever she's going to do.

Don't go above her head. Don't tell her mom. Give her the respect she deserves so that she can tell people when she is ready in her own time.

This.

And, just because they're engaged now doesn't mean that they'll get married tomorrow. My husband and I got engaged after 6 months, began talking about it around 1 or 2 months, but we were engaged fr 2 years. Honestly, in 6 months of wedding planning they may realize that they've rushed into things all on their own. And if she's planning on telling everyone soon anyway, don't take it upon yourself to do it for her. You can deal with a week of feeling uncomfortable.

[gngrsnaps]

iMaggieMae

My cousin, who I'm really close with is getting married on the 29th. Weddings are usually a really happy time in my family... The only problem is, my cousin Kaycee, she met this guy on New Year's Eve, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. She told me about him a few days after, she just said they hooked up, he was cute. Nothing serious. Out of nowhere yesterday, she calls me, tells me she is coming over and has something to tell me. She gets here, and just starts smiling and jumping up and down. She then shoved her hand in my face, to show me the ring. I just looked at her. She goes, "You know, me and Jared are finally getting married!!" I just kinda sat down, and was like "what? who's Jared?!" "....the guy from new years...." She then kinda saw my face drop, and she screamed NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!
I just kinda asked her, "Why?" And she goes well he asked. I replied "Well, you've only known him a month and a half, kaycee, this isn't normal. Do you even know his parents? Does he know your mom?" I just started ranting, and she was like, well.... we're planning a dinner the day after VDAY to have the whole family together and announce the news! And then she was like, but Maggie, you're the only one that knows, so ... don't say anything pleasepleaseplease.


I would be okay with this, if
1. I knew the guy. All I know is his name is Jared and he was drunk and hooked up with Kaycee.
2. Kaycee is 18. Jared is 25....

I don't like this, I feel really weird. I don't like how I'm the only one that knows. Because when my aunt (kaycee's mom) finds out, she won't be okay with it. I realllllly don't want Kaycee to get married and then find out he's not who she thinks he is and be stuck in a marriage the rest of her life. Divorce is not an option in my family. I just... I don't know if I should have a talk with her. I know this is her decision, but I have a really bad feeling about Jared.

A lot of people don't know each other long before marrying and it works out great. Arranged marriages for one...BUT this doesn't sound normal at all. Here's the upside to your situation...

She thought enough of you to tell you first. This shows a trust and that she values your opinion. So, maybe you should sit down with her and express your concerns and why...THEN if she seems dead set on marrying him ask her to at least let you invite BOTH of them to dinner so you can get to know him better and feel better about the situation. You may find out he is a nice guy who feels pressured to marry at 25. I'm in my 30's, have no desire to marry but ages 23-27 are very difficult b/c those are the ages people are on your back the most to "tie the knot and settle down." So, for him it may be the right time in his life but he may not have considered it isn't for her.

[angel_259236102]

Divorce is always an option. It may not be wanted but it happens, and if it does it does. She is an adult. She can legally get married. And will do so. She doesnt NEED your approval about it.

Yes I think it is too soon, yes I think she shouldnt. But in the end I am not her.

[iMaggieMae]

I just got off the phone with her. She called me and wanted to talk about this whole situation, which was kind of weird because I thought she would've ignored me for a few days. But anyway, she asked me if I was comfortable with it, because yesterday I didn't seem so happy about it. I just told her if it's what she wants then go for it. She kinda waited to answer, and she just said I don't know. But you know I always wanted to get married, and have the big white dress, and everything. I jokingly said "You'll never have alterations done by the 29th" and she didn't laugh, she just was like you're right. And then she said she had to go, and she would call me tomorrow. It was really rushed the way she hung up. But the whole thing that worries me, is it sounds to me that she is just in love with the idea of getting married, instead of in love with this guy. :c

[Kaname_Is_Here]

iMaggieMae

Kaname_Is_Here

You don't know this guy and neither does she! Not properly! He could be a murderer, or a ****** or anything!

I think you should tell her mum. It's dangerous.

I would tell her mum... she's 18.. and seems very young and niave....

Think of the safety.
Difficult situation.

That's what I was thinking. But, I feel almost guilty. She trusted me, by telling me. I don't want to be the girl who broke them up, and her be upset. But, I just don't feel right.

That's fair enough, but why not see it as the girl who saved her from being hurt, from being dissapointed, from being played.

Don't feel guilty for doing that you think is best. Your trying to do the best thing for her.
x